I MUST SEND MY THANKS TO WHOEVER SENT ME THE ONE ABOUT RAT POOP IN THE GLUE ON ENVELOPES, BECAUSE I NOW HAVE TO USE A WET TOWEL WITH EVERY ENVELOPE THAT NEEDS SEALING.

ALSO, NOW I SCRUB THE TOP OF EVERY CAN I OPEN FOR THE SAME REASON.

I NO LONGER HAVE ANY SAVINGS BECAUSE I GAVE IT TO A SICK GIRL (PENNY BROWN) WHO IS ABOUT TO DIE IN THE HOSPITAL FOR THE 1,387,258TH TIME.

I NO LONGER HAVE ANY MONEY AT ALL, BUT THAT WILL CHANGE ONCE I RECEIVE THE $15,000 THAT BILL GATES/MICROSOFT AND AOL ARE SENDING ME FOR PARTICIPATING IN THEIR SPECIAL E-MAIL PROGRAM.

I NO LONGER WORRY ABOUT MY SOUL BECAUSE I HAVE 363,214 ANGELS LOOKING OUT FOR ME, AND ST. THERESA'S NOVENA HAS GRANTED MY EVERY WISH.

I NO LONGER EAT KFC BECAUSE THEIR CHICKENS ARE ACTUALLY HORRIBLE MUTANT FREAKS WITH NO EYES OR FEATHERS.

I NO LONGER USE CANCER-CAUSING DEODORANTS EVEN THOUGH I SMELL LIKE A WATER BUFFALO ON A HOT DAY.

THANKS TO YOU, I HAVE LEARNED THAT MY PRAYERS ONLY GET ANSWERED IF I FORWARD AN EMAIL TO SEVEN OF MY FRIENDS AND MAKE A WISH WITHIN FIVE MINUTES.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN I NO LONGER DRINK COCA COLA BECAUSE IT CAN REMOVE TOILET STAINS.

I NO LONGER CAN BUY GASOLINE WITHOUT TAKING A MAN ALONG TO WATCH THE CAR SO A SERIAL KILLER WON'T CRAWL IN MY BACK SEAT WHEN I'M PUMPING GAS.

I NO LONGER DRINK PEPSI OR DR. PEPPER SINCE THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THESE PRODUCTS ARE ATHEISTS WHO REFUSE TO PUT "UNDER GOD" ON THEIR CANS.

I NO LONGER USE SARAN WRAP IN THE MICROWAVE, BECAUSE IT CAUSES CANCER.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I CAN'T BOIL A CUP OF WATER IN THE MICROWAVE ANYMORE BECAUSE IT WILL BLOW UP IN MY FACE, DISFIGURING ME FOR LIFE.
I NO LONGER CHECK THE COIN RETURN ON PAY PHONES BECAUSE I COULD BE PRICKED WITH A NEEDLE INFECTED WITH AIDS.

I NO LONGER GO TO SHOPPING MALLS BECAUSE SOMEONE WILL DRUG ME WITH A PERFUME SAMPLE AND ROB ME.

I NO LONGER RECEIVE PACKAGES FROM UPS OR FEDEX SINCE THEY ARE ACTUALLY AL QAEDA IN DISGUISE.

I NO LONGER SHOP AT TARGET SINCE THEY ARE FRENCH AND DON'T SUPPORT OUR AMERICAN TROOPS OR THE SALVATION ARMY.

I NO LONGER ANSWER THE PHONE BECAUSE SOMEONE WILL ASK ME TO DIAL A NUMBER FOR WHICH I WILL GET A PHONE BILL WITH CALLS TO JAMAICA, UGANDA, SINGAPORE, AND UZBEKISTAN.

I NO LONGER HAVE ANY SNEAKERS -- BUT THAT WILL CHANGE ONCE I RECEIVE MY FREE REPLACEMENT PAIR FROM NIKE.

I NO LONGER BUY EXPENSIVE COOKIES FROM NEIMAN MARCUS SINCE I NOW HAVE THEIR RECIPE.

THANK YOU TOO FOR ALL THE ENDLESS ADVICE ANDY ROONEY HAS GIVEN US. I CAN LIVE A BETTER LIFE NOW BECAUSE HE'S TOLD US HOW TO FIX EVERYTHING.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE, I CAN'T EVER PICK UP $5.00 I FIND IN THE PARKING LOT BECAUSE IT PROBABLY WAS PLACED THERE BY A SEX MOLESTER WAITING UNDERNEATH MY CAR TO GRAB MY LEG.

OH, AND DON'T FORGET THIS ONE EITHER!

I CAN NO LONGER DRIVE MY CAR BECAUSE I CAN'T BUY GAS FROM CERTAIN GAS COMPANIES!

THANKS TO YOU, I CAN'T USE ANYONE'S TOILET BUT MINE BECAUSE A BIG BROWN AFRICAN SPIDER IS LURKING UNDER THE SEAT TO CAUSE ME INSTANT DEATH WHEN IT BITES MY REAR.

IF YOU DON'T SEND THIS E-MAIL TO AT LEAST 144,000 PEOPLE IN THE NEXT 70 MINUTES, A LARGE DOVE WITH DIARRHEA WILL LAND ON YOUR HEAD AT 5:00 PM THIS AFTERNOON AND THE FLEAS FROM 12 CAMELS WILL INFEST YOUR BACK, CAUSING YOU TO GROW A HAIRY HUMP. I KNOW THIS WILL OCCUR BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO A FRIEND OF MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR'S EX-MOTHER-IN-LAW'S SECOND HUSBAND'S COUSIN'S BEAUTICIAN.

(You may have seen this already, but I thought it was cute and thought I would post it to share with you.)

that is sooo funny

I thought it was cute, it was a "chain" letter a friend sent me a long time ago, just bumped into it again tonight, thought I would share. Don't know that I like the spider under the toilet seat though, hmmmmmmmm.

MUST HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BEFORE THE ARTICLE ON MICRO-WAVE POPCORN

geat one!!!

thats it, i'm going back to bed, it is safe there isn't it
please tell me its safe in bed