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| Topic: If you'd move in with a partner ... | |
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For many things, I wouldn't care as long as I don't feel like a guest in the home.
If there are things that either one really opposed, communication brings understanding. What I would want to have of mine are my pots and pans and kitchen stuff because I enjoy doing things in the kitchen and know which pot is ideal for what I want to make. However, if my guy is going to do all the cooking, then I don't need my things. |
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Hi Missy!!
 
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Hi Missy!!
Hi Pancho! 
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Edited by
panchovanilla
on
Sun 06/08/14 11:27 AM
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Living in a duplex would simplify things, wouldn'it?
Jk jk jk |
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Too many questions, OP. Not enough coffee...
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whats important is your feelings about this ( and any issue ) and being able to share them with someone safe who will not judge us---i have met few that understand this yet its what we really as humans need to learn to do to be fully human---- Be fully Human? That's horrible! 
Oh, wait. You meant that from a Human perspective. 
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Well, at the end of the day, if a woman was moving in with me I would want her to be comfortable and feel like it was her home but I've had women doing that before where they were telling me what they wanted me to do to make my place nice for them and coming in and doing housework and moving stuff around. I think that I would just want to see how it goes and how committed she was to the relationship before I made a lot of changes but I would look at her bringing her stuff in and doing something like putting her pictures up on the wall as a good sign and I wouldn't be all teritorial about it unless she was telling me to get rid of things that are important to me.
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Have no issue of giving up my stuff except the dog.. I'm country you dont mess with a mans dog .
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Edited by
sparkyae5
on
Sun 06/08/14 06:08 PM
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I guess what Sparkyae said is very important and would help a lot: being able to talk about your feelings and concerns with your partner. CRYSTALFAIRY---the answer is through self awareness---people make choices based on there awareness at the time---trying to heal childhood wounds--- we say to ourselves next it will be different and repeat! because we now have strong favorite feelings to recycle and the old beliefs have been reinforced over and over thats why its so important to see our part and get it handled..attraction is not a choice! because its a emotional choice---when i read your post ( you said '' i didn't like that at all'' ''doesn't feel good'' ) i saw a little girl that could not express her feelings at the time-- 
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I guess what Sparkyae said is very important and would help a lot: being able to talk about your feelings and concerns with your partner. CRYSTALFAIRY---the answer is through self awareness---people make choices based on there awareness at the time---trying to heal childhood wounds--- we say to ourselves next it will be different and repeat! because we now have strong favorite feelings to recycle and the old beliefs have been reinforced over and over thats why its so important to see our part and get it handled..attraction is not a choice! because its a emotional choice---when i read your post ( you said '' i didn't like that at all'' ''doesn't feel good'' ) i saw a little girl that could not express her feelings at the time--
Yeah, think you got that right. As I kid I often couldn't for various reasons, and with that particular ex, there was little space for that when we first moved in together. Looking back, he wasn't ready for it at all, maybe I wasn't really either, dunno. Basically he was okay with me moving in, as long as things remained the same in his home. Esp the bed was an issue for many a fight, but it was his way or the highway. I should've taken the highway, hahaha. But then I wouldn't have learnt what I did, so in that sense I'm grateful for the experience, even though it wasn't pleasant. Still, the moving in with someone and blending things, I think I'd find it difficult. I'm the kind of person that still has her teddy-bear. He's sitting in my bedroom, and has done so for some 44 years 
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Everything in my house is replaceable... even the priceless items i've accumulated over the decades. I've had my bouts with being a slave to my possessions but i refuse to let this be an obstacle. TVs? sound systems? teddy bears? just sounds so petty to me? I've toyed with the idea of giving everything I had away... Much like my buddy Krupa did to be with his woman. Now that's badazz!
I would never expect her to sleep in my old bed and I certainly wouldn't sleep in hers... Old Beds are non negotiable in this deal, out the door with both of them, a small price to pay for a space we spend a third of our lives in IMO. Give her a house, she'll turn it into a loving and comfy home... I'd have confidence in this. I'll take care of the yard
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dishes I would just throw in with his, bed we would have to get a new one, the rest I wouldn't care much about unless it's ugly. lol and then talk your way into redecorating a little at a time. "hey, I hope you don't mind I got us a new lamp" lol
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When my marriage partner and I tied the knot, most of her things and most of my things became our things. The only things that weren't "our things" were things that one can't or shouldn't share with another person. That is how life is supposed to work when you have a marriage partner. very true all except for my computer. lol |
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she took down all my family photos, put them in a box, and told me to get rid of them. I hadnt thought of anyone ever doing/feeling that. It was a bit of a shocker. I put them aside,and said "for now". And gave her 'the look'. 
Anyway..the photos are still up. She's not.
:) |
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Edited by
luvmeforlife
on
Mon 06/09/14 05:16 AM
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Oh yeah, family photos ... another one that can be touchy, lol. I used to always have an entire wall for that, pictures of my kids, loved it! But my ex didn't want me to put them up, as it would make it too much my home (and my kids') and he didn't have any pictures really of his kids that could be or were framed. So I couldn't put up my kids' pictures either. Too many compromises ... That's why I sometimes find myself thinking "what if I meet a new bloke and we are ready to move in together? Where are my borders? What am I willing to get rid of/store?" I guess when it's really right, it will be somewhat different, but the thing is, I thought it was really really really right with my ex as well. The first time ever I felt I was going to grow old with my partner, and wanted that as well. And boy, was I wrong!
@ Missy, I get what you mean. I think I'm less willing to compromise that much (for me the scenario you describe feels like - too much - compromising) I guess what Sparkyae said is very important and would help a lot: being able to talk about your feelings and concerns with your partner. lol there has to be a compromise. you need a little space for yourself too, even if you live together. like half the closet or a wall for photos. |
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I'd be Ok with it for the most part. Have to be willing to make a few compromises in order for everything to flow smoothly.
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If i was moving into his house then i'd be ok with using his stuff mostly. Sleeping in a bed he bought with his ex wouldn't bother me. From my past experience this worked out fine, and over time i'd buy things for the house to make it 'ours' or slowly bring in some of my own stuff. But initially it was all his stuff.
If we were just moving into a new place together, i'd hope we'd use half of my stuff and half of his. But my relationships don't last long enough to even bother using my stuff, so most times I don't bother adding much of my own stuff because I know we will probably be breaking up soon anyways. |
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I own my rat hole.
I couldn't see leaving and paying rent. I'm the type, I have very few collectable, knickknacks. 99% is stuff I use. Matching plates, stainless steelware, settees? I'll have to look up settee to see what it means. Me and hoitytoity mix like oil and water. Give me a barefoot ranch gal any day. |
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I own my rat hole. I couldn't see leaving and paying rent. I'm the type, I have very few collectable, knickknacks. 99% is stuff I use. Matching plates, stainless steelware, settees? I'll have to look up settee to see what it means. Me and hoitytoity mix like oil and water. Give me a barefoot ranch gal any day. psst...what about a good ol' barefoot Kentucky Gal? |
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I own my rat hole. I couldn't see leaving and paying rent. I'm the type, I have very few collectable, knickknacks. 99% is stuff I use. Matching plates, stainless steelware, settees? I'll have to look up settee to see what it means. Me and hoitytoity mix like oil and water. Give me a barefoot ranch gal any day. psst...what about a good ol' barefoot Kentucky Gal? cute >.< |
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