Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: Flowers on first date or not
Cypho Joined Sat 11/03/12 Posts: 3	Sun 12/02/12 01:06 PM
I have to agree with u. I dont get the point of tellin a guy what to do. I mean isnt that common sense? In my opinion the guy is depressed and his lethargic behaviour wil not change anytime soon until he gets a wake up call.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sun 12/02/12 01:48 PM
going dutch is the best way to enter the friend zone. flowers are great. reciprocation is great too. every 4th dinner you could plan but the other 3 should be his or he is not taking on a masculine role which you seem to be ruminating on. Its a matter of preference tho. Know what you want and if he wants something else its just not a match, nothing to be hurt over...you both are at a loss, not just him, and both of you should get back on the market. I disagree. Though if you're spending too much time worrying over who is paying, chances are you aren't a great match. I just don't agree that him paying or not makes him more or less masculine, or that going Dutch means you're friends.

Leigh2154 Joined Sun 10/02/11 Posts: 16479	Sun 12/02/12 01:58 PM
going dutch is the best way to enter the friend zone. flowers are great. reciprocation is great too. every 4th dinner you could plan but the other 3 should be his or he is not taking on a masculine role which you seem to be ruminating on. Its a matter of preference tho. Know what you want and if he wants something else its just not a match, nothing to be hurt over...you both are at a loss, not just him, and both of you should get back on the market. I disagree. Though if you're spending too much time worrying over who is paying, chances are you aren't a great match. I just don't agree that him paying or not makes him more or less masculine, or that going Dutch means you're friends. Agree....And keeping track doesn't work for me either...

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sun 12/02/12 02:07 PM
Keeping track wouldn't do it for me, either. It would seem like someone is trying to one up the other, or thinks the other owes them something.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Sun 12/02/12 02:35 PM
I've never been on a first date where a guy brought flowers. I'd love to get flowers. It would be a sweet thing. took flowers to a guy once embarrassed him- his friends were all around...

Mystique42 Joined Thu 04/12/07 Posts: 5045	Sun 12/02/12 02:51 PM
italianman maybe ur right. I told him something feels off before seeing him yesterday. I have seen him for a month and a part of me is just real unhappy cus of the lack of these little gestures which can be superficial in some ways. I say this because I married a guy who acted like Prince Charming, but then he lied and had compulsive issues so it wasn't even real. We went to Hershey yesterday and he didn't even offer to pick up my ticket. He wants to come for Christmas but I guess Im afraid Ill be paying for dinner and putting forth all the effort. maybe he feels the long commute is enough of a contribution. have you gone first and made small gestures that he had not reciprocated? If so it may not work for u.... main thing is if ur not happy - take a break u could suggest meeting 1/2 way during the holidays & see if he offers any suggestions then the burden would not be on u to play hostess every time. He also needs to realize that playing hostess is just as large a contribution as commuting. Yes I have made invitations for a romantic dinner with a menu with choices for him, I took him out for seafood for his birthday, and I set up a sitter so we could go dancing but he didn't want to go dancing so he chose a movie to go to... Lincoln. I told him it would be nice if he could cook once/ even if we cook together and he stated he could make pancakes the next day but then my son ate sausages and he said my son ate. My son has Downs and doesn't eat pancakes. He did buy Reeses for my son. Yet I feel like he is dating my son.

Mystique42 Joined Thu 04/12/07 Posts: 5045	Sun 12/02/12 02:58 PM
going dutch is the best way to enter the friend zone. flowers are great. reciprocation is great too. every 4th dinner you could plan but the other 3 should be his or he is not taking on a masculine role which you seem to be ruminating on. Its a matter of preference tho. Know what you want and if he wants something else its just not a match, nothing to be hurt over...you both are at a loss, not just him, and both of you should get back on the market. I disagree. Though if you're spending too much time worrying over who is paying, chances are you aren't a great match. I just don't agree that him paying or not makes him more or less masculine, or that going Dutch means you're friends. I agree that who pays doesn't constitute a relationship or a friendship, but the question is on the little things when dating... perhaps flowers, opening doors, the little things that say I AM THINKING about you. A card, a phone call or a text... those kinds of things.

Toodygirl5 Joined Fri 10/26/12 Posts: 14836	Sun 12/02/12 03:01 PM
If I am really into the Man, I would be willing to compromise in some areas. I can usually tell if a man is putting his best foot forward. I have had enough dates to know that.

notsoincognito Joined Fri 11/30/12 Posts: 178	Sun 12/02/12 03:39 PM
my question is based on flowers and small gestures. What is popular opinion on such things? Small gestures I feel are fine... however opening car doors is a little OTT.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Sun 12/02/12 03:44 PM
my question is based on flowers and small gestures. What is popular opinion on such things? Small gestures I feel are fine... however opening car doors is a little OTT. really and if ur not expecting it he could end up hitting you with it or vice versa - happened to me .....in valet parking tho, not on a date

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Sun 12/02/12 04:06 PM
going dutch is the best way to enter the friend zone. flowers are great. reciprocation is great too. every 4th dinner you could plan but the other 3 should be his or he is not taking on a masculine role which you seem to be ruminating on. Its a matter of preference tho. Know what you want and if he wants something else its just not a match, nothing to be hurt over...you both are at a loss, not just him, and both of you should get back on the market. I disagree. Though if you're spending too much time worrying over who is paying, chances are you aren't a great match. I just don't agree that him paying or not makes him more or less masculine, or that going Dutch means you're friends. Ive been really good friends with fellahs since early childhood even. So much so, that if a man has romantic interest in me, he has to really hit me over the head about it. I dont mean for them to have to, its just been how it works for me. I never worry about who's paying acourse, (or how often/generalisation) because Im there because I enjoy their company. Just sayin that it will be friend zone, happily, if its not obvious. klc u took the words right outta my mouth - I feel ezzzzactly the same and that's not gonna change any time soon they way they complain about women chasing them it makes me even more reticent..... I sure don;t wanna get accused of that

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sun 12/02/12 05:52 PM
going dutch is the best way to enter the friend zone. flowers are great. reciprocation is great too. every 4th dinner you could plan but the other 3 should be his or he is not taking on a masculine role which you seem to be ruminating on. Its a matter of preference tho. Know what you want and if he wants something else its just not a match, nothing to be hurt over...you both are at a loss, not just him, and both of you should get back on the market. I disagree. Though if you're spending too much time worrying over who is paying, chances are you aren't a great match. I just don't agree that him paying or not makes him more or less masculine, or that going Dutch means you're friends. Ive been really good friends with fellahs since early childhood even. So much so, that if a man has romantic interest in me, he has to really hit me over the head about it. I dont mean for them to have to, its just been how it works for me. I never worry about who's paying acourse, (or how often/generalisation) because Im there because I enjoy their company. Just sayin that it will be friend zone, happily, if its not obvious. I understand wanting a sure sign that the person is interested in you as more than friends. However, friends have paid for a meal for me before and that didn't change us to being more than friends. So, I don't think that a guy paying for a meal is a sure sign something more is going to happen. I'd look at other things to see if there's actually a romantic interest. But, different things work for different people.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Sun 12/02/12 05:57 PM
going dutch is the best way to enter the friend zone. flowers are great. reciprocation is great too. every 4th dinner you could plan but the other 3 should be his or he is not taking on a masculine role which you seem to be ruminating on. Its a matter of preference tho. Know what you want and if he wants something else its just not a match, nothing to be hurt over...you both are at a loss, not just him, and both of you should get back on the market. I disagree. Though if you're spending too much time worrying over who is paying, chances are you aren't a great match. I just don't agree that him paying or not makes him more or less masculine, or that going Dutch means you're friends. Ive been really good friends with fellahs since early childhood even. So much so, that if a man has romantic interest in me, he has to really hit me over the head about it. I dont mean for them to have to, its just been how it works for me. I never worry about who's paying acourse, (or how often/generalisation) because Im there because I enjoy their company. Just sayin that it will be friend zone, happily, if its not obvious. klc u took the words right outta my mouth - I feel ezzzzactly the same and that's not gonna change any time soon they way they complain about women chasing them it makes me even more reticent..... I sure don;t wanna get accused of that dont go changin girl. just pontificatin bout the conditions of the psyche when it comes to a courtin n junk iain't worried 'bout his junk- it's all good

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sun 12/02/12 06:14 PM
not about the paying so much as leading. Im not for sale n such. Oh, I see you may have misread me when I said 'planning' maybe you thought it said paying. You said: "going dutch is the best way to enter the friend zone." So, from that, I would think that you want him to pay, so that it won't go into the friend zone and that you know he's interested. Sure, it's nice when guys can plan great dates. I can't speak for others, but I like planning dates sometimes, too. And sometimes, it's fun to plan them together as well.

Syncope Joined Sun 03/04/12 Posts: 5	Sun 12/02/12 06:20 PM
Just my opinion, but does it really matter? if you enjoy spending time with him and he makes you happy, does it matter if you have to open your own doors? If hes not making you happy enough to let go of the fact hes not traditionally romantic then i would suggest moving on. Because its not a lack of flowers thats making you want to change him

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Sun 12/02/12 06:24 PM
Just my opinion, but does it really matter? if you enjoy spending time with him and he makes you happy, does it matter if you have to open your own doors? If hes not making you happy enough to let go of the fact hes not traditionally romantic then i would suggest moving on. Because its not a lack of flowers thats making you want to change him despite popular theory I don;t want to change a man - I want to find him already assembled. I just don't want him to open the car door into me, nor do I wish to embarass him by bringing him flowers with his sweaty basketball/hockey/tag FB friends around

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sun 12/02/12 06:32 PM
not about the paying so much as leading. Im not for sale n such. Oh, I see you may have misread me when I said 'planning' maybe you thought it said paying. You said: "going dutch is the best way to enter the friend zone." So, from that, I would think that you want him to pay, so that it won't go into the friend zone and that you know he's interested. Sure, it's nice when guys can plan great dates. I can't speak for others, but I like planning dates sometimes, too. And sometimes, it's fun to plan them together as well. Ya, but you seem to be stuck on money. the dutch comment was in reply to the other comments about it. Sometimes things that cost money are less interesting to me. I asked one date if we could just pack sandwiches and go to the river to hang out and he insisted on a restaraunt. We werent such a good match and this kinda illustrated that. I hated the restaraunt and even told him so. I never needed him to pay for anything, just to show interest in making me happy too. I only focused on the money aspect because of what you said. And I gave my opinion about going dutch and planning dates. We certainly do not have to agree. I just happened to disagree with what you said and offered my own opinion. I am not trying to change yours. That being said, if he's decided on a restaurant that I don't like, I'd probably let him know before going, as it would be better to go to a place we both like. If that bothered him, then yes, it would show we're probably not on the same page. I like more casual dates as well.

TxsGal3333 Joined Tue 09/05/06 Posts: 76412	Sun 12/02/12 06:38 PM
I repeat my last entry, if a guys worth his salt at all Then he's doing what it takes. I could not agree more... And if they are not or being with them makes you feel as if your missing something...most likely you are.. I'm one that normally if it is not there within the first few months then it is time to move on. As far as doing the little things those are the things that keeps a relationship alive ....that is along as it is done by both... Myself I'm not to much into the flowers heck just do something nice ask me if I want a glass of tea when they are getting one..it is things like that in the long run that means the most. As far as opening the door I don't expect it but I do enjoy it...A man/woman that can not show another kindness or can show that they think about the other on can make or break a relationship...

Mystique42 Joined Thu 04/12/07 Posts: 5045	Sun 12/02/12 06:38 PM
not about the paying so much as leading. Im not for sale n such. Oh, I see you may have misread me when I said 'planning' maybe you thought it said paying. You said: "going dutch is the best way to enter the friend zone." So, from that, I would think that you want him to pay, so that it won't go into the friend zone and that you know he's interested. Sure, it's nice when guys can plan great dates. I can't speak for others, but I like planning dates sometimes, too. And sometimes, it's fun to plan them together as well. Ya, but you seem to be stuck on money. the dutch comment was in reply to the other comments about it. Sometimes things that cost money are less interesting to me. I asked one date if we could just pack sandwiches and go to the river to hang out and he insisted on a restaraunt. We werent such a good match and this kinda illustrated that. I hated the restaraunt and even told him so. I never needed him to pay for anything, just to show interest in making me happy too. I have to say I wasn't exactly thrilled to go and see the movie Lincoln but I figured I'd let him choose the movie cus I believe it is about wanting to be together. However my old fashioned values are still intact. Yet I am reexamining those values cus my ex was Prince Charming and in the end none of that mattered. I am seeking the fella who communicates and is willing to weed out the garden when the relationship needs tending to. We live in a throw away society and I certainly hoped for that relationship that lasted fifty years.

Mystique42 Joined Thu 04/12/07 Posts: 5045	Sun 12/02/12 06:41 PM
I repeat my last entry, if a guys worth his salt at all Then he's doing what it takes. I could not agree more... And if they are not or being with them makes you feel as if your missing something...most likely you are.. I'm one that normally if it is not there within the first few months then it is time to move on. As far as doing the little things those are the things that keeps a relationship alive ....that is along as it is done by both... Myself I'm not to much into the flowers heck just do something nice ask me if I want a glass of tea when they are getting one..it is things like that in the long run that means the most. As far as opening the door I don't expect it but I do enjoy it...A man/woman that can not show another kindness or can show that they think about the other on can make or break a relationship... I totally agree with this and it's the thoughts that count. I stuck a note in his pocket for him to find after he left.... but I feel like I'm the only one doing this stuff and I guess it worries me.