don't short change yourself.. you can do ANYthing you put your MIND to

I'm just the kind of person who does best when I have someone to be working towards. A good relationship and family is my biggest goal, more so than my career.

these days you can't have a good life withOUT a career of SOME kind.. life is also about sacrifice.. a lil now will get you MUCH farther later on.. these are words of experience.. I've made MANY a sacrifice.. and some have REALLY paid off..

I used to tell my kids NOT to be in a hurry to be an adult.. now? they wished they'd listened!!

"all good things come.. to those who wait!" & "nothing earned without hard work.. is appreciated AS much"

I can focus on a career and a person at the same time, I focus best on both when I have both at the same time, I don't know why it's just how I am. And since my parents got divorced when I was young I was forced to become an adult much faster than some people my age. And now for some reason now I can be naturally impatient sometimes, so that whole waiting thing while it sounds nice never seems to work for me.

Your probably not going to listen to anything anyone is going to say because you are the typical 19 year old who thinks just because you want it your way that life is Like Burger King you just walk in demand what you want and they hand it to you. Even if it something out of the ordinary for the area.

Just having an unhappy childhood where Mommy and Daddy didn't listen to your whineing doesn't mean you are any more mature than your peers. If you are going to some computer generated shack up for the weekend as your first and only date you clearly are not "street wise".

But You are an incredibly lucky kid that is going to college, something billions of people would give their right arm for, and instead of hitting the books, getting involved in/with your college, or even showing some appreciation for the fact that your parents probably are co-signed up to their eyeballs for your tuition you are stupid enough to think you can keep your studies up and chaseing around going to some shack up for the holidays not even through your first semester. Wow no gratitude with attitude headed for a flunk out.

No wonder your "lover" couldn't get rid of you fast enough. He sees how you treat your family, which probably is insulting to him (because it is pretty clear you are in the closet to them) to get whatever you can get out of them, and he probably doesn't like being used for a play date. My guess is you didn't lift a finger all holiday and he got tired of you mooching but didn't need the drama of making a scene running you off. Pretty clear he is peeved to dump you on line. Chances are he has pretty much told his side of the story somewhere too.

Which buy the way you just shot a BIG old hole in your employment possibilities so you really better focus on your education because like it or not employers do look on line and they do discriminate so I would recommend employment counseling. And expect even some of your scholarship funding to dry up. Is that fair? No, but that is the real world bub.

You want to be a grown up Gay Man then quit pimping your pity party and make something out of yourself. You mess up the opportunity you have to get your education and a real job you are going to find that you will be out on the corner begging for crumbs and you will have a lot worse problems than getting the ditch after a Thanksgiving trist.

You actually are even pretty lucky that you didn't end up dead trying to pick up on the few gay people on your discriminatory environment. My guess is you don't give a hang who you out or endanger and you are going to face a lonely couple of years if you keep running your mouth to strangers and posting your bussiness photos on line. You need to grow up, face your reality, and stop pretending you are a victim or you may soon be one.

You don't believe what I am telling you then you need to get your young behind to a metropolitian GLBT Support Center and educate yourself. Most of the gay teen deaths never make it to hate crime status or the newspapers but I assure you they happen all the time.

Since as much as you resent your parents not "getting it" they are trying so the least you could do is get some counseling about being honest about who you are and tell them what you are doing. They sure don't deserve to spend their Christmas holidays wondering if the morgue is going to call but if you keep being reckless that may be exactly what they do.

Since the entire thread screams me, me, me I also suggest you do some research on on getting health protection or you are not going to live to be a healty old Gay Man. You really don't want to know what life with Hep C, Herpes, or Aids is like.

You don't like the lecture well don't whine not everyone has a lot of sympathy for selfish and this thread screams that. Lot of nice people tried to tell you and support you and pretty much all they got was a lot of lip instead of a Thank you. Guess we can only hope some of it sinks in. Good Luck think your going to need it.

I never said that I had an unhappy childhood or that I whined to my parents all the time. I was raised by a single mother who raised us all to value hard work and I am the only one of my siblings who helps her. Right now I am living at home to take care of her and have no assistance from either of my parents for college. My father doesn't care and my mother doesn't have the money. But even though they aren't helping me with that I still appreciate them for what they have done, especially my mother.

And I wasn't mooching off of anyone. I paid for most of the food and took care of myself. I also made sure to help my mother clean and cook for my family's meal on Thanksgiving before I even left. Also I am out to my entire family and I share just about everything with them.

I really am sorry if I bothered you or anyone else here. I wasn't meaning to throw a pity party or anything though I can see how it could be taken that way. I really am thankful for everyone here's advice and all of will most likely be used. Thank you as well for what advice you gave me that I can actually use, but please don't just assume things about me without even really knowing me.

Yep.

I'm sorry if you think I was just giving you lip, I didn't mean to sound like that at all.

Listen to the wise lady, these two quotes above are HUGE keys to success alone. You will find what your looking for along the way. Focus on what is good, like school and learn about who you are, and what you want to become, to help shape your life in the future. If you take a wrong turn before you get to where your going. It can really mess up what your ultimate plans would be long term and possible regret.

I understand and am sorry if I didn't seem like I was listening. Some of that I have certainly begun to learn first hand.

I appreciate that.

But the real person being hurt here is you.

If you really cannot focus on your life and your goals without having a significant other in your life, you are going to fail. At everything. Your happiness depends on who you're with rather than who you are. This means you may find brief periods of happiness in life but it will ALWAYS be followed by longer periods of unhappiness.

I hope you think about that.

I understand and you're right. I think sometimes I just get obsessive over finding someone a lot like the stereotypical teenager and I know it's stupid of me. Feelings are just something that are hard to control and I have to learn to control them so I can focus on more important things.

Just saying this is good info, your receiving. No need to be sorry to me. You have your own will and drive, just don't let your emotions control your every move. You sound responsible, and being put in that position early in life, you gain sink or swim abilities, they will come in handy, as your finding out. As long as you consider what seems good from these conversations, let the ideas from them stew in your mind and maybe they will help along the way.

I never said that I had an unhappy childhood or that I whined to my parents all the time. I was raised by a single mother who raised us all to value hard work and I am the only one of my siblings who helps her. Right now I am living at home to take care of her and have no assistance from either of my parents for college. My father doesn't care and my mother doesn't have the money. But even though they aren't helping me with that I still appreciate them for what they have done, especially my mother.

And I wasn't mooching off of anyone. I paid for most of the food and took care of myself. I also made sure to help my mother clean and cook for my family's meal on Thanksgiving before I even left. Also I am out to my entire family and I share just about everything with them.

I really am sorry if I bothered you or anyone else here. I wasn't meaning to throw a pity party or anything though I can see how it could be taken that way. I really am thankful for everyone here's advice and all of will most likely be used. Thank you as well for what advice you gave me that I can actually use, but please don't just assume things about me without even really knowing me.


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That you say you appreciate what your Mom has done is encourageing. That is not the vibe your original post put out there. It is good to be careful of that because it will bite you.

If you are living at home at 19 with a single Mom then to some extent you are still living off your Mom even if you are chipping in and helping with siblings; which IMHO you should. In real families that is what respectable men do.

At 19 I know you think you are helping. I seriously doubt you really carry as much as you think but when you are another decade or so older you will get what I am saying better so I am not going to beat a dead horse. If your Mother is willing it probably would be respectful to actually learn a little more about the realitys and what it is you are not covering but are claiming. It will defintiely help you when the time comes that you are.

And don't get me wrong you should keep your behind at home until you finish college rather than bury yourself in student debt. The sooner you can get into a professional position the better. If you Mom was a long term single mom it is highly unlikely that her retirement looks too golden and she will need your help in the future.

But an adult man in the home, especially and adult gay man child, sure doesn't help her chances of moving on with her life. I know been there done that. And it is not just male friends it is her ability to have lady friends over when a man/child is in the house. Your Mom's friends may actually like you but trust me you are not their peers or Moms and never will be. Which is really ok. Just means you need recognize the realities.

Only you can really know if you were not mooching. Perception is not always reality. If you were having your private life at his house because you don't have your own then there is a certain "expense" to your visit that paying or your own food and carrying for yourself doesn't cover. Again this is something you will get better when you are out on your own. And may well have been part of the reason for the ditch.

I hope you will take the applicable advice. I am relieved to hear you are out to your family and hope you will continue to help them understand and support you being who you are in a safe way. As should greater society. If what I blast at you makes you think then it is worth it to me to be a bit of Biotch getting it across to you. My personal opinion too often people try to ignore or candy coat the risks trying to say something in some soft spoken PC way and it does little to guide young people who are also Gay see what they really have to deal with.

I will Thank You for responding because it does make me more hopeful for your having a bright future if you do listen.

Know you probably hate it but I do care about our Mingle Babes. In another decade I hope you are Greeting, leading, checking, and guideing the new crop of "Babes" .

And PS in that decade or so if you will just "lighten up" on worrying about it you WILL find someone to love and be loved by. And probably laugh at how fast the time that seems to be crawling by now went by. My prediction is as "family" oriented as it seems you are you will probably be married with a family of your own. Hopefully the laws nationwide will soon allow that. I know great Dual-Dad's families and they are very happy so try not to worry.

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That you say you appreciate what your Mom has done is encourageing. That is not the vibe your original post put out there. It is good to be careful of that because it will bite you.

If you are living at home at 19 with a single Mom then to some extent you are still living off your Mom even if you are chipping in and helping with siblings; which IMHO you should. In real families that is what respectable men do.

At 19 I know you think you are helping. I seriously doubt you really carry as much as you think but when you are another decade or so older you will get what I am saying better so I am not going to beat a dead horse. If your Mother is willing it probably would be respectful to actually learn a little more about the realitys and what it is you are not covering but are claiming. It will defintiely help you when the time comes that you are.

And don't get me wrong you should keep your behind at home until you finish college rather than bury yourself in student debt. The sooner you can get into a professional position the better. If you Mom was a long term single mom it is highly unlikely that her retirement looks too golden and she will need your help in the future.

But an adult man in the home, especially and adult gay man child, sure doesn't help her chances of moving on with her life. I know been there done that. And it is not just male friends it is her ability to have lady friends over when a man/child is in the house. Your Mom's friends may actually like you but trust me you are not their peers or Moms and never will be. Which is really ok. Just means you need recognize the realities.

Only you can really know if you were not mooching. Perception is not always reality. If you were having your private life at his house because you don't have your own then there is a certain "expense" to your visit that paying or your own food and carrying for yourself doesn't cover. Again this is something you will get better when you are out on your own. And may well have been part of the reason for the ditch.

I hope you will take the applicable advice. I am relieved to hear you are out to your family and hope you will continue to help them understand and support you being who you are in a safe way. As should greater society. If what I blast at you makes you think then it is worth it to me to be a bit of Biotch getting it across to you. My personal opinion too often people try to ignore or candy coat the risks trying to say something in some soft spoken PC way and it does little to guide young people who are also Gay see what they really have to deal with.

I will Thank You for responding because it does make me more hopeful for your having a bright future if you do listen.

Know you probably hate it but I do care about our Mingle Babes. In another decade I hope you are Greeting, leading, checking, and guideing the new crop of "Babes" .

And PS in that decade or so if you will just "lighten up" on worrying about it you WILL find someone to love and be loved by. And probably laugh at how fast the time that seems to be crawling by now went by. My prediction is as "family" oriented as it seems you are you will probably be married with a family of your own. Hopefully the laws nationwide will soon allow that. I know great Dual-Dad's families and they are very happy so try not to worry.


Thank you, I really am grateful for your advice and I think I understand your concerns for the most part. I appreciate you not sugar coating things and doing your best to just saying how it is. Too many people just sugar coat things and I try not to be one of those people when someone comes to me for advice. Even if it seems a bit harsh and hurtful at first sometimes, in the end it is the best way to get through honest advice to people.

I'm just thankful you didn't put "OLD" in between the wise and lady

Shiashu, I'll say this..
yes.. I heard some whining and 'yeah but' attitude in there.. but it's nothing new as I have kids right around your age so I tend to just pass over those self-indulgent thoughts as in the end.. you'll do whatever it is you WANT to do.. I just hope that the suggestions given so far.. will at least cause you to pause.. and THINK! that said.. it read to me that you just needed to put this out there so you could get some honest feedback.. and regardless of age.. we all need someone to talk things thru with at times.. sometimes just to confirm our beliefs OR show us something we hadn't yet thought about... I'm not judgmental.. and typically jumping the gun only ends up making azzes of ourselves.. there are too many variables in life to know exactly where someone is coming from OR assume the whole situation..so I prefer to ASK questions then just jump in and make an AZZ of myself! Sometimes people read what they WANT to read.. but don't take time to actually re-read it to make sure they've gotten the gist.. so no apologies necessary as far as I'm concerned!

bottom line is.. you'll figure it out as you go along.. just have a lil faith in YOU.. what will be.. WILL! and again, you have NOTHING to feel or be sorry about.. expressing ourselves is how we grow.. so your choices in life are yours alone.. no one elses.. however things turn out.. just remember to take responsibility of yourself in the end and don't loose sight of your future!

one of the mantras I live by.. "the past is history so live for today but PLAN for the future"

well said!