A member contacted me and wanted to get to know me. We talked back and forth. All of a sudden she asked me for immigration advice. I gave her all the things I know but became sadden since she does not seem too interested about getting to know me. I emailed her and asked if I can drive to her place (6 hours away) and take her out to dinner. She replied that she rather talk on the phone for now. I have no prob talking on the phone but I would like to at least meet her in person the first time so we don't feel awkward on the phone. It has been four days now and no response from her. Should I email her any more or should I just let go? I DON'T want to chase after a shadow!!!

what do you want to do about it?

I don't know. I want to get to know her but she does not seem too excited. It's strange because she was the one who initiate the conversation with me.

Immigration? 6 hours away? And you are in Pennsylvania?
(I peeked to see where you are.)

That part doesn't add up.

Do you have her phone number, or did you give her yours?

Sometimes people lie about where they live. It can be harmless, just to throw off the undesirables. But there are also others who do it to hide the fact that they don't even live in the U.S. The phone number could be a clue.

It's possible she just wanted the info for whatever reason. Or maybe she just lost interest.

I believe the general rule is to wait a week. Generally, women don't want a man who appears needy, so contacting too soon can be a turn-off.

If it were me, I would want to know why she needs immigration info if she lives only 6 hours away.

that is odd

cold feet maybe? well.... in your shoes I would probably continue talking to her now & then but also explore my options

we all deserve someone with some ENTHUSIASM!!!

Thanks for your wisdom. She is a RN and this past summer we went to Nepal to do her intership. She is studying for her Masters. She wanted to know how her friend from Nepal can come to this country and all the immigration issues behind it. I have a feeling that all she wanted from me was information and there is no desire for any type of relationship. I could be wrong though? I guess after a week I need to close her or something?

Just give her a few more days. She could just be busy because of the holidays. I don't know if she does stuff like that.

Rest assured, you don't need to chase after shadows. I think between now and New Year's you'll have your answer. That's not too long to wait. Just try calling her once or twice next week. If you still don't hear from hear, then no answer is your answer.

I'm just glad she did explain about the immigration stuff. You never know online.

I think you should do what you want to do...you could choose many options

just back away and see what happens
talk to her and ask her these same questions directly

but a week isn't much time to draw conclusions one way or the other, in my opinion


as we say in the USA - just chill

Maybe nerves got the better of her. As she'd be speaking over the phone to someone she hardly knows. Would you feel nervous if she was to phone you? But, yes, it could possibly be a scam. Just be vigilant :). Oh and hide your money well.

I think you already know the answer but if it's an opinion you're after, I would say no. Too many things in your OP would make me a bit suspicious.

I also agree with Actionlynx, wait for her to contact you.

my advice, dont chase

if she didnt get to know you, and there is no real bond happening, dont force a square peg in a round hole,,,,

I don't want to burst your bubble, but it all sounds suspicious if you ask me.
I wish you luck.

All I have to say is: be carefull. And take things SLOW. It may be that she did get busy with the holidays things. But it seems to me that IF she WAS interested in YOU that within 4 days she would have atleast sent a quick hi, hope you are doing fine e-mail to you.
But. In my opinion, giving her the immigration information you served her purpose for you. And has no further need of you.

I do know Nepalese in my area. They came over because of people I've met in this area who also served an internship (or something similar) in Nepal and Tibet. So the explanation sounds to me as if it could be genuine.

There is a lot of info we don't know though. For all we know, the "friend" the info is for could actually be someone she was romantically involved with. That is partly why I advised caution.

However, it's too soon to give up completely based on what little we know. Four days is not a long time, but it seems like forever when you are anxious. Appearing too anxious makes one seem desperate. Desperation is a turn-off, whether you're a guy or a gal.

Life happens. It's easy to get caught up in it. Sometimes people need a nudge as a reminder. But there is a difference between nudging and chasing.

This is why I feel waiting until next week before calling, and then only calling once or twice, should be sufficient. Either she'll answer, or she won't. Either she'll call back, or she won't. Either she'll text, or she won't. Even if she does respond in some way, she may either want to continue, or she won't.

The best thing to do is wait it out and see what happens. It might even take until after New Year's for her to respond. But don't chase. Chasing is for people who play coy or hard to get during live in-person interaction when they've already demonstrated interest.

Sorry if for the length and repetition of opinion here. It's tough to reach a decision from just an opinion. Sometimes we need to understand the basis of the opinion first, otherwise we cannot make an informed decision.

So far, the general theme in all of our responses is skepticism, which the OP himself appears to feel as well. That's good because we are saying to trust your instincts. Beyond that, our advice and opinions are only words for consideration. You have to do what you feel right, regardless of words.

Thanks sooooo much! You are truly a man of wisdom and I appreciate your help. I was a catholic priest for the past 9 years and recently left the ministry because I want to have a family. Your guidance is most appreciative since dating is so foreign to me.

I do not have her phone number. We met on eharmony so everything is still in the email mode. She did indicate that talking on the phone is a possibility but neither she or I gave our phone number to each other. I do feel, however, that there is not much here to indicate a genuine relationship so I will just let go of it and let her surprise me on her own time (if she wishes)

Thanks again for taking the time to write and to help me in my humble beginning!

Thank you for the kind words. I don't claim to be wise - I just like to share what I know to help others.

You're welcome, and glad to be of help.

Everyone who has posted did so because they care as well. Otherwise they wouldn't have bothered. Several of us often post in the same threads, so don't doubt the sincerity of their advice. We each have an opinion, but yours is the one that matters.