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| Topic: What does it mean when a date is being too polite? | |
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Yes, you're so right msharmony.
He actually just wrote me asking again when is a good time to call me because he doesn't want to cold call me. He is aware of my standoffishness and wants to communicate and do whatever is necessary to fix what needs to be fixed. I finally know what I need to do, which is exactly what I wanted to do before I met him. Get to know him better in person. I don't want to talk over the phone. Thanks everyone for being such a great sounding board. |
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I'm not sure how polite TOO polite would be? You're damned if you do or damned if you don't.
 . I'm sure I've thought a few people have been like that myself. However, if I ever thoughtof them as anything worse, I'd be digging myself a grave. It's a toss between either be nice or don't bother. Only time can truly reveal the true nature of a person.
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You're damned if you do or damned if you don't. Kind of true. I'm realizing again that there is no short cut in getting to know someone. |
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We only wrote each other for a week and met once and he is already writing things like “Gosh I love saying your name”, or “goodnight, my precious (my name)”. That's not polite, that's creepy. |
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We only wrote each other for a week and met once and he is already writing things like “Gosh I love saying your name”, or “goodnight, my precious (my name)”. That's not polite, that's creepy. Seriously. I pictures Gollum when I read that. |
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We only wrote each other for a week and met once and he is already writing things like “Gosh I love saying your name”, or “goodnight, my precious (my name)”. That's not polite, that's creepy. Seriously. I pictures Gollum when I read that. I hear you, people.  That part is not.
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We only wrote each other for a week and met once and he is already writing things like “Gosh I love saying your name”, or “goodnight, my precious (my name)”. That's not polite, that's creepy. Seriously. I pictures Gollum when I read that. I hear you, people. That part is not. You know what Sandlewood, just follow your heart...If you did not have a pretty big interest in this guy, you wouldn't have made this thread...You met him once and you are willing to see him again so you must feel safe about it...Maybe the guy really is just super nice, maybe he really is a bit shy, maybe he really is quite taken with you...I say keep seeing him and find out for yourself...When people start saying things like creepy and Gollum, don't let their perceptions become yours, find out for yourself...Stay safe, carry your phone, meet in public places, and find out what this guy is all about..In my experience with dating younger men, I have often found them overly polite, trying too hard, and stumbling about a little because sometimes they really are intimidated by older women they are very attracted to.....I looked at your profile, you are beautiful...Maybe he's just nervous...Give him a fair chance and do your own deciding...Good luck hon... 
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Have you ever thought he really likes you and is a bit gun-shy now and doesn't want to "mess up?" But like Leigh said, be safe about it.
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Thanks for the honest responses. Krupa, I understand your comment as a compliment. Thank you, but I just think he is a bit insecure or immature and trying too hard to gain my trust and not succeeding. Uhhhhh.......Honey, I ain't that deep or bright. Just calling it how it is. You said you haven't given out all the info...you probably should...might mean the difference in me thinking he is a fish bellied doushe or not. |
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Hi Leigh and Oldhippy,
I think as an individual who always looks at the whole picture I have discovered various vibes regarding him but none are “creepy” creepy or make me feel unsafe. As a principle, no matter how safe I feel, I would never put myself at risk and I understand that people are only giving me their take on the case based on a fraction of my side of the story. I totally appreciate the input. You guys have been awesome. Now that some time passed this is what my instincts are continuing to tell me: He is not 40. He has a huge crush on me and is not as experienced with relationships to begin with but ready to fall in love with a sweet girl. He probably saw my profile and thought to himself that’s it, I want someone like her. He’s into morals and courting his love and who knows, maybe he thought I fit the bill. In the initial e-mails he has told me that his goal is to earn my trust. The part that threw me off was the sweet talk and that he doesn’t look his age. Of course also the question, do I want to get involved with someone half my age and someone who lies about it even though his intentions come from an insecure and innocent place. Unfortunately it is equally inappropriate for me to ask him for his ID which I’m sure he would show me with no hesitation (if he is telling the truth) since he is trying so hard to please me in any way possible. Maybe he is 40 but I can’t allow myself to have feelings for him until I know who he really is. I have already told him that I would rather continue spending time with him in person. This is because I’m trying to avoid any situations where he or I could bond prematurely if we start e-mail and phone conversations during the week when we can’t see each other. Since he wears his heart on his sleeve, and I tend to be the same once I get to know someone, I feel like I have to be responsible for his and my own sake. I’ll post again soon to keep you posted for the ones who are interested. Thanks for your kind and honest opinions. I am touched by all the caring responses from every single poster. |
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Easy, he just hasn't come out of his shell yet
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Well, in case anyone is interested, he is really 40. I went out with him and saw his ID. But to me he is still 27. So I guess age really doesn’t matter in this case. My impression of him, the more I get to know him, is a naive country boy who has been living in a bubble and still leads a simple minded and sheltered life, though eager to learn from me and more than willing to change. I’m not comfortable in that role at all.
He kept walking to the left of me on the street and got up from his seat every time I got up to go somewhere. I asked him if he does that to his male friends too and he laughed saying no way. He is really into stereotypical gender roles and so old school to en extreme. This tradition thing is like a brand new language or culture to me that I only know vaguely from my parents generation. I can't relate to it at all. Anyway, I just want everyone to know he is not a creep. Just not a right match. |
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dissreguard my 1st entry i must have clicked om the wrong topic, it just seems to me if a man tries "to hard" maybe he's inexpierenced with dateing or dealing with women in general, sounds like he's trying to latch-on cuz your being nice to him. theres alot of strange sighns there (name thing/cold calling)what?? its almost like he's apologizeing for being a man.. but you also say he's a nice guy so i wish ya the best of luck :)
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Edited by
Sandelwood4
on
Fri 08/03/12 12:30 PM
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it just seems to me if a man tries "to hard" maybe he's inexpierenced with dateing or dealing with women in general, This is more than obvious to me. sounds like he's trying to latch-on cuz your being nice to him. I’m a nice person but I’m not doing anything to encourage him to do something in particular. He is who he is. Was just giving the guy a chance and trying to get to know him with a bit of (okay, a lot of) distance. theres alot of strange sighns there (name thing/cold calling)what?? its almost like he's apologizeing for being a man.. Yes, yes, yes, it’s this extreme politeness or considerate behavior that I am not accustomed to and just because he doesn’t do it anymore because of my reaction to it doesn’t change anything. He says he was raised that way and he will try to change. I don’t want him to change. I want him to find a girl who appreciates him just the way he is. but you also say he's a nice guy so i wish ya the best of luck :) Yes, he is nice, but if I was with him he would benefit from the relationship way more than I would. For me it would be more of a community service. LOL Okay seriously, nice guy but obviously not "the one" for me. |
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All I can say is ... Listen to the voice in your head.
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Yeah. It does sound a bit OTT (over the top). You have only talked for a week, and he's already calling you his. Ummmmm, I'd feel wary enough about that alone. Also, it sounds like he's trying too hard. Apologizing for even the smallest of things. Maybe he's just good-mannered, but still. I understand you feeling cautious. I'm nice to people MYSELF, but never feel a need to over-do apologies and all that other shiz.
 You can be friendly without going to extreme's ;)
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I met a nice and cute guy from another site who is very respectful of my privacy and boundaries. He is understanding and down to earth. I really do believe his interest in me is sincere but he seems like he is trying too hard. While I intent to get to know him in public places for a while I don’t know exactly how to articulate my hesitation, so I hope I won’t be misunderstood because I really do like nice guys. Maybe it’s best to give some examples. In his profile he lists all the things that’s supposed to make him credible as a datable guy but these are given things or not worth mentioning in my opinion, like loyal, no DUI's, has his own place, a good job with benefits (I don’t need to know that), no children (which is a repeated as the status already indicates that) etc... He stresses how important it is for him to "meet the needs of his lady." He goes on and on about that. He assured me out of the blue that he won’t abuse my number. I didn’t even think about the possibility until he mentioned it. I understand all of this may be because he is old school and from the Midwest, and I’m not. Still, so far this is not a problem. He says he is 40 (I’m 47) but when I met him and in his pictures he looks younger. I don’t have a problem with 7 year difference although I’d feel awkward if he was younger than that. In our conversations he makes me feel like I’m his mother or I am his boss. He takes being polite to an extreme. He thanked me several times now for writing him back when I don’t even feel it is necessary. He uses words like he is honored to have met me. I don’t feel like his equal but it’s important to me that we are. We only wrote each other for a week and met once and he is already writing things like “Gosh I love saying your name”, or “goodnight, my precious (my name)”. Is it not too soon to be saying things like that? What is my gut trying to tell me (just wondering out loud) and why do i feel like I’m dealing with a 34 year old? No offense intended. Just trying to get some perspective. Any thoughts, my fellow Mingle friends? the only red flag for me would be goodnight my precious,,,, the rest could easily be explained by past experiences or a considerate nature,,,, |
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Edited by
sweetestgirl11
on
Sat 07/06/13 06:48 PM
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I think he sounds awesome but it sounds like you don't really dig him. I'll take him
he may have a military, martial background or be from a culure where respect and honor are everything. I am too by training. and most people do not understand us I have been looking for someone just like him    hard to tell if he is over the top without meeting him, but I think he sounds fine. just maybe not that comfortable with you |
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BEING TOO POLITE THAN EXPECTED MEANS HE IS A SCAMMER SO BEWARE AND CAREFUL...I REALLY KNOW THEM BY THEIR POSTS AND COMPLIMENTS.
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