What could make one afraid of love?

Is there any way you can help someone over come their fear of love?

Usually, its the hurt that makes one afraid of loving..and the uncertainty..what can a partner do?..constant assurance that you will always be there to calm all her worries and hold her hand "just because".

Lots of things, everything from the feeling of lack of self worth, to the fear of dependency. I don't know if you really can help someone with that fear. I would wonder if it would only hurt you in the long run.

I don't think its fear of love; its more fear of losing love. My ex-boyfriend is like that. All they can do is seek counseling.

Past experiences are hard to overcome. You can't do anything to help someone overcome their fears. They have to do that themselves.

Fully agree. Standing by someone is about all you can do for them.

i think its not the love you fear, its everything hurtful that comes with it..

It aint the "Love" I fear.....



its the giving away my houses......


afterwards!!!!!!!

Various reasons for the fear i imagine, but a total understanding of that person and patience is the key i think. Tis a rare find in people, but from what i've seen thus far in here...there are one or two who i think would be up to the task. Lucky is the woman who gets them!

It is called philophobia. It is an anxiety disorder. It is believed to stem from a fear of loosing control of ones emotions. It will not go away without professional help. Cognitive therapy and anxiety medication are recommended.

They have a name for everything and medication to treat it these days.

How very convenient for the pharmaceutical companies

Or, it could just be a misunderstanding. :)

I was thinking it could be something like Ladywind mentioned, but I think was more just a misunderstanding in a new relationship. It's moments like that which prove why communication is so important in a relationship.

Indeedy dee...it could be that, because i'm not a "mental health professional" to be diagnosing and recommending meds.

I agree it is not the love they are afraid of it is the loss; or just the dead feeling that you get where enough loss leaves you.

I don't think it is loss of control as just not careing who is in control anymore.

It wasn't a control thing that was the issue and it wasn't pain from the past or anything. it was more just the vulnerability of love that was the issue. Some people are afraid of love itself, but because it makes you vulnerable. I get it now.

Divorce

love makes a person vulnerable so it is important to remain genuine with each other and realize that each of you is unique in personality and thought. Things like game playing - abuse, psychological, emotional (includes "testing" and game playing behaviors), or physcial abuse within a relationship destroys a persons trust it is subsequently difficult to allow oneself to be vulnerable (let the "walls" down)enough to "let anyone in."

That is why any behavior that is not on the level such as playing games (dishonest) or "testing" (manipulative) - these types of behaviors have no place in honest adult communications and in fact raise barriers

To help someone overcome that fear, they must want your help first & foremost. it is important to realize that their fear is not so much about you as it is about things that happened before you were together. no guarantees. For example if I think a man doesn't have the inner strength to be understanding I will not get involved with him and I've stayed single for the last 3 yrs.

hope that helps - just got up to get a drink...gotta get some sleep

this is very true because both partners will have past experiences of some kind that act like a filter - especially in he beginning. If your partner was cheated on or had an alcoholic ex, as examples, they will perceieve things through those filters sometimes (not always so there are not hard & fast rules - this is just an example). So misunderstandings can occur, sometimes easily, such as jealousy or fear that the past is going to repeat itelf if, say, she sees a 6 pack in your fridge when you normally do not drink (just an example)

so having that "filter ID" conversation is valuable at some point if you really care about each other. What are yout filters? The things that affect your perceptions of events as related to a relationship? Sometimes it is important to take things a little slowly in the beginning to learn to trust anew. (IMO anyway)

I agree. Change doesn't always come easy to a lot of people and allowing someone into your life is one of the biggies.