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| Topic: What do you consider cheating? | |
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I think there are other ways of cheating a spouse too; often spouse cheat economically. It really makes me wonder when I see a spouse hiding money becasue it is obvious theat they are not all in on a relationship and basic trust of the other person being faithful to the partnership about spending resources does not exist.
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Edited by
SanneHan
on
Wed 03/21/12 10:37 AM
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I don't think that is true because there is a level where if you really love someone you just see no need . Yes you may occassionally have a thought and check yourself but you don't allow yourself to "go ther" so to speak. I was a military wife for years and don't kid yourself you have desires when your spouse is away but you either fatazize about them or you distract yourself with other thoughts and activitieis. LOL there is a reason my house was FI clean when my man came home and there isn't a weed in the garden now . So we agree to disagree... I think there have been so much testimonials here that you should be able to notice that values differ... what you propose here is nothing less than that YOUR values are the only ones a person in her/his right mind can have. I think the human race is a lot more diverse than that... and actually, I like that, and am quite proud of being out of my mind!! |
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I think there are other ways of cheating a spouse too; often spouse cheat economically. It really makes me wonder when I see a spouse hiding money becasue it is obvious theat they are not all in on a relationship and basic trust of the other person being faithful to the partnership about spending resources does not exist. HERE we are on the same track... If I am really in a partnership, there is no "mine" or "yours", as far as ressources are concerned... Being partners means it's all "ours". Period. |
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I don't think that is true because there is a level where if you really love someone you just see no need . Yes you may occassionally have a thought and check yourself but you don't allow yourself to "go ther" so to speak. I was a military wife for years and don't kid yourself you have desires when your spouse is away but you either fatazize about them or you distract yourself with other thoughts and activitieis. LOL there is a reason my house was FI clean when my man came home and there isn't a weed in the garden now . So we agree to disagree... I think there have been so much testimonials here that you should be able to notice that values differ... what you propose here is nothing less than that YOUR values are the only ones a person in her/his right mind can have. I think the human race is a lot more diverse than that... and actually, I like that, and am quite proud of being out of my mind!! Not really. Do NOT have any disagreement with you feeling whatever you feel . If it works for you and your mate cool. I think the OP was what do I think is cheating. I am trying to say why your definition would not fit for me. I know I have very few shades of gray in my definitions of "self rule" but that is not something I apply to everybody else as "right" or "wrong" for them. I think you try to tell someone else how they "should" or "should not" act then you will have "should" all over yourself and stink to high heaven. I do think people can compair ideals and sometimes that really influences the other in how they feel or at least understand values of others and it is a valid thing to have a variety of opinions tossed back a forth. I've lived along side a lot of values in my lifetime and seen some not work very well and learned some really do. |
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I personally could never cheat because ive had it happen to me and it sucks i mean if u dont wanna be with that person just break up with them
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A "cheating" value that exists for some is that to have a "casual" relationship before a committed one is cheating on the later relationship. Is chastity and cheating in the same concept?
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Not really. Do NOT have any disagreement with you feeling whatever you feel . If it works for you and your mate cool. I think the OP was what do I think is cheating. I am trying to say why your definition would not fit for me. I know I have very few shades of gray in my definitions of "self rule" but that is not something I apply to everybody else as "right" or "wrong" for them. I think you try to tell someone else how they "should" or "should not" act then you will have "should" all over yourself and stink to high heaven. I do think people can compair ideals and sometimes that really influences the other in how they feel or at least understand values of others and it is a valid thing to have a variety of opinions tossed back a forth. I've lived along side a lot of values in my lifetime and seen some not work very well and learned some really do. AAAAHHHHH Okay, then I just understood you wrong... I know and think, that some things are worthless if you have to ask for them... like if you have to ask your partner to say "I love you", you will never know whether he does it, because he FEELS it... or does it because you asked for it... But even if you don't SAY it, like in "Sit down, I need to have a word with you!", you still should (I feel) communicate it... even though I found that guys are pretty bad at receiving subtle signals, you best write what you want to communicate on the baseball bat that shows the house rules... :rolleyes: |
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A "cheating" value that exists for some is that to have a "casual" relationship before a committed one is cheating on the later relationship. Is chastity and cheating in the same concept? My feeling is no... if I fall in love, I have a wonderful feeling, the proverbial butterflies in my tummy (Whenever did I eat worms to get them there?) and all... but actually, I just start to get to know my partner, and there is a long way to go from "falling" to "loving"... and part of getting to know my partner is whether or not we will fit in the bedroom... our needs, our wishes, our drems, our DoNots... |
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Oh and what about Caregiving? I have felt myself really torn about what would be fair in a relationship. Especially a new developeing one where the extream demands on my time/energy/emotion would not give another person a lot left? Would that be cheating or shortchangeing a person?
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Hmmm... If I chose to have a partnership with a person, that includes the devotion to give my care, if needed... as well as being entitled to receive care should I need it... much more so if my partner already needs care, when I decide to found that partnership. He/she knows what's coming, so I don't see any kind of shortchangeing... I would have a long word with him/her, speaking about what is coming up, and I would want him/her to TRY and do his best, not to succeed... especially care can be much more demanding, once you're in it, than it seems when you think about it...
As the care receiving partner, I think I feel the obligation to make my partner's life and care for me as easy as possible. And (Love is never a one way street) I would not want him to break under the stress... I would rather let him/her go if I really love him... |
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Not really. Do NOT have any disagreement with you feeling whatever you feel . If it works for you and your mate cool. I think the OP was what do I think is cheating. I am trying to say why your definition would not fit for me. I know I have very few shades of gray in my definitions of "self rule" but that is not something I apply to everybody else as "right" or "wrong" for them. I think you try to tell someone else how they "should" or "should not" act then you will have "should" all over yourself and stink to high heaven. I do think people can compair ideals and sometimes that really influences the other in how they feel or at least understand values of others and it is a valid thing to have a variety of opinions tossed back a forth. I've lived along side a lot of values in my lifetime and seen some not work very well and learned some really do. AAAAHHHHH Okay, then I just understood you wrong... I know and think, that some things are worthless if you have to ask for them... like if you have to ask your partner to say "I love you", you will never know whether he does it, because he FEELS it... or does it because you asked for it... But even if you don't SAY it, like in "Sit down, I need to have a word with you!", you still should (I feel) communicate it... even though I found that guys are pretty bad at receiving subtle signals, you best write what you want to communicate on the baseball bat that shows the house rules... :rolleyes: Yea I pretty much agree with this idea too. I do think sometimes you can negotioate with a partner to be more expressive. If a person comes from a culture or it is just their style not to be expressive sometines "the talks" or just positive reinforcement can adapt behavior. And even understanding. I can remember as a young bride my husband telling me how much he hated someone in his work and dearly wanted to punch him out effectively ending his career and he told me the only reason hi did not was because he wanted that job to make his love visable to me. That kind of stuck in my mind. Sometimes people say I love you with different words an actions/ |
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Yea I pretty much agree with this idea too. I do think sometimes you can negotioate with a partner to be more expressive. If a person comes from a culture or it is just their style not to be expressive sometines "the talks" or just positive reinforcement can adapt behavior. And even understanding. I can remember as a young bride my husband telling me how much he hated someone in his work and dearly wanted to punch him out effectively ending his career and he told me the only reason hi did not was because he wanted that job to make his love visable to me. That kind of stuck in my mind. Sometimes people say I love you with different words an actions/ Human communications :rolleyes:  Do you know Paul Watzlawick? |
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Hmmm... If I chose to have a partnership with a person, that includes the devotion to give my care, if needed... as well as being entitled to receive care should I need it... much more so if my partner already needs care, when I decide to found that partnership. He/she knows what's coming, so I don't see any kind of shortchangeing... I would have a long word with him/her, speaking about what is coming up, and I would want him/her to TRY and do his best, not to succeed... especially care can be much more demanding, once you're in it, than it seems when you think about it... As the care receiving partner, I think I feel the obligation to make my partner's life and care for me as easy as possible. And (Love is never a one way street) I would not want him to break under the stress... I would rather let him/her go if I really love him... Oh interesting concept but I was thinking about my caregiving for my Dad who is in Hospice as really too much for a new person to have to take a vack seat too. It is one thing if they actually had already espablished a relationship with me, and of course indirectly established a relationship with my dad to take a back seat sometimes to his growing needs but it seems like kind of cheating a new relationship in some ways to only give what is left. I kind of felt the same way in the beginning with my kids from a previous marriage and most of the men I dated and later my spouse told me that was horse feathers. Supporting a new partner through Hospice seems a lot to ask. |
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Edited by
PacificStar48
on
Wed 03/21/12 12:22 PM
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Yea I pretty much agree with this idea too. I do think sometimes you can negotioate with a partner to be more expressive. If a person comes from a culture or it is just their style not to be expressive sometines "the talks" or just positive reinforcement can adapt behavior. And even understanding. I can remember as a young bride my husband telling me how much he hated someone in his work and dearly wanted to punch him out effectively ending his career and he told me the only reason hi did not was because he wanted that job to make his love visable to me. That kind of stuck in my mind. Sometimes people say I love you with different words an actions/ Human communications :rolleyes: Do you know Paul Watzlawick? LOL no can't say I do. But probably as traditional/stubborn as a guy as the partner I was talking about. Which may bring us back to the whole circle of how we define cheating or loving for tat matter. If I did not learn to hear I love you when my mate said complained how he wanted to punch this arsehole he worked with regularly and sometime the occasional wink or hug I would have probably died onthe vine waiting ro the I love you/" |
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What do you consider cheating? In my opinion,everything lying between beliefs & unbelievable is termed as cheating. |
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:D Well, actually, Paul Watzlawick is a psychologist and communications expert... he wrote some very good books... like "The Situation Is Hopeless, But Not Serious: The Pursuit of Unhappiness" and "Ultra-Solutions, or, How to Fail Most Successfully" - make great reading, both of them ;)
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Ive read the pursuit of happiness and watched the movie. Very worth it.
And im thoroughly enjoying reading the posts in this thread. Its very interesting to see how people feel about this subject. |
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Ive read the pursuit of happiness and watched the movie. Very worth it. And im thoroughly enjoying reading the posts in this thread. Its very interesting to see how people feel about this subject. *GG* This book is called "Pursuit of UNhappiness" and kind of a backward book on how to get happy... or at least how to avoid things that will definitely make you unhappy. Not the Will Smith movie... :D |
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cheating is doing something that you would not do if your significant other was there. this is a good standard,, my past (very very past) relations could easily have watched porn in front of me,,,maybe thats why it doesnt seem like cheating to me sleeping with someone else though, except in a 'swinger' lifestyle, is unacceptable |
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sleeping with someone else though, except in a 'swinger' lifestyle, is unacceptable I guess that is about the usual definition... and, believe it or not, it would be something I would find agreeable for/with the right person... *IF* I knew it. |
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