I have to say, there are times in my life that I can't believe certain things happened, certain people I met, situations I've been in, but nothing compares this one.

For those of you who I'd gotten to know personally off this site, this won't come off as a shock, far as I know.

I have never been through anything quite like this and its been going on long enough. Saying goodbye to someone you tried to care about is beyond hard. Liking someone who won't let go of someone else is harder. Realizing you're only part of the option instead of the reality. But it ends here it ends now. The games stop.

Sometimes actually saying "I can't do this anymore" is extremely challenging. I am not one to cut ties, mainly because my outlook on life is I tend to see a speck of good in someone and pray it spreads. Like there's some good in all of us that is just waiting to come out. But you know what? Its a mirage. This is what we never get told. Not even God's divine intervention will save it. And this individual preyed on my graciousness when he deserved none. I was there for him even after I was very damaged by his decision. I was defending him when people jeered. I thought, I guess I wanted to believe he was a friend. Wanting something verses how it really is are two different things. Nobody in my past life has hurt me more than this person. No one has made me cry more than this person. Honestly, deep down, I wish I never knew him.

People, certain ones, will always be chasing potholes, probably for the rest of their life. Maybe living in a fantasy is safer, I don't know anymore. I don't know why but, I believed in this individual a lot. I thought there was potential to be open to things that have nothing to do with their past. You know, moving forward with life? Something he always preached, but never heeded.

Turns out I'm really not that girl. I don't feel that I am the girl to just sit around and wait for someone to take a chance. I never thought I was. And this is where maybe my problem was. I realize this now.

I've talked about it to death and I am just so sick of fighting with my conscious over it even though the answer was always right in front of me. People aren't good. Not all of them. In fact, they are downright evil. They toy with hearts without you knowing until its too late. The mess they create, the drama they bring with their past baggage, their bull chit reasons for regret is just too much to bare. How much of you, the real you, is left? I feel completely repulsed. I feel like enough is definitely enough.

I feel like in a lot of ways its good that I went through this. I'm crazy right? Its a good thing that I got hurt and continue to get hurt by this person. But I guess I had to. Trusting someone is earned, you can't just give it out. You just have to shut certain people out of your life, you have to. Even if you still care. You know, writing this makes me realize a lot of things. I actually have no regrets. Not a one. Maybe they do, regret the past, hold onto the good image of something you'll never get back again.

I don't want to see how it ends honestly. I wish to take back my control as well as my heart. You can't openly give yourself to just anyone. Sometimes you have no clue who you're talking to at all. You're under the spell of their charm and its a foggy swap you can't see through. Until you've realized you've fallen for the mockery and who they really are comes out eventually. You're blinded by the illumination: the words they paint. As soon as something real and honest happens, the real person comes out, in their actions of course. The "doomed" individual. Maybe I'm not the doomed one after all. Maybe they are the ill-fated. But its no longer my business.

I think I can safely say its over. Its not me, it never was. This person may not care what he put me through but I don't care anymore what he thinks of me personally. I am here to get myself back, even if it means finally making the decision in saying those words: Goodbye.

It gets easier. Trust me.


I know it sucks....but, you are doing what you gotta do Baby.

Peace often follows after much soul searching...here's to it finding you soon

You get this.....((((((((Audrey))))))))

this.....

this.....


and this.....


It does get better and you are brave, adorable, and one kool kitty kat...luvs ya baby girl!!

Good decision......

You're doing the right thing.

There comes a time when you realize you can't fix it, you can't solve everything, all by yourself. It has to work both ways, and one person can't do it if the other one isn't willing to put forth some effort.

It's a learning process. If you learn something from it, something that helps in the future, something that allows you to recognize red flags before it goes on too long, then maybe it's worth it.

Sometimes that's a tough call.

But "I can't do this anymore" isn't necessarily an admission of failure at all. Sometimes it's just an acknowledgment that something really isn't helping you, really isn't good for you, and you're better off without that.

It does get better. It really does there Will be down days but the up days will come along more often. Untill one day it will be something you look back on. Love and prayers for inner strength

The thing is, there wasn't ANY effort and I knew this. Waking up was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I am always going to be better than him because I know in my heart he deserves exactly what he puts forth onto others.

I have tried to stop myself from being the person that I am because I have been hurt, betrayed and my good nature taken advantage of and used against me.

I have also tried to be someone I am not on. I have tried to turn myself into someone that the other person needed me to be and someone they would want in their life.

Now, I’m just ME regardless of whether someone tries to take me for granted/take advantage of.

They are the ones that are damaged...they are the ones that don’t recognise and don’t know how to deal with someone that’s genuine and unpretentious....Their loss will be someone else’s gain.

I don't hang on to dead wood.

OK, but I'd advise against phrasing it in terms of "better," etc. That comes across as a little too compensatory, a little too much "need to be the bigger person," and, while I see some use for that, it also indicates that you're letting it dictate your mindset to some extent.

Done is done. Over is over. Let it go and move on. You don't have to dwell on him, his issues, his shortcomings, etc., anymore. You have no control over him -- and, to be honest, it wouldn't really do you any good if you did.

Just do whatever you need to.

Hope is fine as long as it's not hoping on something is hopeless.

Hmmmmmm........

I could be reading this wrong.....

But.....

for some reason it reminds me of the words in a country song.....

" I'm sooo miserable without you....It's Almost like you're Here!!"

Comfort! That is all I can offer.

You are in a challenging place, no doubt. Grieving a "bad" relationship is just as difficult, or more so, than a "bad" relationship. Take heart that there are people on here that care about you. Keep breathing. Deeply.

Mariah , your post touched me is so many ways.
I also am feeling so many of things you talked about ,as I too was was severely betrayed by someone I once considered a dear friend.
I was never given the respect or decency of knowing why he just ended things without a word.
But now, although I do not hold any ill will against him I am happy to finally know the truth about the kind of man he really his.
He was really never worth my caring and trust and will never have it again.
I hope your heart heals and someone who is truly worthy of you will find you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated

If he is one of your close friends, then you should talk to him. Saying goodbye to a friend can be a very hurtful thing to you both. Good luck :)

Thank you to everyone for your kinds words and thoughts. I greatly appreciate the advice and I pray that it gets better. I want it to.

You'll make it. I have faith in you my friend.

As long as you always believe in yourself as much as those who believe in you. Wonderful post.

I am struggling with saying goodbye. I just don't know what to do anymore....