Love is a very special thing that happens between two people but some people feel the need not just to share that with each other and live in their own little world together and they have to tell the whole world about it.

Does making what was a very private and personal thing public devalue it and make it feel less intimate and romantic

I don’t think public knowledge of your relationship diminishes it in anyway.

I think announcing your love is mostly about bragging rights really.

I suppose there are practical reasons to make a relationship public though. For one, it might be a bit awkward for him if we’ve been together for 6 months and when he finally meets my family and friends, they act toward him as if he’s a pending suitor and not THE ONE.

I would also have some explaining to do as to why I had to keep him locked in my bedroom for the first 6 months.

In forum communities, it's almost a given Tawt....Mingle even has a section dedicated to success stories for people who have met here and formed successful relationships....I view people falling in "cyber" love as a POSITIVE EXAMPLE to those members who are actively looking...When couples "shout it from the rooftops", I think it can and does feel like positive reinforcement to other member who are hoping to find love online...I also think a caring person (or couple) will temper their happiness somewhat in an effort to be sensitive to those members who have been hurt or have not yet been fortunate enough to find the love they are seeking....

The only time I take issue with "shouting it from the rooftops" about online relationship matters is when one or both post about problems or breakups in an effort to hurt or shame their ex or to entice/incite other members to get involved by commenting or choosing up sides...IMO, doing this is the ultimate form of cyber bullying because raw emotions are being exploited ...I have seen it happen time and time again...People who broadcast their relationship problems on the boards do WAY more harm to their own reputation and credibility then they could ever do to the person they are trying to hurt.....

Hi Tawt, I find your post to be a very inspiring topic, and thought I would respond to yours this time.

Given that Mingle is a dating site where singles intentionally congregate and some actively search for love, and/or friendship on the forums, it goes with the territory that when two hearts meet and unite in public fashion, they will most likely continue their evolving connection in public, while keeping the intimate details they deem private to themselves. So, no, a couple’s relationship isn’t devalued once it becomes public knowledge, if anything, it gives their Mingle friends the opportunity to celebrate with them, and to offer their well wishes.

As we all know, the majority of the time there are very few actual couples that meet here on Mingle and remain on the forums interacting with singles and couples alike, and due to the scarcity of love connections, this being such a small and insulated community, we all may be aware of who the couples are. And if we take note we’ll see that just like singles post seeking other singles to respond on their threads with the intent to become better acquainted, so do the couples create their own threads to celebrate their love for each other, for poetry, for music, for fun interactions with their friends… etc… And of course couples threads are open to everyone wanting to drop in and interact with them.

As for the content of their thread messages letting the whole world in on their good fortune, as Leigh pointed out, Mingle encourages its members to advertise their success stories. Love and friendships are cause for happiness, and every couple, whether in long standing, or new on the scene, enjoys their relationships, and how they interact with each other is their prerogative. While some may be fun and outgoing, others may be more sedate and reserved, but each loves their partners, and it’s completely normal, and publicly acceptable to express their feelings as they see fit.

It is unfortunate that we all have been hurt and unlucky in love at some point in our lives, but once fate has smiled on us it is our chance to nourish and strengthen the ties that bind, and hopefully those who still seek their hearts desire will be just as happy for our find, as we will be for theirs. To each our own timeline….

Making a private and personal thing public, makes it more exciting and wonderful. I would share with all my family and friends alike.

It wouldn't be on a Forum. I have never met any man off a Forum. Many People on Date sites do not interact on any Forums. I'm talking to a gentleman now who doesn't do Forums and he is a "Professional" man.

I love to watch love and lovers grow
And i see nothing wrong {to a point}
In wanting to tell the world
how much you love someone

\\
....\/....

Here's a man after my with this short, concise response that says volumes with just three simple words..."to a point"...."Everything in moderation" ...I want to stress this one more time ...KEEP THE FIGHTING AND THE BREAKING UP & MAKING UP PRIVATE, especially when both members participate on the boards...

And Tawt, good topic!

I couldn’t help but respond to this quoted post, KiK, as your words hold special meaning for me/DS directly… you have always been a faithful friend with your support of our posted works and evolving personal relationship… and we agree that watching love and lovers grow is a pleasing experience… as there is no harm being done by anyone who expresses their positive feelings for someone they are connected too, and it’s always nice when friends are in our corner.

We all know there are no such rules that limit the context of our personal messages so long as we don’t invade others threads and spin their topic onto ourselves so we can gush our feelings at others expense.

And as far as keeping members relationship issues private, well, it is the members prerogative to post what we like, so long as we aren’t violating any forum rules. So, I dare say we will continue to see and read, and appreciate or not, the fighting, breaking up, and making up that goes on here on Mingle’s dating site, just like it has been from the beginning, and will continue as long as these relationship issues occur, and writers like to share their experiences, good and bad, on the forum boards.

I guess if we don’t personally enjoy reading about all the drama, we do have the freedom of choice not to get involved with the threads, and/or posts of those whose messages we find not to our particular tastes…

And we agree with Leigh, Tawt… nice topic… thank you for giving us space to air our various personal opinions on, and related too this subject.

Alright, thanks for the replies and glad that you think that it's an interesting topic. I wasn't specifically asking about people that meet through this and I wasn't really asking about the ethics of making your relationships public but those are interesting questions as well.

What specifically interests me is whether it makes it feel less intimate or romantic when you talk to other people about it. I think myself that it can do. I like that feeling that you get when you are with somebody and you are alone together not caring about the rest of the world or about what other people think about it. I think that when you are alone together and when you talk to each other about your feelings for each other there is a special kind of feeling that you get that is quite subjective and when you make it public knowledge it becomes like an objective thing.

The philosopher Kierkegaard talks about the distinction between subjective and objective truth and how "there is untruth in the crowd". I think that what he means by that is that it requires no personal conviction or faith to believe in an objective truth like a scientific fact or a mathematical proposition but subjective truth is a personal thing and it has an authenticity that objective truth does not.

I don't know if I am making it very clear what I am talking about here and I don't want to go off topic myself but Kierkegaard was specifically interested in religious faith and I think that it might be useful to make that comparison here. Does it matter if other people think that your personal relationship is wrong or absurd and is it even the case that "true love" has to be absurd for it to be a matter of faith?

I understand what you mean now, by...

"I like that feeling that you get when you are with somebody and you are alone together not caring about the rest of the world or about what other people think about it. I think that when you are alone together and when you talk to each other about your feelings for each other there is a special kind of feeling that you get that is quite subjective and when you make it public knowledge it becomes like an objective thing."

And yes, I too cherish the privacy of the special oneness we share only with each other, as it strengthens our unity and makes all else seem so insignificant. But, once we start talking to others about the intimate details of our relationship, even our quarrels, per say, it no longer holds the same powerful energy, because then others often add their own opinions about our lives and what they would do or not if it were them, and the bond we once shared uniquely no longer exists. It's like we are giving parts of ourselves away, and we can never get them back. Not too mention how we also tend to listen to what others have to say, and our own feelings toward our partner can begin to be swayed away from them by the outside opinions. So, too me, couples should never divulge entrusted details about their relationship with anyone, not even family. Outward displays of affection, be they physical or verbal are appropriate, to me, so long as they are done respectfully... Anyway, I hope I'm more on target to the points you want to cover...

I thought the world of my ex and so I wanted the world to know about it. :)

and when i love, the universe will know. and should we ever fall from grace,
it goes with you.

there is intimacy in only the two knowing, i agree tawt. but, truly, when
i've been in love, i feel i will burst if i don't share.

(and athena, there are rules that address bad mojo and drama in the forums, see 1, 2, and 6.
never a good thing to air it here.)

Thank you bastet, for your additional input... I already communicated privately with a forum mod about the exact related rules pertaining to the subjects of interest being specifically addressed in this thread, prior to my follow up post here, to make sure I wasn't speaking out of turn... and I repeated what I was told. No other member has the authority to tell anyone what they can post, especially when the mods don't find fault with it. It is possible for writers to discuss every aspect of their relationships without causing a bad mojo scene, they are just more subtle about it. But, the more important issue here is that we're being told to exclude the good mojo scenes too.

Good morning Tawt....I guess I misunderstood your OP...My previous comments are MY feelings and I absolutely agree with Kik's comment "to a point"..IMO there is a line that couples don't cross when posting (or talking) about their relationships...I will stand by that...Now that you have explained that you mean "in general" and not just here, the same thing applies.....Some things are just personal....

Would it feel less romantic if I or my partner talked to others about certain details of our relationship?... Yes, for me it would definitely make it less romantic by diminishing the intimacy....It would also make me feel uncomfortable around friends, family, and acquaintances because I would always be wondering what and how much they knew about our personal life...So not only less romantic, I will go a step farther and say too much talking could do irreparable damage to MY relationship...

IMO, Kierkegaard is saying BECAUSE subjective truth is personal, authenticity is also subjective which serves to reinforce my feelings about too much talk or as you put it "shouting it from the rooftops" having the potential to negatively impact MY relationship...

I'm glad we're not analyzing it to death.

I have a tendency to question myself about everything. And I worry that I talk about my "late" husband too much at times...I don't want to bore anyone or come across as a boaster or braggart etc...Guess I'm still going through grief and I miss my husband and sons a lot. (And all that we shared together.)...But I do question myself about what I "write" and how it may come across to others. (In all areas.).. It's all part of the "growth-process" to me. I figure I still have a great deal to learn. (About myself...About society...About social interaction and everything else in life too.)

Hi Claire...Your post touched me ...Don't worry so much, just be yourself and take comfort where ever you find it...The process of grieving is unique to each person and respected by all....

Hi Green Eyes... Happy Easter... I just wanted to comment that I too often question my own posts and if I have gone too far. But, just like you, this is a new and first time experience for me, and we learn as we go and grow... I personally enjoyed all the conversations we had about your husband and sons, because we grew to know each other better, and for that I'm glad... I never thought you said too much, or in a wrong spirit, when all I could see and hear and feel is your love and loss of your entire family... and my heart goes out to you, it doesn't judge your passion to remember them, and share their memory with us... may peace always be yours, Claire...

Thank you Athena! Happy Easter to you too!...I didn't always have it "so good." It took me a long time to learn lessons about love. My earlier relationships didn't turn out as well as my "last one" did!...And you're right...How can people grow close if they don't open-up and share with each other?...Thanks for all you've shared with me and others here. Great to get to know you! Thanks!