this is nuts... I have been dating a really great guy for a little over a month now. Out of the blue I get an email from a very close old friend saying that he made a mistake choosing someone else over me and that he missed me. We were never together, just friends. I didn't realize that I was a choice at the time... we really were JUST friends. The guy I'm seeing is great and all, but nobody has the chemistry like this other guy and me. I am not married to anyone or anything, so I know that I shouldn't feel too bad that I'm considering going to the old friend. He came to see me today after searching for me for months. We still had the same chemistry. We hung out and kissed for the first time. (Please don't think I'm a cheating slut) There were the fireworks we all search for. I have pretty much made up my mind, but the question is how do I let this really great guy down gently? He's amazing and I do LOVE him, but I'm not IN LOVE with him. I feel awful that he's going to get hurt. Help me with the words to say, cus I really don't want to break his heart.

Just be honest with him....the words will come when the time is right to tell him of your decision....best wishes to you.

I know. I feel so terrible that he will be hurt, but I can't help how I do or don't feel. He told me he loves me about 3 weeks or so ago and hasnt' said it since. You know how some guys lay it on really thick till they get comfortable.. yeah, he's done that. Its his personality and I understand that. I'm not going to say that he's done me wrong cus its nothing like that. I just am not in love and I really do think I might be with this old friend. I had been thinking about him alot lately and then "BAM" there he is in my inbox. Its not some over the internet guy either...lol, we were friends before I ever had the internet.

Just tell him how you feel. Like you said it only been a little over a month, its not like he wasted years on you.

Oh Jayme - I am SO sorry to hear about this! But, you *have* answered your own question. I'd recommend telling him that someone you really care about has re-entered your life and that you need some time away from him. That will give him and you a chance to take a deep breath. Then, if this is what is going to happen, after you have had some time apart...you tell him:

"You are amazing, and I do love you, but I'm not "in love" with you. I'm sorry, but I'm in love with another."

But, I think you should try to let him down gently by telling him you need space for a few weeks...that will allow emotions to settle down...hopefully enough to ease the heartbreak...but it is going to be painful - for both of you....all 3 even.

Unfortunately, there are no "right" words for him. The most you can do is keep it positive and real. I don't believe you should go in to details about the the other man, but I do think you have a legitimate reason to break it off and he needs to know that. I personally would say something like "I ran into an old friend and the feelings I had when talking to him made me realize that what we have as a couple isn't as strong as those feelings. It would be wrong of me not to follow my heart and take a chance at a lifetime of happiness." I would stay away from "your a great guy but..." or "it's not you, it's me" Good Luck

Just be honest with him about your feelings. The right words will come and tell him you hadn't planned on falling in love but it happened. No one can help the way they feel about someone. If it's returned, then I'd say you were pretty darn lucky!

YOU should have never agreed to meet the OLD FRIEND w/o breaking it off with the guy you been dating,,thats wrong and that sucks,,,another heart tossed away because of some old flame,,,,YOU should have at LEAST told the dude you are dating about the old flame and the meet and the possible attraction.
Now YOU want US to TELL you how to TELL him that YOUR PLAYING?
Hows this,,honey im sorry but I went out lastnight with this old friend and after a couple of kisses I knew he was BETTER than YOU so were done NOW...Bye,,and don't call me, or I'll just hurt you some more... HOWS THAT???

Sorry but this is sh-t!

sorry girl!!
i agree with iam4u
i would never see some old friend (GIRL)
not while im with someone
i put my heart in there hands
i think its wrong sorry

hmm I hate to say it but I kinda agree with iam4u lol. If I were with a woman and she was not faithful enough to trust I would dump her like a bad habit. There is something to be said about being faithful and I say that means not meeting up with any "old flames" while in a relationship. That is cheating and that is pretty much what you did.

It would be different if you had not been seeing this other guy or if you would have broken it off with him BEFORE you even went to meet your "old flame" but thats not what you did and for that I believe you were wrong.

Hmmm, whats wrong with dating? Have you made a committment?

omfg...GUYS!!!

"We were never together, just friends. I didn't realize that I was a choice at the time... we really were JUST friends"

he was never an "old flame" at all..he was a FRIEND


i agree with s1owhand...tell the current that you need time and space...then tell him a week later that you have feelings for someone else, you can't keep him in the dark, but you have to be honest..with yourself and with him

good luck..this won't be easy for you

"Out of the blue I get an email from a very close old friend saying that he made a mistake choosing someone else over me and that he missed me"

That sounds like more than a friend to me but uh, ok.

Jayme don't feel bad that you did not break it off with your latest date before seeing your old friend. You can fall for someone else when you are already steadily dating someone. It happens and does not mean you are playing anyone.

Just be kind and let him down as gently as possible...always be good and faithful to the ones you love.

WOW, if I am dating someone for a month,,,,,,I am in a relationship of a nature, in other words I and her are in each others thoughts an item. now if we agreed to openly date others,,,fine,(she did not say that)
So she should have told her dating partner, of her choice to see ANY OTHER, before seeing THE OTHER GUY, NOW she wouldn't have to ask anyone what to do if she had just been honest with her dating (boyfriend), in the first place.

But then again hell im old fashioned, I don't DATE more than one person at a time.

Bingo and since she got an e-mail like that from him saying "Out of the blue I get an email from a very close old friend saying that he made a mistake choosing someone else over me and that he missed me" She should have known that it wasnt gonna be just a couple buddies going out for a cup of coffee or whatever they did. So the intentions (in my opinion) were layed on the table before she met him so she should have said something to the "poor slob/boyfriend" before she met MR. wonderful.

,,,,,,,,,, BINGO

I agree with everyone in one way or another.
You already met up with the guy, and figured out you like him better so, you might as well let the "great guy" down as lightly as you possibly can (which probably isn't going to help anyway... but.. oh well, its too late for that now, right?).
Good luck though!

Erinestrella, may I just say your right, and that YOU should do well here, you are very pretty, and THATS not a hit, you could be my daughter,lol just an honest truth,,Good luck here!

I feel for you....
But out of curiosity, does he think you are in love with him or has he thought that this past month? If you have known that this guy isn't the one, you should have let him go before now. If you are having to let him down gently, he is in love with you.
Sometimes it is easy to stay in a comfortable situation, but that isn't the right thing to do unless you have been explicit with him and told him you weren't in love with him.

On the other hand, I agree with you that chemistry is very important and I hope you that you find yourself "in love" with this man that has spent months searching for you....

Being in love is such a wonderful feeling!!!!!