Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: Advice please
DaddyTime Joined Wed 02/01/12 Posts: 530	Wed 02/15/12 01:22 PM
Im sorry this person abused your trust DT. You said you had trouble trusting them from the start. We were only saying since you felt that way you should walk away. Like Sing said, dont give up the the world for their misbehaviour. when someone tells you they had a bad accident and has scars you tend to understand their insecurities, and forgive a couple fake pix when you talk to them. so yeah distrust from the start was there because she brought it in to play. don't act like an idiot and you won't be distrusted. But when there is no reason to be trusted I guess it is hard to project honesty. I am not a distrustful person to a great extent, but give me even the smallest reason to distrust is good enough to set off my radar. Which is good as obviously I was correct. Oh well got coffee coming up with someone else coming up soon so I am not to worried about this one. and no this will not affect my relationships with honest people. I will just be less likely to accept any dishonesty as I did this last time after getting 2 fake pictures and still giving her another chance to fess up. So like I said will not hurt my relationship with those who are honest as you need a reason to distrust. don't give me a reason and we will be fine, give me a reason then there is likely something to distrust.

Shy_Emo_chick Joined Fri 04/01/11 Posts: 4393	Wed 02/15/12 01:51 PM
I've never been attracted to, or tempted by, someone who isn't showing a real pic of themselves. Though, that has nothing to do with trust, for me personally. Just saying i don't know how it feels to be attracted to that person without a pic of their true face. Or, one of their six faces, even. lol.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Wed 02/15/12 04:52 PM
I was local to a gent who posted his pic with a full head of hair and pretty slim. I told him I wasnt interested romantically but I would say hi at the Y if I saw him there....I thought I was bein friendly. Anyhoo, I bumped into a fellow 50 pounds heavier that the man in question (AT LEAST), who was sporting a balding ring of hair. Needless to say, I did not recognis the guy. He was scowling at me the whole time and it wasnt til a day or so later I connected the dots on who he was. what I don't get is how he could have thought you would not notice the difference when you met?? I think he had a severe control problem, as well as being a tad narcicistic. Therefore his own pic was of little matter, because it was for my benefit. not sure I understand - but certainly we all want to post pictures that are good pictures - but it can only hinder things if the photo is like 20 years old...unfortunately people still do that I guess I mean he probably didnt even consider the possibility that I would not recognise him. I did not matter, so a pic of him, for my benefit, wouldnt matter. It was all about him. His mightiness. His glory. His delusion. I was expected to be all about him because thats how he saw himself. He was probably unable to put himself in my shoes. My shoes were of no interest. He tried to boss me into dating him which is why I lost interest and told him I wasnt interested in dating but I would say hi if I recognised him at the Y. yup the pushy ones are usually a red flag for me also

Ruth34611 Joined Sat 08/02/08 Posts: 32401	Wed 02/15/12 04:59 PM
Always trust your instincts!!! Even if they seem unreasonable. Biggest disaster relationship I had with someone I met online was because I didn't trust my feelings and was afraid of being judgemental.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Wed 02/15/12 08:22 PM
Always trust your instincts!!! Even if they seem unreasonable. Biggest disaster relationship I had with someone I met online was because I didn't trust my feelings and was afraid of being judgemental. Sometimes you have to not worry about seeming judgmental if something seems off. SO yes, always trust your instincts. If that pushes them away, it's probably for the best.

Troublebug Joined Sat 09/11/10 Posts: 10911	Wed 02/15/12 08:28 PM
I agree with the above people. trust your gut feeling. You know you can do an image search on google. You could google it and see if you get anything. You could also google her name is your afraid she is playing a game. Since it is unlikely that you will ever meet, why worry so much. Sometimes it just takes time. And if she truly was in an accident and is that self concious. You may never truly get to know her anyway. just be careful.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Wed 02/15/12 08:30 PM
Always trust your instincts!!! Even if they seem unreasonable. Biggest disaster relationship I had with someone I met online was because I didn't trust my feelings and was afraid of being judgemental. Sometimes you have to not worry about seeming judgmental if something seems off. SO yes, always trust your instincts. If that pushes them away, it's probably for the best. so when you say it 's probably for the best, what about people who mistrust so much that they might scare off some pretty decent folk? I definitely can go there -my block list is so long that it's scary...and sometimes I wonder if I may rush to block too soon. I have been on here for 4 yrs now and there have been a few occasions where I have had to go UNblock someone who I subsequently befriended down the road a piece

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Wed 02/15/12 08:42 PM
Always trust your instincts!!! Even if they seem unreasonable. Biggest disaster relationship I had with someone I met online was because I didn't trust my feelings and was afraid of being judgemental. Sometimes you have to not worry about seeming judgmental if something seems off. SO yes, always trust your instincts. If that pushes them away, it's probably for the best. so when you say it 's probably for the best, what about people who mistrust so much that they might scare off some pretty decent folk? I definitely can go there -my block list is so long that it's scary...and sometimes I wonder if I may rush to block too soon. I have been on here for 4 yrs now and there have been a few occasions where I have had to go UNblock someone who I subsequently befriended down the road a piece The OP went with his gut feeling and it ended up being a good idea he did. He found out the pictures were not real. Holding back because you're worried about offending someone isn't going to help. Some people will choose to be offended by anything, including being asked for a recent picture. If they're going to get offended by that, that's their issue. I rarely ever block anyone. And I've never blocked anyone who I became friends with or even friendly with later on.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Wed 02/15/12 09:18 PM Edited by sweetestgirl11 on Wed 02/15/12 09:22 PM
well that isn't really what I meant but thanks anyway I block prolly 90% of the messages I get sometimes things are just offensive period- not because I choose them to be

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Wed 02/15/12 09:21 PM
I agree with the above people. trust your gut feeling. You know you can do an image search on google. You could google it and see if you get anything. You could also google her name is your afraid she is playing a game. Since it is unlikely that you will ever meet, why worry so much. Sometimes it just takes time. And if she truly was in an accident and is that self concious. You may never truly get to know her anyway. just be careful. yup I searched a couple people on here - one man in particular whose picture online did not match the one he sent me email - the search (I googled earthed him) proved VERRRRY interesting Sherlock the other person who I searched was fine BTW hey trubs - hope life is good

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Wed 02/15/12 09:21 PM
What did you mean? I have six people blocked. I'm guessing I could even unblock them and I'd never hear from them again.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Wed 02/15/12 09:23 PM
What did you mean? I have six people blocked. I'm guessing I could even unblock them and I'd never hear from them again. well I have a pretty long blocked list I think Lex was referring me to the cousins of his Nigerian girlfriends

jaded72 Joined Tue 12/06/11 Posts: 1456	Wed 02/15/12 09:28 PM
I really hate it when people don't post pictures of themselves or things that are meaningful to them. Such a waste of time.

Sin_and_Sorrow Joined Sun 01/01/12 Posts: 5757	Thu 02/16/12 01:05 AM
O.O

josie68 Joined Mon 11/22/10 Posts: 6270	Thu 02/16/12 01:58 AM
Everyone is different and needs different things to feel secure. If she can except the things that you need to feel secure in being her friend, then that's a good start. But honestly, you are not looking at this as a love relationship, but as a friendship, so really friendship is about trust, and you both have to build that and accept each other. There may be things later that she asks of you as well. Just enjoy your friendship each one is special Right you are, Josie. I'm glad to see you participating. Is your mate still posting things? I am never leaving, There are to many people i need to check up on I have made so many friends here, My man still comes in, probably not as much as me, but he has been on here for 3 or 4 years, so has heaps of friends as well.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Thu 02/16/12 05:12 AM
well that isn't really what I meant but thanks anyway I block prolly 90% of the messages I get sometimes things are just offensive period- not because I choose them to be Eh, I don't get offended easily.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Thu 02/16/12 05:31 AM
I just think life is much better without getting offended at every turn. So I choose to enjoy it more, rather than be offended by silly things. I wish more people would do the same.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Thu 02/16/12 06:28 AM
O.O some issues here???

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Thu 02/16/12 06:31 AM
Always trust your instincts!!! Even if they seem unreasonable. Biggest disaster relationship I had with someone I met online was because I didn't trust my feelings and was afraid of being judgemental. Sometimes you have to not worry about seeming judgmental if something seems off. SO yes, always trust your instincts. If that pushes them away, it's probably for the best. except that he would have pushed me away also (just as an example because I also have issues with a scar) - yet all of my photographs, my profile etc are entirely legitimate. I guess those are the types of chances we take I have prolly blocked some guys who were legit in an effort to be cautious when it's meant to be things will just work out properly I suppose

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Thu 02/16/12 07:43 AM
Always trust your instincts!!! Even if they seem unreasonable. Biggest disaster relationship I had with someone I met online was because I didn't trust my feelings and was afraid of being judgemental. Sometimes you have to not worry about seeming judgmental if something seems off. SO yes, always trust your instincts. If that pushes them away, it's probably for the best. except that he would have pushed me away also (just as an example because I also have issues with a scar) - yet all of my photographs, my profile etc are entirely legitimate. I guess those are the types of chances we take I have prolly blocked some guys who were legit in an effort to be cautious when it's meant to be things will just work out properly I suppose Well, if he would have pushed you away too, it would have been because you chose to be offended by him being cautious. That's your choice to do so.