I am mostly referring to deadbeat dads, as a single mom it ticks me off personally

I am aware that women walk away from their kids too, so the thread is not specifically for one gender or another, my reference is just dads because thats my personal experience


what can the culture do to start promoting responsible parenting as opposed to just 'responsible sex'?

how do we encourage commitment to family instead of just to our own desires,,,,?


I dont want to be angry during times of struggle when I think of how someone could create a life and then walk away and go on with no concern except for themself, when I wake up , live, and go to bed with that life as my number one priority....


the 'gifts' are better than nothing, and I know many dont even do that much,, but sometimes it just pisses me off slightly that I have all the responsibility and this other person actually feels like they are being a 'parent' by sending some occasional gifts,,,


ARGGGGGGG,,,,, sigh


vent over

Not blaming, maybe ladies need to learn more about the men they chose BEFORE becoming pregnant?

I also think men need to be held responsible for their actions. I have been there done that, so feel safe in my opinion.

Both parties are at fault for not protecting themselves from becoming parents if children were not wanted. Being young, dumb and you know the rest... makes life difficult sometimes. Been there and done that myself. I even got pregnant through all of the different birth controls, had to get a tubal ligation to stop from getting pregnant. But if he would have worn his protection it might not have mattered that mine didn't work.

Second, yes it is hard to pin someone down for obligated child support. They are getting better at it but it still has a long way to go.

Single parenting is the hardest job in the world.

I sent out a big high five to all who are doing it.

I understand how you feel. I raised my three with out any help from my ex. Even before he went to prison he was not really their for them. The best was I can think of to help ensure responsible parenting is instilling the importanct of family as a child. Another way is teaching your children to take the time and really get to know a person before you decide to have a child with them. patt even these ideas will not always gonna work. Unfortunately their are some people who are selfish and self centered, and just plain only care about them selves. Reguardless of wheather or not their is a child involved.

can you ever know 'enough' about a man? some speak all the right things, but when the time actually comes

its a different story

ty:)

mine isnt a us citizen or resident, so it goes from being hard to daggon impossible,,legally speaking

My ex took all the money, doesn't pay any child support, just got an Order which is pennies, he had one already and evaded it for over a year, got it modified and still is a loser. Doesn't utilize over half his visits. Yep, I hate him. He is a deadbeat dad who acts like he is a single father and posts things online how he is a wonderful single father but he is lying to all friends and family. I have custody. I take care of them. I pay for them, I house them, I buy all their school clothes, all he does is steal pictures of them from the once in awhile he sees them or if I share something online and then he acts as if he's a great single father struggling. He's a great big piece of poo.

I reply to Willow and Old sage:
It's true, people should make better decisions and not enter into bad relationships in the first place or have a "kid" to save a relationship.

However some people think they are in a good relationship and then after they gain a lil weight from delivering kids or how they differ on parenting styles, or mutual financial burdens or infedility. Some things just are not foreseen. I love my kids, but my husband was a terrible man who belongs in jail. Had i ever known of course I would take back time and make things right. But now I have 3 wonderful kids who trust me and rely on me. Trust is earned like a gift. A bad parent gets no respect. No money in the world can replace the trust or love of your child. That is what keeps me going. He's the guy who swears he is a devout Christian and uses that as his costume through life as he beats down those around him behind closed curtains.

I had custody of my kids.

The ex went Military. Her CO wouldn't help me get support for the kids.

Support Enforcement officer told me the kids belonged with their mother. They refused to help get me support.

At one time, she married an Alaskan fishing fleet owner. Still couldn't get support.

The kids turned teen and wanted to live with their mother.

I got a bill from the State for 20,000.

Just got it paid off 2 months ago. The kids are 37 and 35 now.

So, it ain't just the men who are deadbeat.

BTW, I remember when that phrase came out. It applied only to men. They have since gone from calling them deadbeat dads to deadbeat parents.

there wasnt a way to prove you were the one who had custody during that time? how could you owe support?

They have a different heart and possibly desensitized, from their personal experiences. Too immature or lost in self. My Dad, was like this. Wasn't around to send help or gifts. I commend anyone raising kids alone.

When I divorced hear in California, though it did not go fairly, from my perspective. I have always paid the Child Support and Alimony, that was granted. My girls deserved that at minimum. I put them first in most decisions concerning my divorce. I fought for more time but didn't ask for reduction. I make the best of the situation.

I have always learned from what I perceived, as the mistakes of my parents. I Change what I do not like, that I went through. Besides, I am surely not perfect, but I do the best that I can to keep peace, and support my kids. It is also my responsibility.

I think that those who walk away, are weak. I choose not to be like that.

Unfortunately, as long as people keep watching shallow tv shows [e.g.'Keeping Up With The Kardashians'], and buying newspapers, then I think all hope is lost for future generations. And usually I have hope for most things, but not when I can see how the future generations will get poorer from one to the next. If you worked in the media, and were able to choose which headlines, or celebrities, were talked about, then you could have better control over who influences this way of life. TV broadcasting companies and other media know what they're doing when they have meaningless drivel as entertainment. Cause A. Me thinks. E.g, a naive teenager will be more influenced by Beyonce, than be interested in studies, as their hormones are going crazy. The media know this. They make a lot of profit from these tv shows and such. If it ain't wild or ordinary enough, then apparantely it will never be aired.

Huh? Are you saying media is responsible for deadbeat parents?

I know you said this is a topic for dead beat dads but after wanting to know the solution to stop this and if getting it this would make you feel better I could explain but this will not solve anything because the problem is getting it done.

The problem is the justice system. They are afraid to prosecute anyone, at least in California, you can be 12000 behind in child support and pay any dollar amount within a 6month period, whether it be 10 dollars or 1000 dollars, it could be 5dollars and they would mark it up as a "good faith" effort. I call it "skating" around a phuq'd up system. Bt who am I? Just a mother raising three kids on her own.

Huh? Are you saying media is responsible for deadbeat parents?
They very well could be. I do think they sometimes play a big part in influence.

Im a single parent with a VERY willfull 8 yr old. At times I feel concerned about the effect that media overload is having on my daughter and how that will play out when she is older. BUT at no time have I abdicated my parental powers to veto and /or control the amount of tv etc she views. If the media is a force to be reckoned with in my childs life (it is) then I need to get in front of that train and build a relationship from as young as possible with her, one that allows for healthy discussion and effective monitoring /controls over her direction where necessary.
ONE good parent is better than two shite ones and many strong woman/parents have reared their children to think for themselves. Its parenting that controls kids lives not the media. Unless the parents are not doing their job in the first place and the media bosses become the leaders/shapers of young minds.
Personally I think the idea that all parents should HAVE to work outside of the home is the real root to the problem, what kind of self-defeating societies are we all living in when we undervalue the need for and benifit to society of children who have been parented not babysat through out their childhoods. Childrearing is a priceless craft one that is sadly and dangerously undervalued. Blaming the media is just a folie.

I kinda agree there needs to be a lot more emphasise put on responsibile behaviour BEFORE the event, but speaking from personal experience, it does happen that a guy you think you know very well for years, turns out to be the worst kind of person imagineable and without warning. SO the problem with women/men parenting alone isnt likly to go away any time soon unfortunately.

It is not rocket science for young people today to see that if couple's split that the custodial parent is pretty much on their own. Why over the last three decades that more young women have not insisited on better birth control, child support enforcement, and even child care services is really on them since they are in fact now equally represented in the workforce and the voting polls. But as if it is easier to cut their sister's off at the knees they will not only hire deadbeat parents they will also sleep with no good every "baby daddy types" regardless makes no sense to me. IF WOMEN would ban together and hit them in their "pockets" they will clean up their acts. Come on how hard is it with the information on the net for women not to check out a guys history before they drop their knickers too these deadbeat-parents? Some of which have a dozen or more kids they are not supporting. Come on custodial parents report them to the credit beaurea and vote with your dollars. You stop buying products and making God's out of Deadbeat parents in politics, sports, music and media world I think things would slow down.

If we attached a DNA marker to getting a driver's license it would not be nearly so hard to assighn paternity.