Must say the OP ruffles my feathers a bit :/ I don't expect the things you mention from a man. I do expect respect, love and loyalty. And I hope that out of love he'd do nice things for me every now and then and want to do nice things with me. So not because I expect him to do this, but because he wants to do this, out of love.
I think that's the only right way.
And sure, your guy can come up with something sweet that isn't what you'd like or are used to. It's important to be open to HIS way of doing nice things, so you basically got to let go of pre-programmed ways and expectations.
And of course this works the same way the other way around.
Many / most women are used to giving, giving, giving, giving. Many think they're doing the right thing, but forget that they have the right to receive themselves as well, AND they often forget that what they feel is 'giving' is actually smothering to the guy!
I.e. I used to make my ex's lunch, for me that was "giving". He, however, didn't like it and preferred to do it himself. At first I felt rejected, hurt, but then I thought "Would I want someone else to make my lunch and decide what I am going to eat later on? NO WAY!"
So I realized I was overstepping boundaries, both for him and me.

As for doing nice things for my guy, I'd buy the odd thing every now and then, massage sometimes, I have bought my ex flowers a couple of times as well. Must admit that feels weird though.
For me it depends, there has to be a balance, and preferably as few expectations as possible. And I'd be very careful to not smother and overstep boundaries. Like I said, balance, I do not want to be the one who does all the giving, no matter what form.

Oh, and one other important thing, it should be what HE likes, not what you like. I.e. my ex like frogs, I hate effing frogs. But I did buy him frog things, cos he liked it and it made him happy. I could've bought him cat things, but he wouldn't like that, so that would please me, not him. ( many ppl buy something for another that they like, not what the other likes)

Humm in the past I have cooked for them, made sure they have clean clothes even though we did not live together...One of my exes had property out of town 200 acres...at times I volunteered to go feed his cows for him and even mowed the 3 acres around the house when he had so much to do he could not get to it... Even cleaned his place for him..... It just gave us more time together

Heck at times I have paid for the meal or drinks when we went out....

But he always helped me as well...

When out at times if I see something they really like whether it be a coozie, coffee mug or t-shirt as a nice little surprise I would pick it up...

I'm one as long as they appreciate what I do and also give back in return there is no limit.......

Just don't take me for granted or expect it...


I believe in giving what I receive....

I understand your ruffling. Where I said MOST it should have probably said SOME. I also know that not all women want these things and it was never intended to insult you in any way. Pre-programmed and crammed into our heads, yes it is something we should all try to break free of. The stigma creeps in everywhere does it not?

I was just curious if others like doing the little simple things for their man. I have however known a lot of women that expect those things from their man, offering nothing to their man in return. Returning these same things out of respect and love and not because they felt they owe it to him. I have only encountered one or two other women in my lifetime that feel these little things are important in a relationship.

Smothering is also not a good thing. I suppose I never thought about making a lunch for your man as smothering. Then again I was never faced with a man preferring to do it for himself. It is nice to see other views as it helps one to grow and learn other ways of doing things. To become a better person in the end. To become happier with who you are.

It is most likely possible that in the main scheme of things, the communication is the key to all of it. For everything in the relationship to be appreciated, communication is needed.

I agree that it works both ways. It is nice to finally see after so many years that there are many other women that do this.

I know and you haven't insulted me!!
Just that the subject is a bit, well, dunno, tricky material? As many women give give give and many men expect this as well, the woman to cook, clean, slave, bring him beer, rub his feet blablablar.

Think the most important thing to me is what I said earlier on, both for men and women wanting to give to their partner: it should be from the heart, because they want to give.

What I give mostly depends on the guy. My ex husband was nuts about (old) airplanes, so he loved getting things related to that! He didn't like reading (dyslectic), but did love the stories, so I read books out loud for him, he really enjoyed that.(That was before the audio book came to be, haha.)
Once bought my ex a crystal, which was awkward, as he didn't really fancy crystals like I do. But he was totally in love with it! Made him steak & kidney pie a couple of times (he was English) even though I hate those pies, lol. But he loved it, so why not!
Just depends on what the guy is like.

Oh I get this completely. It took me a long time to figure out how to approach the subject and to write it up. My first ex was this way and for 10 years I knew nothing else. I was young then and naive to say the least. I suppose in his own twisted way of making himself feel superior, possibly, I still don't think I will ever know his reasoning, nor do I wish to.



Yes it really does depend on the man. I love doing things with my man and actually really enjoy it when I do. It is really refreshing to find other women that do the little things. As I said earlier, I have only met a few that do.

This is an interesting topic, and it gives insight into what a lot woman think that their man appreciates, and I'm sure many do, my ex-wife used to do many of the things in this thread...i.e buying little things when she was out, even flowers, the problem was while I understood the gesture, it didn't mean anything to me, (flowers, aren't my thing...although I received them quite often).

The best gift I ever got, actually came from someone besides my ex-wife, and this is not for "all males" this is just MY perspective, though I have talked to many guy friends and they agree with me....ok so here it is.

The gift I got was HER confidence in ME, an example, I HATED putting together furniture with my ex, mainly because she tried taking over, assuming I wasn't capable, or that she had a better to do it, and would just "take over" or at least try to. A female friend of mine called me for help to put together some of her furniture as she was moving, so I did, she just asked, didn't tell me how to do it, and just trusted me to do it correctly, never second guessing me at all, needless to say I ended up putting her entire apartment together, and my ex-wife was pissed because she didn't understand why I didn't mind helping this girl, when I hated doing the same thing at home....it was because she had confidence in MY abilities.

I think a lot of women overlook just how important it is for your man to realize that on occasion you do need him, and when you do want him to do something for you, just let him do it his way.(most often you'll find he won't mind doing these things now)

Hi nice

Is it bad that I'm tired of giving???? I'm feeling a bit selfish lately...

I must say that I am glad to hear a man's view on this. Thank you How are we as women to know these things if we are not told? There is that word again *COMMUNICATION* and how important it really is!

I personally love when my man does something for me. I know I am capable of doing so many more things than a lot of women I know but, I also love having my man do it for me. Standing back and handing him the tools he may need or just walking off to do something else.

Though I have also found that with my ex, he would get a bit upset at me when I would ask him to fix my truck. Why, because he knew I was capable of doing it myself and yet I asked him to do it. Probably why it was a confusing relationship in the end.

No it is not bad at all. Sometimes when you give so much without a returned matching effort we wear out.

I like to be sensual with my guy. Sit behind him and stroke and massage his scalp while he relaxes with eyes closed. Stroke his skin. Wash his body for him in the shower and ask the same in return. A lot of physical contact out in public with the occasional naughty grope. I also like to make him things. Sculptures that suit his personality. To be silly and laugh and make him smile. I like him to enjoy himself.

Great question!!

Was just thinking about the whole mothering thing we tend to do. And if some men feel it's too much, I can understand. There has to be a balance between chores and having fun. I usually don't give a guy a certain time to be home from wherever, as I fear he'd feel like he was back living with his parents. I prefer to act more like a mate than a mother is what I mean.

I enjoy hearing that I am not alone in these things.

As I stated before I have not met many women in my life that take the time or make the effort. Some of my past friends were down right hateful and disrespectful to their men and I usually find my jaw on the ground at the thought of it and their display of it. Scratching my head wondering why the men would stay and be abused in such a way. I suppose the same way a woman would stay, I really don't know.

Maybe sometimes I think too much about some things. Maybe I don't. I do know it brings me to the path I am on today and I am okay with that.

Oh yes, that makes perfect sense to me. I bet all in all that is probably what my first ex wanted all along!! Another mother