opps..meant LDR..

TK

Flowers for me? you shouldn't have

I think long distance relationships can work. I bond can be created but, I don't think you can truly know about a person till you get to meet them. That's how I feel, anyway...

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you

Best of luck to you flowers

What's the difference if it's long distance or online? It all comes into play... you don't really see the person upon your first meeting.

LDR's are difficult... but from personal experience, the face-to-face ones have been devastating.

I met a guy on a site awhile back. We instantly clicked and have emailed/im-ed and talked on the phone ever since. The talk of marriage came up and I was all for it... of course I'd be the one to relocate with my kids because he's military.
Then I took a step back. It's not that I loved him any less... I just got cold feet about the whole thing. I told him I didn't want to do it just yet.
Since then he has been ever-patient with me... he still calls when he can, and we email daily... actually, it made him open up a little more. "until you tell me you don't want me in your life anymore, I'm going to be here for you" he said "through thick and thin.... no matter what. Just let me be there for you."
It was probably one of the sweetest things anyone's ever said to me.
It's slow-going, but it's a comfortable pace...
They say the key is to see someone through all four seasons... see every side of them... and it'll help you know if you can live with them past that.
He has become my best friend.
We still talk hypothetically about marriage- someday... but nobody's rushing anything. We're taking it one day at a time and just letting out friendship grow.
I have yet to meet him face to face... but I know he cares. I suffer from some depression issues... and he's called me in the middle of his night (he's 15 hours ahead of me time-wise) just to be sure I'm okay when I hit those low points. I will never be anything more than me... but he brings the best out in me...

That's gotta count for something.

So I do think anything is possible. I do think it's a matter of the individual, not the circumstance. You have to know what qualities you are looking for in someone... and whether they're 7000 inches or 7000 miles away... trust your gut, follow your heart and take a leap of faith. LDR's aren't for everyone... but then again sometimes thinking outside the box can lead to unexpected happiness.

hmmmmm find this all so interesting..

I was thinking as reading thru what one poster had written.
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Who has had a relationship with someone who had to work away, for any great length of time, and still their relationship stayed strong? To have a partner in the services, or worked on oil rigs, or construction sites where they are in 'lock down' for months or a year at a time?

Was it hard work?

I can answer that, as I have lived it, yes it is.

Did it end our relationship?

No, distance didn't take away from our relationship, and gave us room to grow as people.

Did I miss him? Yes, often, he was my bestfriend, of course I missed him.

Long distance relationships can work, with an open mind, acceptance of the other, and no 'locked in' expectations.

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It is definately TWO totally different things to have bonded in a relationship THEN leave for a job or duty. Base camp is already there. There is foundation.
whereas,


It is quite another to try and create something with someone you have no physical contact with.
When beginning a relationship the whole idea is to interact in every way possible and build on that. Then it seems more logical to say one can understand how it is to leave a loved one..


I believe you need to truly KNOW. Knowing is by REAL TIME contact.. That is how it should start, not the reverse........ isnt logical.

I disagree. I think too many people base relationships on physical contact rather than communication. What good is seeing the person every day if you can't talk to them?

long distance relationships can work beautifully

as all relationships, long distance ones rely on the participants for their continuation. the expectations of the participants is key

-- do work requirements of the participants require separation?

-- do child considerations require separation of the participants?

-- do health requirements require separation of the participants?

etc

as long as the priorities of the participants match sufficiently, the relationship continues without regard to the separation

consider the many great loves (too many unrequired) recorded by history and literature!

my most recent ldr was a 2500 mile doozy with a beautiful woman who eventually (after 6 years) decided that the physical separation was too much a hardship (change of priority); while that is painful, the beautiful relations shared in the interim are more than compensatory

don't balk at a long distance relationship from mere timidity. technology is your friend. john and abigail adams could only dream of webcams (and jefferson, too, heh heh heh)

Amen, anemail! Bravo!

6 YEARS???? omg........6 years is a long time to wait for someone to ask you to marry....

My X took a job away from home that would keep him away for 2 to 6 months at a time.

It's partly the reason he's my X.

I agree with Cali however you need to build a communication, but without any physical contact there is a such thing as not missing something you never had and even though you have a friendship through via email and phone there is no way for your feelings to be confirmed until you have touched, kissed, held hands, and even made love. I know from experience that it's not the same thing but you will only know for yourself through experience. I think it is critical to have a emotional bond first but physical goes hand and hand with that. I will wish you luck but it seems that you need this bond to help you cope with your down times and really hope when everything comes down you can deal with the out come.

This topic has been raised many times here, but being as how I live the furthest away from anyone (6000 or so miles), then the only relationship I guess i can have here is a long distance one. lol.

If you want it to work, then you have to be prepared to work together. Somehow, love will find a way one way or another.

You can bond and have a connection. You don't need physical touch to do so. Touch does not allow us to truly know another. It is in words, in speech, in actions. One cannot base a relationship on the physical... those types of relationships are doomed to fail.

What about a child who misses a parent deceased before he knew them.... perhaps the parent died during the child's infancy, but misses them, loves him nonetheless?

Same concept. You can miss something you never physically had. What of religion? It's a spiritual thing, not a physical thing. Is that not the ultimate LDR?

I didn't think it was possible to find someone online, especially because I couldn't find anyone in my own backyard... and I was definitely cynical about creating a bond with an internet guy... but I let nature take it's course. I'm not saying it's absolutely perfect... but what relationship is?
There are always quirks and pet peeves... and in all honesty... I think I'd rather have the guy that acknowledged my existence even though he was very far away, than the guy I live with who pretends I am invisible.

hmm, I believe for healthy relationship development people need to be able to use their senses. Touch-Smell-hear-See-taste.. it is all relevant. Any sense that is available to each individual needs stimulation as well assurance this is real, and truth. Common sense really seems to come into play but doesnt seem to over ride ones intensity for connection on whatever level they can get it. Friendly words. Attention, validation for the person they are, support when needed. Hard to think reasonably when what we need as humans are being satisfied on a level that tends to feel acceptable.
Non verbal is visual. Mannerisms and personality are very limited over a screen, and phone. Can you say "o my goodness that fart was so stinky get out of here" do u know they fart????? LMAO! What about that is the cutest thing, watchin u iron clothes, "u look so serious" hmmmmm u cant deny you have no idea how they really carry on minute to minute.. and how you may fit into that scheme of things..


not saying at all this "LDR" isnt possible..

Seems most are working on being convincing it is,
JW what the true statistics are.
Realistically most want someone around, seems we forget that.

It's interesting how some don't beleave that LDR don't work. After spending the time with my gf, knowing she lives over 400 miles away and we only met up with each other twice for abot 5 days both times. My question is to them, Were you both open to the idea of moveing? were you both able to actually communitcate? Were you both there for each other 100%. whether situations good or bad came up? Were you able to hear each other? not listen to each other. Did you trust each other?

Most likey not because it didn't work. This is part of what it takes to have any relationship if you want to frow with each other and that alone is what a relationship is all abot. growing together...

Whoops, for got to ad that wee been going strong for about 5 months now

WELL GRRREAT for you shadow!!! we are really happy for you.........Yes, it can work, whether ppl are willingto give up their other lives is another story..........

Well Gypsy in most situations, that is what it takes for any LDR to work. If one is not willing to move and some just can't because of some situations. Well It might not work.

I'm mostly saying for the ones that can move.