I have always believed the fellow I wanted to date would be a gentleman and bring flowers and open doors. I don't expect him to pay for everything, but he should at least offer. Well I met someone who was hurt and isn't doing much at all. I find myself caught up in the idea of the little things that I value a great deal. He has been driving two and a half hours one way to come and see me. So when we go places I drive.

I am just questioning the views on these small things and your views on them. In the beginning of a relationship I would hope for more as most are out to make a good impression.

He could be only half heartedly going through the motions of dating if he's hurt as you said he is.

italianman maybe ur right. I told him something feels off before seeing him yesterday. I have seen him for a month and a part of me is just real unhappy cus of the lack of these little gestures which can be superficial in some ways. I say this because I married a guy who acted like Prince Charming, but then he lied and had compulsive issues so it wasn't even real.

We went to Hershey yesterday and he didn't even offer to pick up my ticket. He wants to come for Christmas but I guess Im afraid Ill be paying for dinner and putting forth all the effort.

maybe he feels the long commute is enough of a contribution. have you gone first and made small gestures that he had not reciprocated? If so it may not work for u....

main thing is if ur not happy - take a break

u could suggest meeting 1/2 way during the holidays & see if he offers any suggestions then the burden would not be on u to play hostess every time. He also needs to realize that playing hostess is just as large a contribution as commuting.

If you have any interest in pursuing a relationship with this guy, COMMUNICATE with him. Tell him you'd prefer he open your doors, and occasionally surprise you with flowers. Make it clear that if he comes for Christmas, that you expect him to help,try something like . . . "I'll start the turkey (or ham) Christmas eve, but you need to come early and help me make pies, or you get to do the dishes. :), or ask him to bring or buy specific things for the dinner. If he is putting out the effort to drive that far to see you, he must like you. Be patient, communicate with him, see what happens. Hope it all works out. :)

Look if a guy is truly a gentleman and is truly interested in the girl then he will do all the little gestures and go all out to do his best to win you thoroughly!

Just saying what's right and how I am when I want to win somebodies heart. But then I'm not your average guy maybe

those are good observations, Penny, and most of us aren't mind readers that's for sure. sometimes I wonder tho' do we want a man who behaves in a way we like without being told to?? that would be my preference even tho it seems a little unfair.

I don;t think I am the kind of woman who is comfortable telling a man to do those things so that would not work for me.....but it is an interesting question, I think.

I truly believe that 'expectations' can kill any
relationship no matter the timeline.

He makes much effort to see you,
you also do your part.

Count your blessings, before comparing him
to the world at large and all the things
you think should be happening.

All relationships are different and an open
heart goes a long way towards mediating any
situation.

Good luck :-).

my question is based on flowers and small gestures. What is popular opinion on such things?

I repeat my last entry, if a guys worth his salt at all
Then he's doing what it takes.

I like flowers and small things like opening doors,the are nice, and they do make us feel important. But then again, the last guy I dated insisted on opening every door, every time, the house door,the car door, getting in and getting out. It was nice, but it kinda made me feel helpless. . .maybe i've just been single too long. LOL

Five hours or 300 to 400 mile trips are expensive these days...Not to mention time investment and wear and tear on his vehicle....You didn't say how often he makes the trip or mention anything about his financial situation, his work schedule, if he has children he supports...All of these things could have an influence on his ability to pick up the tab or buy extras like flowers...Maybe he would like to, but can't....It's a touchy subject, but it might be time to have the money discussion...

So much good advice here, I hope some of it helps....

I like that occasionally from someone I am interested in & involved with. I don;t think it is needed on a first date - jmho

I don't think it is an obligation.

Always such wisdom in your posts soufie.

Well, I think different personality types do things differently. Some can start off strong, but fizzle out as time sets in. Others will wait until getting to know you, and feel comfortable showing a display as such. Some ladies wiould think your trying way to hard, if thats done at first...Not all guys are "chasers" or are romantic. He may feel or be waiting for what seems to him as a warranted event.

Communication is key. Talking about what you expect will either get you what your looking for, or you may find him not wanting to do things to meet your expectations, because it may not be in him.

I disagree to a point with italianman. what if her expectation is a million dollar house, kids and super romantic geustures at every moment, while being complimented during each moment he's not being romantic...

Some use salt, some sugar. We aren't all the same.

He should be showing signs that he does care in some way.do you know, what comes natural to him and you in your differences of expectation and personality?

I always open doors for any lady but I never bring flowers. I instead always bring a six pack. I usually find the evening more enjoyable if I can get her a little loopy..........

what if she's not a beer drinker?

I don't know. I live in Kentucky darlin the odds are pretty good....

Hey Newark...now your not being consistent from what I've read. I thought all the ladies you've dated, we're loopy before you got there?

I've never been on a first date where a guy brought flowers. I'd love to get flowers. It would be a sweet thing.