so im 18 and a senior in highschool ive been takeing care of my niece for almost a year now. my brother drops his daughter off at my house every thursday afternoon at 2 pm and picks her up sunday evening after seven pm. i watch her so she dosent have to be in daycare where she was constantly geting sick and being bitten by other kids he was leaveing her there 10 hours a day
over the weekend i notice that my niece had 12 bite marks on her arms so i called my brother and asked if shed gone back to daycare he told me he took her there to socialize on monday tuesday and wensday all of his days off.

so how do i make him see what a beautiful little girl he has i was the one who was there to see her first steps hear her first words potty train her he wasnt there
ive been giving up all of my senior year of high school to raise a child that isnt mine what can i do to make that beautiful little girls life better

I'd say that the best thing to do is continue to point out what his going on to the little girl. No parent should be able to stand seeing that happen to their child. I know I can't stand to see anything happen to my son. But it does happen, and if he's a good parent, he will see it and make a change for his little girl. If it gets to the point that nothing gets done, you may have to seek outside help. But that can be a very risky thing to do. I wouldn't want to see anything happen that could get his daughter taken away from him. But he does need to spend more time with her.

you already are making her life better. your brother is the one with the problem. he made his feelings loud and clear when he dropped his daughter off at daycare on each of his off days. i see it too often where immature people have children and desperately seek an "off" switch to parenting. older people are having to take children away from their own children, but their own children weren't raised correctly (or they would be responsible) so the older person is raising grandchildren who will probably follow the same path as the children

back to your question. it is not your responsibility to raise your niece, but if you set an example for her, the end result may be that she will grow into a loving, responsible adult. it is a long, tough, uphill climb, but i guarantee i guarantee the end result will be worth all your efforts. godspeed, bulldog

(bulldog double guarantee - patent pending)

he was in iraq the first year of her life and once he came back the mother got to jobs and started goin drinkin every night and he started goin to school full time and they both said they just couldnt handle her .
so they basicly left me to raise her when im not at school im watching her

Just keep doing what u doing. Taken care of the little girl. U maken life easier for her just by being there for her. Ur brother needs help..he needs to realize kids grow up fast and next thing u know she wont even know her own father.. keep telling him what hes doing is wrong and needs to step it up for his daughtes sake and grow the hell up).

I would say keep doing what you are doing until it becomes a burden for you. I am sure that you are making that little girl's life a lot better. That said, she is not your child, she has a dad and a mom... they are the ones that should be making the sacrifices for her, that is parenthood is all about, its putting a little person benefit before yours.

it has become some what of a burden because im no longer able to spend time with friends or do extra activitys but if i dont take care of her she will get hurt. when shes with her parrents bad things happen she shaved her face frll down stairs got ahold of pills and a knife

Sounds like Child Protection needs to get involved.
Just for legal reasons & you taking care of you.
A thought.

im afraid if i call child protection ill never see her again though

I wish I could say this is the first time I have seen a younger sibling being saddled with the undue responsibilities of a child. It is abusesive to the sibling and is espcially unfair if they are a minor and the older sibling is in a power position. You should always have the choice to babysit. And babysitting should NOT be monopolizeing your prime socializeing time. The skills you learn in highschool are essential for later in life in college and on the job, not to mention in your own realtionships.

This sometimes the parent, actually having to ask is she safe, as kind, loving, and responsible as it is IS NOT YOUR JOB. Mainly because you are not capable of fixing this. You can't control your brother or the sister in law. And I doubt you really even know where to turn.

Or it may not be safe to tell about this situation because evidently your parents either don't know or care about the condition of their grandchild or your welfare since no one seems to be stepping up to the plate.

And it is patently unfair to everyone in your brother's nuclear family. It allows the father to exit the bonding process and evenually will hurt the father child bond. If there is one which is probably stresses by his military deployment. Again his problem not yours.

It also undermines the the Mother big time because the the child will seek and give affection to the substitute which is emotionally painful to the mother. May have something to do with the drinking. But there may be a lot of things contributeing to her drinking but again this is NOT your problem to fix. You are however enableing her to drink by giving her free for all weekends.

And it is confuseing to the child because they feel insecure who is the Mother and rejected by both mother figures as they trade off. Yes it will be a loss for this child if you actually reclaim your distance as an Aunt but how this child learn's to parent is only going to be as good as the example the true mother and father get going.

It is fairly clear that they don't know how to/can't control her and she is being repeatedly bitten ( which in all honesty is usually a two way situation and an agressive attention seeking behavior that your meice is trying to her own demise) but you taking over or not making them find ways to be better parents is NOT Your Job and really not in this little girls best interest.

What is in HER and YOUR best interest is documenting some of the problems if you can. Specificlly how many hours this child in your custody. Anything over 16 hours a day is usually considered abandonment and is defintiely forbidden by standard labor practices if you are the sole caregiver. Your cell phone should have a time stamp but your computer ceratinly does.

Photographing the injuries certainly would be essential. Twelve bite marks self inglicted or other wise is criminal child neglect and abuse if this in happening in Daycare facility.

If the mother is drinking an driving; especially with the child in the car you can report her to the police department anonomousely but will help if you can give the license plate and type and year of the car. It could save her life.

I would suggest talking to your parents first. Sometimes stateing the elephant in the room is helpful. Actually haveing good reasons that you need your time to yourself, like school projects, a job, college applications/visits, developeing job skills is going to have more priority than keeping you off the streets, earning your share in the family, maybe trying to teach you the real costs of unprotected sex; something that probably worries your parents if they are keeping you saddled with your portable form of birth control. Maybe this their way of working off some of your "costs". You don't mention having given your folks any "headaches" but in all fairness even if you have this seems a bit over the top.

And if talking to your parents is failing asking your guadiance counselor at your school to see how they might be able to interceed in your behalf is a good place to start as is as was suggested Child Protective Services. As a mandated reporter your school counselor is obligated to report to CPS and and adult reporting will definitely get things going. Of course you could find yourself in one foster care and your neice in another.

You could try a milder tactic and tell your parents you need to not babysit on school nights that you are having trouble focusing on your homework. It might require you actually applying yourself and improveing your grades but in all honesty I think it is highly likely that as soon as you emancipate you are going to end up having this neice dumpeded on your doorstep and Mommy & Daddy not so dearest are going to disappear all together, Maybe Dad to another deployment and Mom with one of her drinking buddies, If you don't want to spend your life as things are now I suggest you really double down on your school work and get a scholarship so when you graduate you have a good college/doorm to reclaim your freedom.

my mom knows that i spend more time than i should have to watching my neice and she thanks me every time i watch her cause she knows shes safe when i watch her she has the kid about as much as i do she watches her while im at school thursdays and fridays and then when i get home she goes to work till ten pm then when she gets home and i got to bed so i can get up for school the next day then saturdays and sundays she watches the kid while i do homework then she goes to work. my mom wants to file for custody for the kid but shes afraid the second she trys to my brother and his wife will take my niece to texas. and it was originally only supposed to be on day a week but they would drop her off snd then call and say they wouldnt be able to get her till saturday or sunday

Checked back in on this thread because as minimal as it may sound I am praying for your family.

I am encouraged that Mom & Dad are trying to not make this only your problem. That you are talking with each other is good. Problem solveing together gives you leverage in this situation.

I am sorry that is sounds like you are all being held as basicilly silent hostages to this situation.

You don't say if your brother is still active duty or not. If he is his service has free counseling services and on installation day care in most situations. Often it is very high quality and afforable as would be family counseling to include AA Meetings believe me alcohol related problems can end his career and invoke other severe penalties so if your Mom has any influence to encourage him to avail himself and his wife and child to theise services would be a step in the right direction.

As a Biological Grandparents your parents could have some legal rights to visitation or custody especially if there is any documented evidence of abuse or neglect. I would go with Mom to the local Senior Services Center (Dial 211 on Any ATT phone ) and get a referral for resources.

And again I would encourage you and MOM to go to the school guiadance counselor and ask for her suggestions. These are often highly qualified professionals that know where and to talk to in all your local resources.

For what it is worth I am really proud of you for keeping calm and trying to find a way to solve this difficult situation. You are making a difference as frusterateing as it is. Good luck.