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| Topic: Liar liar for a partner | |
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ok so everyone lies.... got that. How about I add a twist? The severity of a lie....different? The frequency of lies....different? I'm asking because I'm being told that everyone lies by my ex...whom is an ex for being an impostor type of liar. Someone who paints himself from the beginning as something he is NOT kind of liar. But will also lie about whether he went fishing that day or not. Liar liar liar all the time lying about one thing or the other. I understand that everyone can lie from time to time. In my book though, if you lie to me...you come back with the truth asap and tell me you lied, and that you are sorry, and will try harder to muster the courage to not do it again. Then you get forgiveness. Otherwise? If I have to catch you, it's totally different. To me what lying is??? A lack of courage to tell it like it is. If you did it? FESS it! If you don't want to have to? Then don't do stupid crap to cause the temptation to lie in the first place. Simple. Here's simple... trust your own intuition. Acknowledge that it all hurt you deeply. Quit expectly liars to start telling the truth, just because you've come to an epiphany. (But don't hate liars... focus on loving yerself. And your intuition.) I was abused for years... It will take some time to drop the hatred when I speak of this man. Otherwise, I'm pleased as punch the b**ch is gone! yaaaay!!!! 
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Edited by
mountainwatergirl
on
Mon 01/28/13 04:33 PM
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Btw... I used to BE a pretty big liar myself.
I ran into someone that helped me see what I was doing and how it made me look, and the trouble, stress, it was causing...the energy it took from me. The dignity and integrity it takes to be a person who can be trusted. I cared enough for this person to change. Not over night, but I did get it finished. I still pop off with the wrong thing sometimes, but I go back with my tail between my legs and fess up. I know the more I have to do that, the less I will be believed in the beginning, so I avoid the crap out of it. I'm saying this, cause people CAN and DO change...I did....and hence my waiting 3 plus years for this guy to change after he said he really wanted to change. I guess I found my time limit with him. He's still pestering me and telling me that I'm the horrible one for not waiting for him to change. |
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There are outright lies and there's twisting the truth. You are unlikely to meet anybody that is completely open and honest from the start. They may not even be being honest with themselves.
There are compulsive liars though and they are like trolls. They play this game with you where you just don't know whether to take them seriously or not. It's called winding people up. "I was just flucking with you man". (Is that okay? I don't really get why posters here misspell rude words unless it's just because of other sites that advertise here not wanting swear words or something) |
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Edited by
mountainwatergirl
on
Mon 01/28/13 04:53 PM
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"There are outright lies and there's twisting the truth. You are unlikely to meet anybody that is completely open and honest from the start. They may not even be being honest with themselves.
There are compulsive liars though and they are like trolls." I am however, extremely open and honest about everything right from the start. I don't care what it is. I'm not going to waste someone's time. This is why I hide lol Too many of these types out there. Not wasting any more of my life on romantic relationships. |
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ok so everyone lies.... got that. How about I add a twist? The severity of a lie....different? The frequency of lies....different? I'm asking because I'm being told that everyone lies by my ex...whom is an ex for being an impostor type of liar. Someone who paints himself from the beginning as something he is NOT kind of liar. But will also lie about whether he went fishing that day or not. Liar liar liar all the time lying about one thing or the other. I understand that everyone can lie from time to time. In my book though, if you lie to me...you come back with the truth asap and tell me you lied, and that you are sorry, and will try harder to muster the courage to not do it again. Then you get forgiveness. Otherwise? If I have to catch you, it's totally different. To me what lying is??? A lack of courage to tell it like it is. If you did it? FESS it! If you don't want to have to? Then don't do stupid crap to cause the temptation to lie in the first place. Simple. Here's simple... trust your own intuition. Acknowledge that it all hurt you deeply. Quit expectly liars to start telling the truth, just because you've come to an epiphany. (But don't hate liars... focus on loving yerself. And your intuition.) I was abused for years... It will take some time to drop the hatred when I speak of this man. Otherwise, I'm pleased as punch the b**ch is gone! yaaaay!!!! Well, that seems very well said! Heart-felt and honest. If I appeared to have assumed too much... I apologize. I would never mean to suggest to you or anyone to drop their hatred... merely acknowledge it and accept as part of your "being", and then move forward. As you do move forward... I hope that you'll consider allowing love for others to overwhelm your hate for him. (Just a dream, haha.) Leaving that aspect of your life behind as you build on all the good things that you still possess. Never letting go... take all your baggage with you... just adding to who you already are.   (A happy dance for you...)
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"There are outright lies and there's twisting the truth. You are unlikely to meet anybody that is completely open and honest from the start. They may not even be being honest with themselves. There are compulsive liars though and they are like trolls." I am however, extremely open and honest about everything right from the start. I don't care what it is. I'm not going to waste someone's time. This is why I hide lol Too many of these types out there. Not wasting any more of my life on romantic relationships. Well, I'm a pretty honest person as well and sometimes I'm too honest for my own good. Someone is talking crap for instance and I call them on their BS instead of just letting it slide. There's an argument and we fall out. So yeah, I'm outspoken and some people don't like that. Now, you say that you are completely honest from the start. "This is me, warts and all". But people tend to judge on first impressions. Nobody is perfect. Why should I not wait a bit before I tell someone something that might put them off before they get to know me a bit and think that I'm a good guy? It's just breaking something to somebody slowly. It isn't really lying or doesn't have to be. |
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Edited by
mountainwatergirl
on
Mon 01/28/13 09:52 PM
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"There are outright lies and there's twisting the truth. You are unlikely to meet anybody that is completely open and honest from the start. They may not even be being honest with themselves. There are compulsive liars though and they are like trolls." I am however, extremely open and honest about everything right from the start. I don't care what it is. I'm not going to waste someone's time. This is why I hide lol Too many of these types out there. Not wasting any more of my life on romantic relationships. Well, I'm a pretty honest person as well and sometimes I'm too honest for my own good. Someone is talking crap for instance and I call them on their BS instead of just letting it slide. There's an argument and we fall out. So yeah, I'm outspoken and some people don't like that. Now, you say that you are completely honest from the start. "This is me, warts and all". But people tend to judge on first impressions. Nobody is perfect. Why should I not wait a bit before I tell someone something that might put them off before they get to know me a bit and think that I'm a good guy? It's just breaking something to somebody slowly. It isn't really lying or doesn't have to be. Ah... but your last sentence can get you viewed as an impostor to me. Allow me to explain. if someone has been in prison... wouldnt you want to know? How eager do you think someone is to tell you that right off the bat? But dont you deserve that information so you can access this person's character? Or this: someone has Multiple Sclerosis .... how soon do they tell you? If they said it in the first week, you may not give them a chance to show you who they are. You see there are a lot of things you need to be up front with to give people the correct info about you to make their judgment of your character. Otherwise its like you're trying to impress and ive said on another thread where that goes. Its a lie of omission if its something you know can be a problem. Throw the cards out and let them fall where they may. |
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Tawt,
Bte... you said nobody is perfect... i know... and when people lie they are only trying to cover up imperfections. If we all know we're not perfdct... then why the lie game? If someone cant figure that much out by 40I lol i cant play lol |
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I'm honest when I say that I lie about 15% of the time.
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ok so everyone lies.... got that. How about I add a twist? The severity of a lie....different? The frequency of lies....different? I'm asking because I'm being told that everyone lies by my ex...whom is an ex for being an impostor type of liar. Someone who paints himself from the beginning as something he is NOT kind of liar. But will also lie about whether he went fishing that day or not. Liar liar liar all the time lying about one thing or the other. I understand that everyone can lie from time to time. In my book though, if you lie to me...you come back with the truth asap and tell me you lied, and that you are sorry, and will try harder to muster the courage to not do it again. Then you get forgiveness. Otherwise? If I have to catch you, it's totally different. To me what lying is??? A lack of courage to tell it like it is. If you did it? FESS it! If you don't want to have to? Then don't do stupid crap to cause the temptation to lie in the first place. Simple. people lie about their age...about their shoe size ....about which planet they are from that's why Love is the degree of stupidity that one is willing to endure from a person place or thing if the lies are as such or has reach sure a point that you can not endure them...then you dump them |
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With constant lies comes nothing to left to trust. Without trust there is nothing. I guess there are those who do stay in those types of relationships but there's also victims of physical and emotional abuse that stay in relationships too. I'd be down the road gone if I was getting chit on like that, but then I gotta pair! Ditto....hahaha I find myself agreeing with italianman4u again..... If they feel the need to lie to me all the time there is no trust without that there is no reason to stay in a relationship.. 
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in some shape form or fashion... "Everyone Lies" Oh geez... are you still here? oh geez..I'm probably still here like you are still here to ask me if I'm still here (Ha, don't let my seemlingly obvious emotions come off as a lie... next time try using emoticons I'm really glad that you are. You're profound insights to the obvious are a help to me.) yep. Teditis....it's obvious that you need help .....my pleasure |
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Edited by
navygirl
on
Tue 01/29/13 09:35 AM
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When it comes to lying; I can try but I will get busted every time. I can't look a person in the eye and lie to them. I also feel sick to to my stomach if I have to lie so again; I can't get away with it. I have never lied to a guy I dated and have always told him the truth but I have been very tactful in telling him the truth so it doesn't come out as being nasty but instead constructive criticism. Guess this explains why I am and always will be single.
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I used to see this issue as black and white,
until I discovered a gray area. That being when an individual has endured physical and/or psychological abuse to the extent that they have developed an emotional problem in which they are incapable of telling the truth about anything. Even the smallest and most unimportant issues they can't help but distort the facts the way they see them in their own minds. It's not done with the intent to deceive, it's merely the safest way they feel they can communicate. And, when you have a close relationship with an individual who does this, you eventually can read between the lines automatically, as heavy clues of truth are mixed in with the lies. A lot of times, this is also learned behavior, passed down from parents to children who then grow up and marry outside their culture, where they can be completely misunderstood. With love, patience, and understanding walls can be gotten around. Just my observations from personal experience. |
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How can a couple stay together with one person always lying about things? Big things, small things...does it matter when there's always one lie after the other? What do you think of partners that lie all the time? If you are with a liar, basically all you have to rely on is a lie, so you have nothing. There really isn't a relationship happening at all if one side is all lies. |
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in some shape form or fashion... "Everyone Lies" Oh geez... are you still here? oh geez..I'm probably still here like you are still here to ask me if I'm still here (Ha, don't let my seemlingly obvious emotions come off as a lie... next time try using emoticons I'm really glad that you are. You're profound insights to the obvious are a help to me.) yep. Teditis....it's obvious that you need help .....my pleasure Thanks Funches for pointing out the obvious... again. Yeah I need help... not afraid to say so. How about you? Do you need help... or would you prefer to lie about it? |
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in some shape form or fashion... "Everyone Lies" Oh geez... are you still here? oh geez..I'm probably still here like you are still here to ask me if I'm still here (Ha, don't let my seemlingly obvious emotions come off as a lie... next time try using emoticons I'm really glad that you are. You're profound insights to the obvious are a help to me.) yep. Teditis....it's obvious that you need help .....my pleasure Thanks Funches for pointing out the obvious... again. Yeah I need help... not afraid to say so. How about you? Do you need help... or would you prefer to lie about it? Teditis....what do you say that we just take care of your problems first good buddy......"no lie" |
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Tawt, Bte... you said nobody is perfect... i know... and when people lie they are only trying to cover up imperfections. If we all know we're not perfdct... then why the lie game? If someone cant figure that much out by 40I lol i cant play lol Well, you have a point I suppose and all I was really saying is that I do think that it is important to be honest and I am but I don't know if it's a great idea to hit someone with all of the stuff that could put them off straight away before you have tried to make a good impression first. I have tried it both ways though. I have said to women when I first met them, "There's this thing about me that I should probably just tell you now because if you aren't looking for a guy like me I don't want to waste your time". It's something that they are going to find out anyway, so no point in lying about it really and I just wait for the right moment to say it. I mean, I would be up front about it before I even asked them out on a date. I might downplay it a bit though because even though I've told them I've told them lots of things about myself and you just don't know how people are going to react when they actually meet you and face the reality of it and who you are. Personally, I expect women to tell fibs and not be completely open and honest when I first talk to them and I just had a brief relationship with someone that was rather economical with the truth and reluctant to communicate properly. I don't hate her for it and although she did end up hurting me I believe her when she says that she is trying to be a good person. To be fair, I went into that relationship knowing a few things about her that she was honest about (at least to a certain extent) and I knew that I was getting myself into something that would probably be difficult. I just thought that if we both worked at the relationship we would grow closer together and she would open up and be honest about herself and her feelings but she said that she found it difficult to talk about her feelings and trust and I tried to be patient with her. She wanted a caring patient guy and not someone that was going to intterogate and criticise her and all I could really do was to say that I thought that we needed to have a proper chat but I didn't want to start arguments and I was waiting for her to bring things up in conversation so that we could talk about them. |
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Tawt, Bte... you said nobody is perfect... i know... and when people lie they are only trying to cover up imperfections. If we all know we're not perfdct... then why the lie game? If someone cant figure that much out by 40I lol i cant play lol Well, you have a point I suppose and all I was really saying is that I do think that it is important to be honest and I am but I don't know if it's a great idea to hit someone with all of the stuff that could put them off straight away before you have tried to make a good impression first. I have tried it both ways though. I have said to women when I first met them, "There's this thing about me that I should probably just tell you now because if you aren't looking for a guy like me I don't want to waste your time". It's something that they are going to find out anyway, so no point in lying about it really and I just wait for the right moment to say it. I mean, I would be up front about it before I even asked them out on a date. I might downplay it a bit though because even though I've told them I've told them lots of things about myself and you just don't know how people are going to react when they actually meet you and face the reality of it and who you are. Personally, I expect women to tell fibs and not be completely open and honest when I first talk to them and I just had a brief relationship with someone that was rather economical with the truth and reluctant to communicate properly. I don't hate her for it and although she did end up hurting me I believe her when she says that she is trying to be a good person. To be fair, I went into that relationship knowing a few things about her that she was honest about (at least to a certain extent) and I knew that I was getting myself into something that would probably be difficult. I just thought that if we both worked at the relationship we would grow closer together and she would open up and be honest about herself and her feelings but she said that she found it difficult to talk about her feelings and trust and I tried to be patient with her. She wanted a caring patient guy and not someone that was going to intterogate and criticise her and all I could really do was to say that I thought that we needed to have a proper chat but I didn't want to start arguments and I was waiting for her to bring things up in conversation so that we could talk about them. Hey Tawt. I get where you are coming from. I am always upfront and honest when I meet a guy for the first date. Needless to say; there is never a second date.
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Edited by
mountainwatergirl
on
Tue 01/29/13 11:46 AM
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When it comes to lying; I can try but I will get busted every time. I can't look a person in the eye and lie to them. I also feel sick to to my stomach if I have to lie so again; I can't get away with it. I have never lied to a guy I dated and have always told him the truth but I have been very tactful in telling him the truth so it doesn't come out as being nasty but instead constructive criticism. Guess this explains why I am and always will be single. pretty much me too. I don't get sick when I try to lie...I feel guilty. Massive amounts of guilt. My conscience won't let me hang onto it. I also like to call my conscience Holy Spirit. But I don't want to scare anyone off by talking about ghosts. lol I too, think I will be single from here. Cheers to you Navy lady! You are really cool. I love that you have a career in the Navy. My family is a Navy family too. My cousin, Donna retired a Lieutenant commander. Yaay for girls in the Navy! 
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