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| Topic: It is better to tell the truth to everyone | |
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Another thing said by Dr. Laura before she got the boot that I rather agree with. Is that sometimes it's best to say anything because the thing you say is more destructive and hurtful than it is anything else. This was a response she gave to someone who was asking if they should tell their spouse that they cheated on them. If I remember correctly it had been a few years and the couple may have been on the verge of divorce. Not very sure on that. But her stand point was that telling the spouse would serve no purpose other than to hurt the other person. It's not going to make either person feel good. It's only going to drive a wedge between the two people. It is better to not mention it and not repeat it. Well I agree that there are situations where lying is necessary in order to preserve a person where the truth might destroy them, but for the specific conundrum brought up in the OP that should never have to be the case. |
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What about the predatory women that take advantage of "honest guys"? That's the problem that I see with your argument. There's no guarantee that anything will "flow naturally" and you just seem to be assuming that all women are good women. That is part of the reason I'm so untrusting and jaded, its happened to me many times Happens to a lot of people men and women. But those who stay jaded about the past are dooming any future relationship. Because you are holding something this next person had nothing to do with against them. Its not easy getting over being hurt or being taken advantage of. It can take time. |
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Another thing said by Dr. Laura before she got the boot that I rather agree with. Is that sometimes it's best to say anything because the thing you say is more destructive and hurtful than it is anything else. This was a response she gave to someone who was asking if they should tell their spouse that they cheated on them. If I remember correctly it had been a few years and the couple may have been on the verge of divorce. Not very sure on that. But her stand point was that telling the spouse would serve no purpose other than to hurt the other person. It's not going to make either person feel good. It's only going to drive a wedge between the two people. It is better to not mention it and not repeat it. Well I agree that there are situations where lying is necessary in order to preserve a person where the truth might destroy them, but for the specific conundrum brought up in the OP that should never have to be the case. That is true. Unfortunately some people are just to stupid to keep out of those situations. lol |
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Another thing said by Dr. Laura before she got the boot that I rather agree with. Is that sometimes it's best to say anything because the thing you say is more destructive and hurtful than it is anything else. This was a response she gave to someone who was asking if they should tell their spouse that they cheated on them. If I remember correctly it had been a few years and the couple may have been on the verge of divorce. Not very sure on that. But her stand point was that telling the spouse would serve no purpose other than to hurt the other person. It's not going to make either person feel good. It's only going to drive a wedge between the two people. It is better to not mention it and not repeat it. Well I agree that there are situations where lying is necessary in order to preserve a person where the truth might destroy them, but for the specific conundrum brought up in the OP that should never have to be the case. That is true. Unfortunately some people are just to stupid to keep out of those situations. lol hehe, yeah, there's no escaping that one portion of the population it seems... |
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What about the predatory women that take advantage of "honest guys"? That's the problem that I see with your argument. There's no guarantee that anything will "flow naturally" and you just seem to be assuming that all women are good women. 'you just seem to be assuming that all women are good women.'I don't see where I made that assumption...but sure! To your credit, however, this argument does operate under the assumption that the couple are both good people who are trying, I'll give you that. As far as women taking advantage of guys, that's a separate issue that I'd treat separately, if at all. And there absolutely is a guarantee that affection will flow naturally between two people who genuinely care for each other. Have you known two people who were honest, virtuous, served each other, told each other they love one another regularly, put each other first, turned to each other instead of apart over problems, and persistently, consistently were so over time who *didn't* love one another? That seems a bit more far-fetched than my conclusion. I'm not sure that I follow what you mean by that last bit but I'll tell you what honesty gets you. A reputation as a stirrer. I'm the most honest person in my family and when there's a problem I want to talk about it and try to resolve it. I've tried to do the same thing in my relationships with women and they didn't seem to like it. It's one thing to tell her that she's gorgeous and sexy but it's something else to deal out what they're going to take as personal criticism. Many of them will see that as controlling behaviour, or even abuse. Let's be honest here. Men can be idiots and they open their mouths and say things all the time that women don't like. Sometimes it's better to just agree with them than start an argument. What if I find these perfect exemplars of female virtue boring? Have you ever known a woman that never did anything that you didn't agree with, or tick you off in some way? I haven't. I consider my mother, for example, to be a wonderful woman but she lies all the time to keep the peace between other family members and to try to get them to get along with each other. It's easy to tell the truth to women when it's something that they want to hear but the next time one asks you, "Does my bum look big in this?" just you be careful what you say mate. Honesty will only get you so far and sometimes you just have to keep your mouth shut. Telling them that you like women with big arses doesn't always go down too well and a lot of the time it simply doesn't matter to them if you do say that you have grown to love her the way that she looks, or that she's your type, because all they're hearing is you saying that they have a fat arse. |
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What about the predatory women that take advantage of "honest guys"? That's the problem that I see with your argument. There's no guarantee that anything will "flow naturally" and you just seem to be assuming that all women are good women. 'you just seem to be assuming that all women are good women.'I don't see where I made that assumption...but sure! To your credit, however, this argument does operate under the assumption that the couple are both good people who are trying, I'll give you that. As far as women taking advantage of guys, that's a separate issue that I'd treat separately, if at all. And there absolutely is a guarantee that affection will flow naturally between two people who genuinely care for each other. Have you known two people who were honest, virtuous, served each other, told each other they love one another regularly, put each other first, turned to each other instead of apart over problems, and persistently, consistently were so over time who *didn't* love one another? That seems a bit more far-fetched than my conclusion. It's easy to tell the truth to women when it's something that they want to hear but the next time one asks you, "Does my bum look big in this?" just you be careful what you say mate. Honesty will only get you so far and sometimes you just have to keep your mouth shut. Telling them that you like women with big arses doesn't always go down too well and a lot of the time it simply doesn't matter to them if you do say that you have grown to love her the way that she looks, or that she's your type, because all they're hearing is you saying that they have a fat arse. That's why I don't date insecure women. Prevention is always easier than a cure. =) |
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What about the predatory women that take advantage of "honest guys"? That's the problem that I see with your argument. There's no guarantee that anything will "flow naturally" and you just seem to be assuming that all women are good women. 'you just seem to be assuming that all women are good women.'I don't see where I made that assumption...but sure! To your credit, however, this argument does operate under the assumption that the couple are both good people who are trying, I'll give you that. As far as women taking advantage of guys, that's a separate issue that I'd treat separately, if at all. And there absolutely is a guarantee that affection will flow naturally between two people who genuinely care for each other. Have you known two people who were honest, virtuous, served each other, told each other they love one another regularly, put each other first, turned to each other instead of apart over problems, and persistently, consistently were so over time who *didn't* love one another? That seems a bit more far-fetched than my conclusion. I'm not sure that I follow what you mean by that last bit but I'll tell you what honesty gets you. A reputation as a stirrer. I'm the most honest person in my family and when there's a problem I want to talk about it and try to resolve it. I've tried to do the same thing in my relationships with women and they didn't seem to like it. It's one thing to tell her that she's gorgeous and sexy but it's something else to deal out what they're going to take as personal criticism. Many of them will see that as controlling behaviour, or even abuse. Let's be honest here. Men can be idiots and they open their mouths and say things all the time that women don't like. Sometimes it's better to just agree with them than start an argument. What if I find these perfect exemplars of female virtue boring? Have you ever known a woman that never did anything that you didn't agree with, or tick you off in some way? I haven't. I consider my mother, for example, to be a wonderful woman but she lies all the time to keep the peace between other family members and to try to get them to get along with each other. It's easy to tell the truth to women when it's something that they want to hear but the next time one asks you, "Does my bum look big in this?" just you be careful what you say mate. Honesty will only get you so far and sometimes you just have to keep your mouth shut. Telling them that you like women with big arses doesn't always go down too well and a lot of the time it simply doesn't matter to them if you do say that you have grown to love her the way that she looks, or that she's your type, because all they're hearing is you saying that they have a fat arse. There are times when if you have not shown that your values and compliments are high caliber telling the truth can be painful and create resentment. Women know when they are being lied to. Especially and even If it is by omission. Simply shutting up makes you loose credibility. Sadly some people have been so conditioned brainwashed by substandard values that it is almost impossible for them to accept any other. If you are fortuneate enough to grow up in a situation where a person's value rests more in standards besides physical beauty and such fleeting standards as that years income, possessions, popularity you are a fortuneate person indeed. |
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Brilliant. You start a thread about how you should always be honest to everybody, get all of the ladies patting you on the back for understanding them so well and end up really saying that you don't date insecure women and you were only talking about the "good" ones anyway.
Your advice is useless. You're starting off by assuming some perfect ideal and it just boils down to, "Don't lie to women if you don't need to". Get real man and give us some advice about how to relate to women that actually exist outside of the fiction novels you've been reading. |
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Brilliant. You start a thread about how you should always be honest to everybody, get all of the ladies patting you on the back for understanding them so well and end up really saying that you don't date insecure women and you were only talking about the "good" ones anyway. Your advice is useless. You're starting off by assuming some perfect ideal and it just boils down to, "Don't lie to women if you don't need to". Get real man and give us some advice about how to relate to women that actually exist outside of the fiction novels you've been reading. Don't knock it till you try it. =) |
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Edited by
Mark_the_Man
on
Fri 01/03/14 03:46 PM
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Brilliant. You start a thread about how you should always be honest to everybody, get all of the ladies patting you on the back for understanding them so well and end up really saying that you don't date insecure women and you were only talking about the "good" ones anyway. Your advice is useless. You're starting off by assuming some perfect ideal and it just boils down to, "Don't lie to women if you don't need to". Get real man and give us some advice about how to relate to women that actually exist outside of the fiction novels you've been reading. Don't knock it till you try it. =) Sigh, okay. Let's look at your comment one piece at a time shall we? 1. 'You've got a thread about how you should always be honest...' Wrong. I never said always be honest, not even the thread title says that. It clearly says it's *better* to be honest to everyone, which implies there are times when it's necessary to lie. And let's be clear here- I'm not talking about the crap that a lot of guys are thinking of when they mention lying. Let me give an example of what I call justified lying- an army is about to destroy your home and all your people but they don't know where to go to find them. They ask you, putting their entire faith in your answer. This is a situation where lying is not only justified, but necessary for the preservation of others. If you're lying just because you're trying to get out of something for yourself, the problem probably lies with *you*. If you're lying to save someone else in the sense previously mentioned, that's a different story. 2. '...get all of the ladies patting you on the back for understanding them so well and end up really saying that you don't date insecure women and you were only talking about the "good" ones anyway...' Huh? For starters, it's not my problem if people agree with me. As for the insecure part- so what? It's not like I angled this statement towards insecure women to begin with, it's a general idea, so I didn't mislead anyone. The idea that a woman is insecure if she asks how she looks though seems misleading to me. Everyone needs validation, and my point is that in this case in can be honestly given. The insecure part is an angle you superimposed onto the concept. 3. 'Your advice is useless.' Yes, it certainly is for those who sit at their computers and just complain about it. 4. 'You're starting off by assuming some perfect ideal' How is the notion of 'two good people trying hard to make a relationship work' a perfect ideal? The very statement suggests the opposite is true. And the idea that people who consistently love each other is a 'perfect ideal' is 21st century crock. 5. 'Get real man and give us some advice about how to relate to women that actually exist outside of the fiction novels you've been reading.' Okay, first of all the books I read are fantastic. Secondly, I didn't take these ideas from the Lord of the Rings trilogy believe it or not. If I did you can bet there'd be a lot more Victorian elements involved, and an angle focused on aesthetics more than relational work. 6. give us some advice about how to relate to women that actually exist outside of the fiction novels you've been reading. Fine, you asked. Since the statement didn't work for you- here are some practical guidelines- 1. Love is not the most important factor in choosing a partner, it's about who's best for you. That means considering differences, common ground, educational disparities, age disparities, respective life circumstances, and after spending several months together, coming to the decision as to whether or not you want to be with that person, if you're willing to put up with the annoyances and baggage that come with them and love them anyway. Failure to do this is unfair to you and the other person. 2. Don't care what anyone thinks, including attractive girls. NO ARSE KISSING. Believe it or not, this will weed out incompatible people remarkably fast and land you with someone who will actually want to be with you long-term. 3. Don't be ego-centric, or a mooch so to speak. Be a giver in the relationship, or prior friendship. That means giving words of encouragement, going on adventures together, helping her out as needed with no asking, no thought even, of a reward, *listen* carefully to what she's saying and take interest in her ideas her thoughts, her dreams. Ask key questions like, what is your greatest fear? Your greatest source of happiness? Keep your word. But more broadly, give her your time, talents, and all that you can give without expecting a damn thing in return. Being wary that *she* isn't a mooch of course. Have to be wise... 4. When you love someone tell them, and tell them often. Say it to them, show them being caring for them, and by being above all- a trustworthy mate. 5. Don't. Move. Too. Quickly. Ever. There's some key thoughts. That should be a sound platform for most folks on the dating scene. There's volumes more of course, but those mostly stand on the pillars of basic principles which are mostly represented here. Cheers. =) |
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What about the predatory women that take advantage of "honest guys"? That's the problem that I see with your argument. There's no guarantee that anything will "flow naturally" and you just seem to be assuming that all women are good women. right not everyone is looking for the same thing. The OP is talking about in the context of an honest relationship between two people who know what they want and their priorities are in order in line with what they want per a LTR. not everyone wants that. not everyone is going to match the "model" either, even if they are on the basic path the OP describes. He simply describes his idea of what keeps people together as they age. Given what I have observed in my family, I'd agree with him. My aunts & uncles have been together for many decades and certainly no longer look like they did when they were 20. I will say this, though. My aunts and uncles who were married 50+ years kept their appearance and grooming in current fashion to the times and worked on that. My Aunt on my father's side has not ever missed her Saturday salon appt as far as I know...lol  and we're talking 50+ years.
But not everyone wants an LTR so it won't apply to all. It is good advice though for those who have a shallow view based only on appearance and can;t understand why things fall apart - jmho |
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But let's consider this in the context of short-sighted men avoiding spats with women they supposedly admire. First off, one of the ethical 'dilemmas' men face in long-term relationships is choosing whether or not to admit to their partners that they're not beautiful anymore at some point when either youth fades or life takes its toll and the supermodel bod begins to vanish. This has to be one of the easiest problems to deal with regarding honesty with your partner. Because for one, beauty is a personal thing. People are attracted to different people for different reasons, and pop magazines have nothing to do with it. And while there are general rules of attraction that do govern what a person is attracted to to some extent (like symmetry), a woman that a man loves and cares for and shares intimacy with over time will become beautiful to their man in a deeply personal way that transcends their girl's looks so that no matter how they look- the feeling that 'this is the most beautiful person on earth' remains the same, provided that man is not destroying the relationship by wasting away their lives on porn and cheating with other people or otherwise being a conceited douchebag to the person they supposedly loved. So even if a lover becomes old and haggard, or loses some of that supermodel flair, a man who loves that person in sincerity without deviation will find with the passage of time not a diminishing, but a flourishing and growth in the beauty of the woman he loves. He can sincerely say under any circumstance that,"You are beautiful." Because to him she is just that. Societal standards be damned, they change with the breeze anyway. The harder part of honesty is being open about *who* you are, and what kind of life you lead. Because smart girls, the ones who are honest with themselves, will not worship at the altars of neanderthals, cheats, and scum no matter how much they're packing on their biceps or their abdominal area, or even their wallets. The trick here is to then is to wiz-en up, and rather than focusing on being the next Apollos, the thing is to become a good man, full of and becoming better in the characteristics that guide actions to a destination that is rich in love and affection, in giving oneself and not thinking of what you'll get back. Then relationships grow unabated, then honesty flows like a river whose damn just broke, because what's there to fear? So be good, be your best self, and then honesty will flow as naturally as the inevitable affection you've secured for each other by your wise actions. =) Of course, I could be wrong. But I seriously doubt it. Very, very well said. 
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Brilliant. You start a thread about how you should always be honest to everybody, get all of the ladies patting you on the back for understanding them so well and end up really saying that you don't date insecure women and you were only talking about the "good" ones anyway. Your advice is useless. You're starting off by assuming some perfect ideal and it just boils down to, "Don't lie to women if you don't need to". Get real man and give us some advice about how to relate to women that actually exist outside of the fiction novels you've been reading. Don't knock it till you try it. =) Sigh, okay. Let's look at your comment one piece at a time shall we? 1. 'You've got a thread about how you should always be honest...' Wrong. I never said always be honest, not even the thread title says that. It clearly says it's *better* to be honest to everyone, which implies there are times when it's necessary to lie. And let's be clear here- I'm not talking about the crap that a lot of guys are thinking of when they mention lying. Let me give an example of what I call justified lying- an army is about to destroy your home and all your people but they don't know where to go to find them. They ask you, putting their entire faith in your answer. This is a situation where lying is not only justified, but necessary for the preservation of others. If you're lying just because you're trying to get out of something for yourself, the problem probably lies with *you*. If you're lying to save someone else in the sense previously mentioned, that's a different story. 2. '...get all of the ladies patting you on the back for understanding them so well and end up really saying that you don't date insecure women and you were only talking about the "good" ones anyway...' Huh? For starters, it's not my problem if people agree with me. As for the insecure part- so what? It's not like I angled this statement towards insecure women to begin with, it's a general idea, so I didn't mislead anyone. The idea that a woman is insecure if she asks how she looks though seems misleading to me. Everyone needs validation, and my point is that in this case in can be honestly given. The insecure part is an angle you superimposed onto the concept. 3. 'Your advice is useless.' Yes, it certainly is for those who sit at their computers and just complain about it. 4. 'You're starting off by assuming some perfect ideal' How is the notion of 'two good people trying hard to make a relationship work' a perfect ideal? The very statement suggests the opposite is true. And the idea that people who consistently love each other is a 'perfect ideal' is 21st century crock. 5. 'Get real man and give us some advice about how to relate to women that actually exist outside of the fiction novels you've been reading.' Okay, first of all the books I read are fantastic. Secondly, I didn't take these ideas from the Lord of the Rings trilogy believe it or not. If I did you can bet there'd be a lot more Victorian elements involved, and an angle focused on aesthetics more than relational work. 6. give us some advice about how to relate to women that actually exist outside of the fiction novels you've been reading. Fine, you asked. Since the statement didn't work for you- here are some practical guidelines- 1. Love is not the most important factor in choosing a partner, it's about who's best for you. That means considering differences, common ground, educational disparities, age disparities, respective life circumstances, and after spending several months together, coming to the decision as to whether or not you want to be with that person, if you're willing to put up with the annoyances and baggage that come with them and love them anyway. Failure to do this is unfair to you and the other person. 2. Don't care what anyone thinks, including attractive girls. NO ARSE KISSING. Believe it or not, this will weed out incompatible people remarkably fast and land you with someone who will actually want to be with you long-term. 3. Don't be ego-centric, or a mooch so to speak. Be a giver in the relationship, or prior friendship. That means giving words of encouragement, going on adventures together, helping her out as needed with no asking, no thought even, of a reward, *listen* carefully to what she's saying and take interest in her ideas her thoughts, her dreams. Ask key questions like, what is your greatest fear? Your greatest source of happiness? Keep your word. But more broadly, give her your time, talents, and all that you can give without expecting a damn thing in return. Being wary that *she* isn't a mooch of course. Have to be wise... 4. When you love someone tell them, and tell them often. Say it to them, show them being caring for them, and by being above all- a trustworthy mate. 5. Don't. Move. Too. Quickly. Ever. There's some key thoughts. That should be a sound platform for most folks on the dating scene. There's volumes more of course, but those mostly stand on the pillars of basic principles which are mostly represented here. Cheers. =) Alright, thanks for the platitudes. Believe it or not, I'm not completely ignorant when it comes to women though and I already know a lot of that stuff. Most of your points are only relevant to a relationship that's already lasted for several months. You may as well go back to saying that it will all just flow naturally and take care of itself. I don't think that most guys on here want a set of instructions about how to maintain an already established relationship. They just want a TL;DR version of how to get dates and get a relationship started in the first place. Your suggestions are almost an instructional booklet for serial daters. Where I agree with you is where you talk about working at a relationship. What I don't buy is the weeding them out bit. Here's my advice. Let the women do that. They will anyway. All you can do at the end of the day is to try to be a good guy and if that isn't enough for them, at least you had a girlfriend for a while and you did your best to make it work. I didn't superimpose anything onto the concept. Women are insecure about more than just their looks. They're insecure about being dumped by guys that are going around "weeding them out" and looking for somebody better. |
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Brilliant. You start a thread about how you should always be honest to everybody, get all of the ladies patting you on the back for understanding them so well and end up really saying that you don't date insecure women and you were only talking about the "good" ones anyway. Your advice is useless. You're starting off by assuming some perfect ideal and it just boils down to, "Don't lie to women if you don't need to". Get real man and give us some advice about how to relate to women that actually exist outside of the fiction novels you've been reading. Don't knock it till you try it. =) Sigh, okay. Let's look at your comment one piece at a time shall we? 1. 'You've got a thread about how you should always be honest...' Wrong. I never said always be honest, not even the thread title says that. It clearly says it's *better* to be honest to everyone, which implies there are times when it's necessary to lie. And let's be clear here- I'm not talking about the crap that a lot of guys are thinking of when they mention lying. Let me give an example of what I call justified lying- an army is about to destroy your home and all your people but they don't know where to go to find them. They ask you, putting their entire faith in your answer. This is a situation where lying is not only justified, but necessary for the preservation of others. If you're lying just because you're trying to get out of something for yourself, the problem probably lies with *you*. If you're lying to save someone else in the sense previously mentioned, that's a different story. 2. '...get all of the ladies patting you on the back for understanding them so well and end up really saying that you don't date insecure women and you were only talking about the "good" ones anyway...' Huh? For starters, it's not my problem if people agree with me. As for the insecure part- so what? It's not like I angled this statement towards insecure women to begin with, it's a general idea, so I didn't mislead anyone. The idea that a woman is insecure if she asks how she looks though seems misleading to me. Everyone needs validation, and my point is that in this case in can be honestly given. The insecure part is an angle you superimposed onto the concept. 3. 'Your advice is useless.' Yes, it certainly is for those who sit at their computers and just complain about it. 4. 'You're starting off by assuming some perfect ideal' How is the notion of 'two good people trying hard to make a relationship work' a perfect ideal? The very statement suggests the opposite is true. And the idea that people who consistently love each other is a 'perfect ideal' is 21st century crock. 5. 'Get real man and give us some advice about how to relate to women that actually exist outside of the fiction novels you've been reading.' Okay, first of all the books I read are fantastic. Secondly, I didn't take these ideas from the Lord of the Rings trilogy believe it or not. If I did you can bet there'd be a lot more Victorian elements involved, and an angle focused on aesthetics more than relational work. 6. give us some advice about how to relate to women that actually exist outside of the fiction novels you've been reading. Fine, you asked. Since the statement didn't work for you- here are some practical guidelines- 1. Love is not the most important factor in choosing a partner, it's about who's best for you. That means considering differences, common ground, educational disparities, age disparities, respective life circumstances, and after spending several months together, coming to the decision as to whether or not you want to be with that person, if you're willing to put up with the annoyances and baggage that come with them and love them anyway. Failure to do this is unfair to you and the other person. 2. Don't care what anyone thinks, including attractive girls. NO ARSE KISSING. Believe it or not, this will weed out incompatible people remarkably fast and land you with someone who will actually want to be with you long-term. 3. Don't be ego-centric, or a mooch so to speak. Be a giver in the relationship, or prior friendship. That means giving words of encouragement, going on adventures together, helping her out as needed with no asking, no thought even, of a reward, *listen* carefully to what she's saying and take interest in her ideas her thoughts, her dreams. Ask key questions like, what is your greatest fear? Your greatest source of happiness? Keep your word. But more broadly, give her your time, talents, and all that you can give without expecting a damn thing in return. Being wary that *she* isn't a mooch of course. Have to be wise... 4. When you love someone tell them, and tell them often. Say it to them, show them being caring for them, and by being above all- a trustworthy mate. 5. Don't. Move. Too. Quickly. Ever. There's some key thoughts. That should be a sound platform for most folks on the dating scene. There's volumes more of course, but those mostly stand on the pillars of basic principles which are mostly represented here. Cheers. =) Alright, thanks for the platitudes. Believe it or not, I'm not completely ignorant when it comes to women though and I already know a lot of that stuff. Most of your points are only relevant to a relationship that's already lasted for several months. You may as well go back to saying that it will all just flow naturally and take care of itself. I don't think that most guys on here want a set of instructions about how to maintain an already established relationship. They just want a TL;DR version of how to get dates and get a relationship started in the first place. Your suggestions are almost an instructional booklet for serial daters. Where I agree with you is where you talk about working at a relationship. What I don't buy is the weeding them out bit. Here's my advice. Let the women do that. They will anyway. All you can do at the end of the day is to try to be a good guy and if that isn't enough for them, at least you had a girlfriend for a while and you did your best to make it work. I didn't superimpose anything onto the concept. Women are insecure about more than just their looks. They're insecure about being dumped by guys that are going around "weeding them out" and looking for somebody better. Some are and some aren't. That's what dating is to me. Getting to know a lot of different girls and getting serious with whoever I think is best. Seems logical to me. |
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Yeah and you're only twenty six years old. Come back when you're forty five and then talk about meeting lots of girls. I did all that crap when I was your age and now I'm done with it. It takes years to get to know someone properly and even relationships that don't seem that great to start off with can develop into successful longterm partnerships, although I do agree with you where you say that you both have to be prepared to work at it.
Carry on sowing your wild oats while you're still young and be picky by all means. When I was your age I wouldn't even look at a girl if she wasn't built like a glamour model and wasn't a pain in the arse. What do you know about their looks fading and still thinking that they're beautiful? Go on and admit it. You just got this stuff out of a book that you read that some self styled relationship expert wrote. |
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Edited by
dcastelmissy
on
Fri 01/03/14 08:19 PM
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Yeah and you're only twenty six years old. Come back when you're forty five and then talk about meeting lots of girls. I did all that crap when I was your age and now I'm done with it. It takes years to get to know someone properly and even relationships that don't seem that great to start off with can develop into successful longterm partnerships, although I do agree with you where you say that you both have to be prepared to work at it. Carry on sowing your wild oats while you're still young and be picky by all means. When I was your age I wouldn't even look at a girl if she wasn't built like a glamour model and wasn't a pain in the arse. What do you know about their looks fading and still thinking that they're beautiful? Go on and admit it. You just got this stuff out of a book that you read that some self styled relationship expert wrote. And you got yours from the school of hard knocks I presume. BTW how has that worked for you? Sounds like the book wins in my opinion, if that is indeed what Mark used, but how would you know that for sure. Intelligence in this case seems to win over and above your logic, but of course, as usual, this is only MHO! 
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Yeah and you're only twenty six years old. Come back when you're forty five and then talk about meeting lots of girls. I did all that crap when I was your age and now I'm done with it. It takes years to get to know someone properly and even relationships that don't seem that great to start off with can develop into successful longterm partnerships, although I do agree with you where you say that you both have to be prepared to work at it. Carry on sowing your wild oats while you're still young and be picky by all means. When I was your age I wouldn't even look at a girl if she wasn't built like a glamour model and wasn't a pain in the arse. What do you know about their looks fading and still thinking that they're beautiful? Go on and admit it. You just got this stuff out of a book that you read that some self styled relationship expert wrote. Lol, something's lit a fire under your arse old man. Not sure what it is, but let me leave you one last reply to chew on before I leave you alone to your musings. 1. I don't sow wild oats or play women (though apparently you have). I've never had sex and won't until I'm married, I've never been disloyal to any girl I've committed to. I make lots of friends and choose from them. 2. You know what doesn't take years? Getting to know someone properly to the point where you know you want to commit to them. It takes most normal people several months to a year at times. Perhaps it's taken you years for reasons I can't fathom, but you being the aged sage would know better than I so I won't comment further. 3. You know what I know about loving someone in spite of their looks fading? All there f-ing is. It's not that hard to understand. And I've never read a book about relationships so my seeming a priori knowledge doesn't come from there. Perhaps, as inconceivable as this may sound- a person may know something without having to experience it. *gasp* Or my experience is something that, surprisingly, you haven't been able to guess at. Since you're just responding to goad me at this point this is my last response to you friend. I wish you luck in pursuing love and trying your best to taunt men half your age. cheers. |
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what young people, and even older folk, know about relationships is usually based on what they have lived, learned and observed from their immediate and extended families. Especially before they have much personal expereince to draw on. I would judge that the OP has come from a healthy functional family life, or was exposed to such in his greater community.
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Yeah and you're only twenty six years old. Come back when you're forty five and then talk about meeting lots of girls. I did all that crap when I was your age and now I'm done with it. It takes years to get to know someone properly and even relationships that don't seem that great to start off with can develop into successful longterm partnerships, although I do agree with you where you say that you both have to be prepared to work at it. Carry on sowing your wild oats while you're still young and be picky by all means. When I was your age I wouldn't even look at a girl if she wasn't built like a glamour model and wasn't a pain in the arse. What do you know about their looks fading and still thinking that they're beautiful? Go on and admit it. You just got this stuff out of a book that you read that some self styled relationship expert wrote. Lol, something's lit a fire under your arse old man. Not sure what it is, but let me leave you one last reply to chew on before I leave you alone to your musings. 1. I don't sow wild oats or play women (though apparently you have). I've never had sex and won't until I'm married, I've never been disloyal to any girl I've committed to. I make lots of friends and choose from them. 2. You know what doesn't take years? Getting to know someone properly to the point where you know you want to commit to them. It takes most normal people several months to a year at times. Perhaps it's taken you years for reasons I can't fathom, but you being the aged sage would know better than I so I won't comment further. 3. You know what I know about loving someone in spite of their looks fading? All there f-ing is. It's not that hard to understand. And I've never read a book about relationships so my seeming a priori knowledge doesn't come from there. Perhaps, as inconceivable as this may sound- a person may know something without having to experience it. *gasp* Or my experience is something that, surprisingly, you haven't been able to guess at. Since you're just responding to goad me at this point this is my last response to you friend. I wish you luck in pursuing love and trying your best to taunt men half your age. cheers. Alright, we'll call it a draw then. I've had sex with women and you don't want to yet. For your information though, I don't play women and I'm not sure where you're getting that from. You think that I haven't committed to women just because I happen to be single at this present time? I have and I'm a one woman sort of guy. I'm more prepared to commit than you are apparently. I'm not the one doing the weeding out and trying to meet lots of them. Honestly mate, I wish you the best of luck as well and I dare say that you'll find what you're looking for. For sure though it takes years to get to know somebody properly and do you know who told me that? It was a woman and I've known her for as long as you've been an adult. I didn't say that it takes years to get to know if you want to be with a woman and my point was only that I'm not of the opinion that you can be absolutely sure that you know someone well enough in as little time as you're talking about that you should get married. You think that I'm patronising you and maybe you're right. I'll tell you though mate, it's a whole different ball game when you move from just getting aquainted to having a physical relationship. Yeah, I sowed my wild oats when I was younger and I'm not ashamed of it. Those girls weren't looking for a commitment from me and there's only so much that you can learn about that from books, or porn. You sound a lot more mature than I was as a young man and I'll certainly give you that but by your own admission, you have zero experience as far as the physical side of things goes. That may not matter. Many on here claim that it doesn't. It takes all sorts. I'm sure that there are plenty of women out there that will fall in love with a virgin and be prepared to work on that with you. After all, if you've got a legal contract and a ring on their finger they're less likely to say that the sex was crap and that they want someone that's a better lover. You may be a fast learner, or maybe you'll find someone with the same values and that won't be an issue. I don't play women. They play me. You don't want to talk about it but there are predatory women that go looking for honest guys to take advantage of. You may think that I'm bitter about that but I'm not. They weren't holding a gun to my head when I had sex with them and I enjoyed it. Call it the school of hard knocks if you like. That's not too far off the mark and I've had my heart broken more than once and I didn't give up and I just kept getting up and trying again. Every woman that I've been with has told me that I'm a nice honest guy but that still wasn't good enough for them and I'm not sitting here with "divorced" on my profile and I've got no kids that I only see at weekends. I wouldn't even consider marriage without being in a full blown physical relationship for at least as long as you're talking about just getting aquainted. I don't know if I even want to get married. I don't need to put a ring on someone's finger to commit to them. I told you that I'm done with sowing my wild oats and trying to meet lots of girls. I'm monogamous with all of my girlfriends and have been for years. It just hasn't worked out longterm for me yet and that's all. But like I said, you're only twenty six and you have plenty of time. The world is your f**king oyster right now. You don't even mind telling the whole of the internet that you've never had sex. Good for you. I've had more sex than you've had hot dinners and I'm still hacked off enough that I'm not getting any just now to goad some guy on the internet that's half my age apparently because of that. Do you think that it might be possible that we're both honest guys but I've just got a higher sex drive? |
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Do you think that it might be possible that we're both honest guys but I've just got a higher sex drive?
@tawt LMFAO...
I think that about sums it up what ever the OP thinks lol
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