oh well... i thought you were drunk...

I wish I were drunk

I dont want her back i want her not be hard n cold with me not want her back . She is in has only put herself first..

This is exactly the kind of reason some people stay single. If they have to settle for a person who; when you disagree with them they can't come up with a legit defense of their position and resort to petty insults and untruths, well it is no wonder. The only thing worse than getting stuck with someone who does not fight fair as a young partner is getting stuck with another in your golden years when a cry baby becomes a bitter old beast that thinks their age and money entitles them to be and even bigger bully.

I've been in relationships in the past where the shoe is on the other foot!! You have a woman with children that it all starts off good,"meeting,dating,intimacy,"then it all goes SOUTH! By this i mean her children "over the age of 18" couldn't get off a computer to work in a pie or mattress factory"if their lives depended on it? And all of a sudden"after the commitment"is made nothing works sexually on them anymore? I do believe in a mutual satisfying relationship for both involved, and if you have a medical problem then" inform your partner"as you are not even capable of being in this relationship in the first place or you and just in need of someone to Financially support your shortcomings!! This is entrapment !! Just the same to me as getting pregnant to entrap a man for any reason!! Is this all anyone looks for?? Trying is half the problem nobody does anymore, it seems commitment is forgotten, And Being Vain rules "ALL"!!
"((((OLD SCHOOL!!)))))"

Yea missing the small stuff is a hard lesson about relationships but it does sometimes help you be wiser and more motivated to reward those who do offer that in future relationships.

I am kind of wondering if you are not sometimes overlooking a potential person in your "friend zone" if you actually gave it another look you might find a gem. Or one of their friends.

One thing I have heard more than I can count is great guys saying they don't even bother to ask because a reputation exists for friend zoneing every guy can be social suicide. Men don't date someone who treats everyone like a brother.

The other thought I had is maybe if you don't get to caught up in assigning gender roles you might notice a great guy who is maybe a really great match and only say challenged in one area of man things that don't matter that much. My late hubby, a great partner in so many ways, was absolutely terrible at even simple car stuff. Kind of bugged me at first because I cut my teeth on muscle cars but He knew it and thankfully admitted it paying a great mechanic to keep or vehicles rolling.

I do think it is more likely a matter of exposure to eligible candidates. I have always said that if you think Prince Charming is going to knock on your door you will probably meet him at the Pearly Gates. I have never been single more than a few months when I was actively seeking a mate and I really doubt it would be any different now I am pushing 60. If you get out looking appropriate for the situation, playing up your feminine strengths in a classy way and . having a little fun you will get noticed. You come across as a nice person just get out and have a little fun with friends and flirt lightly. It is and old ploy but get some business cards with your email on them. Make the guys come to you and work for a date Quit telling you are not a catch because you are.

Alright but you mention that you continue to date and your argument seems to be to avoid "problem people". All of the women that I've dated in the last few years have been difficult and had problems. What's a guy supposed to do when everyone that you meet has some sort of baggage or issues? I tried for years with a woman that was pretty mixed up and gave me a lot of stress and agrevation. I've been told by people on here before that I should have just finished it as soon as she started to give me any crap. I didn't though and I put up with her tantrums and abuse to a certain extent but I'm no pushover or lickspittle. The thing was on and off but we dated and we did have a lot of good times together and it does take time to get to know each other properly and grow together as a couple. It didn't work out because she met someone else on a break and I had to let her go. After we broke up she did a lot of work on herself and did a counceling course for two years. We made friends again last year and she's changed and isn't a problem person anymore. If she had tried to work through her issues like that when we were together, or if I hadn't ended it, we might have still been together now and might have been happy.

I'm not in my autumn years yet and I don't think that I need to hold out for somebody perfect because, touch wood, I have years to build a relationship with someone and I'm not expecting it to all be plain sailing. I've got some problems myself and I'm working on them. For some people, life is a series of problems or challenges. My parents have been married for over forty five years and they still have their problems but they are happy and love each other. If my dad had dumped my mother the first time that they had an argument I probably wouldn't be here now. They stayed together for all of these years and now they're trying to enjoy their retirement. There are still problems because it's a family. That's life.

And my"GOLDEN YEARS are as important as anyone else's on here"!!

I guess the"TRUTH" is a hard thing to swallow! Best to be avoided and ignored!!

I guess the"TRUTH" is a hard thing to swallow! Best to be avoided and ignored!!

Oh I agree with you 1000% on that. That is why I tell everyone don't buy anything at face value. Ask questions, questions, and even more questions and make sure what you are getting yourself into. Talk to them, the family, their doctor, the financial people, and even the ex's and if what you are seeing doesn't match up all the way hit the door. Maybe you don't have that right in casual dating but if you are courting oh hell yes. Certainly as a spouse. You are not partners just where you get permission to be the scapegoat for someone who makes no effort at holding up their level.

And yes I know people who absolutely let their kids, even adult ones, make life a living hell and a lot of it is the parent making the situation even worse than it is.

I know it is tough because I have a profoundly handicapped kid and a parent with Alzheimer's and I made it clear from the get go that yea if it was more than anyone could handle then no foul no fuss if you want to walk away. And when we as a family were in a really rocky streech's I didn't even think about trying to develop a relationship. It is not fair to the person you date or the family. I have never had a problem with a pre-nup for that very reason. Yea ideally if you marry someone you are in for the good and the bad but I don't think a marriage license should be a sentence to having no say about treating family problems as family problems. IMHO it should not ever be at the expense of one person. I do not believe in mates or parents being 24/7 caregiver slaves regardless of age. And I say that being a hospice caregiver.

And the garbage about no affection/sex suddenly because the ink is dry on the license is balogne. Even if someone is not sexually active before marriage they should have some level of it in a mate or I consider it grounds for divorce and that does not mean walking away with half.

And I pretty much agree with what you said here too. Marriage is not for sissies and no relationship is all roses; yes there are definitely give and take periods, but when one in the partnership is treating themself like the center of the universe and it is all me me me at every turn then it is not a partnership it is enslavement. Tantrums?... well let the door hit you where the Good lord split ya I won't put up with abuse and would never expect anyone to put up with me abusing them; even if I was crazier than a loon through no fault of my own. I have the unique life experience of living my life with a variety of levels of impairment, chronic accute pain and I didn't use it as an excuse not to hold up to my promises/responsibilities and I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who use their health issues as a reason to make their family/mate miserable. I think on the surface it can seem abusive to divorce a disabled spouse but if a person uses their, or their child's disability as and excuse to just plowover every other right or need of their partner it is more of a character flaw than a disability. And believe me I have seen a few disabled people that more than deserved to be divorced.

As difficult as it might be to believe there are many people who also have disabilities who are wonderful loving, giving, supportive, and selfless partners. Maybe it is what they learn having a disability and how to manage that or maybe they just would have been a great partner anyway but I can only go by what my mate told me and it was he had a hard time considering me disabled even when it was pretty severe because I just played the cards I was delt and we got through it together. Was he what I considered at times and Angel on earth? You bet your bippy. I am sure it was hard giving me the grace to have extra time to do things and deal with my "staff" but don't kid yourself anyone who even thought we would make my kids or him second class members of the family they were gone.

As far as only meeting people with massive baggage who handle it badly I can only say how you allow someone to treat you is endorsing that treatment. Might be where you are looking or what you have as a model of what is normal. Some folks get a skewed message that being reasonably selfish is a bad thing when it is not. I am not sure that applies to any offensive level but it is a pattern in your life and you are tired of it well maybe you have to tighten your boundrys that protect you in a relationship.

An example I like to use a man who is a gentleman will open a door for a woman. The woman who is so ungrateful not to return that compliment with a gracious smile or even Thank you should be helped through one more door the one out of your life. Sometimes it is the little things in the beginning that tell you the most about how a relationship is going to go.

Well, it was a complicated relationship but we weren't living together and had no financial ties or kids together. I was going through stuff as well at the time and a lot of the abuse that I got from her was out of her frustration with me. She nagged basically and was always putting me down. It's hard to give a woman what she wants, which is to be made to feel special, when she's being a pain in the arse. I did try though and I took her out on dates and took her calls when she wanted to talk and we saw each other at weekends and did have fun together. I talked about it with her recently and she said that I had been difficult and she was certainly difficult but even though there was drama, when we went out or spent quality time together we did always have fun together.

For example, one time I took her for a meal but I was having a bit of trouble finding the restaurant that I had booked a table at and she got really annoyed because she had ankle pain from her arthritis and we had walked up and down the same street a few times. When she said that she couldn't be bothered anymore and just wanted to go home I said, "Let's just go to another restaurant then" and we did have a nice meal together. Other times she would say that she was coming round and then phone to say that she was feeling crap and wasn't coming. Then an hour or so later she would be alright after taking pain killers and the date would be back on again. I just got used to her mood swings and tantrums. By no means were we the perfect couple but there was a lot of passion and there was all of the falling out over daft nonsense and making up and we would often laugh about things afterwards. We still reminisce about those times now that we are just friends, although she's let go of whatever underlying issues that she had and claims to not even remember what she was like when she was at her worst.

She did meet someone else and apparently that worked because he just walks away when she's being stroppy, or just lets it bounce off him and doesn't rise to her bait. I tried to do that too to a certain extent but we both had strong personalities and clashed a bit. We didn't really have enough patience with each other. She's still the same person and still has the qualities that I liked about her. The friendship that we had was good and it still is. I don't dwell on what might have been because it's water under the bridge and we have both moved on with our lives but I do feel comfortable around her now and we sorted out all of our issues. I learned a lot from that relationship and I feel that I grew as a person.

I like it when a relationship is new and exciting and I can even look at the stressful stuff as being part of what makes it an interesting experience. My last girlfriend had even worse problems and that made it stressful and uncertain but I just dealt with it when one thing happened after another and I tried to be patient with her. I just want to get to that place with someone where we are comfortable with each other but I expect that to take time and patience. I'm dating again now and call me a desperado if you like but it's just in my nature to be loyal and I don't just break it off with them after the honeymoon period is over and it gets difficult. I think that makes me a strong person and not just a weak one that settles for whatever he can get. I won't just settle for anything I can get but at the same time I don't bail out at the first sign that it's going to be a rocky ride.