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Topic: When somebody is going through a rough time do you let them
BettyB Joined Tue 01/29/08 Posts: 31912	Fri 07/27/12 03:53 PM
Being an enabler is something I have been accused of.

ezas123 Joined Thu 07/05/12 Posts: 271	Fri 07/27/12 04:14 PM
if there going thru hard times that our self inflicted helping out(ie $) could hurt friendship in the long run or bring you down with them (seen it happen)..

BettyB Joined Tue 01/29/08 Posts: 31912	Fri 07/27/12 04:19 PM
if there going thru hard times that our self inflicted helping out(ie $) could hurt friendship in the long run or bring you down with them (seen it happen).. You are so right, that kind of thing cost me a friend last month. I had to block him, because I refused to let him move in with me because he needed a meal ticket. He got all mad and pissy with me and accused me of forcing him to go back to his old GF ...What the Heck??????????????/

Ghostrider2u Joined Thu 05/17/07 Posts: 6953	Fri 07/27/12 05:13 PM
The best you can offer is A shoulder and an ear!!! Opinions are NOT a help!!! Just care enough to...... Listen and support!!!! Thats all I got!!!!

krupa Joined Thu 07/03/08 Posts: 18651	Fri 07/27/12 05:35 PM
Kinda depends... If I don't know the person....I will help if it is a physical injury thing....other than that, they gotta deal with crap just like the rest of us do. I am sympathetic to a point. But, I realize most people bring thier situations upon themselves. If I know them and like them, I will do anything for the people I care for. If I know them and don't like them....then I hope thier bad times get worse.

oldhippie1952 Joined Mon 03/14/11 Posts: 22693	Fri 07/27/12 06:00 PM
I have compassion for anyone hurting. But my definition of "hurting" is probably different than yours. I agree the best you can do is be there to sit and listen with them. But it toughens their character to go through hard times. Now if only I could apply that to my "daddy's girl!"

BettyB Joined Tue 01/29/08 Posts: 31912	Fri 07/27/12 06:03 PM
The best you can offer is A shoulder and an ear!!! Opinions are NOT a help!!! Just care enough to...... Listen and support!!!! Thats all I got!!!! Thats exactly what I tried to do, but a couple of times it blew up in my face. I will say though that on a whole I think people appreciate when you acknowledge their pain.

BettyB Joined Tue 01/29/08 Posts: 31912	Fri 07/27/12 06:09 PM
Kinda depends... If I don't know the person....I will help if it is a physical injury thing....other than that, they gotta deal with crap just like the rest of us do. I am sympathetic to a point. But, I realize most people bring thier situations upon themselves. If I know them and like them, I will do anything for the people I care for. If I know them and don't like them....then I hope thier bad times get worse. Mostly the kind of thing I am talking about is illness, loss of a loved one or a pet. I actually had tears running down my face when read your post about Black Betty. Blonde Betty really felt for you.But then I am total sap when it comes to dogs and cats.

BettyB Joined Tue 01/29/08 Posts: 31912	Fri 07/27/12 06:15 PM
I have compassion for anyone hurting. But my definition of "hurting" is probably different than yours. I agree the best you can do is be there to sit and listen with them. But it toughens their character to go through hard times. Now if only I could apply that to my "daddy's girl!" [/quote Maybe I feel like I need to help because I have gone through so much myself. I have no idea. But what I have learned is that it is not always appreciated, and to me thats really sad.

Ruth34611 Joined Sat 08/02/08 Posts: 32402	Fri 07/27/12 06:21 PM
I have always been told that when somebody is ill or going through a bad time ,that you can never go wrong by letting them know you care and will be there for them. However it has been my experience lately that it isn't always true, that showing you care and reaching out can be misconstrued as something else. What are your thoughts on this? People have been having weird reactions lately. I don't take it personal because it's usually not.

BettyB Joined Tue 01/29/08 Posts: 31912	Fri 07/27/12 06:23 PM
I have always been told that when somebody is ill or going through a bad time ,that you can never go wrong by letting them know you care and will be there for them. However it has been my experience lately that it isn't always true, that showing you care and reaching out can be misconstrued as something else. What are your thoughts on this? People have been having weird reactions lately. I don't take it personal because it's usually not. Weird is putting it mildly

Ruth34611 Joined Sat 08/02/08 Posts: 32402	Fri 07/27/12 06:26 PM
Weird is putting it mildly I know.

BettyB Joined Tue 01/29/08 Posts: 31912	Fri 07/27/12 06:29 PM
Weird is putting it mildly I know. [/quote Must be something in the air, or the moon or the stars or the olympics.

PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Fri 07/27/12 06:33 PM
I have always been told that when somebody is ill or going through a bad time ,that you can never go wrong by letting them know you care and will be there for them. However it has been my experience lately that it isn't always true, that showing you care and reaching out can be misconstrued as something else. What are your thoughts on this? Wow I have always wondered who the somebody is that starts these social myths. Most of the time people say they really care and will do what they can to help and then when it gets right down to listening or actually helping they have and excuse and start blameing the person stressed for being a screw up or a crybaby or both. You know with in 30 secounds if they want the socially polite white lie "fine" or if they are really going to be on board. It is not such a big deal when it is someone you barely know but when it is family or friends or asomeone who should know better it is pretty hard to swallow. Also by the time most people actually notice you are having a hard time you have been dealling with it for a long time and wonder what took them so long to catch on. Sometimes it is just better to let people keep their dignity and not let them be seen as the "Problem" rather than a person.

Totage Joined Sat 10/13/07 Posts: 24210	Fri 07/27/12 06:38 PM
Depends, everyone is different and deals with things in their own way. Sometimes you just have to give them time and space to deal with things, other times all you can do is be there for them, and sometimes they just need a little love or something to help get them by or back on their feet. Just depends really.

BettyB Joined Tue 01/29/08 Posts: 31912	Fri 07/27/12 06:42 PM
I have always been told that when somebody is ill or going through a bad time ,that you can never go wrong by letting them know you care and will be there for them. However it has been my experience lately that it isn't always true, that showing you care and reaching out can be misconstrued as something else. What are your thoughts on this? Wow I have always wondered who the somebody is that starts these social myths. Most of the time people say they really care and will do what they can to help and then when it gets right down to listening or actually helping they have and excuse and start blameing the person stressed for being a screw up or a crybaby or both. You know with in 30 secounds if they want the socially polite white lie "fine" or if they are really going to be on board. It is not such a big deal when it is someone you barely know but when it is family or friends or asomeone who should know better it is pretty hard to swallow. Also by the time most people actually notice you are having a hard time you have been dealling with it for a long time and wonder what took them so long to catch on. Sometimes it is just better to let people keep their dignity and not let them be seen as the "Problem" rather than a person. I never thought that reaching out to somebody was making them lose their dignity and making them a problem rather than a person. I guess I don't get what you are saying.

BettyB Joined Tue 01/29/08 Posts: 31912	Fri 07/27/12 06:49 PM
Depends, everyone is different and deals with things in their own way. Sometimes you just have to give them time and space to deal with things, other times all you can do is be there for them, and sometimes they just need a little love or something to help get them by or back on their feet. Just depends really. This is true. But if they don't want people to know what has happened to them , why post it or email me about it? Thats the part I am not getting.

Totage Joined Sat 10/13/07 Posts: 24210	Fri 07/27/12 06:51 PM
Depends, everyone is different and deals with things in their own way. Sometimes you just have to give them time and space to deal with things, other times all you can do is be there for them, and sometimes they just need a little love or something to help get them by or back on their feet. Just depends really. This is true. But if they don't want people to know what has happened to them , why post it or email me about it? Thats the part I am not getting. Sometimes people have a hard to accepting help from others. Maybe they realize they need help, but are not able to accept it? I don't know.

BettyB Joined Tue 01/29/08 Posts: 31912	Fri 07/27/12 06:58 PM
Depends, everyone is different and deals with things in their own way. Sometimes you just have to give them time and space to deal with things, other times all you can do is be there for them, and sometimes they just need a little love or something to help get them by or back on their feet. Just depends really. This is true. But if they don't want people to know what has happened to them , why post it or email me about it? Thats the part I am not getting. Sometimes people have a hard to accepting help from others. Maybe they realize they need help, but are not able to accept it? I don't know. I think its like Ruth said people are having strange reactions these days. But I guess its true that when you are really hurting allowances should be made for it. I know I when I was having a really bad time and I was having migraines left right and sideways, I wasn't acting like myself. became really snippy when I didn't mean to be and lost a very good friend because of it.

Totage Joined Sat 10/13/07 Posts: 24210	Fri 07/27/12 07:09 PM
IDK, I don't think people should be given a free pass to be mean to others or anything like that. Maybe certain allowances, depending on the circumstances. I guess it depends on the situation.