So, my boyfriend and i have been in a relationship for almost two months now and today i have been experiencing back pains all day and the nurse suggested that i stay on bed rest for several hours. This happened around noon today and im still in bed. and my boyfriend is no where to be found. I called him a few times today and when i finally got a hold of him to tell him he said his phone was charging and that he would visit me if he wasnt doing homework. ( of course he sounded like he felt bad ) Now my day is pretty much over and he called and said that he'd be over later tonight because he hasnt gotten anything done yet. I just told him that i've been in pain all day and i needed him and he mind as well stay home because im in so much pain and i feel like he should have been here hours ago. Was i overreacting at all?

Maybe he was busy, maybe he wasn't. Only you can see if he was lying or not.

IDK, I wouldn't buy the phone charging thing though, you can use a phone while it's charging. The homework excuse sounds a little flimsy too, but then again I'm only looking at it from the outside (wwwaaayyyy outside).

Trust your gut, only you can tell if things seem OK or not.

maybe a little....but when we are not feeling well that is not unusual. maybe he will still be there later

call him and ask him to come over. pride should not be allowed to stand in the way of what it is u really want

follow ur

he prolly misses u

I'd follow the gut instead. The heart is foolish and the mind can be a bit cold, but the gut usually takes both into consideration before telling us what we should do.

Thank you guys, i think im going to follow my gut. After i told him not to come over he called back twice and i didnt answer and then he texted me "I hope you feel better, i love you" and i replied to him "Its just that i'm in so much pain and i needed you today..." and he never texted back. I dont know what to do at this point.

Hopefully things work out. At this point I'd just let it be. Maybe once you feel better you can talk to him.

be a bit more understanding perhaps - u sound self centered - he told u he loves u what more do u need??

what would his being there earlier have accomplished u are in pain and not well and needed to rest

he is not a dog on a leash - try to avoid be manipulative & controlling - he got with u - if u want him u need to show him that

I think u have to follow your heart unless repeated incidences provide a reason to question. You may be overly suspicious if u follow your gut. I do not usually use my phone while it is charging either.

If I were you, young lady, I would have felt, too, that the day was totally just wasted, what with you being in bed all day, all alone, nobody to keep you company under the covers.

I agree with the poster who said beign sick and feeling under the cover makes people irritable or emotionally vulnerable. So tomorrow you will laugh this incident off, I suppose.

If not, then I suggest that fifty years from now, on your diamond anniversary with your husband, when he kisses your cheeks with his shaking hands, as you lie side-by-side in bed, you remind him of today, that he never showed and his homework was more important to him than your backache.

A man can't be reminded too often of that sort of thing. Whether to commemorate a happy occasion and totally ruin it for him, or else to make a rotten evening or week-end worsely rotten.

This is a good story, don't forget it. "The day my boyfriend did not visit me when I needed his help to lie in bed." If you and he break up, that'll be a shame, because you can't use the story on him, but luckily there will be another guy on whom you can use a similar story, or even this one, he won't remember. The new, replacement guy will say he does not remember, but if you repeat the same story often enough as if he, the new guy, was the callous boyfriend, eventually it will sink in with him that this must have happened in deed, and he just forgot, or that you are a woman using womanlike tactics for the ultimate goal of any woman.

girl, i hope i am missing something. please tell me that your world does not revolve around your boyfriend. please tell me that your happiness is not totally dependent on him. please tell me that you have other friends and family that you can turn to for support

i get that your boyfriend is your main focus in your world, but don't you have other people in your life? i'm not making excuses for him (he seems to have plenty of his own) but don't you think relying only on him is limiting yourself? be happy with him when he is there, think about him when he's not, but live your life during both times

unless your boyfriend is a medical professional, i think whatever he could have done to comfort you any other available person could have done (cook, clean, cater to your needs, etc.)

i hope you feel better and get the opportunity to talk to your boyfriend about how he made you feel, and listen to how he feels. godspeed, bulldog

Yes, I sympathize with your back pain, but you can't expect the world to stop because your in pain. It's good your Dad came over, that's what dads are for, but you've only known this guy for 2 months. Relax.

yeah, relaxation is the best you can do for a bAckache. Just rest, relax, and drink plenty of liquids.

That's a good point too. Maybe it's best to listen to all three and decide which is best at the time.

I've known him for years we were close friends and about two months ago we decided to start a relationship. I havent had any serious health issues since i've known him but the doctor says that this could be really serious and all i want is for him to be here and hold me. Because, i'd do whatever it takes to be there for him if he was in my shoes.

yes you are....may be life just testing your love...don't loose patience until your hurt won't accept this thing....let the love come to you not you go to love :) good luck

I'm with you on this one Ese.

I know that I can geta little needy when I'm feeling like crap but that's where my family comes in. I couldn't be that vulnerable with someone that I've only known for a few months.

Like your man, I would probably be backing away a little as well.

well my initial reaction was that he should have stopped by
as soon as he got the message you were in the hospital

i would have

he could always do homework in the hospital. i have.

on the other hand, it sounds to me like you are using this illness
as some yardstick to measure "how much my bf loves me"

and that is not a good thing to do and is a sign of emotional
distress at a time when you are having a lot of physical pain
from your back and anxiety about how and when your back will improve.

i agree with what ese and others have been saying that
hopefully things will look better soon for you, that you will
find support from other friends and family as well as your bf
and that the fact that he was not immediately available when
you became ill will not permanently damage your friendship.



feel better soon!!

^^ This.

Well, being there for him maybe meant this time that you leave him alone. He needed you to leave him alone, and being there for him this time meant not to pester him to come over.

Being there is not simply just being there. Sometimes not being there or not wanting the other to be being there is being there.

It's natural to want to be comforted when you have needs. And the reaction from not being comforted could end up being that you don't allow others to comfort you in the future. This is a bad pattern.

But this was about your feelings and you placed responsibility on your boyfriend. Being a young man he is clueless on how an event that didn't start with him ended up exposing him to be a failure.

Slow down. Be careful. Take responsibility for your feelings. Don't make others responsible for your feelings. The feelings you make him responsible for are when he treats you poorly or mean not when fails to treat you special.

This takes time and experience to understand. But don't be a fool. It takes intentional work to grow up emotionally. If your not actively seeking to be wise with your emotions, you could be an emotional adulesent your whole life.

Your boyfriend could have done much more. He fell short. And he will again. Give him room to fail. Here's a challenge. Respect him even when he is not respectable. Because he will fall short. If he learns you will respect him even when he falls short it's a good chance his trust and love In you will grow too

Sorry about your pain. Pain sucks. Lots of us her have endoured mass pain too. If it can be any comfort, we all send our best wishes to you to recover fast. We are with you inspirit even though we are not with you in person. Your endourance is being tested. Keep enduring young one.