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| Topic: INSTANT ATTRACTION | |
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yeah, i totally agree with giving second chances...
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From reading this thread and personal experience, I have come to the conclusion that most men will give a woman more chance than the woman will the man. Women seem to have this "magical" sense I guess you can call it that men don't seem to have. Women can tell within the first few min of the first date whether they will go out with this guy again. Most men I know don't have that "magical sense". Most I know usually go out with a woman a few times before they write her off. Difference between men and women I guess? Please don't take this in the wrong way but do you think that these men give these girls a second chance even when there is no spark because its more out of desperation? Maybe they need a woman so badly that they will try anything to get her; or maybe they want sex that badly. Just throwing that out there for thought. I will not deny that their are a lot of men out there that are desperate and or think with their penis. Yes, To sex driven. But, On the other hand my experience has taught me that not everything happens at the blink of an eye. That includes attraction to someone. To this day I have never been full on attracted to any woman I have dated. That includes my X wife. I went out with my X wife close to a month before I finally found something about her that attracted me to her. Me personally, A woman's looks "MIGHT" get me to ask her out. It takes more than that or sex to keep me around. I've never met not one "real" man that looks or sex kept him around. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I've known a lot of men in my time. I've met all kinds. In my experience real men usually give a woman more chance than the opposite. The kind of men I know tend to look deeper and try harder in establishing relationships than their female counterparts. I know a lot of men are desperate or just looking for sex. But I also know that in a lot of cases,It's happened to me and other men I know. Within 5 min to maybe an hr or two she is writing him off. While he is just getting started. He hasn't even thought about writing her off yet. He may not be that attracted to her. But is willing to give her a chance. Right now one of my best friends is married to a woman that at one time hated his guts. She said he was one of the most unattractive men she ever met. She told me that at one time she thought he had the worst manners she had ever seen and was a all around jack a$$. She didn't even want to be in the same room with him. Much less look at him. She went out with one time for one hr and made that decision about him. Three months later she met him again. Remembered how she hated him. But that day he showed her a side of him she didn't know he had. When she saw that side of him she forgot about all that other stuff. The rest is history. Been in love with him for 16 yrs now. She wrote him off. But she got something that most of us never get. A second chance. Never write off anyone to quick. You never know. He/she may be the one for you. But writing them off to quick, You may never know. That's nice that it worked out well for her. But, just because it worked out well for her, that doesn't mean it will for everyone. If someone wants to give a second chance, great. If they believe it isn't going to work, you can't force it. |
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I actually thought men react to what they see and women react to what they hear probably much more common for a man to drool over a ditzy bombshell than for a woman to drool over a ditzy hunk women probably are given less crap by men for being ,, less than intelligent then men are given when women think they are without substance For me its that gut instinct, or women's intuition. I get vibes when I meet people right off the bat and I don't have to get to know them to know I don't like them. Its sort of like a spidy sense and mine is very strong. Kind of freaks me out but I have learned to trust that sense. Now if only I could get a sense of the winning lottery numbers.  If this works for you, All well and good. But it would never work for me. I don't mean this to be a slap in the face to women. It's just what I have seen over the years. I've met some very slimy women in my time. I have met many that can lie so easy and make it look like the truth. I'm sure their are men out there that are the same way. But, I can only speak of the women I have encountered over the years. I dated one not to long ago, She made herself "look" like the kind of woman I would like. She knew right off that I wasn't much of a drinker and don't like drunks or being around them. She was a drunk. She hid it very well. She knew I am not into partying. She made herself look like the type that didn't party. She tried to hide it. Without going into a whole big spill,I gave it time. Time to a lot of people is like a rope. You give them enough rope and they hang themselves. The truth comes out. If I had done like most do now, I would have been all attracted to her,Slept with her and maybe even moved in with her by the end of the month. Before I found out she was a drunk,lier and a fake. I wish more men were like me. Use their big head more than their little one. (:o) What's a drunk to you? How little does she have to drink for you not to consider her a drunk, since you're not a drinker? A guy contacted me recently who did not like bars or drinking. That meant he expected any women who went out with him to never go to bars and to never drink. He considered anyone who drank as being a drunk. Well, I'll explain it this way. I take a little wine ever once in a while. Maybe a beer. But, In my 50 yrs of being on this earth I've never been drunk. To me, Drunks are obnoxious. So, To be able to be around a drunk you just about have to be one to. Since I'm not a drunk, I don't hang around with drunks. Now, If you are the type that can rule the spirits and not let the spirits rule you, Then we might can get along. But, If you can't turn up one without wanting to turn up two, then two more. Then another one, and another until you have yourself so gassed that you don't even know which way is up, You wake up the next day feeling like your head is the size of a ripe water melon with a bell ringing in it.You feel like someone is trying to beat their way out with a hammer, You turn around later on and do it again with the same or worse outcome. You're a drunk. I don't want to be around that type of person. Neither do I want to hitch my wagon to someone like that. Some people instead of dealing with their addiction will try to hide it. Some refuse to do anything about it. The bottle means more than you do. That's pretty much the way the woman I was speaking of is. Or better yet, Was. She is dead now. The bottle got her. And while it was at it,It got someone who didn't deserve to die in such a bad way. So yes, I'll say it, I'm a little tight about this. If I date a woman and I see she drinks a little to much, I'm not going to be around very long. Sounds like you consider those who have been drunk more than once to be a drunk. As long as you're upfront about not wanting to be around people who drink, I'm sure it's not a problem. The problem comes when one starts forbidding the other to do things such as drink. |
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From reading this thread and personal experience, I have come to the conclusion that most men will give a woman more chance than the woman will the man. Women seem to have this "magical" sense I guess you can call it that men don't seem to have. Women can tell within the first few min of the first date whether they will go out with this guy again. Most men I know don't have that "magical sense". Most I know usually go out with a woman a few times before they write her off. Difference between men and women I guess? Please don't take this in the wrong way but do you think that these men give these girls a second chance even when there is no spark because its more out of desperation? Maybe they need a woman so badly that they will try anything to get her; or maybe they want sex that badly. Just throwing that out there for thought. Of course it's the sex. No question there. Men know this too. Only few will admit it though. A man will have sex with someone he hates. True story. It's easier for them to deal with. Men get pretty desperate in their golden years if they haven't evolved to learn anything. |
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Regardless what some articular says if there is no attraction what so ever there will not be a second date. If he is rude and crude and a totally azz there will not be a second date. There has to be something that attracts me to him as him to me...Be it his personality ect .....I've never figured out why some want to keep dating even if there is nothing that catches their attention to want that second, third or forth date.. At times if I'm not sure then sure I've went on a second date to make sure...But I will not go on a third if there is nothing there...after the second one... I did read the link and actually it is pretty good. But you did agree to go out with him for that first date! So, there was something there. Were you delusional reading in something that was never there, or Did you fail to ask the proper questions before accepting a date? |
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It isn't really instant attraction for me. It is how I feel around him. Do I feel comfortable. Is he considerate of those around us. How does he speak of his job, people, family, women, children, etc... If he is real negative about those things I don't want to be around him again.
I had this guy I met fairly recently that all he did the whole time we talked was complain about how women have treated him during his dating them. I do understand the issues but how can I get a feel of how you are if all you do is complain? Unless that is how you are. Ya know? |
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I've noticed that the great majority of women I date seem to think that if there are no sparks right off the bat,Well, No use for a second date. Most I've dated seem to be opposite of what this article says we should be. http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=11356&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=1370696 I'm not always instantly attracted to someone from the get-go but there does need to be something to build on...to evolve. If there's nothing or just the basis of a good friendship, then I probably wouldn't see him again. |
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If I meet a man online, and communicate, I need to meet inperson at least once to get the real feel of who he is. Face to face. Online dating, you can not really tell like in person meeting. If the first meeting doesn't go well for me, there is No second meet. I maybe still keep some contact online but no more meetings. This happen to me 3 yrs. ago , not on this site but a Paid datesite.
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Also nerves can sometimes have a large part to play on a first date - well at least they sometimes do with me – that makes a second date necessarily on some occasions.
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Regardless what some articular says if there is no attraction what so ever there will not be a second date. If he is rude and crude and a totally azz there will not be a second date. There has to be something that attracts me to him as him to me...Be it his personality ect .....I've never figured out why some want to keep dating even if there is nothing that catches their attention to want that second, third or forth date.. At times if I'm not sure then sure I've went on a second date to make sure...But I will not go on a third if there is nothing there...after the second one... I did read the link and actually it is pretty good. You are so right if there's no attraction so whats so ever than there would be no second date; that could be anything from his smile to the things he say on the first date. My advice would be to make the first date a day he/ she would remember. Have great conversation and so forth. |
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Also nerves can sometimes have a large part to play on a first date - well at least they sometimes do with me – that makes a second date necessarily on some occasions. This is dead nuts right. You might even be surprised how many first dates don't go that well. With me it's only been one time that a woman made me nervous. But, I know plenty of other men and women that are nervous every date they go out on. And I know at least one reason why they are. It seems that most people now want to much to soon. They meet someone who expects full attraction on the first date. And if it isn't there their is no second date. I'll name another. People, A lot of men and women, Push towards sex to fast. They think if you are attracted to each other,Sex shouldn't be a problem. Even on the first date. These things are enough to make anyone wanting a real lasting relationship nervous.(With these things in mind, Sometimes the first impression isn't always the best impression) Really, A first date shouldn't be about attraction only. It should be the start of learning about each other. Looking deeper than outside appearance. It should be the start of looking for something about the person (something deeper) to be attracted to. But for a lot of people it's not. It's about other things. |
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If I meet a man online, and communicate, I need to meet inperson at least once to get the real feel of who he is. Face to face. Online dating, you can not really tell like in person meeting. Yep. I do not require sparks for a second or third date. If I had a nice time and some laughs with a guy I'll go out with him again. Some relationships take time to build. |
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Even as a guy i do believe there has to be a spark
on the 1st date. Biggest turn off is when they sit there and play with there phone.lol |
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Even as a guy i do believe there has to be a spark on the 1st date. Biggest turn off is when they sit there and play with there phone.lol thats not lack of spark, thats lack of interest lol and good reason not to pursue that second date,,, |
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Biggest turn off is when they sit there and play with there phone.lol To me this is not an "lol" This is more of what I would call a "P-I-S-S-E-R" Their is nothing besides a boiled egg fart,in a room full of people looking at you, on the first date, that's worse than this. Now, I have to admit and be honest and say, For the most part I will give a woman another chance. A second,third or more dates in most cases. But when it comes to being down right rude, No second date will there be. You will be lucky if I ever speak to you again. Believe me, I've met plenty that were like this. It makes me wonder why the woman went out with me to start with. If you're going to go out with me and pay more attention to your cell than me, Don't bother. I do alone very well. |
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