The flame started to flicker and dance
The crackling of burning, rain-soaked wood, like clapping for a job well done
The evidence of the crime, already destroyed
The raindrops turning to steam, not effecting it at all

The crackling of burning, rain-soaked wood, like clapping for a job well done
Wood turning to ashes, plastic melting into sludge
The raindrops turning to steam, not effecting it at all
Fire fighters shouting and running around

Wood turning to ashes, plastic melting into sludge
The house someone once dreamed of, is now rubble
Fire fighters shouting and running around
People watch as the fire grows, never stopping

The house someone once dreamed of, is now rubble
Through the eyes of the flame, all is quiet
People watch as the fire grows, never stopping
Still flickering, still dancing, the fire lived on.

I wrote this poem back in 1996, when my teacher said my previous version of it lacked imagery. I focused on something with lots of it and shaped a new poem. The style of the poem is called a Pantoum. I also wrote a sequel to this, a few years later and I will post it if anyone wants to read it.

fatedtodie first welcome to the site, glad to see you post this is very good,

great job, let's see the follow-up poem

Very nice

Silenced Flames

No more will the flames be flickering as he watched, no more dancing,
The end of the ovation, the job was left unfinished,
Crimes that were planned, not having a chance,
Raindrops laughing at the plot foiled before it began.

The end of the ovation, the job was left unfinished,
News reporting the spree is over, cheers for one and all,
Raindrops laughing,at the plot foiled before it began,
Cops locking up the madman, and shouting taunts.

News reporting the spree is over, cheers for one and all,
Houses people dream of, are now secure,
Cops locking up the madman, and shouting taunts,
People watch as the arsonist is dragged away.

Houses people dream of, are now safe,
Through the ears of the pyromaniac, his plan was ruined,
People watch as the arsonist is dragged away,
Dissipated flames, shattered arrangements, the world is safe again.


I don't know if this one has the same amount of imagery as the last but I figured after a few years of reading the original poem I needed it to have an ending and the arsonist needed to be caught.

Tell me what you think.. maybe with some suggestions I could fix the ending.

Hi fatetodie,

Still a great job. To me the best visual in the poem is raindrops laughing. If you want to incorporate more imagery you could describe what the job looked like unfinished, what the madman looked like, specific words for taunts. Just suggestions.

Couldn't it be interpretted that I am thinking too much of arson if i described it too well? even if just for a poem?


I mean if the line was

The end of the ovation, scattered flamables all over a hideaway that was finally found,

rather than,

The end of the ovation, the job was left unfinished,

would that fit ?

Sure it will fit, it's your poem and your style of writing. Ultimately, you can ask for suggestions, but you have your own style and we have to be true to that as writers. As long as one derives satisfaction from writing that's all that matters-what others think is less important...although it's always great to get compliments.