Scenario: I have two male friends; one being an ex-boyfriend and one just a very close friend. Once in a while when chatting on the phone; I might ask for an opinion on how to fix something as I feel a fresh perspective might help to make the job easier. Next thing you know they want to do the repair for me; yet they both know I am capable of doing things for myself. Why would they think asking for an opinion means I want them to do the job? I really would appreciate some insight from you guys but ladies feel free to give me your insights too. I am just perplexed by this behaviour.

Men often feel like they need to fix whatever problem is happening at the moment.

Do you think that is all it is? Or is the fact they want to feel needed if even by a good friend?

I can't speak for your male friends, but in my personal experience with this phenomenon, I have come to the realization that when asking men for advice on how to "fix" something it is a given they will assume your are dropping a not so coy hint in hopes they will volunteer to do the job for you...I think it's just a guy thing to assume this and a "nice" guy thing at that ...When I ask a guy for "fix it" advice, I preface it with, "I am determined to do this myself, just looking for some advice"...Simple...

Yeah; I was kind of wondering if they perceive it as a coy hint too. I do tell them both right up front that I don't want them to do it for me; just want some advice. They both have known me for a couple of years and they both know I did my house renos by myself so its not like I am not capable. They also know I am direct and not the type to be coy or drop hints. Its simply not in my nature to do that.

its a common method or way used by women to get a man do her work.its the same all over the world except a few and i knw most women do this but wont own up doing it . well u are an exception here and when a woman seeks advice for something the man has to do it to help her its common bcoz if he does nt he gets blamed that he doesnt care or love her TRUTH HURTS BUT IT CANT BE CHANGES

. I know how you feel, OP. I don't feel like I need a man for help with anything. I can do most things myself. I'm just very independent. I'm practical for better or worse.

I can agree somewhat with what you say as I am sure there are women that use men in this way. The men in my scenario are just friends so neither has to show that they care or love me. LOL Fact is if I actually needed help; I would come right out and ask. Also when I do ask for help, then I would be there right by their side doing the work.

if it is someone who we like, then it is an excuse to come over and be around the woman, and a chance to show off our manly skills, if it is someone we are not interested in, it is still a chance to come over and show off our manly skills...

Yep; I am pretty much the same. The thing is with the two men in question is I constantly tell them I don't want them to do things for me because 1) they have enough of their own things to do, and 2) I don't use people that way. I know they both have big hearts and want to do things for me but the way I look at it; its simply not their responsibility to take care of me. However; I do love them both for being so kind but sometimes they can really get on my nerves.

that is what is nice about u i hope thereare more women like u in the world because from what ive seen with my friends is that most women have used them then after use dumped them like crap . I really hope there are more women with wit and brains and admirable qualities that u have

So, you think its an ego thing? Or is it they think as a woman that I may not be up to the challenge? With both guys; I know they are excellent at doing these chores and when I talk to them on the phone; I will even say that I need to pick their brilliant brains for ideas. So, they both know they don't need to prove anything to me.

Thank you for the kind words. I just treat people as I want to be treated. I don't like to be used so I wouldn't dare do that to anyone else. I will also add that when I do get help from the guys; I thank them, and will bake, or cook a meals, or take them out for a meal, and always offer gas money as they both don't live that close to me. I also have given them both an open invite to use my hot tub at any time.

Ya, I think they are just being nice,
following a natural instinct to help
the 'weaker' sex.

I saw this TV show where the gal could
NOT get her feller to fix even the
smallest thing.

Her friend said, 'Watch this.'
She went over to the chair that needed
sanding (in the presence of the non-helper)
and began sanding it, with the sandpaper
turned wrong-side up.

The guy could only watch so long before he
jumped up to show her the correct way,
until he finished the job.

All in how you approach it :-)

That is too funny about the gal sanding the chair. I guess I thought that both guys knowing the type of person I am would throw the "weaker sex" idea out the window. I think my history in the military and all the other things I have fixed or the renos I did would speak for itself.

Only those guys know why they want to fix something for you.

If I were the one being asked for advice, then I wouldn't try to get involved in fixing something unless I was asked to.

When my adult daughter Radiance asks me how to do something, I tell her what I know, and then I leave it up to her to get the task done, because she is an adult and possesses the intelligence needed in order to take care of herself. . . but she is still Daddy's Princess.

Another thought for you Navygirl... Sometimes when people ask me for advice, I offer to either do it for them or help them do it just "because"...It could be because I like to help people, it could be because I like the people who are asking, it could even be empathy...I'm kind of thinking your guy pals offer to do the job for you because they are genuinely nice guys who genuinely like you!...Consider yourself blessed to have them in your life...

I knew they were genuinely nice guys and I do feel blessed for having them in my life. I just don't want to be a burden to them as they have so much of their own things to do. I made the mistake of giving one guy my house key as he watches my house for me when I am away; so he sneaks over to do things for me. I now have learned that after asking for advice on something; I quickly have to do it or he sneaks in and does it for me while I am at work. Then this puts him behind with his own chores that he needs to do at his house and it makes me feel bad.

Yeah; like they would own up and tell me why they want to do things for me. LOL But I think Leigh is probably right in her explanation that they are just nice guys and want to help me. Nice as it is; it can be a tad frustrating as I don't want them to ever feel like they are being used.

Sounds like love honey...You think that might be it?