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| Topic: Second Marriages | |
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You really don't sound like you're "done" with her, if you're still carrying so much of her around that it makes you see all other women as being just like her.
You might just be better off not dating. and several paragraphs of her! lol
I sometimes see qualities in others that I don;t care for but seldom (if ever) associate those with an "ex." my exes weren't THAT bad lol my exes weren't THAT bad lol
Well, You never lived with mine. I understood your message loud and clear the first time
Charles, very clear! your were obviously talking about unacceptable character traits that the females analyzing your comments would Surly dismiss a male for these same faults. You are right, if something isn't right then it must be wrong! But you know this inside & out. One thing I'd say, next time dont use the comparison reference with the Xlaugh maybee a dear uncle, so you points not completely missed lost in estergin! Loud & Clear Once again.wink Furthermore, I also feel the hopelessness of finding a life time partner in todays society, as I'm not going too be looking in North American & most of my birth Continent is out as well. if never had a girlfriend in NA that could tell the truth nor could they have an accurate recollection of past history, they all told a way different story. enough bla bla bla ect, wasted here on a society where its acceptable to have three divorces. My parents have been married 50years and my aunt n uncle that moved to Canada shortly after have been married 55 years, out of their 5 children combined, just my sister is married still & has been since 92. Not saying there isn't good woman, because I know there is, & I'm sure there experiencing the same problems. when I was in grade three a good friends parents got divorced & that was unheard of, only move stars got divorced. .so a guess we can blame the Liz tailors of old Hollywood for society's changegrumble Sounds to me like this is one of those things that it takes another man to understand. When I read the two ladies comments the first thing that I thought, "These two must not learn from there mistakes" They would prob' jump right back in the fire with someone else that is either as bad or worse than their Xes. Me, I learn from my mistakes. I don't do it again. If you go into a relationship with anyone,and that person drives you nuts,When you finally decide to get away from them,If you have any common sense at all, you're going to remember what you went through.(Just because you remember what you went through,doesn't mean you are still stuck on your X) If anything, It means you are now smarter than you once were. If you come across someone else that's got a way or ways like that,If you have any sense at all,You're gonna remember what you went through and stay away from others that you know are not right for you because you've already been there. It shows common sense. It shows you were paying attention to what went on during that time. It also shows that you have enough gray matter between your ears to stay out of that type of situation with other people when you come across it. They who don't learn from Histoty, are bound too repeat it.! Very best, Lol, I'm only human and I'm subject to change....I'm like the whether around here of late, If you dont like the wether wait 5 minutes and from your posts on here I am convinced that u are qualified to pass judgememt...lol |
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You really don't sound like you're "done" with her, if you're still carrying so much of her around that it makes you see all other women as being just like her.
You might just be better off not dating. and several paragraphs of her! lol
I sometimes see qualities in others that I don;t care for but seldom (if ever) associate those with an "ex." my exes weren't THAT bad lol my exes weren't THAT bad lol
Well, You never lived with mine. I understood your message loud and clear the first time
Charles, very clear! your were obviously talking about unacceptable character traits that the females analyzing your comments would Surly dismiss a male for these same faults. You are right, if something isn't right then it must be wrong! But you know this inside & out. One thing I'd say, next time dont use the comparison reference with the Xlaugh maybee a dear uncle, so you points not completely missed lost in estergin! Loud & Clear Once again.wink Furthermore, I also feel the hopelessness of finding a life time partner in todays society, as I'm not going too be looking in North American & most of my birth Continent is out as well. if never had a girlfriend in NA that could tell the truth nor could they have an accurate recollection of past history, they all told a way different story. enough bla bla bla ect, wasted here on a society where its acceptable to have three divorces. My parents have been married 50years and my aunt n uncle that moved to Canada shortly after have been married 55 years, out of their 5 children combined, just my sister is married still & has been since 92. Not saying there isn't good woman, because I know there is, & I'm sure there experiencing the same problems. when I was in grade three a good friends parents got divorced & that was unheard of, only move stars got divorced. .so a guess we can blame the Liz tailors of old Hollywood for society's changegrumble Sounds to me like this is one of those things that it takes another man to understand. When I read the two ladies comments the first thing that I thought, "These two must not learn from there mistakes" They would prob' jump right back in the fire with someone else that is either as bad or worse than their Xes. Me, I learn from my mistakes. I don't do it again. If you go into a relationship with anyone,and that person drives you nuts,When you finally decide to get away from them,If you have any common sense at all, you're going to remember what you went through.(Just because you remember what you went through,doesn't mean you are still stuck on your X) If anything, It means you are now smarter than you once were. If you come across someone else that's got a way or ways like that,If you have any sense at all,You're gonna remember what you went through and stay away from others that you know are not right for you because you've already been there. It shows common sense. It shows you were paying attention to what went on during that time. It also shows that you have enough gray matter between your ears to stay out of that type of situation with other people when you come across it. I didn't realize what kinds of traits you were talking about. I was thinking of things like...doesn't pick her towel up off the floor, snoring or an annoying laugh. I just wasn't relating to the things you really meant because I've not been in a relationship with someone who is mean or evil or annoying. 
I don't date men who are rude to waitresses...so I think I get what you're saying now that you've explained more specifically. Sorry I misunderstood. 
Go out and get a few more lumps and bumps and grass stains on your knees for another 10, then ya can hang out with the big kids....lucky you , bless your heart  but we've never
lived in Kansas |
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{{{ Via }}} All I can say about that is it takes two to make it & one to break it, if one cant tell the truth then that Person is untrustworthy, therefore may aswell be a cheat & a lier as well. I agree, its a mathematical fact that a large % of the people on the sight have been at fault for the failure of at least one Love relationship and if you say yes but I didn't love them, then double shame. There my be a high % of people that screwed all their relationships up here. So if one had an astronomical amount of relationship & said they all lied or cheated,then yes! It looks like they're not been truthful.I think if that person was been nice enough that I would chose to think it, but take the higher road & not say it, after all you didn't caught this person in a lie. Perhaps I would not corespond in future with that person Now I'm answering as my quote is above and I would fall in that category, having said all that, A handful of love affairs is not nearly enough to to be suggestive, which your being. It can be healthy for one to call one on there "chit" but sugesting they're not telling the truth! among all kinds of undesired advice for Charles, my be a little out of line. I didn't say Charles isn't telling the truth about something. I said that his judgment seems to be a bit off, in that he thinks he's over his ex but the story he's telling is reflects that he really doesn't seem to be. I've been around the block, had good relationships and bad ones, been married and divorced... I know what it's like to have the past continue to carry over into my present, because it happened to me once or twice where for a while it seemed every guy I met was a lot like my ex (that old ex-fiance, not my ex-husband, as he's actually a decent guy and still my friend) and then I finally came to realize it was because I hadn't let go of the negative way that early relationship had made me feel. Once I realized that, and then was able to let it go, my dating life was a lot healthier. |
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The tax breaks will be glorious!
 GOOF! 
I cannot tell a lie.
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Edited by
Charles1962150
on
Sun 06/30/13 08:13 PM
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And you never lived with some of the people I've lived with. My ex-husband is an okay person. My first long-term, live-in boyfriend-then-fiance was a complete ***... a drunk, a liar, a cheater and abusive in both physical and verbal modes. He had more stuff wrong with him than you could shake a stick at, and fortunately we split up rather than actually getting married.
Didn't mean that I went looking for or even found all of his negative qualities in everyone I dated after him. If you've dated a bunch of women and they've all turned out to be awful, you need to look for the common denominator. There are two: possession of a pair of X chromosomes, and you. Not all women are horrible people, so maybe you're the common denominator? As in, either you subconsciously keep being initially attracted to women like your ex, or else you keep looking for your ex in all other women.
This is something that you must have read into what I said. Never said I found bad qualities in everyone I dated either. I also said that some just didn't "click". Going by your main/first paragraph, You should know exactly what I'm getting at. Just for example, I went out with this lady a few times,If you saw her, You would think she was the sweetest person you ever met. She almost had this "librarian" look about her if you understand my meaning. You would never know by looking at her or just hanging out with her,unless you went with her to a bar,that she was the type that loved to drink and dance on tables while stripping off her clothes. I was so embarrassed. I thought I wasn't going to get her out of there with her clothes intact and without having to fight some of the guys that were around her. I learned a lesson that day. You can't always go by what a person looks to be. Now, If I come across one that wants to go to a bar,She can go. But,without me. Anyway, Going by what you first said, He was a drunk and a liar. If you went out with a guy,Lets say,several times. He was always a decent guy. But then one day you found out that while you were not around he was a drunk. He was hiding it from you. And doing a very good job at it. Lets say you finally caught up with him about it and decided to confront him with it. When you did,He tried to lie his way out of it. I don't know you. We are just strangers on the net. But, I wouldn't be afraid to bet that because of past experience with someone else, That would be the end of it. You wouldn't want to see him anymore. |
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I haven't been married, so I can't really answer this question. But, I have noticed that many who have been married become quite bitter and don't seem to get over the divorce. I have no problems dating someone who has been married before, but it's tough to get past that bitterness someone may have.
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I haven't been married, so I can't really answer this question. But, I have noticed that many who have been married become quite bitter and don't seem to get over the divorce. I have no problems dating someone who has been married before, but it's tough to get past that bitterness someone may have. I agree. What I don;t get is why it's so hard to just forgt and move on (and I HAVE been married)....there is too much on the path that lies ahead to waste time wallowing but everybody thinks I 'm weird anyway LOL |
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I haven't been married, so I can't really answer this question. But, I have noticed that many who have been married become quite bitter and don't seem to get over the divorce. I have no problems dating someone who has been married before, but it's tough to get past that bitterness someone may have. I agree. What I don;t get is why it's so hard to just forgt and move on (and I HAVE been married)....there is too much on the path that lies ahead to waste time wallowing but everybody thinks I 'm weird anyway LOL That's not a weird point of view, though. I would hope lots of people have that point of view. Unfortunately, some are just unable to get past being angry and bitter over their divorce. |
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OK,Maybe I should be a little more clear. Haven't any of you ever been around someone that had a certain way about them that you just couldn't stand to be around that person? Maybe in one sense of the word he/she is a likable person. But, In another sense one of the biggest a$$ holes you ever met? Obnoxious,rude, jerk of a person that will stab you in the back in a heart beat? Talk about you behind your back and eat you up to your face? And to top it all off,One of the biggest hypocrites you ever saw? OK, Lets say you were married to a person like that. You didn't know they were like that. They were very good at hiding it. After you marry that person,all this and more starts showing it's self. It's happened to many people out there. You finally get to the point that you have had enough. You leave that person. You divorce. Isn't it good sense after going through all kinds of crap with that person,You don't want to do it again with anyone else? So, The people or person you date,When you see one of these qualities (If you want to call it that) Does it make good sense to keep dating that person when you know what it's gonna lead to? You already been there. Already done it. So, If I see "one" of these "qualities" in a person, I'm not hanging around. Because, If this person has one or all of these "qualities", And this person is around my age,It's a pretty good chance they are going to keep being the way they are. As far as perfection goes,I know better. No such thing. How can an imperfect person expect perfection in anyone else? It's not gonna happen. But, I feel like we all have certain things about us that may turn certain people off. I can look past a lot of things and love a person for who they are. But, Some things, I'm just not going to deal with it. I will go find someone else. One last thing, I've been divorced going on 14 yrs. I was done with my X the day I left. I will admit,I learned a lot from her. I learned to take my time and look deep. Sometimes, When you look deep,It takes time to see all the way to the bottom. Some people are very good at hiding who and what they are. I hate to say it,But,it's the truth. I've dated a lot of women in the past almost 14 yrs. Some were easy to see deep with. Some,Not so easy. That's why I haven't remarried. I look deep. With a good many of them, I just didn't like what I saw. Others, No "click". But, I do keep trying. I keep hoping that one day I will meet that one that is a true open book. Not just what she wants me to see. I'm having trouble getting past that first paragraph. If the person is likeable, I don't really see how they're going to be the biggest as*hole I've ever met. I get that some people are good at hiding things, but it tends to come out at some point. How do you not see that kind of thing until you're married unless you married very quickly? |
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I haven't been married, so I can't really answer this question. But, I have noticed that many who have been married become quite bitter and don't seem to get over the divorce. I have no problems dating someone who has been married before, but it's tough to get past that bitterness someone may have. I agree. What I don;t get is why it's so hard to just forgt and move on (and I HAVE been married)....there is too much on the path that lies ahead to waste time wallowing but everybody thinks I 'm weird anyway LOL That's not a weird point of view, though. I would hope lots of people have that point of view. Unfortunately, some are just unable to get past being angry and bitter over their divorce. apparently, but what good does it do? that is really a rhetorical question. honestly I know this probably sounds a little unusual but I have not dated any divorced men (when I was dating up till quite recently). I never analyzed it or made it a concious choice but now ... reading this thread.... I think I was subconciously trying to avoid this kind of drama...
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I've dated a couple divorced men. One was completely over his ex. The other had way too much drama going on and was not moving on past the divorce well at all.
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Edited by
ViaMusica
on
Sun 06/30/13 09:41 PM
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And you never lived with some of the people I've lived with. My ex-husband is an okay person. My first long-term, live-in boyfriend-then-fiance was a complete ***... a drunk, a liar, a cheater and abusive in both physical and verbal modes. He had more stuff wrong with him than you could shake a stick at, and fortunately we split up rather than actually getting married.
Didn't mean that I went looking for or even found all of his negative qualities in everyone I dated after him. If you've dated a bunch of women and they've all turned out to be awful, you need to look for the common denominator. There are two: possession of a pair of X chromosomes, and you. Not all women are horrible people, so maybe you're the common denominator? As in, either you subconsciously keep being initially attracted to women like your ex, or else you keep looking for your ex in all other women.
This is something that you must have read into what I said. Never said I found bad qualities in everyone I dated either. I also said that some just didn't "click". Possibly I did miss something. You appeared to be saying that you'd found your ex's qualities in every woman you dated, but if that isn't the case and I missed something, please accept my apologies. Going by your main/first paragraph, You should know exactly what I'm getting at. Just for example, I went out with this lady a few times,If you saw her, You would think she was the sweetest person you ever met. She almost had this "librarian" look about her if you understand my meaning. You would never know by looking at her or just hanging out with her,unless you went with her to a bar,that she was the type that loved to drink and dance on tables while stripping off her clothes. I was so embarrassed. I thought I wasn't going to get her out of there with her clothes intact and without having to fight some of the guys that were around her.
That would be a little disconcerting. I learned a lesson that day. You can't always go by what a person looks to be. Now, If I come across one that wants to go to a bar,She can go. But,without me.
Not all women who go to bars do stuff like that, though. I enjoy going out to a bar for a drink and some social interaction, but I hate being drunk, so I'm the type to nurse a couple of drinks all night while focusing on other things to do there, like listening to music or something. So that's kind of another example of taking a comparison too far... one woman you dated got crazy-drunk and acted in an embarrassing manner, so do you think that means that ALL women who have a drink in a bar are going to do that? Anyway, Going by what you first said, He was a drunk and a liar. If you went out with a guy,Lets say,several times. He was always a decent guy. But then one day you found out that while you were not around he was a drunk. He was hiding it from you. And doing a very good job at it. Lets say you finally caught up with him about it and decided to confront him with it. When you did,He tried to lie his way out of it.
No, that isn't how it went at all. He didn't lie about drinking. We went out together and had our drinks. I kept it under control and didn't get drunk, because I actually know how to handle both alcohol and myself. He had no self-control over much of anything, and I got tired of it. But what he lied about was the cheating... he swore he wasn't cheating on me, but then I found out he was. Between that and his temper, I got disgusted. Do I still date guys who drink? Yes; in fact I'd likely feel out of place with one who was completely teetotal (although my most recent barely drank, but he wasn't judgmental or uncomfortable about drinking -- hard to be, as he was a bartender). But I'm not interested in dating alcoholics, nor cheaters or guys who lie to me... and certainly not guys who can't control their tempers. Fortunately, I remain convinced there are still plenty of single/divorced/widowed men in my age group who are honest, have self-control, and respect women. I just need to find and meet the right one. I don't know you. We are just strangers on the net. But, I wouldn't be afraid to bet that because of past experience with someone else, That would be the end of it. You wouldn't want to see him anymore.
What would make me dump a guy would be if he displayed an aggressive or uncontrolled temper, engaged in verbal abuse or physical threats (to anyone), or if he lied to me, cheated on me, or repeatedly got drunk and acted like an arsehole. I'd be completely turned off by those things. I should probably note that my experience with the guy I'd described was many years ago, and in the intervening time I've had other relationships and even a decade of marriage (which failed for a different set of reasons but did so in a completely amicable fashion). |
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OK,Maybe I should be a little more clear. Haven't any of you ever been around someone that had a certain way about them that you just couldn't stand to be around that person? Maybe in one sense of the word he/she is a likable person. But, In another sense one of the biggest a$$ holes you ever met? Obnoxious,rude, jerk of a person that will stab you in the back in a heart beat? Talk about you behind your back and eat you up to your face? And to top it all off,One of the biggest hypocrites you ever saw? OK, Lets say you were married to a person like that. You didn't know they were like that. They were very good at hiding it. After you marry that person,all this and more starts showing it's self. It's happened to many people out there. You finally get to the point that you have had enough. You leave that person. You divorce. Isn't it good sense after going through all kinds of crap with that person,You don't want to do it again with anyone else? So, The people or person you date,When you see one of these qualities (If you want to call it that) Does it make good sense to keep dating that person when you know what it's gonna lead to? You already been there. Already done it. So, If I see "one" of these "qualities" in a person, I'm not hanging around. Because, If this person has one or all of these "qualities", And this person is around my age,It's a pretty good chance they are going to keep being the way they are. As far as perfection goes,I know better. No such thing. How can an imperfect person expect perfection in anyone else? It's not gonna happen. But, I feel like we all have certain things about us that may turn certain people off. I can look past a lot of things and love a person for who they are. But, Some things, I'm just not going to deal with it. I will go find someone else. One last thing, I've been divorced going on 14 yrs. I was done with my X the day I left. I will admit,I learned a lot from her. I learned to take my time and look deep. Sometimes, When you look deep,It takes time to see all the way to the bottom. Some people are very good at hiding who and what they are. I hate to say it,But,it's the truth. I've dated a lot of women in the past almost 14 yrs. Some were easy to see deep with. Some,Not so easy. That's why I haven't remarried. I look deep. With a good many of them, I just didn't like what I saw. Others, No "click". But, I do keep trying. I keep hoping that one day I will meet that one that is a true open book. Not just what she wants me to see. I'm having trouble getting past that first paragraph. If the person is likeable, I don't really see how they're going to be the biggest as*hole I've ever met. I get that some people are good at hiding things, but it tends to come out at some point. How do you not see that kind of thing until you're married unless you married very quickly? The answer to this is really easy. At one time or the other I think a lot of us have done it. In the beginning we love that person so much that we refuse to see any fault in that person. It might have been there right at the start. But, We were so blinded by what we wanted to see,We couldn't see what we should have. I refused to see it for the first two years we were married. I always thought, It will get better. I've learned since to know better. You can call it blinded by love or just plain being stupid. Both would be correct. By the time I allowed myself to see her fully for what she was,We were expecting our first child. In my way of looking at it, It was to late then. I felt like I had to make it work. Lord in heaven knows I tried. Even to the point of doing the "big stupid" Allowing myself to be talked into getting her pregnant again. Yes, I know,That was dumb in me for listening/thinking that another child would make things better. Even though I shouldn't have done it, I love my boys and I wouldn't take anything for them. But, You live and learn. Now,and for several years since my divorce, Every relationship I go into,I go into it with eyes wide open expecting nothing. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst. Never will I be a blind fool again. Hard to admit, but that's the truth of it. Now, I'm watchful. I listen to every word that comes out of whomever I'm dating's mouth. I'm paying attention to how she wants to live her life. I pay attention to how she carries herself. |
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This is what you said,
My first long-term, live-in boyfriend-then-fiance was a complete ***... a drunk, a liar, a cheater and abusive in both physical and verbal modes. He had more stuff wrong with him than you could shake a stick at, and fortunately we split up rather than actually getting married.
This is what I said, Anyway, Going by what you first said, He was a drunk and a liar. If you went out with a guy,Lets say,several times. He was always a decent guy. But then one day you found out that while you were not around he was a drunk. He was hiding it from you. And doing a very good job at it. Lets say you finally caught up with him about it and decided to confront him with it. When you did,He tried to lie his way out of it.
I don't know you. We are just strangers on the net. But, I wouldn't be afraid to bet that because of past experience with someone else, That would be the end of it. You wouldn't want to see him anymore. In a nut shell, What I was saying was, You said that your first live in boyfriend was a drunk and a liar. Pretty much,What I was saying was, You learned from it. You won't do it again with another guy. |
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Edited by
1Cynderella
on
Mon 07/01/13 07:25 AM
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You really don't sound like you're "done" with her, if you're still carrying so much of her around that it makes you see all other women as being just like her.
You might just be better off not dating. and several paragraphs of her! lol
I sometimes see qualities in others that I don;t care for but seldom (if ever) associate those with an "ex." my exes weren't THAT bad lol my exes weren't THAT bad lol
Well, You never lived with mine. I understood your message loud and clear the first time
Charles, very clear! your were obviously talking about unacceptable character traits that the females analyzing your comments would Surly dismiss a male for these same faults. You are right, if something isn't right then it must be wrong! But you know this inside & out. One thing I'd say, next time dont use the comparison reference with the Xlaugh maybee a dear uncle, so you points not completely missed lost in estergin! Loud & Clear Once again.wink Furthermore, I also feel the hopelessness of finding a life time partner in todays society, as I'm not going too be looking in North American & most of my birth Continent is out as well. if never had a girlfriend in NA that could tell the truth nor could they have an accurate recollection of past history, they all told a way different story. enough bla bla bla ect, wasted here on a society where its acceptable to have three divorces. My parents have been married 50years and my aunt n uncle that moved to Canada shortly after have been married 55 years, out of their 5 children combined, just my sister is married still & has been since 92. Not saying there isn't good woman, because I know there is, & I'm sure there experiencing the same problems. when I was in grade three a good friends parents got divorced & that was unheard of, only move stars got divorced. .so a guess we can blame the Liz tailors of old Hollywood for society's changegrumble Sounds to me like this is one of those things that it takes another man to understand. When I read the two ladies comments the first thing that I thought, "These two must not learn from there mistakes" They would prob' jump right back in the fire with someone else that is either as bad or worse than their Xes. Me, I learn from my mistakes. I don't do it again. If you go into a relationship with anyone,and that person drives you nuts,When you finally decide to get away from them,If you have any common sense at all, you're going to remember what you went through.(Just because you remember what you went through,doesn't mean you are still stuck on your X) If anything, It means you are now smarter than you once were. If you come across someone else that's got a way or ways like that,If you have any sense at all,You're gonna remember what you went through and stay away from others that you know are not right for you because you've already been there. It shows common sense. It shows you were paying attention to what went on during that time. It also shows that you have enough gray matter between your ears to stay out of that type of situation with other people when you come across it. I didn't realize what kinds of traits you were talking about. I was thinking of things like...doesn't pick her towel up off the floor, snoring or an annoying laugh. I just wasn't relating to the things you really meant because I've not been in a relationship with someone who is mean or evil or annoying.
I don't date men who are rude to waitresses...so I think I get what you're saying now that you've explained more specifically. Sorry I misunderstood.
Go out and get a few more lumps and bumps and grass stains on your knees for another 10, then ya can hang out with the big kids....lucky you , bless your heart but we've never
lived in Kansas It has noting to do with Kansas I'm sure. There are plenty of relationship horror stories here too. 
I am actually overly selective for the purpose of avoiding lumps and bumps. I've had enough lumps and bumps in my life without having them coming from those who are supposed to care about me above all else. Those are the last people I'd ever accept lumps and bumps from. 
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OK,Maybe I should be a little more clear. Haven't any of you ever been around someone that had a certain way about them that you just couldn't stand to be around that person? Maybe in one sense of the word he/she is a likable person. But, In another sense one of the biggest a$$ holes you ever met? Obnoxious,rude, jerk of a person that will stab you in the back in a heart beat? Talk about you behind your back and eat you up to your face? And to top it all off,One of the biggest hypocrites you ever saw? OK, Lets say you were married to a person like that. You didn't know they were like that. They were very good at hiding it. After you marry that person,all this and more starts showing it's self. It's happened to many people out there. You finally get to the point that you have had enough. You leave that person. You divorce. Isn't it good sense after going through all kinds of crap with that person,You don't want to do it again with anyone else? So, The people or person you date,When you see one of these qualities (If you want to call it that) Does it make good sense to keep dating that person when you know what it's gonna lead to? You already been there. Already done it. So, If I see "one" of these "qualities" in a person, I'm not hanging around. Because, If this person has one or all of these "qualities", And this person is around my age,It's a pretty good chance they are going to keep being the way they are. As far as perfection goes,I know better. No such thing. How can an imperfect person expect perfection in anyone else? It's not gonna happen. But, I feel like we all have certain things about us that may turn certain people off. I can look past a lot of things and love a person for who they are. But, Some things, I'm just not going to deal with it. I will go find someone else. One last thing, I've been divorced going on 14 yrs. I was done with my X the day I left. I will admit,I learned a lot from her. I learned to take my time and look deep. Sometimes, When you look deep,It takes time to see all the way to the bottom. Some people are very good at hiding who and what they are. I hate to say it,But,it's the truth. I've dated a lot of women in the past almost 14 yrs. Some were easy to see deep with. Some,Not so easy. That's why I haven't remarried. I look deep. With a good many of them, I just didn't like what I saw. Others, No "click". But, I do keep trying. I keep hoping that one day I will meet that one that is a true open book. Not just what she wants me to see. I'm having trouble getting past that first paragraph. If the person is likeable, I don't really see how they're going to be the biggest as*hole I've ever met. I get that some people are good at hiding things, but it tends to come out at some point. How do you not see that kind of thing until you're married unless you married very quickly? The answer to this is really easy. At one time or the other I think a lot of us have done it. In the beginning we love that person so much that we refuse to see any fault in that person. It might have been there right at the start. But, We were so blinded by what we wanted to see,We couldn't see what we should have. I refused to see it for the first two years we were married. I always thought, It will get better. I've learned since to know better. You can call it blinded by love or just plain being stupid. Both would be correct. By the time I allowed myself to see her fully for what she was,We were expecting our first child. In my way of looking at it, It was to late then. I felt like I had to make it work. Lord in heaven knows I tried. Even to the point of doing the "big stupid" Allowing myself to be talked into getting her pregnant again. Yes, I know,That was dumb in me for listening/thinking that another child would make things better. Even though I shouldn't have done it, I love my boys and I wouldn't take anything for them. But, You live and learn. Now,and for several years since my divorce, Every relationship I go into,I go into it with eyes wide open expecting nothing. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst. Never will I be a blind fool again. Hard to admit, but that's the truth of it. Now, I'm watchful. I listen to every word that comes out of whomever I'm dating's mouth. I'm paying attention to how she wants to live her life. I pay attention to how she carries herself. So, you got married immediately after meeting and only figured out after two years of marriage that she was the biggest as*hole you've ever met? Crazy! I mean, I'm sure many of us have found out someone we're with was not who we thought they were for many reasons. But, not all of us marry them anyway. Good you found out and got out of the marriage, though. But, you might want to stop comparing everyone to her, though. I think I read in another post of yours that it has been many, many years since your divorce? But, you're still comparing women to her? |
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You really don't sound like you're "done" with her, if you're still carrying so much of her around that it makes you see all other women as being just like her.
You might just be better off not dating. and several paragraphs of her! lol
I sometimes see qualities in others that I don;t care for but seldom (if ever) associate those with an "ex." my exes weren't THAT bad lol my exes weren't THAT bad lol
Well, You never lived with mine. I understood your message loud and clear the first time
Charles, very clear! your were obviously talking about unacceptable character traits that the females analyzing your comments would Surly dismiss a male for these same faults. You are right, if something isn't right then it must be wrong! But you know this inside & out. One thing I'd say, next time dont use the comparison reference with the Xlaugh maybee a dear uncle, so you points not completely missed lost in estergin! Loud & Clear Once again.wink Furthermore, I also feel the hopelessness of finding a life time partner in todays society, as I'm not going too be looking in North American & most of my birth Continent is out as well. if never had a girlfriend in NA that could tell the truth nor could they have an accurate recollection of past history, they all told a way different story. enough bla bla bla ect, wasted here on a society where its acceptable to have three divorces. My parents have been married 50years and my aunt n uncle that moved to Canada shortly after have been married 55 years, out of their 5 children combined, just my sister is married still & has been since 92. Not saying there isn't good woman, because I know there is, & I'm sure there experiencing the same problems. when I was in grade three a good friends parents got divorced & that was unheard of, only move stars got divorced. .so a guess we can blame the Liz tailors of old Hollywood for society's changegrumble Sounds to me like this is one of those things that it takes another man to understand. When I read the two ladies comments the first thing that I thought, "These two must not learn from there mistakes" They would prob' jump right back in the fire with someone else that is either as bad or worse than their Xes. Me, I learn from my mistakes. I don't do it again. If you go into a relationship with anyone,and that person drives you nuts,When you finally decide to get away from them,If you have any common sense at all, you're going to remember what you went through.(Just because you remember what you went through,doesn't mean you are still stuck on your X) If anything, It means you are now smarter than you once were. If you come across someone else that's got a way or ways like that,If you have any sense at all,You're gonna remember what you went through and stay away from others that you know are not right for you because you've already been there. It shows common sense. It shows you were paying attention to what went on during that time. It also shows that you have enough gray matter between your ears to stay out of that type of situation with other people when you come across it. I didn't realize what kinds of traits you were talking about. I was thinking of things like...doesn't pick her towel up off the floor, snoring or an annoying laugh. I just wasn't relating to the things you really meant because I've not been in a relationship with someone who is mean or evil or annoying.
I don't date men who are rude to waitresses...so I think I get what you're saying now that you've explained more specifically. Sorry I misunderstood.
Go out and get a few more lumps and bumps and grass stains on your knees for another 10, then ya can hang out with the big kids....lucky you , bless your heart but we've never
lived in Kansas It has noting to do with Kansas I'm sure. There are plenty of relationship horror stories here too.
I am actually overly selective for the purpose of avoiding lumps and bumps. I've had enough lumps and bumps in my life without having them coming from those who are supposed to care about me above all else. Those are the last people I'd ever accept lumps and bumps from.
Yes, in sure Kansas has there share of DVs and dysfunctions, like anywhere..
That was just a Wizard of OZ reference "your not in Kansas anymore Dorothy" That we use as a simile, minus the Dorothy on the end |
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You really don't sound like you're "done" with her, if you're still carrying so much of her around that it makes you see all other women as being just like her.
You might just be better off not dating. and several paragraphs of her! lol
I sometimes see qualities in others that I don;t care for but seldom (if ever) associate those with an "ex." my exes weren't THAT bad lol my exes weren't THAT bad lol
Well, You never lived with mine. I understood your message loud and clear the first time
Charles, very clear! your were obviously talking about unacceptable character traits that the females analyzing your comments would Surly dismiss a male for these same faults. You are right, if something isn't right then it must be wrong! But you know this inside & out. One thing I'd say, next time dont use the comparison reference with the Xlaugh maybee a dear uncle, so you points not completely missed lost in estergin! Loud & Clear Once again.wink Furthermore, I also feel the hopelessness of finding a life time partner in todays society, as I'm not going too be looking in North American & most of my birth Continent is out as well. if never had a girlfriend in NA that could tell the truth nor could they have an accurate recollection of past history, they all told a way different story. enough bla bla bla ect, wasted here on a society where its acceptable to have three divorces. My parents have been married 50years and my aunt n uncle that moved to Canada shortly after have been married 55 years, out of their 5 children combined, just my sister is married still & has been since 92. Not saying there isn't good woman, because I know there is, & I'm sure there experiencing the same problems. when I was in grade three a good friends parents got divorced & that was unheard of, only move stars got divorced. .so a guess we can blame the Liz tailors of old Hollywood for society's changegrumble Sounds to me like this is one of those things that it takes another man to understand. When I read the two ladies comments the first thing that I thought, "These two must not learn from there mistakes" They would prob' jump right back in the fire with someone else that is either as bad or worse than their Xes. Me, I learn from my mistakes. I don't do it again. If you go into a relationship with anyone,and that person drives you nuts,When you finally decide to get away from them,If you have any common sense at all, you're going to remember what you went through.(Just because you remember what you went through,doesn't mean you are still stuck on your X) If anything, It means you are now smarter than you once were. If you come across someone else that's got a way or ways like that,If you have any sense at all,You're gonna remember what you went through and stay away from others that you know are not right for you because you've already been there. It shows common sense. It shows you were paying attention to what went on during that time. It also shows that you have enough gray matter between your ears to stay out of that type of situation with other people when you come across it. I didn't realize what kinds of traits you were talking about. I was thinking of things like...doesn't pick her towel up off the floor, snoring or an annoying laugh. I just wasn't relating to the things you really meant because I've not been in a relationship with someone who is mean or evil or annoying.
I don't date men who are rude to waitresses...so I think I get what you're saying now that you've explained more specifically. Sorry I misunderstood.
Go out and get a few more lumps and bumps and grass stains on your knees for another 10, then ya can hang out with the big kids....lucky you , bless your heart but we've never
lived in Kansas It has noting to do with Kansas I'm sure. There are plenty of relationship horror stories here too.
I am actually overly selective for the purpose of avoiding lumps and bumps. I've had enough lumps and bumps in my life without having them coming from those who are supposed to care about me above all else. Those are the last people I'd ever accept lumps and bumps from.
Yes, in sure Kansas has there share of DVs and dysfunctions, like anywhere..
That was just a Wizard of OZ reference "your not in Kansas anymore Dorothy" That we use as a simile, minus the Dorothy on the end Good grief enough with Dorothy already!  
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You really don't sound like you're "done" with her, if you're still carrying so much of her around that it makes you see all other women as being just like her.
You might just be better off not dating. and several paragraphs of her! lol
I sometimes see qualities in others that I don;t care for but seldom (if ever) associate those with an "ex." my exes weren't THAT bad lol my exes weren't THAT bad lol
Well, You never lived with mine. I understood your message loud and clear the first time
Charles, very clear! your were obviously talking about unacceptable character traits that the females analyzing your comments would Surly dismiss a male for these same faults. You are right, if something isn't right then it must be wrong! But you know this inside & out. One thing I'd say, next time dont use the comparison reference with the Xlaugh maybee a dear uncle, so you points not completely missed lost in estergin! Loud & Clear Once again.wink Furthermore, I also feel the hopelessness of finding a life time partner in todays society, as I'm not going too be looking in North American & most of my birth Continent is out as well. if never had a girlfriend in NA that could tell the truth nor could they have an accurate recollection of past history, they all told a way different story. enough bla bla bla ect, wasted here on a society where its acceptable to have three divorces. My parents have been married 50years and my aunt n uncle that moved to Canada shortly after have been married 55 years, out of their 5 children combined, just my sister is married still & has been since 92. Not saying there isn't good woman, because I know there is, & I'm sure there experiencing the same problems. when I was in grade three a good friends parents got divorced & that was unheard of, only move stars got divorced. .so a guess we can blame the Liz tailors of old Hollywood for society's changegrumble Sounds to me like this is one of those things that it takes another man to understand. When I read the two ladies comments the first thing that I thought, "These two must not learn from there mistakes" They would prob' jump right back in the fire with someone else that is either as bad or worse than their Xes. Me, I learn from my mistakes. I don't do it again. If you go into a relationship with anyone,and that person drives you nuts,When you finally decide to get away from them,If you have any common sense at all, you're going to remember what you went through.(Just because you remember what you went through,doesn't mean you are still stuck on your X) If anything, It means you are now smarter than you once were. If you come across someone else that's got a way or ways like that,If you have any sense at all,You're gonna remember what you went through and stay away from others that you know are not right for you because you've already been there. It shows common sense. It shows you were paying attention to what went on during that time. It also shows that you have enough gray matter between your ears to stay out of that type of situation with other people when you come across it. I didn't realize what kinds of traits you were talking about. I was thinking of things like...doesn't pick her towel up off the floor, snoring or an annoying laugh. I just wasn't relating to the things you really meant because I've not been in a relationship with someone who is mean or evil or annoying.
I don't date men who are rude to waitresses...so I think I get what you're saying now that you've explained more specifically. Sorry I misunderstood.
Go out and get a few more lumps and bumps and grass stains on your knees for another 10, then ya can hang out with the big kids....lucky you , bless your heart but we've never
lived in Kansas It has noting to do with Kansas I'm sure. There are plenty of relationship horror stories here too.
I am actually overly selective for the purpose of avoiding lumps and bumps. I've had enough lumps and bumps in my life without having them coming from those who are supposed to care about me above all else. Those are the last people I'd ever accept lumps and bumps from.
Yes, im sure Kansas has there share of DVs and dysfunctions, like anywhere..
That was just a Wizard of OZ reference "your not in Kansas anymore Dorothy" Its an expreshion we use: simile I think,? English is not my thing,minus the Dorothy on the end, sometimes. Is Kansas central America
Frogs dead in the centre of the circle, frog jumps 6" at a time the circle is 3'in Dia, how many jumps to the perimeter? 
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