Here's a question that may raise a few eyebrows.
If your in a relationship but NOT MARRIED or ever likely to be, you pass on the stairs in life and in the bedroom, the conversation has died but your too chicken to jump ship, is it wrong to want to find someone else before you leave??

Hello there

My elders had a saying : What starts badly in the morning, Cannot come good in the Evening,
Especially with ourselves, honesty must and should always prevail

You can do it, and all, one two three will be happier

Have great courage

That's what a lot of men do.
It is wrong, it will hurt the woman you're with now, even if the relationship has faded away. Do you want that?
It's not the right thing to do to a new woman either, as it's not the right start of a relationship. You need to get over a relationship in every sense of the way, before you're ready for a new one. Even if that's only letting go of household routines you have with your current partner.
As for you, maybe you should find a coach or counselor so you learn how to get stronger and why you lack strength.
Or maybe not get involved at all again as you can't and daren't handle things when it gets difficult? Plus, you not being strong may be the very reason why your relationship went sour to begin with. You should really work on that.

All in all I think it's a pretty lame thing to do and yes it's wrong. And the fact that you're NOT MARRIED doesn't matter jack. Just makes it easier and less expensive to split up. You're in a committed relationship. A piece of paper doesn't make much of a difference.

Hi Crystal,
thanks for the comments.
However suggesting I'm weak is a bit harsh when you consider I have spent the last two years out of the last six being the stronger of the two not only in trying to make the relationship work but sacrificing a lot to do so, being more patient than any one person has a right or need to be and dealing with someone who is essentially dead inside but all to no avail.
That aside regarding meeting someone prior to leaving the question was put purely as a topic of discussion and not as a declaration of intent.
I maybe a guy and have a profile here but I'm not heartless.
Again thanks for the comments though.

I'd have to have the recent lover out of my life, if that was my thinking, because why keep someone hanging on? I don't think it's very fair. I once dumped a guy I'd been with for nine years, because I like lots of sex, and he didn't.

To me its wrong. No need to lead a person on if it isn't working and your thinking of straying. If the thought of straying is there then one should move on instead of hurting another. Breaking it off may still hurt them but at least it is honest and upfront. Trust me the hurt from being cheated on is far greater than just having been dumped.
She may even hate you for breaking it off but at least she will still have respect for you as a person for not leading her on and not cheating. Nothing to me feels worse than having my trust betrayed and to lose respect for someone I loved so deeply.

What exactly do you mean by being "in a relationship"?

Believe me I've been betrayed too and know what it is like as I was married once and caught her on the couch with another man.
Made me realise that when it comes to relationships you can never fully trust someone and when things aren't working out you should leave.
As I stated earlier this was just a topic for discussion and NOT and indication of intent.
Seems to have roused a few people though!!!

Living with someone as a partner but with none of the ties such as marriage on the cards, kids etc.

Any kind of relationship whether living with someone as a partner but without the ties such as marriage on the cards, kids etc or living apart but seeing each other or whatever.
As I said purely for discussion and getting other peoples point of view

Dude, I could fully trust my late wife.



To plenty of women, having a live-in sex partner is the equivalent of being married.

So what if you spent all those years being a martyr, as you seem to describe yourself. Unless you were chained in a basement against your will, it was still your choice to do that, your choice to stay that long.

The least you can do is to be honest with your current partner and with yourself. I believe you would ask the same from her, if the roles were reversed, eh?

What you're trying to do right now is to justify something you already know is wrong, hence, the question.

Also, you'd be disrespecting the new relationship if you're going to start it of like that. Personally, I'd kick your *** if I knew I was being used as a spare tire.

Hi Red Lace,
seems I'v stirred up a hornets nest here!!!!
One thing though don't make it personal. It was a question and not a statement of intent.
I'm merely laying the ground work for discussion nothing more.
My partner is fully aware of my intentions and we're currently on a hiatus.
As for kicking my**** you'd need one helluva long leg.
Like I said earlier not personal.

I'm not being personal. It was an opinion given, which is why I stated in my last sentence, "personally", meaning, that would be what I would have done if it was done to me.

And I not only have one long leg, I have two.

You have two long legs??? Wow.

Yes, two legs for a double leg kick. For a stronger first impression. :)

I'm sure you'd make an impact

I never said that it was a deceleration of intent. Thats a shame though that one bad experience is causing you to hold the crimes of one against everyone after her. Thats really unhealthy and may doom every relationship to come. How is someone else supposed to put their trust in you if you cant put your trust in them. Trust and respect are a two way street and part of a good foundation for any healthy relationship.

And what kind of woman would agree to such a thing?

or maybe he needs to have this conversation with his wife?

it is wrong. period. for either one, the man or the woman to put the next batter in the box before the first is through

Having been in a relationship years ago (married, though) where I had to be the stronger of the two on an increasing basis, I can tell you that it slowly and inorexably drains you. Most people dont want to be alone, but if you are serious about wanting to start anew, a clean break and a fresh perspective would be my choice. If you believe that your relationship has deteriorated beyond recovery, I am unsure why you would want to hang onto it. But, I dont know the exact specifics, and therefore can only make a general comment. Best of luck, regardless of your choice.