Community > General Discussion

Topic: Why do men feel the need to do things for me?
GreenEyes48 Joined Thu 08/26/10 Posts: 1319	Thu 09/13/12 01:13 PM
I try to listen to my feelings when it comes to to the people in my life. (Eventually anyway!)...If something just doesn't feel "quite right" I want to figure out what might be "bugging me."...Sometimes it's hard to do this when someone seems so "darn nice!" And I've even felt guilty (at first) for having some "questionable" feelings about someone who constantly "showers" me with "kindness." (I feel "bad" or "mean" for doubting them or ??)...But in the end I usually discover that there are some "hidden issues" in the relationship that need to be "addressed.".. Has anyone else ever gone through this??

Hikerjohn Joined Sun 08/19/12 Posts: 1028	Thu 09/13/12 01:55 PM
Navygirl. You didnt and I rushed when reading the post that states that all transactions have a price. She makes good points. I would would just change the beginning to say no transaction goes without affects. In her case, her friends choice to not let her help was the error. Devalues the friendship. Made it unbalanced. So she is right. And she should express that to the guys. But she should help because she wants to. Not as payment for what was a gift. .

GreenEyes48 Joined Thu 08/26/10 Posts: 1319	Thu 09/13/12 02:47 PM
Navygirl. You didnt and I rushed when reading the post that states that all transactions have a price. She makes good points. I would would just change the beginning to say no transaction goes without affects. In her case, her friends choice to not let her help was the error. Devalues the friendship. Made it unbalanced. So she is right. And she should express that to the guys. But she should help because she wants to. Not as payment for what was a gift. . Hi..I don't think that there should be hard-core rules in a relationship about "giving back" immediately or anything like that...But things can get way out of balance at times. (As you mentioned.)...It's not good to feel "indebted." Or worse: To feel "owned" or controlled or stuck in a "one-down position." This is what I try to avoid if possible!...I don't think everyone is out to push me "down." Some people love to do simple "acts of kindness" once in awhile. (And I do too! With absolutely no "strings attached" at all!)...But I have run into some people (at times) who market themselves as "do-gooders" or "saviors" etc. And they want to do all or most of the "giving" or "doing!" This is their role in life and they aren't inclined to let others "do much" for them!..In some ways it can mimic a "parent/child" type of relationship..When we're kids we rely on our parents to do most everything for us until we reach a point where we can do more and more for ourselves...I think it's important to be in adult relationships where everyone's talents and skills are recognized and valued and appreciated and "used" when needed....Versus being with someone who insists on "going it alone" because it's hard for him or her to accept help from anyone else...How do you feel about it?

navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Thu 09/13/12 02:51 PM
navygirl...I'm a big advocate of "fair and balanced" and "equal" relationships. (Where everyone's skills and talents are honored and recognized.)...And I prefer relationships that involve "doing" and "helping" and "thanking" on both sides...Naturally we all go through times when we might need "more help" for various reasons. But as soon as we get back on our "feet" we can recipocate when need be. RIGHT?...This way everyone takes turns "giving" and "receiving." And everyone feels valued and highly regarded for his/her skills and area of expertise..I watched my Mom unwittingly hold her youngest sister "back." My Mom was the oldest in her family and the "rock" and "top dog." And no matter what my Aunt did (all during her life) she could never "measure-up" in my Mom's eyes...For some reason my Mom just couldn't give-up her "top-dog" role when it came to her youngest sister...Eventually my Mom "stepped-aside" and acknowledged that I was "all grown-up." But she could never do this with her sister even though my Aunt was 20 years older than me...I grew-up as an only child. But every so often I run into some "older sisters" or "older brothers" who try to play-out this role with me even though I'm not part of their family...I recognize the "signs" based on how my Mom treated her youngest sister. And I remind these friends that I'm not used to "falling in line" because I grew-up as an only child. I agree it does need to be balanced but in my case with my two male friends; its not balanced. They give and I seem to take. Doesn't quite seem right to me.

navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Thu 09/13/12 02:56 PM
Navygirl. You didnt and I rushed when reading the post that states that all transactions have a price. She makes good points. I would would just change the beginning to say no transaction goes without affects. In her case, her friends choice to not let her help was the error. Devalues the friendship. Made it unbalanced. So she is right. And she should express that to the guys. But she should help because she wants to. Not as payment for what was a gift. . I agree with what you are saying. I want to help my friends because I care for them. It should be give and take but right now its them doing the giving and me doing the taking. It is a precious gift they give me when they help me and I don't take it lightly; I just want to give something back.

blueeyes2000 Joined Thu 11/08/07 Posts: 1517	Thu 09/13/12 06:34 PM
Hey......I got cute plumbers cra...... Ohhhh.... Nevermind!!!!! I will bring my Spackle! Industrial strength??? I will never get that image out of my mind. I'm kinda feeling the need to bleach my eyes now,lol

navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Thu 09/13/12 06:36 PM
Hey......I got cute plumbers cra...... Ohhhh.... Nevermind!!!!! I will bring my Spackle! Industrial strength??? I will never get that image out of my mind. I'm kinda feeling the need to bleach my eyes now,lol I am thinking of poking out my eyes.

Hikerjohn Joined Sun 08/19/12 Posts: 1028	Fri 09/14/12 05:50 AM
Sorry for the photo. It cracked me up though. On that's was bad.