100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: Second Marriages | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
yep and my next husband wont be a pedo i'll be making damn sur of it
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I don't mean to sound sour or against marriage. To be honest, I'm the marrying kind. I like idea of being married. I like the "two of us together" part of it. I like having someone to come home to. Heck, Someone that gives me a reason to come home. But, I just don't think it's ever gonna happen for me again. And it's mostly because of what I learned while married. I learned how a marriage "shouldn't" be. Here is the part that sounds ugly. It's just the truth. It took me 5 yrs to start dating again after my divorce. I was a mess from what I was put through. After I started dating again it seems all I can find are women with some of the same qualities as my X. And I mean the bad qualities. One woman would have this quality. Another one would have that one. Each one would have at least one quality my X had that drove me batty. Which made me run away. (A child once burned learns not to play with fire") I don't know, Maybe it's just the part of the world I'm in? All I do know for sure is, It's gonna take a special kind of woman to put a hook in me again. She is gonna have to be an open book. Someone I can see for who she really is. Someone who doesn't hide who they really are. And not be someone who "springs" it on me all the bad things they are after they think they have me hooked. I understood your message loud and clear the first time Charles, very clear! your were obviously talking about unacceptable character traits that the females analyzing your comments would Surly dismiss a male for these same faults. You are right, if something isn't right then it must be wrong! But you know this inside & out. One thing I'd say, next time dont use the comparison reference with the X  maybee a dear uncle, so you
points not completely missed lost in estergin! Loud & Clear Once again. 
Furthermore, I also feel the hopelessness of finding a life time partner in todays society, as I'm not going too be looking in North American & most of my birth Continent is out aswell. ive never had a girlfriend in NA that could tell the truth nor could they have an accurate recollection of past history, they all told a way different story. enough bla bla bla ect, wasted here on a society where its exeptable to have three divorces. My parents have been married 50years and my aunt n uncle that moved to Canada shortly after have been married 55 years, out of their 5 children combined, just my sister is married still & has been since 92. Not saying there isn't good woman, because I know there is, & I'm sure there experiencing the same problems. when I was in grade three a good friends parents got divorced & that was unheard of, only movestars got divorced. .so a guess we can blame the Liz talors of old Hollywood for society's change 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
So interesting topic but unfortunately I never been married lol... Haven't idea
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You really don't sound like you're "done" with her, if you're still carrying so much of her around that it makes you see all other women as being just like her.
You might just be better off not dating. and several paragraphs of her! lol
I sometimes see qualities in others that I don;t care for but seldom (if ever) associate those with an "ex." my exes weren't THAT bad lol my exes weren't THAT bad lol
Well, You never lived with mine. I understood your message loud and clear the first time
Charles, very clear! your were obviously talking about unacceptable character traits that the females analyzing your comments would Surly dismiss a male for these same faults. You are right, if something isn't right then it must be wrong! But you know this inside & out. One thing I'd say, next time dont use the comparison reference with the Xlaugh maybee a dear uncle, so you points not completely missed lost in estergin! Loud & Clear Once again.wink Furthermore, I also feel the hopelessness of finding a life time partner in todays society, as I'm not going too be looking in North American & most of my birth Continent is out as well. if never had a girlfriend in NA that could tell the truth nor could they have an accurate recollection of past history, they all told a way different story. enough bla bla bla ect, wasted here on a society where its acceptable to have three divorces. My parents have been married 50years and my aunt n uncle that moved to Canada shortly after have been married 55 years, out of their 5 children combined, just my sister is married still & has been since 92. Not saying there isn't good woman, because I know there is, & I'm sure there experiencing the same problems. when I was in grade three a good friends parents got divorced & that was unheard of, only move stars got divorced. .so a guess we can blame the Liz tailors of old Hollywood for society's changegrumble Sounds to me like this is one of those things that it takes another man to understand. When I read the two ladies comments the first thing that I thought, "These two must not learn from there mistakes" They would prob' jump right back in the fire with someone else that is either as bad or worse than their Xes. Me, I learn from my mistakes. I don't do it again. If you go into a relationship with anyone,and that person drives you nuts,When you finally decide to get away from them,If you have any common sense at all, you're going to remember what you went through.(Just because you remember what you went through,doesn't mean you are still stuck on your X) If anything, It means you are now smarter than you once were. If you come across someone else that's got a way or ways like that,If you have any sense at all,You're gonna remember what you went through and stay away from others that you know are not right for you because you've already been there. It shows common sense. It shows you were paying attention to what went on during that time. It also shows that you have enough gray matter between your ears to stay out of that type of situation with other people when you come across it. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
yes, my current view is living together for a really long time is a fantastic idea. marriage isn't something to jump into, or take lightly, it's a significant committment which seems harder and harder to keep these days. so, i'm fine without ever getting married again, but i do keep my options open. and it will have to be barefoot on a beach....somewhere :) I think we all should move in with Soufie aned Krupa. so true, he said it twice ..hehe or maybe I'll move in twice |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You really don't sound like you're "done" with her, if you're still carrying so much of her around that it makes you see all other women as being just like her.
You might just be better off not dating. and several paragraphs of her! lol
I sometimes see qualities in others that I don;t care for but seldom (if ever) associate those with an "ex." my exes weren't THAT bad lol my exes weren't THAT bad lol
Well, You never lived with mine. I understood your message loud and clear the first time
Charles, very clear! your were obviously talking about unacceptable character traits that the females analyzing your comments would Surly dismiss a male for these same faults. You are right, if something isn't right then it must be wrong! But you know this inside & out. One thing I'd say, next time dont use the comparison reference with the Xlaugh maybee a dear uncle, so you points not completely missed lost in estergin! Loud & Clear Once again.wink Furthermore, I also feel the hopelessness of finding a life time partner in todays society, as I'm not going too be looking in North American & most of my birth Continent is out as well. if never had a girlfriend in NA that could tell the truth nor could they have an accurate recollection of past history, they all told a way different story. enough bla bla bla ect, wasted here on a society where its acceptable to have three divorces. My parents have been married 50years and my aunt n uncle that moved to Canada shortly after have been married 55 years, out of their 5 children combined, just my sister is married still & has been since 92. Not saying there isn't good woman, because I know there is, & I'm sure there experiencing the same problems. when I was in grade three a good friends parents got divorced & that was unheard of, only move stars got divorced. .so a guess we can blame the Liz tailors of old Hollywood for society's changegrumble Sounds to me like this is one of those things that it takes another man to understand. When I read the two ladies comments the first thing that I thought, "These two must not learn from there mistakes" They would prob' jump right back in the fire with someone else that is either as bad or worse than their Xes. Me, I learn from my mistakes. I don't do it again. If you go into a relationship with anyone,and that person drives you nuts,When you finally decide to get away from them,If you have any common sense at all, you're going to remember what you went through.(Just because you remember what you went through,doesn't mean you are still stuck on your X) If anything, It means you are now smarter than you once were. If you come across someone else that's got a way or ways like that,If you have any sense at all,You're gonna remember what you went through and stay away from others that you know are not right for you because you've already been there. It shows common sense. It shows you were paying attention to what went on during that time. It also shows that you have enough gray matter between your ears to stay out of that type of situation with other people when you come across it. They who don't learn from Histoty, are bound too repeat it.! Very best, |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
DID you, or do you think you WILL have a different view of marriage going into it a second time? Maybe a different expectation or value? No, I still have the same outlook and morals. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You really don't sound like you're "done" with her, if you're still carrying so much of her around that it makes you see all other women as being just like her.
You might just be better off not dating. and several paragraphs of her! lol
I sometimes see qualities in others that I don;t care for but seldom (if ever) associate those with an "ex." my exes weren't THAT bad lol my exes weren't THAT bad lol
Well, You never lived with mine. And you never lived with some of the people I've lived with. My ex-husband is an okay person. My first long-term, live-in boyfriend-then-fiance was a complete ***... a drunk, a liar, a cheater and abusive in both physical and verbal modes. He had more stuff wrong with him than you could shake a stick at, and fortunately we split up rather than actually getting married. Didn't mean that I went looking for or even found all of his negative qualities in everyone I dated after him. I understood your message loud and clear the first time
Charles, very clear! your were obviously talking about unacceptable character traits that the females analyzing your comments would Surly dismiss a male for these same faults. You are right, if something isn't right then it must be wrong! But you know this inside & out. One thing I'd say, next time dont use the comparison reference with the Xlaugh maybee a dear uncle, so you points not completely missed lost in estergin! Loud & Clear Once again.wink Furthermore, I also feel the hopelessness of finding a life time partner in todays society, as I'm not going too be looking in North American & most of my birth Continent is out as well. if never had a girlfriend in NA that could tell the truth nor could they have an accurate recollection of past history, they all told a way different story. enough bla bla bla ect, wasted here on a society where its acceptable to have three divorces. My parents have been married 50years and my aunt n uncle that moved to Canada shortly after have been married 55 years, out of their 5 children combined, just my sister is married still & has been since 92. Not saying there isn't good woman, because I know there is, & I'm sure there experiencing the same problems. when I was in grade three a good friends parents got divorced & that was unheard of, only move stars got divorced. .so a guess we can blame the Liz tailors of old Hollywood for society's changegrumble Sounds to me like this is one of those things that it takes another man to understand. When I read the two ladies comments the first thing that I thought, "These two must not learn from there mistakes" They would prob' jump right back in the fire with someone else that is either as bad or worse than their Xes. And you're extremely wrong. Learning from one's mistakes doesn't mean looking to find fault in everyone you meet. Me, I learn from my mistakes. I don't do it again. If you go into a relationship with anyone,and that person drives you nuts,When you finally decide to get away from them,If you have any common sense at all, you're going to remember what you went through.(Just because you remember what you went through,doesn't mean you are still stuck on your X) If anything, It means you are now smarter than you once were.
If you've dated a bunch of women and they've all turned out to be awful, you need to look for the common denominator. There are two: possession of a pair of X chromosomes, and you. Not all women are horrible people, so maybe you're the common denominator? As in, either you subconsciously keep being initially attracted to women like your ex, or else you keep looking for your ex in all other women. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I don't mean to sound sour or against marriage. To be honest, I'm the marrying kind. I like idea of being married. I like the "two of us together" part of it. I like having someone to come home to. Heck, Someone that gives me a reason to come home. But, I just don't think it's ever gonna happen for me again. And it's mostly because of what I learned while married. I learned how a marriage "shouldn't" be. Here is the part that sounds ugly. It's just the truth. It took me 5 yrs to start dating again after my divorce. I was a mess from what I was put through. After I started dating again it seems all I can find are women with some of the same qualities as my X. And I mean the bad qualities. One woman would have this quality. Another one would have that one. Each one would have at least one quality my X had that drove me batty. Which made me run away. (A child once burned learns not to play with fire") I don't know, Maybe it's just the part of the world I'm in? All I do know for sure is, It's gonna take a special kind of woman to put a hook in me again. She is gonna have to be an open book. Someone I can see for who she really is. Someone who doesn't hide who they really are. And not be someone who "springs" it on me all the bad things they are after they think they have me hooked. I have to ask this: Did each of these women have only ONE of the negative qualities your ex had? I guess what I'm getting at is that there isn't anyone, male or female, who is without some negative quality of some sort. Nobody's perfect, so if what you need is a perfect mate, then you're right, you probably won't ever find a woman who meets that need. If, on the other hand, you can handle certain negatives in isolation (rather than several concentrated in one person), you might find a woman who has so many wonderful and positive qualities that they overshadow the one negative quality. I wish you success in finding someone like that. I agree and was also thinking OR he needs more time and separation from his ex so he sees the woman he's with NOT a vision of some quality of an ex if a man started comparing me to another woman I would think he needed more time to get over that other relationship and would break things off as far the OP: I am too afraid to get married again. don;t think I could do it I might be the same way too Sweet. I think once is going to be enough. IF that ever happens in the first place. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
DID you, or do you think you WILL have a different view of marriage going into it a second time? Maybe a different expectation or value? It seems like you are assuming people are anxious to get married for a second time. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
DID you, or do you think you WILL have a different view of marriage going into it a second time? Maybe a different expectation or value? It seems like you are assuming people are anxious to get married for a second time. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
So interesting topic but unfortunately I never been married lol... Haven't idea
I just got the idea for the topic from a discussion I had with a friend the other day and was curious what others would have to say about it. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You really don't sound like you're "done" with her, if you're still carrying so much of her around that it makes you see all other women as being just like her.
You might just be better off not dating. and several paragraphs of her! lol
I sometimes see qualities in others that I don;t care for but seldom (if ever) associate those with an "ex." my exes weren't THAT bad lol my exes weren't THAT bad lol
Well, You never lived with mine. I understood your message loud and clear the first time
Charles, very clear! your were obviously talking about unacceptable character traits that the females analyzing your comments would Surly dismiss a male for these same faults. You are right, if something isn't right then it must be wrong! But you know this inside & out. One thing I'd say, next time dont use the comparison reference with the Xlaugh maybee a dear uncle, so you points not completely missed lost in estergin! Loud & Clear Once again.wink Furthermore, I also feel the hopelessness of finding a life time partner in todays society, as I'm not going too be looking in North American & most of my birth Continent is out as well. if never had a girlfriend in NA that could tell the truth nor could they have an accurate recollection of past history, they all told a way different story. enough bla bla bla ect, wasted here on a society where its acceptable to have three divorces. My parents have been married 50years and my aunt n uncle that moved to Canada shortly after have been married 55 years, out of their 5 children combined, just my sister is married still & has been since 92. Not saying there isn't good woman, because I know there is, & I'm sure there experiencing the same problems. when I was in grade three a good friends parents got divorced & that was unheard of, only move stars got divorced. .so a guess we can blame the Liz tailors of old Hollywood for society's changegrumble Sounds to me like this is one of those things that it takes another man to understand. When I read the two ladies comments the first thing that I thought, "These two must not learn from there mistakes" They would prob' jump right back in the fire with someone else that is either as bad or worse than their Xes. Me, I learn from my mistakes. I don't do it again. If you go into a relationship with anyone,and that person drives you nuts,When you finally decide to get away from them,If you have any common sense at all, you're going to remember what you went through.(Just because you remember what you went through,doesn't mean you are still stuck on your X) If anything, It means you are now smarter than you once were. If you come across someone else that's got a way or ways like that,If you have any sense at all,You're gonna remember what you went through and stay away from others that you know are not right for you because you've already been there. It shows common sense. It shows you were paying attention to what went on during that time. It also shows that you have enough gray matter between your ears to stay out of that type of situation with other people when you come across it. I didn't realize what kinds of traits you were talking about. I was thinking of things like...doesn't pick her towel up off the floor, snoring or an annoying laugh. I just wasn't relating to the things you really meant because I've not been in a relationship with someone who is mean or evil or annoying. 
I don't date men who are rude to waitresses...so I think I get what you're saying now that you've explained more specifically. Sorry I misunderstood. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
DID you, or do you think you WILL have a different view of marriage going into it a second time? Maybe a different expectation or value? It seems like you are assuming people are anxious to get married for a second time.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The tax breaks will be glorious!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The tax breaks will be glorious!
 GOOF! 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I think we all learn from a failed marriage. There is also a grieving process, because it really is a loss, like death. Until we have fully grieved the loss of our marriage, we will go thru the usual stages and remain bitter, angry, resentful...but later, we start to really digest how we created our marriage. I created my marriage by choosing the wrong person, by staying in it when I was miserable. Until I accepted that, I couldn't move on with a new improved me. A me that will bring positivity to my new relationships because they are my own creations for my life. A me that doesnt get angry with potentials because I know, I can just not date them. Its certainly ok not to date someone who reminds you of your ex. Your ex is an ex for a reason as they say. If I find someone to collaborate with: awesome. If I dont: fine. I'm happy because its my choice to be with the right one, or with just me. Just me is always better than me+misery. I may or may not remarry. As a gal, Im less likely to make such a choice. Some folks are so dern lucky and they can pick the right one every time. I did not have such a talent in my twenties, but hope Im closer to it now. yup I think this pretty much says it.....honestly at this point I really don;t remember enough about my exes for anyone to really remind me of them...I am defo past the grieving point |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
ridewytepony
on
Sun 06/30/13 06:48 PM
|
|
{{{ Via }}}
All I can say about that is it takes two to make it & one to break it, if one cant tell the truth then that Person is untrustworthy, therefore may aswell be a cheat & a lier as well. I agree, its a mathematical fact that a large % of the people on the sight have been at fault for the failure of at least one Love relationship and if you say yes but I didn't love them, then double shame. There my be a high % of people that screwed all their relationships up here. So if one had an astronomical amount of relationship & said they all lied or cheated,then yes! It looks like they're not been truthful.I think if that person was been nice enough that I would chose to think it, but take the higher road & not say it, after all you didn't caught this person in a lie. Perhaps I would not corespond in future with that person Now I'm answering as my quote is above and I would fall in that category, having said all that, A handful of love affairs is not nearly enough to to be suggestive, which your being. It can be healthy for one to call one on there "chit" but sugesting they're not telling the truth! among all kinds of undesired advice for Charles, my be a little out of line. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You really don't sound like you're "done" with her, if you're still carrying so much of her around that it makes you see all other women as being just like her.
You might just be better off not dating. and several paragraphs of her! lol
I sometimes see qualities in others that I don;t care for but seldom (if ever) associate those with an "ex." my exes weren't THAT bad lol my exes weren't THAT bad lol
Well, You never lived with mine. I understood your message loud and clear the first time
Charles, very clear! your were obviously talking about unacceptable character traits that the females analyzing your comments would Surly dismiss a male for these same faults. You are right, if something isn't right then it must be wrong! But you know this inside & out. One thing I'd say, next time dont use the comparison reference with the Xlaugh maybee a dear uncle, so you points not completely missed lost in estergin! Loud & Clear Once again.wink Furthermore, I also feel the hopelessness of finding a life time partner in todays society, as I'm not going too be looking in North American & most of my birth Continent is out as well. if never had a girlfriend in NA that could tell the truth nor could they have an accurate recollection of past history, they all told a way different story. enough bla bla bla ect, wasted here on a society where its acceptable to have three divorces. My parents have been married 50years and my aunt n uncle that moved to Canada shortly after have been married 55 years, out of their 5 children combined, just my sister is married still & has been since 92. Not saying there isn't good woman, because I know there is, & I'm sure there experiencing the same problems. when I was in grade three a good friends parents got divorced & that was unheard of, only move stars got divorced. .so a guess we can blame the Liz tailors of old Hollywood for society's changegrumble Sounds to me like this is one of those things that it takes another man to understand. When I read the two ladies comments the first thing that I thought, "These two must not learn from there mistakes" They would prob' jump right back in the fire with someone else that is either as bad or worse than their Xes. Me, I learn from my mistakes. I don't do it again. If you go into a relationship with anyone,and that person drives you nuts,When you finally decide to get away from them,If you have any common sense at all, you're going to remember what you went through.(Just because you remember what you went through,doesn't mean you are still stuck on your X) If anything, It means you are now smarter than you once were. If you come across someone else that's got a way or ways like that,If you have any sense at all,You're gonna remember what you went through and stay away from others that you know are not right for you because you've already been there. It shows common sense. It shows you were paying attention to what went on during that time. It also shows that you have enough gray matter between your ears to stay out of that type of situation with other people when you come across it. They who don't learn from Histoty, are bound too repeat it.! Very best, and from your posts on here I am convinced that u are qualified to pass judgememt...lol |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
sweetestgirl11
on
Sun 06/30/13 06:47 PM
|
 You really don't sound like you're "done" with her, if you're still carrying so much of her around that it makes you see all other women as being just like her.
You might just be better off not dating. and several paragraphs of her! lol
I sometimes see qualities in others that I don;t care for but seldom (if ever) associate those with an "ex." my exes weren't THAT bad lol my exes weren't THAT bad lol
Well, You never lived with mine. And you never lived with some of the people I've lived with. My ex-husband is an okay person. My first long-term, live-in boyfriend-then-fiance was a complete ***... a drunk, a liar, a cheater and abusive in both physical and verbal modes. He had more stuff wrong with him than you could shake a stick at, and fortunately we split up rather than actually getting married. Didn't mean that I went looking for or even found all of his negative qualities in everyone I dated after him. I understood your message loud and clear the first time
Charles, very clear! your were obviously talking about unacceptable character traits that the females analyzing your comments would Surly dismiss a male for these same faults. You are right, if something isn't right then it must be wrong! But you know this inside & out. One thing I'd say, next time dont use the comparison reference with the Xlaugh maybee a dear uncle, so you points not completely missed lost in estergin! Loud & Clear Once again.wink Furthermore, I also feel the hopelessness of finding a life time partner in todays society, as I'm not going too be looking in North American & most of my birth Continent is out as well. if never had a girlfriend in NA that could tell the truth nor could they have an accurate recollection of past history, they all told a way different story. enough bla bla bla ect, wasted here on a society where its acceptable to have three divorces. My parents have been married 50years and my aunt n uncle that moved to Canada shortly after have been married 55 years, out of their 5 children combined, just my sister is married still & has been since 92. Not saying there isn't good woman, because I know there is, & I'm sure there experiencing the same problems. when I was in grade three a good friends parents got divorced & that was unheard of, only move stars got divorced. .so a guess we can blame the Liz tailors of old Hollywood for society's changegrumble Sounds to me like this is one of those things that it takes another man to understand. When I read the two ladies comments the first thing that I thought, "These two must not learn from there mistakes" They would prob' jump right back in the fire with someone else that is either as bad or worse than their Xes. And you're extremely wrong. Learning from one's mistakes doesn't mean looking to find fault in everyone you meet. Me, I learn from my mistakes. I don't do it again. If you go into a relationship with anyone,and that person drives you nuts,When you finally decide to get away from them,If you have any common sense at all, you're going to remember what you went through.(Just because you remember what you went through,doesn't mean you are still stuck on your X) If anything, It means you are now smarter than you once were.
If you've dated a bunch of women and they've all turned out to be awful, you need to look for the common denominator. There are two: possession of a pair of X chromosomes, and you. Not all women are horrible people, so maybe you're the common denominator? As in, either you subconsciously keep being initially attracted to women like your ex, or else you keep looking for your ex in all other women. agreed it's not a matter of not learning from history, but it is a matter of not letting those relationships become history
and hey that's OK - it takes time to get there...in the mean time I think it's best to just try to make friends. a lot of us may not wish to be evaluated for potential marriage like herefords in the cattle yard. just try being friends with some of us...just a thought |
|
|
|
|
