when I was small my folks were very much in love, and I have memories of them dancing to the Lawrence Welk Show and also sitting on the porches of summer evenings - till I was about 15 or 16....they grew apart and did not seem to communicate much tho they did not argue often. Like Goof tho, I saw enough in the earlier years to know they had been in love at one point

not sure why they grew apart

I think my mom started to resent that she had given up NY Theatre and acting to get married and be a wife...not that it was my dad's fault, but after many years the resentment was there and I don't think either of them knew what to do about it

Someone told me that greatest love you can give your child is to love their parent and that stuck in my mind because the pure evil I saw about relationships in my own "residence" did not give me a clue what they should be about and everything they should not. Fortuneately a few neighbors, some of the early "family" programs, employers, and my inlaws great love for each other was a good model. Sometimes I think you can decide what you DON'T want to be and learn a lot by being anything but.

Yep; that's pretty much the same story about my mom giving up the military to be a wife/mother; and my sister who thought her life was ruined because of children and marriage.

Great points. I learned about relationships from my parents, older sisters, friends, the tv, and personal experience. After being married for over 15 years, I am now separated and re-evaluating what marriage was/is supposed to be about. My dad definitely showed me what NOT to do in a relationship, but there is a super long list and my pencil broke!

I have many memories of my parents being in love. They're still married and in love after 40 years.

You are so fortunate! I don't only have bad memories of moms-n-pops, but it was obvious they weren't happy. I can only summize that if both partners don't keep the feeling going, that (and this) is what happens. I will be honest - I figured that as long I didn't do the bad things that my dad and my wife's dad did, I would be good-to-go. Not.

Well for myself, I do not think marriage and children ruined my life. I am more thankful than I can say for my children. I still believe in marriage but my children's father came from a family where divorce was a common tool used to resolve issues whereas divorce is practically none existent in my family. In hindsight we were raised with a very different view on commitment / what that means in a marriage , and you know what they say about hindsight...

That is why I am now a very strong advocate of dating and marrying only those with very similar personal values - even if different culturally or in hobbies & interests or w/e - values - like how you feel about marriage & commitment - how you solve issues - those things should be similar.

I will never again get involved with a my way or the HYWY type of person, a game player, nor marry someone who believes it is a disposable relationship.

Well, most of the parents I knew in my generation had their ups and downs. Mine was no different. My father loved to drink and that was a big problem. As I always say alcohol and too much of it turns nice people into outright diccks in the blink of an eye. Not everybody's family is perfect. My parents had a lot of disagreements on many things. Still, I saw they were in love a few times. But I guess it wasn't like my friends' families. I think their problem was the fact that they were just too different and whatever brought them together just wasn't there anymore as time gone by. Since my dad had my step-sister some years ago he's been better, my brother has too as he took on many attributes as my dad. One thing that annoys me about people in general is when they shut me out when I didn't do anything wrong. My father doesn't do that anymore and I am glad. My mother on the other hand, she needs to truly let go of the past and move on with her life so she can be free of the craziness. Usually when you are feeling depressed its because you are living in the past. Forgive. Move on. Live.

my parents were in love until my late teens,,,they won many dance constests together and were like best friends, took yearly vacations one with the kids
and one without

as well as weekend getaways,,,etc,,,

they both worked hard providing and they were very much 'one' in terms of the life they shared,,,,

I think for me; I wouldn't have been happy being a housewife and mother as I wanted to learn about myself through travel and the military gave me that option. My best friend is married with kids and quite unhappy and although cares for his wife; neither one loves each other anymore; yet they stay married. I asked him why he got married and had kids; his response was that was expected of him. I think really that is why marriages do fail as people marry for the wrong reasons.

I never even saw my parents kiss...mom always looked sad in pictures with dad. She divorced him when I was 7. Then it was party time! She sold the house & moved us to Hawai'i.

msharmony, I think you hit the nail right on the head. IMNSHO, marriage is about being friends, lovers, then husband & wife. Throw in caring, loving parents once the kids come. If any part is missing, fail usually follows...

Ms Luna, there goes one of those signs my "know-it-all ***" knew, but didn't see until it was too late. I think we stopped that maybe 4 or 5 years ago...:^{