I disagree, respectfully. If a person doesn't know their own mind, desires, values etc. the chances of engaging with a compatible mate are diminished.

First, I am alone because my wife died.

Second, when it comes to dating and romance, there is nothing wrong with a person being picky if that person is willing to wait until a compatible mate appears.

I was age 34 when I met my late wife during a blind date, and prior to going on that blind date, I decided that there would not be a second date with the woman if she did not meet a particular criterion. I was not going to date a woman who did not accept the little girl whom I was supporting. The welfare of that little girl was more important to me than me acquiring a girlfriend.

Nobody here has a right to tell others what their dating standards should be. People have a right to be picky if they so desire. So, the title of this thread is flawed.

this would be good advice except we have become such a lust driven society,, really, few really wants to start something that wont end in some physical intimacy

being 'friends' is a dirty word to too many heterosexual men and women for them to take the time or effort,,

There's nothing wrong with being friends. It's just different than a romantic relationship.

You cannot force someone to be romantically interested in someone they're just not interested in. Why try to do that?

Yes, I think that has a lot to do with why people settle.

I agree. I believe far too many people, though, see a friend relationship as a negative and shoot immediatly for the romance or nothing at all.

For some people, becoming friends first means they'll stay friends.

I wish Id know more of those people, can never have too many friends but lovers/partners seem to come and go ....more readily than friends do

I meant stay friends, rather than become romantic partners.

If people never leave their comfort zone...The ability to learn is diminished.

Being afraid is safer than taking a chance.

If that works for you, I only have one chance at life...Every risk is worth it.

Cripey, every risk? The risk of AIDS or other sexual diseases? The risk of getting assaulted if your new bed mate turns out to have a jealous spouse? What you said sure sounds cool, but I bet you don't even do that yourself. Common sense is always a good idea.

Frankly, I can't see why someone wouldn't be picky if they were looking for a lifetime partner.

hello pancake man - yes I think one can learn a lot about oneself but honestly after a life as long as mine those types of decisions just become too stressful TBH - it is an accumulated stress collection

maybe that's why I have become more cautious & conservative as the years progress

but I have learned a lot about myself and that is not a bad thing - I am fair in a conflict, I do not want to be with someone who does not fully accept me, the worst enemy to a relationship is an ex GF and her friends (where I used to think it was the man's friends )

as examples

I knew there would be one...Common sense is a great idea.

Way to blow my opinion out of context as well, do you frequent the political threads too? Every risk within common sense, where, if I might ask...Is the common sense in automatically shutting someone down because of perhaps only one reason? Hell, I invite you to tell me where the logic is in that too.

You did say every risk. If you meant every risk you choose after using common sense, that's a bit different. You can't expect everyone to be able to read your mind and figure out exactly what you mean.

everyday when we climb out of bed we take the risk of being hit on the head by the open bathroom cabinet door. does that mean we should stay in bed?

I bang my head on the bathroom cuppards everyday at work; you'd think I learned something, but no. 99% of life is just showing up, the rest kinda happens.

Settling is not an option. There is someone for everyone. In my experience, I once dated a man that I was not attracted to at all physically. I dated him because I loved and respected him as a person...hoping that this would be enough for a healthy long-term relationship and that I should overlook the lack of physical attraction as this was shallow and not as important as who he was as a person. That was a big mistake and I would never do that again. No matter how much I cared for and resppected him and enjoyed sharing time and activities with him, I was just simply not attracted to him and time together did not fix that or ever would. So, inevitably, he felt very rejected and hurt as I wasn't ever able to give him the affection and intimacy he needed...and deserved. How can you (or ANYONE) be intimate with someone you're just not physically attracted to? It just doesn't work and eventually, the other person WILL feel hurt and rejected. So of course we broke up and I would never do that again. It's just not fair to either one. It's simply human nature to want to be in a relationship with someone you're also physically attracted to. It's been that way since the beginning of time, still is and always will be. Of course physical attraction isn't the MOST important factor but it is nevertheless an important ingredient to a healthy and long-lasting relationship. It's not being shallow or picky...it's just human nature. There isn't one person I know that has been in a relationship with someone they weren't physically attracted to which turned out to be successful...ever.