When a profile (all dating sites, not just this one) includes things like we split cause 'she/he cheated on me' 'married for 20 faithful yrs, she/he just wanted out', my children are priority #1, etc, etc.... that is a BIG OLD RED FLAG. You are not ready to 'get back out there'. You're still carrying around the baggage. AND if your kids are #1, then where in the Hell-o does that leave a potential mate? Now, I'm not saying our children aren't important, they are, but you get the point.....I met a man on another dating site a few years ago, all he talked about was his ex wife. How bad she treated him, she was a terrbile mother, she cheated, yada, yada...Guess what! They got back together. So, what does that make him?..... If you're not ready, don't force it. Some of us have stored our baggage in the attic and are ready to move on.....Take a good long look at yourself and be sure before you take on this responsibility........Just my 2 cents.

the future mate and the children are both priority, just as we love many people differently, agapy love, philio love, etc, yet love them the same. Delegate priorities to each.....in their own respect they are just as important, just in different ways.

I agree. In my opinion, people should think long and hard before 'getting back out there' as you said, after a long relationship. However, someone saying their kids are #1 one is not really something that would bother me. If I met a woman that blatantly prioritized her kids as #1 it would just tell me that she knows what is important and would not sacrifice her children for a mate.

I agree though. Some people want to get right back into dating before they are ready.

there's a difference between talking about the ex all the time because there's still emotions to be dealt with...and talking about the ex all the time because you guys are telling stories to each other about your past, in an effort to know each other better.

i have absolutely no emotional connection to my ex, but i refuse to just not talk about him...after so many years of being WITH him...many of the experiences that make me "me" have come with him.

and no one could ever rate above my babes. in fact, if my kids didn't like a man, for whatever reason...he'd be relegated to "out of their lives". in bringing my children into the world, i made a commitment to do what is right for THEM, above myself.

heh, hence the reason i don't date at all.

I agree with you babydoll!!!! I too steer clear of the men with profiles which say that their kids are their #1 priority...because who the hell who has kids doesnt make their kids the number 1 priority???? Do they have to write it out on a profile??? I have a child too and it goes without saying. When they have to write it in a profile it tells me they there really is no room in their lives for a mate. But they want to get laid!!!!


Men who say their wives, ex gfs, etc were biotches in their profile or in real life....big red flag to me as well because if the ex was a biotch, then guess who will be the next biotch??? Think it doesnt happen??? Ohhhhhhh my ex wife was bla bla bla biotch biotch......Im outta there!!!!

Myself I agree with lulu 100% here.

As far as talking about and ex all the time. Helllo there are feelings there that has not been dealt with and surely needst to be. One can not move on if they are hung up on the past. My past is my past. Now do I at certain times talk to an ex hummmmmmmmm guilty but on a friendship level on feelings have been dealt with and gone. It is only a friendly conversation only.

But now when it comes to My Kids Hellllllllllllllo people but sorrrrrry when you are no longer with the other parent of the kids. Your TOP PRIORTY should be your kids first then you and a relationship. Those that puts another WOMAN OR MAN in front of there KIDS is so WRONG. Now it can in the end work out they are on the same level. But never put someone over your kids. Been there done that and was one of those kids it happen to.

Myself I chose to raise my kids first they are grown now and now it is my time to be with whom I want to be and yes will now put another up there first. For my kids have there own lives. !

The choice I made the last 16 years not to have anyone to live with me while I raised my kids was my choice and to me was only a small price to pay. For my kids and I are very close. But they understand this and they give me the RESPECT I showed them for the choice I made.

I don't see at this time or will ever see that one should put anyone above there kids unless it is God. Now I'm talking once you have split with the other parent and you are now in the dating scene.

I agree with the 'not force it'. One can find themselves right out of the frying pan and back into the fire. I really am enjoying the single lifestyle now. I will admit it took some getting used to. My friends have really helped. I have moved on in a lot of ways. Last night it was cool to be around someone that was the embodiment of all the issues I still have to deal with. I am thinking of nicknaming her Satan.

If feelings are not yet dealt with, then that is my point!!! You're not ready. Deal with that FIRST.......my son is the most important thing in my life, however, I realize he will be grown and gone soon and where does that leave me! All things in moderation! If I'm totally consumed by the kid, there is no room for anyone else.........be realistic is all I'm saying and no head games!!!

I feel the same way babydoll. I feel thats a healthy view on parent child relationships. After all.. we want them to grow up to be Individual, independent people and part of that learning process is viewing your parents in healthy relationships.

i agree with you onehundred percent. i know im not ready to be out there i still have really deep feelings for someone and it isnt right for me to go into another relationship with those feelings for someone else.it isnt fair to anyone who i would be with thats why i deactivated my account on here for a bit i still hop on to talk to some freinds or make freinds but thats all i want right now.it wouldnt be right to get with someone and hurt them because i still am very madly in love with someone else...it doesnt give them a chance,

I know i am not ready do DATE but making friends is diffrent I talk to allot of people n Im and few on here. One of the Hard things for me that I have almost decided that I will not do is date Women with children Not because i do not LIKE children I love um but i put myself in that kids father`s shoes and the kids say your dating there mom and really like her get to know her kids and like them to.If in the end the relationship does not work out It would be hard for the child to lose ANOTHER male figure in their lives that they were close to. I may do it eventually but I consider myself a respecter of the WHOLE situation.I mean I love my kids to and do not get to see them NEAR as much as I would Like but would I want some other man in there lives...no...I don't know its complicated and single mothers trying to re-enter the dating scene have My utmost Sympathy for how hard it is......But Uni I am Ready I just talk to my friends Enjoy the life I have and the time I do have with my kids and when you LEAST expect it just what you are looking for will fall into your lap.

I don't know about the rest of you but "RECENTLY DIVORCED" and those who are only seperated and the divorce isn't final, are a bit NO-NO for me..

To some degree, I agree with you. If someone isn't actually over the past relationship, then they are not ready for the next one.

On the other hand, children should always be the #1 priority in life. When individuals post this statement, they are simply being honest!

I also deactivated my account for a bit and thought about what I really wanted. I am just wanting friends right now because I am still dealing with old baggae that I know will get in the way.

Good for you, sassy.

as far as the married label...each case is different. i, for instance...stayed married for over two years with my ex, living in completely separate cities.

there were no emotions tying us...however, i had HIS daughter. in order to sign for school, doctors, that sort of thing...i had to stay "step-mom"...

I call BS, but hey! What do I know.....My ex and I were apart for 3 years, no one could find him to serve the divorce papers. However, when he was located and the proceedings started, it was tough and the day the divorce was final I was a bit sad. A loss is a loss, and we need time to grieve them...