Everybody is here to look for meaningful contact, whether that be a romantic relationship, or someone to chat with. How do you get to know somebody? Are there certain things you want to know that you ask directly, or do you beat around the bush to get the feel of a personality (or something in between)?

i beat around the bush, no pun intended... it reveals the true nature of people... people that tell you who they are are usually wrong...

Read their profile. Ask questions from that or talk in forums. People become tend to offer friendship

i don't put a lot of faith in reading profiles, but that's just me...

.. you mean there's actual profiles. to read.. damn that's what I'm doing wrong..lol... to be honest I just be as honest as I can be.... and what I've learned from watching other people on here.. don't just come out and ask for sex

I think you mean online-wise here, so...
Ask questions (try to avoid rapid firing them) about basic stuff and gauge how personal to follow up based off responses. It's just like the usual give and take in the "physically present level" just in a less personal text based format here.

Reading a profile can help with convo topics and/or "ask about topics" for this.(Think of it as a general flow for perimeters to discuss). Also making sure to show out a personality a bit in your word structures will help a bit too. You may want to ask on things that're sorta "passingly talked about in general" type stuff to see how they'd feel about it but gauge that on their write up. (It's a 50/50 cut on if it'll make sense to do that.)

Since people like to use vague ideals for personal character terms a lot, avoid asking about those and see how they measure up to their statements of "I consider myself to be '(put non self deprecating happy adjective here)' ". Best way I can put it is that it's more of a "proving it out" thing on their part for putting it there than it is anything else. (So basically you'll see it "play out in nature".)

LOL I set myself up for that, didn't I?!
That's thought provoking Moe. Will have to spend some time this evening doing some reassessing LOL

I would say, if you have an interest in someone, go read
anything/everything they have ever written on the forums.

Lightning enlightening :-)

(You can click on the number beneath their forum
picture to do that.)

I like that Ph. Honesty is the best policy? Not always. But I feel wrong when I'm not.

Pho, this is what I struggle with, as with "physically present" life. I need connection, and struggle with how to establish it. Apparently many people don't want deeper connection, although they think they do (read Moe's post!). Am I wrong??

If all else fails ask them do they want any drugs bc ur a drug dealer lol jk

Souf!!! Thank you!! I was looking for a feature like this.

:) Yes please!

It will show only 25 pages worth, so..
to see ALL, simply go to the 25th page, and change
the last number (the page number) in the address
bar to an ascending number until you are back to
their very first post.

For example, based on the time here, I have somewhere
around 900 pages, you may have to try a few high
numbers before figuring out what their first
page number is :-)

Soufier, thanks a bunch. You've just made it even harder for me. If I didn't know any better I'd say you want me all to yourself or something.

I am soooo transparent..

Hey new friend Mel!

Beating around the bush can slake off dead wood (no pun intended) allowing the bush to blossom, so can it scare out the skunk. If I were punning and not philosophizing through metaphor I would have said: Beating around the bush can revive dead wood, so can it scare away the beaver.

I prefer an unrushed direct approach. Even if it's awkward or uncomfortable and whether it results in satisfaction or disappointment. It feels more honest and definitive to me.

That said I shall be direct. After reading your profile and other forum post's I'm very interested in getting to know you. I'd like to write to you privately but alas your settings only allow those located within 50 miles to contact you. I'm located just slightly outside that limitation by a multiple of oh about 25 X's.

Been thrown into the situation so much over the years I have found there are some tricks to it.

The old two ears, two eyes, one mouth rule when heavily applied usually helps a lot. On line that is doing your homework. Read every word of profiles. Take notes from their pictures. Look up the location someone is from. Read at least some of their posts. Take notes as you visit on line. When you get to the interested phase names are exchanged do a google or security check. Actually listen to the answers of the questions you ask. And the questions they ask.


Trying to offer a little bit about yourself with each question tends to relax people and the conversation flows easier. Nobody likes to get grilled. Sometimes shorter answers with what I call a tickler are better. You don't have to give it all away at once. Example someone asks you "if you have kids" you don't have to give them an autobiography. You might say;

"Yes I have all boys but I have wondered what it might be like to have a daughter." or

"Yes I have three grown and one in the military." Then they have an option to ask which service.

Sometimes indirect questions are less intimidating at first.

""Did you see the grammys on TV last night?' You are not drilling down to exactly what music they like but if the mention a group it may lead to a question later about favorites.

And maybe saying why you ask a particular question makes the response easier.

Career questions are often touchy but saying something like " I see you are an engineer and I saw something on TV that concrete shortages hung up the airport development. Did that effect you?" People like to show what they know and you can listen and learn.

Compliments that are polite or generic enough to not put someone on the spot that all they can do is say thank you can smooth the road to conversation. People like approval.
" Oh you have great hiking boots on do you think it is better to order on line or is there a great sporting goods store around?" Or
" I like your picture with the Santa hat on because I am a big fan of the holidays. Is Christmas or Fourth of July your favorite?"

There are some standard icebreakers that are useful?

"You are from ----- did you grow up there?"

" Are you the oldest or youngest in your family?"

"What was the first car you drove?"

" What is your favorite comfort food ?"

" What makes you crazy when you can't find it?"

"What was the first job you had or hated?"


"What would you do on your day off if you didn't have chores and
$100 to blow?"

" Where were you ten years ago?"

"Where do you think you will be in twenty years?"

"If you won the lotto who wouldn't you tell?"

Effective communication with the person. Research revealed that women tend to reveal their secrets in bed. ;)

Hi TechnoV
LOL yes I limited myself by saying close to home because I'm currently carless (boo!) But I realize I'm cutting myself off with that. I'd love to chat : ) and will change that setting. And I like direct. Honesty is a beautiful quality!