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| Topic: When somebody is going through a rough time do you let them | |
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If a person really is going through a rough time, my heart goes out to them and if I can help I will. But there are so many people who dramatize every little problem in their lives and suck sympathy out of everyone they meet, leaving them drained of energy. They don't accept advice because they just want attention and sympathy, and they like to whine and complain. I've known people who behave like that on a daily basis. To them I say, accept it, deal with it, get over it, etc. wow, i like this answer. i oughta kiss you on the mouth btw, it is too easy to go from being a helper to being an enabler  Sometimes people accuse me of being cold or unsympathetic. (I'm not.) I am just aware (and I see) a lot of people who will take advantage of other people via the manipulation of their "emotions" rather than honestly from the heart. (from real love) Real love is free and flows outward with true power. It empowers a person. Emotions (fear, helplessness, doubt, empathy, sympathy, etc) weakens and drains. |
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IDK, I don't think people should be given a free pass to be mean to others or anything like that. Maybe certain allowances, depending on the circumstances. I guess it depends on the situation. I agree . Nobody should ever be mean . The problem I had with reaching out to some people, was when my motives were questioned and attacked,just because I cared enough to let them know. Thats whats making me question if letting people know you care is right . |
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If a person really is going through a rough time, my heart goes out to them and if I can help I will. But there are so many people who dramatize every little problem in their lives and suck sympathy out of everyone they meet, leaving them drained of energy. They don't accept advice because they just want attention and sympathy, and they like to whine and complain. I've known people who behave like that on a daily basis. To them I say, accept it, deal with it, get over it, etc. wow, i like this answer. i oughta kiss you on the mouth btw, it is too easy to go from being a helper to being an enabler Sometimes people accuse me of being cold or unsympathetic. (I'm not.) I am just aware (and I see) a lot of people who will take advantage of other people via the manipulation of their "emotions" rather than honestly from the heart. (from real love) Real love is free and flows outward with true power. It empowers a person. Emotions (fear, helplessness, doubt, empathy, sympathy, etc) weakens and drains. yeah,sometimes to care for someone can really drains your everything,specially if they just want you to solve their problem.you feel like you already try your best but still not enough for them. i just experience something similar to ur situation and i have a good friend told me that even if it's hard,just ignore them and don't let urself be manipulated.so i say,since u can't change what other people feel toward ur sincerity to them,just leave them be.it never be wrong to care someone,just that sometime this person is not worth ur time.. 
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yeah,sometimes to care for someone can really drains your everything,specially if they just want you to solve their problem.you feel like you already try your best but still not enough for them. i just experience something similar to ur situation and i have a good friend told me that even if it's hard,just ignore them and don't let urself be manipulated.so i say,since u can't change what other people feel toward ur sincerity to them,just leave them be.it never be wrong to care someone,just that sometime this person is not worth ur time..
This answer makes a lot of sense to me. Thank you for your input
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Edited by
GreenEyes48
on
Sun 07/29/12 12:28 PM
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I have some friends who send me emails or texts to "vent.".. I care! But sometimes it all starts to get really negative. They complain and complain but don't try to find any solutions to their problems.
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I've been going through some rough times. (My husband passed away. My older son passed away. And now my younger son (and last "child") has been dealing with cancerous brain tumors that keep growing back...Most of the time I "go it alone." But every now and then someone may "check" on me..Everyone has a different style of "trying to help."...Some people "mean well" but they come on a little strong. (As if they're my "mom" or "dad" and so much "older" and smarter and wiser than me!) In other words they act like "know-it-alls!"..I'm 63 years old! And I've been handling everything on my own for several years now. (Because I'm the only one "here!").. Everyone else in my family passed-away except for my younger son. (And except for distant relatives in a far-off state.)...I do have some friends who are sensitive to my situation..They pat me on the back and give me credit for being so strong. And they let me cry on their shoulders when need be without making me feel like a weakling or "stupid child" etc...They insist on taking me out to eat and spoiling me and making me "queen for the day" when they can create some time to drive out to see me. (They live hours away.) Otherwise they call on the phone...Most of the time I just "go it alone" and do what I need to do to "get by." I don't make "demands" on other people.
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Wow!!!!You really are going through a lot. Its seems like you have been dealt more than your share of heartache. Its kind of strange but wonderful how we can pull on strength we never knew we had to get through these tough times for the sake of our loved ones.
If you ever need another person to 'vent " to you can count on me |
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Wow!!!!You really are going through a lot. Its seems like you have been dealt more than your share of heartache. Its kind of strange but wonderful how we can pull on strength we never knew we had to get through these tough times for the sake of our loved ones. If you ever need another person to 'vent " to you can count on me |
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Good for the both you!! Its a hard thing to smile when times are tough. But,thats probably the best thing you can do.
Does the tumours change your Son's personality any? I know when the cancer spread to my late husband's brain he would fly off the handle for no reason at all. One time he would not talk to me for three days because I opened a can upside down. That part was really hard to take. Have you experienced anything like that? |
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I have a open ear to listen. I can not steer someone on how to deal with their problems. But I do listen. The person with the problems needs to deal with their problems. If their doors need fixing I will do that. If they need their deck repaired I will help. If it is any kind of repair, I will do my best to help. Emotions problems or dealing with a wife or husband, I stay far away.
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Jeff you are areally good listener...I know that first hand , and sometimes listening is fixing because thats what a person needs sometimes.
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Jeff you are areally good listener...I know that first hand , and sometimes listening is fixing because thats what a person needs sometimes.
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When people become totally emerged in self-pity they walk around with a lot of anger inside of them. (At least this is how it seems to me anyway.)...Anger is one of the stages we have to go through during the "grief process." But if we get stuck in anger and self-pity we can create "hell on earth" for ourselves. (And "hell" for the people around us!) This is how I feel anyway...Some people sure seem to cling to their anger and self-pity for "dear life!" And they get mad (and furious) if they think someone is trying to "cheer them up!" They've lost the ability to put things in perspective...Right after my husband died I called my 2 best friends. (One friend is my cousin.) I knew they would "feel" for me and comfort me and "shower" me with love...But I also knew that we'd find something to laugh about (too) by the end of our long conversations...They helped me see that I still "existed" in my own "right" even though my husband was gone. I still had a "self" and things to "say" and a sense of humor despite my "huge loss!".. Of course I still had tons of tears left to cry and all kinds of feelings to "work-through" during the long "grief process." But I had the "power" to "rescue myself" from the "depths of despair" before things got too "bad!".. I didn't want to become totally emerged in anger and self-pity and ruin my life. (I know my husband wouldn't want me to do this either!) Sorry to go on and on!
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BettyB...I'm so sorry your husband had brain tumors too. My son just started the "mood swings" recently and it's been rough..I try to keep things in perspective the best I can. Good that he still has "normal moments" too. (For now anyway.).. I'm so sorry about your husband and all you both went through. Thanks for writing! Glad we "met" here!
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Jeff you are areally good listener...I know that first hand , and sometimes listening is fixing because thats what a person needs sometimes. Sometimes listening can help a person to somehow see their problem in a new light. I try to be a good listener and if someone asks for feedback, I will give it to them. Only if they ask first. |
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I have a open ear to listen. I can not steer someone on how to deal with their problems. But I do listen. The person with the problems needs to deal with their problems. If their doors need fixing I will do that. If they need their deck repaired I will help. If it is any kind of repair, I will do my best to help. Emotions problems or dealing with a wife or husband, I stay far away. |
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when s0meb0dy is having a hard times, we can sh0w our sympathy, but there's one better, its the empathy , symphaty is just y0u're sh0wing u care with his feelings,but u realy d0nt kn0w what does he feel, while empathy is y0u're putting y0urself into his sh0es thats why u the care is much felt by him
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I have a open ear to listen. I can not steer someone on how to deal with their problems. But I do listen. The person with the problems needs to deal with their problems. If their doors need fixing I will do that. If they need their deck repaired I will help. If it is any kind of repair, I will do my best to help. Emotions problems or dealing with a wife or husband, I stay far away. |
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Edited by
blueeyes2000
on
Mon 07/30/12 05:29 PM
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I have always been told that when somebody is ill or going through a bad time ,that you can never go wrong by letting them know you care and will be there for them. However it has been my experience lately that it isn't always true, that showing you care and reaching out can be misconstrued as something else. What are your thoughts on this? I think some people, going thru a hard time, confuse their feelings. I think under normal circumstances, that people see it for what it is, but when things are hard or stressful, they pick up on things that aren't really there. That makes sense .Something like when somebody dies there often is misplaced anger toward somebody else. transference, I think it's called |
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When people become totally emerged in self-pity they walk around with a lot of anger inside of them. (At least this is how it seems to me anyway.)...Anger is one of the stages we have to go through during the "grief process." But if we get stuck in anger and self-pity we can create "hell on earth" for ourselves. (And "hell" for the people around us!) This is how I feel anyway...Some people sure seem to cling to their anger and self-pity for "dear life!" And they get mad (and furious) if they think someone is trying to "cheer them up!" They've lost the ability to put things in perspective...Right after my husband died I called my 2 best friends. (One friend is my cousin.) I knew they would "feel" for me and comfort me and "shower" me with love...But I also knew that we'd find something to laugh about (too) by the end of our long conversations...They helped me see that I still "existed" in my own "right" even though my husband was gone. I still had a "self" and things to "say" and a sense of humor despite my "huge loss!".. Of course I still had tons of tears left to cry and all kinds of feelings to "work-through" during the long "grief process." But I had the "power" to "rescue myself" from the "depths of despair" before things got too "bad!".. I didn't want to become totally emerged in anger and self-pity and ruin my life. (I know my husband wouldn't want me to do this either!) Sorry to go on and on! Don't aplogize, you have nothing to aplogize for. Sometimes just talking or writing about things really helps. On July 28th was my husband was gone 16 years. I spent most of the day on here posting and making no sense at all..I mean more than usual!I noticed some of my posts sounded a bit bitter, but again misplaced anger. But people on here just took in stride and didn't judge me, even though they had no idea it was his anniversary. Thats the good thing about M2 you can ramble on and on and nobody cares  |
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