What are some of the best whoppers you've ever heard?

had an ex who once told me that he was not able to leave the neighborhood "gentleman's club" to come home because the road in front of it had flooded so he had to stay there till the water receded....

"OK honey sure - I'll hold your dinner for......wait! WHAT!? Run that by me again..."



top that

Mine was "We'll Honey this (my) illegimate child we have on our doorstep is a Blessing for YOU because our twin baby did not make it." Like children are innerchangeable. Yesh!

The biggest one I ever heard was "I love you"

My Mother was (is) a roaring drunk.
One night, when my sister and I were teens,
she threatened to kill my sister in her bed,
in the night.

So my sister said to me, 'You sleep in my bed,
there is a full moon, if she comes to kill me,
the moon will shine on your blonde hair and
she will know it is you and not me, you will be fine.'

I am still here, but looking back, man was I naive :-)

I was too soufie

glad you're still here!

OH Now come on....(hey did u get ur scores?)

that's definitely another "uh-huh"


sorry to hear about your baby though and it was pretty weird for him to try to capitalize on that

at least my ex was just blatantly lazy....and waaaaaay drunk

My Redskins scalped the Cowboys! I believe that RGIII is the second coming of Slamin' Sammy Baugh

"Well, it's kind of small."

Small?! Do you know how much work went into that damn stoop?! Small?!

a stoop is a worthy endeavour. I hope yours had a womderful new year.



if 2 butts can fit on it , it's all good

I started a topic on this one in Parenting Talk:

"Honey, I wanted to be the one to tell you this. I joined eHarmony, and have been on a couple of dates with a woman they matched me with. I'd like us to stay together until I'm sure this is the one.....Besides, I don't think I can be a dad to a child who may be dependent for the rest of his life." My son has special needs...just to explain the last part.

you are freakin' kidding?

ummm, you did say no n'est pas?

My ex did so many stupid things that I can't choose just one he did to me but the one that had to top his remarks was to his second wife after she was in a car accident.... "I didn't know how to get to the hospital you were in." (The hospital is on Hospital Road, that has its own exit on the Highway.......THAT THEIR APARTMENT WAS OFF HOSPITAL ROAD... HALF A MILE AWAY FROM THE HOSPITAL!!!!)

(She called me to let me know what happened and for me to tell my girls, her stepchildren, because she didn't know if he would tell them)

i got a whopper from this cleaning lady

hey united sta, you want sucky, you want *ucky? me love you long time. me so horny. you can do whatever you wan. fifteen dolla

well she *ucked me good, but it didn't take long at all, and it cost me more than fifteen dollars. she was one heck of a cleaning lady. she cleaned me for everything i had except the memory

good stories - I gotta dash ATM - I'll be back

" I will take you to the moon and back." He didn't even leave the ground.

One guy was supposed to pick me up for a date but suddenly one of his "friends" came into town and she didn't like riding with strangers.

There is no way I can top that one!

Oh I most certainly said no....with a few choice words before and after it...lol

WoW... These are great!

I have a few "Call In ones" from my office that made us say Run that by me again!

Best call-ins ever....
A chick called in during one of our Buffalo wind storms and said she couldn't make it in to work because when she opened her front door a mattress flew by her and scared her back in the house!

Another one called in one morning and could'nt come to work because her teenage son snuck in bathroom while she was in the shower and stole all her money.

...and how about we had a dude call off work one time because he was up all night playing Grand Theft Auto and didn't get any sleep!