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| Topic: The "talk" | |
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My 16 year old son has a girlfriend. He and this girl have been together for over 2 years now. She's a wonderful girl and I adore them both.
I have, of course, had "the talk" with him. I've explained that I believe that he is still too young and not emotionally mature enough to have sex. He agrees but seeing them together (she comes over often) I know that it is just a matter of time before they begin to explore their blooming sexuality. For the parents who have blazed this trail before me...how do I make sure my son and his girlfriend are protected? I can't and won't forbid him from having sex. All that will do is force him to be sneaky and unsafe. I've considered buying a box of condoms, placing them strategically in the house and hinting that I'd rather they not be used but they are there "just in case." Any thoughts or advice? I just want to make sure neither of them make a choice that will forever change their lives in a negative way. For the record...I am friends with and in constant communication with his girlfriends mother and father. We haven't broached the subject yet but I'm not sure how to or whether or not talking to her parents about the possibility of them having sex would be a breach of some sort of boundary of friendship. |
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Edited by
spicyitalian4u
on
Sat 02/16/13 02:06 PM
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One thing I know is you need to have an open communication with the girls parents.
Remember it's always the boy who looks bad when all comes to light. And as for them "doing it", it may take some further talking to let him or them know it could be the end of childhood should she get pregnant. |
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You could tell them if they wind up doing it, then to please use a condom so you won't have a child while still in school.
That's what I told my son and daughter. |
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My oldest is 18. When he was younger I did explain sex, and sexuality, to him. I am very open with each of my kids and made sure he felt comfortable discussing any questions or concerns with me. I would rather him come to me than ask friends at school.
Protection was a huge focus in the conversation and I wanted him to realize safety was not just a matter of birth control. This helped him see how important using condoms would be when he did become sexually active. When needed, he did purchase condoms on his own and I felt reassured that I did all I could to help him as he matured. None of us know exactly how to handle this issue and, as with anything else, what works for one child, does not work for another. All you can do is try your best to explain the importance of keeping themselves safe, follow your instincts, and hope for the best! |
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My 16 year old son has a girlfriend. He and this girl have been together for over 2 years now. She's a wonderful girl and I adore them both. I have, of course, had "the talk" with him. I've explained that I believe that he is still too young and not emotionally mature enough to have sex. He agrees but seeing them together (she comes over often) I know that it is just a matter of time before they begin to explore their blooming sexuality. For the parents who have blazed this trail before me...how do I make sure my son and his girlfriend are protected? I can't and won't forbid him from having sex. All that will do is force him to be sneaky and unsafe. I've considered buying a box of condoms, placing them strategically in the house and hinting that I'd rather they not be used but they are there "just in case." Any thoughts or advice? I just want to make sure neither of them make a choice that will forever change their lives in a negative way. For the record...I am friends with and in constant communication with his girlfriends mother and father. We haven't broached the subject yet but I'm not sure how to or whether or not talking to her parents about the possibility of them having sex would be a breach of some sort of boundary of friendship. talking to her parents would be a breach of your relationship with your son and could create unecessary barriers. besides what would it really accomplish. I think you are right to advocate abstinence - even if they are already having sex - which I am sure you know is possible just be there. be mom....and educate, educate , educate - talk about the pitfalls of unprotected sex, acquire literature, movies that deal with the subject. understand their curiousity about sex/ answer questions truthfully. talk about emotions that are involved in intimacy. talk about intimacy as part of sex. mostly make sure he knows (and her too) that you are a trusted person either can go to, talk to you are lucky - one of my sons came to me about the subject but the others preferred to speak with their dad (who I am not sure is the best consultant....) |
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When my son was going to his first all nite party, we had had "the talk" earlier in time. I had purchased 2 condoms & gave them to him& siad this is NOT PERMITION. This is protection, I don't want you starting life, like your mother & I did. (we were several years divorced) Many years later he told me he carried them for along time. I believe in straight talk & blunt conversation. Kids appreciate respect.
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I can only talk from what my mom did for me (my son is only 3 and i dont envy you right now) which was a hard conversation... she bought condoms and kept them in the house and said they were there just in case but she didnt approve of me being sexually active. i think thats a great idea except that i never used the ones in tge house because i didnt want her to be disappointed in me having sex... so if you are going to buy them just give the box or a couple to your son... that way it reinforces that you want him to be protected.. if he wants to have sex he will timing is everything having easy access to condoms will make it easier for him to just slip it on. kids know right from wrong and im sure no teenager wants to have a baby while planning for college but hormones will rage and by giving your son a condom may just give him the confidence to go buy more because you arent shunning him or forbidding him from using protection.... just my .02
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Thank you all for the advice and support. I should add that I'm also mom to a 4 year old and a 6 year old. Both my son and his girlfriend have spent a great deal of time with the little ones and I'm hoping that helps to reiterate how difficult having children can be. All I can do is be supportive and open and hopeful that the lines of communication I've opened stay open and they know I'm a safe person to come to with questions and concerns.
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Just be open with him, sex is not something thats a secret, I have 6 children and we openly talk about it, I cant even remember at what age we started,
My children have are not embarrassed to ask for anything that they may need, not that they sleep around, but my 17 year old son is hoping to  so keeps condoms in his wallet. maybe when you are shopping just ask him if he would like a packet. If he doesnt use them they make great balloons. 
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