AthenaR

When in doubt, go ahead and bump uglies ~Al Pacino

It is religion is it? Dude isn't killing monkeys in a perfume lab or arresting pot smokers isn't dude?

Yes, but life is a gamble.

You meet someone who you really connect with intellectually, emotionally, and socially. You have so much in common it’s as if you’ve known each other for years, and can practically read each others minds. However, there are major points where you don’t agree, and as friends, you choose to overlook these differences, while keeping your distance physically.

As time goes by your friendship evolves, and your feelings do too. Before you realize it you become enamored with each other, something starts nagging at you both, and you want to get even closer, but still in the back of your mind, you know how different from each other that you really are.

Do you risk the connection you already have by taking things to the next level, be it deeper communication, via emails, texts, phone calls, eventually a face to face? Or do you listen to your subconscious that keeps warning you this might end badly, and steady the course you’re already on?

Keeping in mind that the chemistry now between you is gaining the upper hand, so if you decide not to take things further, do you think you’ll be able to handle the unchecked intensity, or would it be wiser to break off the relationship at this point, and chalk it up to two ships passing in the night?

There are 3 words for me that tell the story.

explore
debate
argue

I draw the line right under explore. Debating and arguing take so much energy and time that I run out of gas, and that feeling of unresolve is torture for me. I have no problem with disagreeing but people who fall in the last two categories rarely are able to disagree without an agenda that leads back to the battle. Battling for me is very unattractive and shows a real lack of the ability to understand. I'm not talking about moods here or temporary insanity, but a condition. A condition that people are either built for or not, and if not it is nothing shy of terror and pain. On the other hand, I see people that are built for the ongoing engagement of battle and down-ism. These people see this as normal as I see peacefulness and are driven by a passion of discord through my eyes, but normal through theirs.

For me there's only one choice even if they are really nice people, disengage.

I've known of this situation to happen. For me it was 2 people who were both looking for a friendship that went to the next level. Both enjoying the time spent together and apart. Both were looking for the same thing and found it together and it lasted for months. Then, one day, something just clicked and they went their separate ways. There was no hurt feelings, no regrets. Just 2 people who found each other when they needed to at that time and they both learned more about themselves in the process. They both went their separate ways but still have not lost the connection that they worked on together. That's what makes their friendship what it is. Knowing how alike they are and knowing at the same time about how different they are. Neither one tried to change the other but look out for each other and they both know that as time will pass that the connection they started with will remain the same. The memories they shared were still the kind that keeps the friendship strong even though the relationship part ended.

hello mg, it's nice to see you again... I have to agree with you on the last two... disagreeing is as natural as breathing, it takes very little effort to calmly and rationally come to a compromise that both can successfully agree on, then move on. And for those who must always be right, have the last word or their way, debating and arguing is their means to an end. I personally find it tiresome, and soul vexing, and yes, painfully terror-able. :) Although I can battle within myself, with my moods pitted against my logic and feelings, and it can sometimes be world war three inside of me... but I have always vented the various strategies of these self consuming wars in writing, journaling, etc. it tends to make me a very boring person, but one that I can live with happily.

how much I know the torture of unresolved... when in my heart I want everything to be secure and at peace... I've never been able to grasp the need for spewing the anger and even hatred that we can feel inside at times all over another human being.. when I encounter this type of situation I feel it so deeply that it crushes me in that moment, and I can't help but wonder how any person with feelings can have so much negativity in their hearts that it flows from their souls without shame...

thank you for your thoughts, and allowing me to share mine on this topic...

Your words on this are like harmonic poetry, thanks! I can so relate!

I would have to take the risk. If we both feel mutual about it, awesome. If it ends up a failure, at least we tried. I'd hate to be left wondering :). My name should be Hope instead of Sarah me thinks. lol :)

I get you, sweet... I can be pretty compromising too when I really want something bad enough... but at my age, and desiring only to have one more lasting relationship before I travel to the next world, I want everything to be clicking right from the start... know what I mean?

It's highly unlikely I'm going to get involved with someone who is religious anyway, as it's just not a part of my life at all. Same with someone who is very conservative, as that's pretty opposite of what I am. But who knows. Strange things happen sometimes.

You meet someone who you really connect with intellectually, emotionally, and socially. You have so much in common it’s as if you’ve known each other for years, and can practically read each others minds. However, there are major points where you don’t agree, and as friends, you choose to overlook these differences, while keeping your distance physically.

As time goes by your friendship evolves, and your feelings do too. Before you realize it you become enamored with each other, something starts nagging at you both, and you want to get even closer, but still in the back of your mind, you know how different from each other that you really are.

Do you risk the connection you already have by taking things to the next level, be it deeper communication, via emails, texts, phone calls, eventually a face to face? Or do you listen to your subconscious that keeps warning you this might end badly, and steady the course you’re already on?

Keeping in mind that the chemistry now between you is gaining the upper hand, so if you decide not to take things further, do you think you’ll be able to handle the unchecked intensity, or would it be wiser to break off the relationship at this point, and chalk it up to two ships passing in the night?

My husband and I were "just friends" and nothing more for two years...Gradually we both started feeling "more" for each other and eventually fell in love...We were happily married for nearly 25 years until he passed away in 2010. (Sad!)..We had a lot of common interests but we weren't total clones and carbon-copies of each other either. And this kept things interesting. We didn't let our differences damage or destroy the love we had for each other.

Wow, that a really loaded question to me... a great one, none-the-less.
These days I allow both aspects to continue to take place.
Passion, emotion, hope and desire.
But I do so many other things in the background too.
I think, rationalize, use logic and common-sense too, see?
I check them out... watch what they do... see if it matches what they say.
Internet peeps fall into a whole "other" catagory... 'cause we can only see just so much. Too many gamers online... social vampires that play games with other peeps for a myriad of reasons. But they live their lives online... playing. (A dime a dozen, really. Some better than others and I get fooled often.)

But I guess, in the end... we follow our hearts. (Though that's what some of them bank on). Live and learn.
I think that "chemistry" will always be part of my make-up and a thing that I'll give sway to... but I like to try to mingle a bit of reason with it.
I'll always give love another try... I'm a romantic fool. Some certain people (or people-types), not so much.

GreenEyes, it is sad to hear of your loss...truly... but it brings the joy right back to know that you had many years of devotion between you and your husband, and that the two of you were able to evolve into a lifetime commitment. Keeping things interesting is the magic that makes it all work, I believe, because we never get bored and thereby complacent... thank you for sharing your positive experience..

It's sad because I
liked the neighbor a lot as a friend. He could be caring and sensitive
and fun and playful too...Maybe things might have turned out differently
if he didn't grab me and try to steal a kiss that day!