You're welcome, Greyhound.

Did anyone ever tell you that you look cute when you're smoking?
LOL!!

Hope you have a wonderful day.

knoxman

Gosh knoxman, now you've got me blushing. You're the very first one who ever told me that. You've made my day!

here is my 2Cents
what he has to say is valid, however he generalizes about women on dating sites-- all must be the same, misleading, something to hind. which puts us on the defensive side. So he kind of asked for a "fight"
Not saying barbie is right--just can understand why she got so defensive because I almost got "realed" into it.

hide not hind

I guess I could weigh in. Pretty odd that Mike and I are 20 years apart in age and in the same boat with women. I'm also one of those "nice" guys; opening car doors, cooking, cleaning, attentive. I've had some pretty interesting relationships since my divorce, and most of them resulting in a desire to be a monk as well... but monks don't ride motorcycles, so I ruled that one out a long time ago. :-) Point is, there's no real reason to give up. We're single because we haven't met the "One" yet. Looking or not, we stay that way until we meet someone. Whether you're active on a dating site, clubbin' it up, or going to the grocery store every day, we just need to be open to the idea that Ms./Mr. Right could be on the next aisle over. But boy can it get frustrating... just be yourself and it will come. Open communication is the best way to sift through the necessary evil of failed dates so as not to waste time (yours or hers) on something that's not going to work out. Make sure she knows that the kids come first. If that's not cool with her, she's not for you anyway. I appreciate those kind of details in the profiles of girls I'm checkin' out, so I'm sure they appreciate it, too.

Ok, I'm done rambling. This hangover from last night's unsuccessful foray into the bar dating world makes from some lengthy and only semi-coherent babble. And one last thing; even if you did call Barbie a *****, any "nice" guy is a guy that will be honest and will do what's right for the community, and setting people straight is part of that. She blasted you unnecessarily from the get-go and you responded appropriately, in my opinion.

Keep truckin', buddy. There's someone out there that'll put up with our $h!t. :-)

i disagree jish567--
he generalized women and placed her on the defensive side.
and any "nice" guy would say "i'm sorry" even if he did not believe he was at fault. i have said it several times
when i still believe i am right because some things are not worth it- not worth hurting someone or tearing down their spirit.

sorry josh not jish
need typing lessons here

I definitely agree that some apologies might be in order. Sometimes just apologizing that a bad situation got out of hand, no matter who "started it", gets things back on track.

As far as Mike generalizing women, I didn't really get that impression. Maybe that didn't come to mind because, in forums, I expect general comments to be made because of the large audience. Obviously not all women are overweight sex-crazed swindlers, luring Mike in with BS and breaking his heart. What I got from his original post is that he's had these few horrible experiences with the same type of women and he was wondering if it was something to do with him or if that's just what the online dating scene was about. I can sense his frustration, which definitely could put reader's on the defensive. I still think he acted appropriately because Barbie could have put things more empathetically. We're all in the same boat and should support each other, providing advice as requested and, as in this case, as needed. Maybe Mike needed some correcting, and we definitely owe it to him to do so because that's the unspoken responsibility we accept when participating in communities such as this.

Very very well put Josh. You're so smooth, why haven't you found somebody?

Look I am truly sorry it has come to all of this. I am truly sorry to Barbie's sis too....I was angry at her reply, but I should have realized that everyone was not going to be totally positive, and that some were going to try to help me in a round about way by pointing out what they perceived to be my faults.

Two good things came out of me starting this post; one was that I now see that there are a ton of good folks out there with similar stories and the other is that I have made a few friends from the post.

Again sorry that my temper got the better of me. Thanks for the support!!!!

Ask and ye shall receive, Joyce.

I don't know why I'm still single. Check out my profile and let me know.

Mike, I haven’t read the whole thread but I did read your entire opening post.

I’ve been on Internet dating sites longer than I care to admit. It’s been years (possibly more than a decade).

I have met some women over that period of time. In fact, I actually met quite a few for coffee, but I was quick to escape those scenes because as you point out, often pictures can be extremely deceiving. And personalities can also be extremely different in person than via email or even telephone. I’ve met some women who should seriously be considered for induction into mental hospitals. And I mean that quiet seriously.

In the last ten year I’ve only had “relationships” with 5 women. That’s only one woman every other year!

Moreover, none of those relationship were truly romantic. While they did involve intimacy, the bottom line is that they never genuinely involved love. At least not romantic love. I never pretended otherwise either. I never told any of them that I was in love with them because I wasn’t. But I did enjoy their company as friends. All 5 of those “relationships” were quite lengthy (about 6 months long). I think that’s lengthy for not being in love, and also considering that they were all long-distance relationships that required travel.

All of those relationships were healthy as friendships, and they all ended as friends. They ended simple because we both knew that it wasn’t going to grow into anything more than it was, and we needed to move on looking for something deeper. These relationships were troubled by insurmountable incompatibility problems that I won’t go into, but the real basis for them ending was simply that there was no cosmic spark beneath it all. I believe that there must be a cosmic connection to make a permanent commitment otherwise you’re just entering into a commitment out of desperation that it’s the “best you can do”. Then what happens if you meet the love of your life after you’ve committed to someone you aren’t genuinely “in-love” with? I think it’s much better to move on than to settle for a relationship that has no fundamental spark of its own.

In any case, I just wanted to say that finding a genuinely compatible partner is not easy! I personally believe that far too many people “settle” for whatever comes along easily. And this is why so many relationship end in disaster, they were never really “in-love” at any point to begin with.

I “loved” all the women that I had befriended, in the normal sense of loving someone. I genuinely cared about them and sincerely hope that they make out well in life. But it would be pretentious to claim that I was ‘in-love’ with them romantically.

However, putting all that aside, I fully understand where you are coming from. It is extremely difficult to meet a woman as “just friends”. They too, need to feel that it’s going to be all or nothing. If they don’t think feel that they could fall head-over-heels in love with you, then they aren’t even interested in meeting as friends to see where it might lead.

Moreover, (and this is my personal experience), women seem to be attracted to men who find them extremely attractive right off the bat. In other words, in order to get a woman’s interest you almost need to behave as though you are already in love with her before you even meet her. For me that would be impossible to do, it would necessarily be pretentious because how am I supposed to know whether I can fall in love with her until AFTER we’ve been together and have gotten to know each other? So it’s quite literally impossible for me to come onto a woman like as if I’m enthralled with her when I haven’t even met her in-person yet. I would feel so pretentious that it isn’t even funny.

Yet it’s been my experience that this is what women find attractive. They are attracted to men who display a strong attraction to them. In fact, I personally believe that this is why a lot of women end up with pretentious men and liars. Men who are pretentious and will lie easily will SAY ANYTHING just to win the favor of a woman. So they will behave as though they are enthralled by the woman early on because they know that this is what WORKS.

Even though my intentions are sincere, I still have problems of feeling pretentious if I were to come on that way early on. I mean, how can I possibly know until we’ve actually met in person and get to know each other?

So I believe that it’s my inability to be pretentious in the early going that is actually preventing me from meeting a lot of woman. I’d have to be pretentious to a lot of women, only to discover after I meet them that I’m not really attracted to them at all, just to find the ONE woman that I actually would be attracted to after the fact.

I just can’t play though that whole superficial game just to get to the one woman I would genuinely love. So I give up Mike. I seriously have. I just don’t want to play the stupid pretentious games anymore. I’m tired of “fishing” for the right one.

I can’t tell what a woman is like via emails and telephone. Only an in-person meeting will reveal that. But they seem to want a display of interest before the fact, and to me that would be totally pretentious.

So I just gave up altogether.

What IS snarky reddragon?? This member clearly states in this question he is about to give up after looking for what? A YEAR. He was as he clearly stated SEPERATED and in this SAME YEAR got a WHAT??? DIVORCE. He has a funny way NOT being honest with himself and THAT is why women do NOT want to deal with him. Being DISHONEST is a big NO GO in MY EYES. I am NOT a BI#CH but clearly I do NOT appreciate the abuse of being called a BI#CH OR SNARKY. Your just another example of a NOT SO NICE GUY reddragon. Women DONT like LIARS.
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Barby with Your attitude I highly doubt you would know a nice Guy if He came up and bit You on Your ass don't presume to think You know me as You look in to your crystal ball and make lame assumptions about People You don't even know.

Snarky or Biytch.it's the same thing were I come from.

Maybe if men weren't looking for Barbie they might find a really nice woman to share their life with.
I knew a guy once who married a beautiful lady that after 10 years cheated on him and they split. So he married an ugly woman and they've been happily married ever since. :)
I feel that most people men and women alike are afraid to meet someone for fear of failure........we are all human and your going to find the good with the bad. So no matter what get out there and don't give up.

To abracadabra;
Very interesting what you had to say from a guys perspective. Like I said earlier.......are you just going by a picture? If you are, then you are missing out on many wonderful women.......some women are more photogenic than others. I still think that it's really sad that people in our society only go for looks and not what's inside a person.

good verbage Josh

Thanks, Rufus.

I'd like to comment that physical attraction is probably the biggest difference between a friend and a significant other. I wouldn't date Barbie and have met plenty of excellent female specimens that I wouldn't date with another guys wallet. But I also know what kind of woman is going to get my blood boiling... so yes, the pictures are important because what usually attracts you to a person initially is their looks; that's just instinct, plain and simple. However, it takes compatibility to maintain the kind of attraction that endures the storms of life together.

So when you see "Must have nice boobs or be willing to get a boob job" in my profile... Hey! I'm just being honest! Every woman's profile I've ever read says she wants an honest guy...

Hey josh, YOU coughing up the bucks for the boob job??? If so, I'll make the appointment first thing tomorrow

Thats enough knoxman. You contacted me privately. I did NOT want to marry you after 2 private emails and sent a kind thank you but NO THANK YOU. Now your showing your ARSE by once again bad mouthing me and simply stalking me thru the communities. ENOUGH. You are NOT ALL THAT knoxman and truly I am NOT looking for someone ready to marry in 2 private emails.

barbiesbigsister's original post page 1

You have a close up photo showing NOTHING below. Looks are indeed deceiving. Just because you are online doesnt mean that coochie is gonna fall from the sky into your lap. Sorry but an adult S$X site is your best bet OR a ho on the downtown street can help ya out for a mere $20.00 or so.
WHY OH WHY do men like YOU put down women when seeing your photo just shows me another overweight man in his fortys with a piss poor attitude for dating. Women dont OWE you anything but you should STRONGLY CONSIDER showing them RESPECT.
Long gone are the days of "its all about me" since what you are describing as being ALL ABOUT YOU....your "ME FIRST ATTITUDE".
Many women HAVE youngins and the REAL women would understand this BUT from the 2 you have attempted to have that flaming hot date at the cheapest rate (just going for coffee) doesnt fool me. You have stated YOUR SIDE of this ONE SIDED STORY. Now lets here THEIRS. I am betting it was MUCH MUCH different.

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everyone make up yer own mind

and let it go already