its now four months since i separated with my boyfriend. we had a girl who is now one year and 5months old. i stay with my mum. i got a small job that helps mi look after my girl. one of these days i asked the father for some financial assistance for the girl and he said he had no money.i know his jobless but when ever he calls mi he tells mi ov how many bottles of bear he took. this made mi feel like he is not taking an effort to try and help raise the girl and am pissed off. all dat he says is that i react very quick. is it really fair??

you poor girl

Sounds like you picked a real looser for your BabyDaddy.

If you care for your child at all I would quit wasting energy having any contact with this guy and hope he meets whatever criteria that allows you to declare your child abandoned and take his rights away from him.

An alcoholic makes a pitiful parent and will only drag your child down being exposed to him.

Since it is likely he will make little or no effort to support this child ever so making anything more than the minimum effort to take him to court and get a support order is probably going to cost more than it is worth. Listening to this puke on the phone seems ridiculous. Why punish yourself?

You are very fortunate that your Mother is assisting you in your time of need. Redirect your effort to show your appreciation of her by helping her or upgrading your job skills/situation so you can be more independent.

Your child will learn what she lives watching you; make it a good lesson.

i already have my girl in my possession and am working on building my carrier and bringing up my girl. thx Pacificstar

Good then what do you need advice for?

Telling you that what he is doing is unfair? Sure it is unfair. Who ever said life was fair? What you did getting involved with someone who drinks wasn't fair to anyone but I doubt it was a secret and if you would have taken your time getting to know the situation better maybe you would have avoided it. I give you props for getting out of it. But be real you can't believe continuing to listen and enable his abuse is fair to anyone who gets to see you react to it.

Especially badly which is what I truly believe you are doing "advertising " with this post isn't fair either. No matter how many times someone gives you worthless sympathy that what you are allowing him to do is unfair won't change it unless you are fair to yourself and stop it.

Painting a target on your back to every other slim bag that will drool to see a vunerable young mother pleaing for sympathy and attention for her foolish choices is NOT in your best interest. This is the world wide web and announcing that you have once been a victim is like advertiseing your worst judgement and how easily it is to distract you are from your own best interest with a few kind words.

What is fair is you seeing you are a valuable human being and you have every right to put this jerk in your rear view mirror. Not giving him one second of your life or your families life. And not wasting one minute feeling sorry for yourself for a mistake that is from what you are saying about your progress forward over and done with.

If you have any reservations that it isn't; have any questions in your mind how it happened or how you can prevent it ever happening again I would urge you to seriously study what makes people pick alcoholics and enable their behavior. I guarantee you it has nothing to do with what is fair or unfair and has everything to do with valuing yourself as a strong, in control, independent person who sees negative behavior before it has a chance to mess your life up. Domestic violence and alcoholics counseling programs are readily available free online.

You want the world to be fair then arm yourself with the tools to defend yourself from this misery.

How you can put yourself out there as something besides a victim will be a good start. For someone with so much going on: youth, health, beauty, supportive family, obviously some job skills, and evidently an awesome kid you don't have to plead pity from anyone.

Good luck.

thx. i'll for sure take your advise

I agree with pacific star

thanks

No not fair, but why give him satisfaction of upsetting you? Im bettin you seen hard times with him, so mamma up and move forward for you and your baby...x

@ Pacific Star, can you be any more of downer?

Would it be better to blow flower petals at this Mother or give her real world advise that works? She is in a tough situation asking for advice not an " Awe baby girl come here I will give you pity". If she ask for Support or Encouragement she would have gotten that.

did you ever live together? is this a recent development that he stopped contributing?

sometimes becoming financially able takes time,, its been five months, weigh what he has done up until that time before jumping too quickly to judgment

if this is not a new development (not contributing) within the past five months,, that sucks

and you have to allow your support system(if you have one, which it seems you do if you are able to stay with your mom) to assist you while you do what you can to provide for you and yours

Well there are really guys who doesn't know the meaning of responsibility

we are on the same situation. Ever since the father of my son left i never receive nor ask for any assistance from him. i don't want to owe him anything. I don't want that one day he'll comeback and want to spend time with his kid to catch up. this may sound selfish but why bother he already abandoned his kid before.

There are times that life isnt fair but we must move on, you must move on especially for your baby. Make her your inspiration to stand up and succeed. Prove to them that you can do it and you don't need their help. At first its difficult but with the support u have with your family you'll get through it. Best of luck!!!

Responsibility begins before people decide to have a baby.

of course,and continues once one becomes a parent,,


whether they decided to or not,,

Sounds like a real *** and a dead beat father.

You need to go to social services. He's one of those. My sister had to deal with the same thing and so did my ex wife. They base it somewhat on income from what I understand but it's possible he's lying because he doesn't want you to pursue it. Go to social services. Now.