A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh
Amarillo Theater.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy,
"Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The cowboy groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became more impatient: "Sir, if you don't get up from there
I'm going to have to call the manager."

Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back
up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager.

Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but
with no success.

Finally they summoned the police. The Texas Ranger surveyed the
situation briefly, then asked, "All right mister, what's your name?"

"Fred," moaned the cowboy.

"Where ya from, Fred?" asked the Ranger.

With pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Fred replied,

"...The Balcony..."

Lol

This cowboy came home drunk every night, finally his wife had enough and told him the very next time he was out. Well, the next night he was on the way home and stopped at the saloon where he tied his horse up outside. He goes in and proceed to get very drunk and a couple of his friends decided to play a joke on him, so they went outside and put the saddle on the horse backwards.

Much later that night when he finally gets home his wife is waiting for him. He walks in and says before you get all mad, let me tell you what an awful night I had. I stopped by the saloon for a couple of drinks and some a**hole cut off my horses head and I had to lead him all the way home with my finger in his windpipe!