Nobody ever sung THESE in gradeschool....


Mary Had a Little Lamb

Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two hunks of bread.


Little Miss Muffet

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider
That crept up beside her,
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.



Simple Simon

Simple Simon met a Pieman,
Going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
Pies, you ****head.


Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses
And all the kings men,
Said "F*ck him,
He's only an egg."


Mary Had a Another Lamb

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's ass,
And turned it's wool to nylon.


Georgy Porgy

Georgie Porgy, pudding and pie.
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, cause he was gay.



Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill,
To have little fun.
Jill, that dill
Forgot her pill,
And now they have a son.



Old Mother Hubbard

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.

Thats for sure Tom!!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh f'king hilarious

awsome! the last one was the only one i'd already heard

little miss muffet
sat on her tuffet
along came a spider,
sat down besider
and says
whats in the bowl b1tch?

jack be nimble
jack be quick
jack burned his d1ck
jumping over the candlestick

luv them tom!!!
@thumper

little boy blew



he needed the money

mary had a little lamb that lived in the back yard
whenever she pulled her panties off
his wooly d1ck got hard

lmao!!!! That's great!

Mary had a little lamb
She kept it in a bucket
She also had a little dog
That kept on trying to f*ck it



Ding dong dell
P'ssy's in the well
We put some disinfectant in
Cos we can't stand the smell


Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings horses
And all the kings men
Had scrambled egg for breakfast

peter peter pumpkin eater
had a wife loved to beat her
slapped her twice across the head
f*cked that b1tch and went to bed

Y'all have been watching too much Andrew Dice Clay Funny though!

Mary Mary quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
Upwards you stupid bastard.

Hickory ****ory dock,
Two mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
But it wasn't badly hurt.



Hickory ****ory dock,
Two mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
But the other one got away.


Little Miss Muffet
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,
Eating her Irish stew.
Down came a spider and sat down beside her,
And so she ate him up, too!



Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,
Drinking up gasoline.
Down came a spider and lit up a lighter,
And blew her to smithereens!

OR

Little Miss muffet sat on her tuffet.
Eating her curds and whey.
Down came a spider,
And sat down beside her.
And Thwack! - it soon passed away.



Little Boy Blue
Little boy blue come blow your horn.
Sheep's in the meadow,
Cow's in the corn.
Your horse is in the living room.
And you don't want to ask about the rhinocerous!




Mary had a little lamb.
You've heard this tale before;
But did you know she passed her plate,
And had a little more?

OR

People think that fleas are black,
But this just is not so!
For Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleas were white as snow

OR

Mary had a little lamb,
It was a real prize winner,
She loved that little lamb so much,
She served it up for dinner.

OR

Mary had a little lamb.
The obstetrician was amazed!
But when old MacDonald had a farm...

OR

Mary had a little lamb,
With apple jelly, 'taters, ham,
One whole plate of chocolate muffins.
Mary, Mary was a glutton.

OR

Mary had a William goat,
Its stomach was lined with zinc,
It followed her to school one day,
And drank a pint of ink.

Once it ate an oyster can,
Also a line of shirts,
The shirts can do no harm inside,
But oh, the oyster hurts!

The can was filled with dynamite,
Which Billy thought was cheese,
He rubbed against poor Mary's shin,
His deep distress to ease.

The was a flash of girl and goat,
And quite an acrid smell
Oh Mary's soul to heaven went,
And Billy's went ... there too.



Mary, Mary quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells,
And buckets of weedkiller.

OR

Mary, Mary quite contrary,
watched her garden thrive.
The cops found seed of a rather odd weed.
Now she's doing three to five




London Bridge is falling down
Courtesy of Ace Demolition!



Twinkle, twinkle, little bat,
How I wonder what you're at;
Up above the world so high,
Like a tea-tray in the sky,
Twinkle, twinkle little bat,
How I wonder what you're at.

OR

Scintillate, scintillate, globule vivific,
Fain would I fathom your nature specific;
Loftily poised in ether capacious,
Somewhat resembling a gem carbonaceous,
Scintillate, scintillate, globule vivific,
Fain would I fathom your nature specific

OR

Twinkle, twinkle, little starfish,
How I wonder what you arefish;
On the coral rocks you creep,
Underneath the sea so deep,
Twinkle, twinkle, little starfish,
How I wonder what you are fish.



There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
It smelled so bad, she knew not what to do.
She scrubbed and scrubbed.
She cursed and vexed.
Guess she never heard of Desenex.




Kookaburra Sits In The Old Gum Tree
Kookaburra sits on the 'lectric wire,
Jumping up and down with his pants on fire;
Jump, kookaburra, jump, kookaburra,
Higher and higher and higher!




30 days hath September,
April.. Gee, I can't remember.
If you want to know them all,
Look at the calendar, on the wall!

Mary had a little watch,
She swallowed it one day.
She took a dose of Castor oil,
to pass the time away.
The oil, it did not work.
The time it did not pass.
So if you want to know what time it is,
You'll have to look up Mary's arse.