My husband and I had a wonderful friendship and a great marriage that lasted 24 years. (He passed away 2 years ago.)...I haven't been on any "official dates" yet.. I certainly wouldn't want to date someone who expected me to "erase" my husband and "banish him" from my mind and memory bank...I'd feel this same way if I dated a widower. (Who had been happily married for decades.)...My husband and I had both been married (earlier in life) when we met. Neither one of us was "burning-up in anger" towards our former spouses. We had done "healing work" through the years on our own. So we didn't have insecurities when it came to talking about our past and earlier marriages...Anyway do most people expect a widow or widower to totally "erase" their past? I hope not! Thanks.

Thought I'd add a little more...I wonder if it's hard for someone who has been divorced to really understand what it feels like to be a widow or widower. (Especially if the divorced person had a "rocky marriage.") Any thoughts or comments about it? Thanks.

No; I wouldn't expect someone to erase their past but I wouldn't want someone who is obsessed with the past as they tells me they aren't ready to look towards the future.

I don't want to be compared with someone who has passed.

If she's looking for new beginnings, fine.

If she's trying to turn me into something that's long gone, I'm gone.

I never was married, but I did date a man that was divorced. These feelings are different. Loosing someone to death that you loved, and falling out of love and getting a divorce is completely different.

Anyone who would try to erase the years you spent with your deceased husband isn't worth your time. However, make sure you are ready for another relationship as well. Let the grieving period pass, before letting someone else in your life. Many grieve for years, some only six months to a year. There is no right or wrong way of grieving.

Sorry for your loss, and good luck to you!

I don't, it is part of who they are and how they got there.

Thanks for your great responses!...When I first met my husband neither one of us were thinking in terms of falling in love with each other or even going on dates...We were just friends and stayed friends for a long time with no "push" for anything "more.".. It was nice because we could talk freely without worrying about "bruised ego's" or stepping on each other's "toes" etc..If I ever do decide to get involved with someone else again I'd like to start off as "just friends." This way we can share "stories" (from our past) with each other without having to worry about jealousies or insecurities "popping-up" all the time.

Just like any other death of anyone you knew, you can never forget. Anyway why should you? He was a part of your life. A huge part. I don't see how it would stop anyone from moving forward. People in MY life died. I, too, always keep a piece of them in my heart. Every person you know who is in your life, has a bond with you. It doesn't have to be known as selfishness. In fact, you'd be hard-pressed to find anyone that doesn't find death a touching subject. :flower:

I have been widowed 20+ years and prior to that was divorced and no the two are very different experiences.

What bugs me is when I meet someone it is usually something I am asked to address where normally it is not something I talk about in day to day conversation.

I am always amazed how people jump to assumptions that I have some how been pineing away in greif or stewing in anger when in reality it had a lot more to do with haveing a sucessful, busy, happy life that just has not really pushed me to seek a mate that I am sure I would enjoy from past experience but won't be the end of the world if it doesn't happen.

When I have run into anyone who was hyper sensitive to any reference to my past life positives or negatives I have just opted to move on as I don't need someone trying to dictate my thoughts or current feelings.