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| Topic: Most women like gentlemanly manners on dates: Poll | |
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IMO: Gentlemanly manners are a form of romantic, but non-sexual flirting. It's a way of saying "I'm interested in the whole package, not just the lady parts". I can see why women would want that. So, any time you hold a door open for a women, you're showing her that you're interested in her? No, I hold the door for anybody if I'm going through it, including men. There is a thin line between being gentlemanly polite and gentlemanly flirting. I suppose my previous statement didn't leave open the possibility of just being gentlemanly polite. If you are woman who is cold, I'm going to give you my coat. If you are a woman who needs a seat, I'm going to give you mine. But I don't open car doors for you unless I'm interested. I'm not going to pull out your chair for you, unless I'm interested. I suppose it's flirtation when you go out of your way to do nice things for another, when they aren't suffering discomfort in any way. I don't consider giving a cold woman my coat to be flirting, because she's a human who is suffering discomfort. But my female friends have to open their own car doors. Thanks for explaining. I don't really expect those things such as opening a car door, or pulling out my chair (has never happened and I don't see the point of it anyway). So, I don't look for them as an indication as someone is interested in me or flirting with me. Is it all little gestures of affection that you don't find endearing or just those two? What about flowers on the first date? What about a guy giving you his coat or jacket so that you can sit in the grass without getting stains on your clothes? |
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I think we could just as easily turn this around and say that there are certain things a guy would appreciate from a woman on a date. If I showed up in sweats and a baggy t-shirt, cussing like a sailor and asking you why you picked such a crappy restaurant to take me to....you might not want to go out with me again. To me, this is much different than what was mentioned in the OP. Are you going to not go out with someone because he may not have held a door open? Or because he didn't pay for dinner? Those aren't really things I expect on a first date. I may have gotten to the door first and held it open for him, or offered to pay my share. As for paying for the first date I prefer going Dutch. As for asking me out and holding the door, these are not deal breakers for me. They are just impressive. |
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What do ya say we go out? I'll throw a couple burgers down your throat, then I'll introduce you to my good friend Stanley.... You know, like the power drill.
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What do ya say we go out? I'll throw a couple burgers down your throat, then I'll introduce you to my good friend Stanley.... You know, like the power drill. What kind of burgers? |
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What do ya say we go out? I'll throw a couple burgers down your throat, then I'll introduce you to my good friend Stanley.... You know, like the power drill. What kind of burgers? Whatever's greasiest, they go down easier. |
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Here's my take on such polls... They're a bunch of b.s. That's because it plays to those who feel they must act like someone else in order to find a date. It's just another way to tell people "hey, this is what you're doing wrong!" in a generalized manner without taking in personal variables. Those that take heed alter the playing field in a "phony" way. In other words, some guys will now start opening doors just to improve their chances whether they are interested or are just looking for a piece of a$$. That only muddies the waters further. A guy that acts gentlemanly because it's who he is will act that way most all of the time. The phony is going to revert to old habits sooner or later once he feels comfortable with how things are going. The truth will out....but the polls breed doubt. There's nothing wrong with learning better behavior. It's a good thing. If I'm a screaming shrew of a woman and my husband leaves because of it, is it wrong for me to learn how to be a better communicator and a more loving partner so my next relationship lasts? That's not my point. Better behavior means nothing if the motive behind it is insincere. It becomes nothing more than a facade. I know guys who will open a door for any woman, guys who will do it for any person, and guys who do it only for "hot" women. But if you don't know them from Adam, how are you going to know which is which? And if the screaming shrew mends her ways just to keep her man, then slips back to her old ways once he stays, does that not also show insincerity on her part? People with sincere motives will be consistent, whether it is improving bad habits or maintaining their good ones. It shows dedication and good character rather than just sneaking by on appearances. |
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My age group didn't even get to participate in the survey... 
so I'm gonna take my ball and go home. Cute expression. What do boys say? "I'm going to take my three balls and go home"? Has there been an incident in which a boy left more than one ball that had belong to him on the playground as he went home? I am so glad I did not grow up here in this country. I would have been beaten to death by my peers at age four for my sense of humour and for being (allegedly) gay and hystrionically challenged. (That's what my four-year-old grandson called his kindergarten teacher the other day.) |
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That's not my point. Better behavior means nothing if the motive behind it is insincere. It becomes nothing more than a facade. I know guys who will open a door for any woman, guys who will do it for any person, and guys who do it only for "hot" women. But if you don't know them from Adam, how are you going to know which is which? And if the screaming shrew mends her ways just to keep her man, then slips back to her old ways once he stays, does that not also show insincerity on her part? People with sincere motives will be consistent, whether it is improving bad habits or maintaining their good ones. It shows dedication and good character rather than just sneaking by on appearances. You're right. The next time a guy opens a door for me I'm gonna scream at him, "You jerk! How do I know you aren't doing this to impress me and in reality you're a total azzhole!" Thanks, Action. I'll never be fooled again by these losers. |
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Here's my take on such polls... They're a bunch of b.s. That's because it plays to those who feel they must act like someone else in order to find a date. It's just another way to tell people "hey, this is what you're doing wrong!" in a generalized manner without taking in personal variables. Those that take heed alter the playing field in a "phony" way. In other words, some guys will now start opening doors just to improve their chances whether they are interested or are just looking for a piece of a$$. That only muddies the waters further. A guy that acts gentlemanly because it's who he is will act that way most all of the time. The phony is going to revert to old habits sooner or later once he feels comfortable with how things are going. The truth will out....but the polls breed doubt. There's nothing wrong with learning better behavior. It's a good thing. If I'm a screaming shrew of a woman and my husband leaves because of it, is it wrong for me to learn how to be a better communicator and a more loving partner so my next relationship lasts? That's not my point. Better behavior means nothing if the motive behind it is insincere. It becomes nothing more than a facade. I know guys who will open a door for any woman, guys who will do it for any person, and guys who do it only for "hot" women. But if you don't know them from Adam, how are you going to know which is which? And if the screaming shrew mends her ways just to keep her man, then slips back to her old ways once he stays, does that not also show insincerity on her part? People with sincere motives will be consistent, whether it is improving bad habits or maintaining their good ones. It shows dedication and good character rather than just sneaking by on appearances. I think the survey asked participants to state their feelings and opinions. In that sense the survey is more accurate than the 2.5 percent margin of error. If the survey was used to establish some distribution of opinions over a larger population, like for instance the general population, then the survey failed in having used only online participants. Much depends on how the subjects had been selected. Accuracy of a sample when projected over the general population is hugely dependent on a RANDOM selection. This is very hard to achieve at best of times, but when it's a self-selected group they survey, then it's almost guaranteed to be not representative of the population. I don't know what the survey selection for participants involved, so this is all very academic what we talk about here. Statistics is actually a VERY exact science. The inaccuracies creep in when the elements of the mathematical model are populated with inappropriately chosen actual elements from reality. |
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..lol.. ..and they wonder why they are the single ones? Hmmmm... Which part is the reason they are still single? ..those who demand or at best expect certain things to take place, that don't, ultimately lead one to remain single. Call it minuscule, call it minor, call it small; but demands from one while not meeting said demands of another.. usually results inthe concept of being 'single'. True. I demand monogamy, affection, respect, the ability to financially support yourself, honesty and non-smoking and that has resulted in my still being single. yea, it's a slippery slope!
everybody has expectations but negotiation will lead to a connection where demands lead to a resentment if a man does not pay for a date and that was your (her - whoever) expectation....simply refuse the offer - or don't go out with him find someone who shares your values |
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I wasn't meaning for it to be taken offensively, if that's how you took it originally. Just stating my own opinion. I wasn't offended. 
My point is simply that we all have expectations and that is not necessarily a bad thing. 
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That's not my point. Better behavior means nothing if the motive behind it is insincere. It becomes nothing more than a facade. I know guys who will open a door for any woman, guys who will do it for any person, and guys who do it only for "hot" women. But if you don't know them from Adam, how are you going to know which is which? And if the screaming shrew mends her ways just to keep her man, then slips back to her old ways once he stays, does that not also show insincerity on her part? People with sincere motives will be consistent, whether it is improving bad habits or maintaining their good ones. It shows dedication and good character rather than just sneaking by on appearances. You're right. The next time a guy opens a door for me I'm gonna scream at him, "You jerk! How do I know you aren't doing this to impress me and in reality you're a total azzhole!" Thanks, Action. I'll never be fooled again by these losers.
Not what I meant, but point taken.
Maybe I've spent too much time around the wrong people. I've just seen people do "good" things for sleazy reasons time and again. It's too bad because some of them are basically good people with bad habits....and I want to keep the faith that they'll straighten their own matters eventually. So I'll be friendly with them, but keep them at arm's length at the same time to avoid being dragged down. Perhaps that's jaded me a bit. |
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..lol.. ..and they wonder why they are the single ones? Hmmmm... Which part is the reason they are still single? ..those who demand or at best expect certain things to take place, that don't, ultimately lead one to remain single. Call it minuscule, call it minor, call it small; but demands from one while not meeting said demands of another.. usually results inthe concept of being 'single'. so, would no expectations be better?, isnt that the same as no standards? |
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Perhaps that's jaded me a bit. I've been called naieve 3 times in the last month. So, maybe it's me. |
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WHAT?????????
I don't pick my nose or scratch myself......... at least until the........... Third Date!!!!!!!  
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Perhaps that's jaded me a bit. I've been called naieve 3 times in the last month. So, maybe it's me. Well, I wasn't one them.
But that occasional spunk and fieriness is why we love you.
And yeah....I get called naive too. |
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Perhaps that's jaded me a bit. I've been called naieve 3 times in the last month. So, maybe it's me. Well, I wasn't one them.
But that occasional spunk and fieriness is why we love you.
And yeah....I get called naive too.
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..lol.. ..and they wonder why they are the single ones? Hmmmm... Which part is the reason they are still single? ..those who demand or at best expect certain things to take place, that don't, ultimately lead one to remain single. Call it minuscule, call it minor, call it small; but demands from one while not meeting said demands of another.. usually results inthe concept of being 'single'. True. I demand monogamy, affection, respect, the ability to financially support yourself, honesty and non-smoking and that has resulted in my still being single. yea, it's a slippery slope!
everybody has expectations but negotiation will lead to a connection where demands lead to a resentment if a man does not pay for a date and that was your (her - whoever) expectation....simply refuse the offer - or don't go out with him find someone who shares your values Brilliance
and might I add, if you learn to love yourself and your own company, there will be no REASON for you to accept less than what you really want,,,, |
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I'm both a gentleman and a scholar. True story, people have told me so. I may have been one of these "people" to whom you refer.... Have you ever bought me a drink? I usually say that to guys when they buy me a drink..... Sometimes I find I have jumped to the wrong conclusion, however & blame it on the Heisenberg uncertainty principle... Hmmmmmm.....you do look strangely familiar....another time another place perhaps 
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..lol.. ..and they wonder why they are the single ones? Hmmmm... Which part is the reason they are still single? ..those who demand or at best expect certain things to take place, that don't, ultimately lead one to remain single. Call it minuscule, call it minor, call it small; but demands from one while not meeting said demands of another.. usually results inthe concept of being 'single'. Personally; on a first date I don't expect a man to hold open a door or pay for my meal, so for me no demands or expectations. I have no expectations of the person other than for him to be himself. He has to do what is comfortable and if he isn't comfortable holding open a door, paying a meal, or dressing up for a date; then its fine with me. |
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