My boyfriend and I were having a run of the mill argument and my mother got her nose in it. NOW, I know that it is a bad idea to live with family in a relationship... but my mother and aunt FORCED a bus ticket on him, blaming him for treating me like crap, which was sooooooooo not the case. He's on a bus back to New Mexico as we speak, they forced the issue. I wanna know if anyone else has had this situation, and if so, what the hell do you do? I feel like my mother is forcing me to choose between her and the man that I'm in love with. He's not bad to me, we've worked out the crap that was in our relationship. WHY does family always seem to find the need to put their two cents in?

at this very moment, I'm planning to get my a$$ on a bus to new mexico in a week or 2. He's going to send me money when he gets there and I'm going to do yardsales on top of my job to get me there and have $ until I find a job there.

Apparently they think they are doing you a favour when in reality they make things worse...I have a family that is exactly like that...If it was me I would have been on the bus with him...BUT then again...you are living with them sooooooo it won't change until you get your own place and then you can tell them to butt out!!!!!!!!!!

I would've been on the bus with him, but they were paying and I am kinda strapped at the moment. I talked to my aunt (on my dad's side of the fam, she's much more supportive) she's going to loan me her luggage if I just ship it back when I get there, and I'm out of this place.

We JUST moved back here too.... but I KNEW that with my mother's nosy family around they'd be butting in where they weren't welcome. He knows that I love him, and I know he loves me. Its not as if he was being violent, he was just being an ass... I dont' think that qualifies as somewhere they needed to step in. We always work it out in less than 30 minute and move on. I've been emotional lately with trying to concieve and getting negative test and all that crap, so I cried a little easier than usual... my mom heard me cryin and got mad at him. I told her to stay out of it, its no big deal, I can handle it. For some reason family never wants to think that the youngest, no matter how old they are, is capable of making their own decisions in their lives.

Well I'm the middle and almost 40 years old and my family still doesn't think I can make the right decisions and I have been on my own since I was 19...Go figure...so I know where you're coming from...Good Luck...Hope everything works out for you!!!!!!!!

Jayme, if you know what town that he is going to, it would be a good idea to start looking for a job there online, and place some applications online so you can try to have a job lead or two for when you arrive. Good luck to you both.

hey, thats a great idea Dave, thanks!

first--family shouldn't interfere
second--dave has good idea--

Golden Rule....

He who has the gold makes the rules.

And you must be childlike to be involved with a man (boy) that your family has to, literally, bus out... Have you no standards?

You can't be self determining in life until you can support your self fully. Have you finished school? College?

I don't mean to be harse but you need to consider your situation in life more than you need to be chasing a guy across country.

If this man (boy) wants a life with you, I think he needs to show you something. Like career, money and a home. These are not things that a man wants a woman's family to provide to him. Any man that would put himself into this situation isn't much.

And if you are meant to be together for some glorious purpose, this will be there. If it isn't then you have saved yourself a ton of misery.

And I wouldn't be too quick to totally dismiss your mother's point of view. Older does equal wiser. Trust me, there isn't anything new in the human condition.

my children are only teenagers, but when they show an interest in someone i do not like..i tell them what i think, but i am always nice to that person
i also tell them whoever they end up marring--i would end up loving

okay... he has a job ready for him there, and a home for us .... all he had to do was ask. Thats why thats where he told them thats where he wanted them to send him if they were going to force it. He was trying to not get into an even more heated argument with my mother and aunt. We just decided that I will be there shortly. I'm on a site right now looking at jobs there, I'll have apps in before HE even gets there. Its not chasing him if he wants me there. HE asked me to follow him, and seeing as how I love him, I said yes.

Jayme,
No matter what age you are, family will say what they wish. The only one who can truly decide what to do is you. Look at both the ups and downs of the situation, look into your heart, and make a decision. Just remember no matter what decision you make, your family will still be there, you may have to hear their viewpoints, but family doesn't stop loving you because of decisions that you make love.
Hugs,
Pam

Jayme...I assume you are living with your mother? Is it possible that your mother and aunt saw something in this b/f that your were not able to see? I know when we are 'in love' we are blind to certain things going on around us. I am sure you mother only had the best interest of you and your baby at heart. I understand you saying you are in love with this guy, but honey don't throw away the relationship you have with your mother for some guy. Talk to your mother like the adult you are. You may not see eye to eye, but let her know you respect her opinion and as an adult you need the same thing from her.
Good luck Jayme!

I've pretty much decided what I am going to do. Greyhound bus is only $69 if you buy it a week in advance for that trip, soooo I'll do everything I can to have that much extra next week and order it, then leave the following week. We had discussed this all night, neither of us getting any sleep for being pi$$ed off. I love my mother, and we didn't move in with her b/c we had to, we did because she was like "hey, lets all just do this together and we'll all have more money, cheaper...ect ect." I was hesitant, but did it against my better judgement to help my mom. I've always bent over backwards to help her and always will. However, this time, she's gone way too far. I had to actually, for the first time in my life, yell at my mother yesterday because she was laying one of her famous guilt trips on me when I told her that if he had to go, then she needs to expect me to be gone in just a few weeks when I can afford it.

I'll tell what she sees that she doesn't like, the fact that me being with him means I don't plan on living with her the rest of my life. Also, there's the fact that he acts alot like my dad, which is fine by me... my dad and I got along great. My mother and my father, however, not so much.

As I look back I only WISH I had seen the things my mother had seen. Mothers only have your best interest at heart and her advice would have saved me a great deal of heartache.

Just to clarify, I love my mother dearly and usually take her opinions to heart. I've always heard what she's said about past boyfriends and such... but this time she's wrong and I know it. I've known him for over a year, we were friends before we were together. He's lazy, but he's not a bum, he always has a job, we were all paying bills. Here's the one thing that bugs me about my mother the most... control issues. Serious ones. It was all of OUR home until he made her mad, then it was just HER HOUSE.

Have you ever lived completely alone? Not at your mother's; not with some man?

Think about it? How can you know what you want in a LIFE partner? A life partner... your life will be long...probably more than 80 years, you are 23. And you have never kept your own company. And now you are ready to decide what you want for your future? What have you ever really been exposed to? And that is not a character flaw, it is just the facts.

What type of work do you do? These applications that you are putting in....is this your life's work? Are you moving toward personal career goals by this move? I am not saying don't ever move (because most assuredly, you need to move). Just not in with a guy.

Sweetie, life is long. And mental health professionals say that 70% of your happiness or unhappiness comes from your choice in life partners.

Don't complicate things. Pause. Take a couple of deep breaths. Say to yourself "Why am I feeling so much pressure to make an instant decision?" What if I wait til tomorrow to decide? And tomorrow, if the only answer you have is "cause I love him"... you aren't being honest with yourself.

I should add that there was nothing my mother could do to stop me from making those mistakes!!! I evidently learned at the school of hard knocks.

I don't feel pressure to make a decision, I know what I'm going to do. that was really a very easy decision. My life's work is to help people, whatever that may be. I'm not interested in being a white collar professional. I like blue collar work, its more fun. I love to work with customers and do receptionist type jobs. I am one of those that doesn't really care much about money, as long as everyone is taken care of, I'm happy. Never really had the desire to be rich. I've lived with roommates, so yes, technically by myself. Wasnt' friends or anything, so its not like I socialized with them...lol. I was taking care of myself, had my own quarters... I didn't care much for it. I like having someone else to talk to and goof off with. I am ususally the first to feel when I'm making a mistake and don't do it. I don't feel like me going with him is a mistake. I feel like me NOT going with him would be the mistake.