Just wondering if anyone here has similar experiences after an accident, dealing with the trauma and aftermath.
Might not be for the faint of heart to read this.

Not having a really good day... Suddenly got hit by the memory of my accident, 3 years ago to the day tomorrow. I fell from the top of the stairs, hit my head when I 'landed', twice. Sustained neck and head-injury (serious concussion)

I don't know what triggered it, but it was real bad.
The last 3 years I worked on my fear of going down staircases. Not a constant fear, sometimes it just flared up. Because of my neck-injury, sustained during the accident, I sometimes cannot really fathom depth when I have to look down, like you do when walking down the stairs. Then I don't know which step I'm on and tend to misplace my foot and trip.
Today was different. Now the memory of the shock I was in after the accident hit me. So freaky! I was totally gone, my partner at the time kneeling in front of me, calling my name constantly. I didn't hear him. No idea how long that lasted. At some point I realized that my breathing reflex wasn't properly working anymore, I had to tell my brain I had to inhale, exhale, inhale again etc. I was told later neck-injury can do that, the breathing control centre is located somewhere in the neck. Noticing that, totally freaked me out, I panicked, but that panic got me back to reality, tore me out of my state of shock. But those seconds, minutes, of lingering between shock and reality, so utterly scary! Makes me cry yet again.

And the memory of what I felt after I had landed after I fell down the stairs and had hit my head and face twice, First I hit my head against a thick brick wall with full velocity from the fall from the top of the stairs, then bashed into a solid steel shoring jack with my face. I felt something tear, split. I will NEVER ever forget that feeling, I wished I could forget that feeling, that split second I felt (thought) my face being trashed. I didn't know how bad it was, but as I felt with my tongue, it felt like a huge gaping hole. I thought my jaws had broken and my flesh completely torn. I will not describe it any further, it's too gross, but I got a vision in my head of what I thought I must look like.
By then my partner was next to me, took in the damage and he reassured me that it wasn't that bad. It was bad, but not like parts of my face were dangling, that's basically what I thought. He asked me if I wanted a mirror, so I could see it wasn't that bad. But I was adamant, NO effing way did I want to see myself. I knew I would never be able to erase that image from my brain anymore. I did not want to see!
It turned out I had broken a tooth, only 1/3 of it left, so that was the gap I felt. And you know how big such a hole feels when you touch it with your tongue. A gap the size of a teeth feels like a meteorite crater. And both my lips were torn, badly torn. So another gap caused by that. I don't want to think about that in detail.

But the trauma, those moments of thinking my face was in pieces... Those moments in shock, feeling my breathing reflex falter. It just washed over me half an hour ago and I've been bawling my eyes out. Crying again now. I just let the tears flow, release of trauma and stress.
Again thinking maybe I need PTSS help. Not sure.
As I sat down just now, I realized that tomorrow it's been exactly three years since that dreadful day that I fell of that staircase... Just because I misplaced my foot.
Life altering experience. Don't try it at home.

My lips have healed really well, the doctor did a real good job on that. You can't see it at all anymore.
And I felt (more) whole again after my temporary fake tooth was replaced with a proper, real good looking capped tooth last year.
But still .. the trauma ..

The way it just hit me, I'm just gonna have a cup of coffee and a fag and feel sorry for myself for another 15 minutes... Then pick myself up, already beginning to feel somewhat better.

One song related to this accident: when my partner picked me up from the floor and took me into the living-room to sit down, I had these words through my head (f*** knows why, dazed as I was) "How fragile we are", Sting's song. And thinking "He's bluddy right!!"

If anyone has similar experiences with trauma / PTSS and has some tips...

Remind yourself that you endured and survived.
And that you ARE stronger because of it.
You have the physical pain remaining, but it has not
kept you from living your life.

Hi,
sorry to hear you are having a difficult time.
Have you heard of EFT or Tapping? I have found it to be very effective in reducing symptoms of PTSD. I have used it with others to reduce anxiety, fear related to phobias, relationships, work, physical pain and negative emotions. Gary Craig was the original founder of this technique. His website is www.emofree.com and there are lots of free resources on the net. It's simple to start to learn and can reduce symptoms immediately. You may know of it already but if not, I hope its helpful :-)

@ Pancho thank you

Normally have that attitude, just sometimes .. it hits me

@ Ebird,, Yes, I have heard of EFT. Thank you, great tip! I may very well look into that!

Aye I saw the London bombings in July 2005, as my building site was slapbang at the back of Kings Cross train station. I saw things that day that I never hope I see again in my lifetime, dead bodies getting brought out the of the underground station, people with limbs blown off, walking wounded and hysterical people everywhere. It was utter chaos! My mindset is that if was meant to see it, then that's just the way it was, but I don't ever want to see a repeat of that again!

Exactly right, mate.
Meant to be. Accepting that it happened, and nothing can change it.
But it's done. Over. Finished.

I think it is good that you are able to talk about your trauma. I had a fall about 10 years ago and I have a neck problem as a result. I notice I am very careful going down stairs now more than before.

If you have PTSD, there are medications and there is counseling out there.

For pain, Reiki helps me. The narcotics are too strong for me to take.

I hope you feel better soon. Just knowing that you survived this means you are a strong person!

What a terrible experience and I'm sorry you had to relive the shock of your accident again but I somehow get the sense that this is part of your healing. That now you are able to let out the pent up feelings related to the event with tears and emotion. These are very healing tools the body uses to release the energy of these memories. Dispurse the cellular memory to make way for healing and breathing of new energy into your being. Don't try to shy away from it, let it go and allow the release of this experience. Like Pancho said you are strong. Soon it will pass and you may find your creative processes heightened even more as you have been working toward this moment for a while. Wishing you peacefulness and fabulous health!

(And yes, EFT would help)

I 3rd the recommendation of trying EFT. I saw MANY positive results with my former coaching clients.

Yes, you got that exactly right! That's why I didn't even attempt to stop it, just let it come out. Clearly the trauma is still embedded in my system and cellular memory etc. And since you and I are clearly on the same track, I think the fact this happened now, with this impact (never happened before), had to do with the solar eclipse. Many ppl felt like **** the days before, bad dreams, tired etc., experienced weird things / sensations in chakras during the eclipse. I on the other hand felt really good. Till after the max of the eclipse :/ As if it wrenched something out of my system.

But I will look into EFT or EMDR. Only bummer is I changed my healthcare coverage this year. Got more for dental care, and 60% less for alternative healthcare. Oh well... Hopefully start selling some paintings, lol