I think the topic is sliding south...The OP is talking about "using" the silent treatment as a way to punish/control a person you are in a personal relationship with, talking about refusal to acknowledge a problem or conflict by "purposely" or "deliberately" shutting down and shutting their partner out...It is cruel, it is wrong, and it is damaging not only to the relationship, but to the person who is being ignored...It's emotionally abusive and it is a form of control...

Furthermore, the person who uses the silent treatment as a weapon against his or her partner is either not invested in that person (indifferent) or not capable of having an invested relationship with that person...either way, there are only three solutions....Live with it (settle), leave the relationship....You cannot change the person who is doing it, only that person can stop it or change their actions.....if that person made a conscious decision to change then the third and final solution would present....

yes I have someone doing that to me now....at times I think I'd be accepting of that friendship were he to open up and talk to me again...but all in all, prolly not. I wouldn't do a return silent treatment, but I would not accept the friendship on the same level either. It has been just way to hurtful.

There should not be "punishments" in a relationship. The silent treatment, witholding sex, etc.

Obviously, if one partner has hurt the other partner, there is going to be a time of distance, reflection and either separation or healing. But, punishment is just cruel and immature and I wouldn't stay in a relationship where that kind of thing was done.

no..we cede power to things we take personal....so dont take things personal dont cede your power..its yours..and i know u cant make anyone talk..but u have the power to choose not to put up with the ignorance...its all up to you

It is personal, though. When someone is using a silent treatment to punish you, how could it not be personal?

ah but it isnt personal..obviously the person giving the silent treatment has some anger and control issues not to mention imaturity..
all that messed up crap is inside them,,,not you..its theirs let them keep it..the moment you take how someone is treating you personal..is the moment your owning their poisonous garbage...

ah but it isnt personal..obviously the person giving the silent treatment has some anger and control issues not to mention imaturity..
all that messed up crap is inside them,,,not you..its theirs let them keep it..the moment you take how someone is treating you personal..is the moment your owning their poisonous garbage...

I may not have lived through this silent treatment
in a relationship,,but I have LIVED the sex,,being placed as that weapon..and I know that lack of respect and dignity used to control.
And again,,I left THAT,,because,,I would not do that to them,,therefore they have not that right to do against me..
IF,,the really felt love inside their heart for me..
One CAN'T be EVIL to their partners and THINK THATS ANY FORM OF LOVE
They need help,,,To have the wanted desire in them, to be cruel.
End of story,,and its SELF ABUSE to stay involved with them..

All I can say is I know several couples married 25 or more years. Yes, at times they give each other the silent treatment and won't talk to each other for days but still are happily married. So, why do you think these relationships are working eventhough they give each other the silent treatment?

Yes, they can have anger or control issues, but they make it personal when ignoring someone for a certain issue, rather than discussing it.

Are those relationships really working or are they just staying together out of fear of leaving?

Sure you don't have to put up with it....but you will still never make that person talk about the thing you NEED to hear, to KNOW...and unless you've been there you will never understand what I'm talking about.

I do know the feelings I get inside,,when a friend on here does THIS to me,,it hurts,,as they never speak again,,and if asked,,oh,,everythings fine,,but they are not ,,toward me,,who they had been,,,I lose sleep,,where others just drop them off their friends list,,and The two times I have had a friend turn away,,
THEY gave me no real answers at all? Silents in JUST a friendship,,HURTS,,and in a relationship,,IT has to wound and scar.

I don't think I have read a more truthful statement in all the time I have been on here

I think that is a good question - in a marraige that is long term partners do need space...sometimes it can be a silence that is tacitly agreed upon for that purpose

a cooling off period perse - the length of which is often understood by the pair

that was my experience anyway. and I think when both partners want some quiet space and it is mutual - the punishment factor is not there - it is instead a respect of each other's time to think - be it a few moments or a few days.

this has been my observation & expereince anyway - not just mine - but also grandparents aunts & uncles in my family typically had 50+ yr marriages - divorce very rare in my extended fam

hey you! I plan to message u later! got something to share

No, these relationships are working. There is still a lot of love in these relationships. I am assuming that to these couples the "silent treatment" isn't a reason to end their marriage; although they do find it annoying from what they tell me. When someone gives me the silent treatment for days on end; I just ride it out and wait for when they are ready to talk. I never took it personally as I don't sweat the small things and to me that is pretty small in the scheme of things.

What you say makes sense. I know the couples still do love each other and I agree having some space and quiet is needed.

still it is a good question and one that I did ponder, coincidentally when the topic was first posted - so I have actually been thinking about this awhile

I also came up with the thougth that when you live with someone day in and day out, you have to be able to relax around that person and jsut have some quiet time - as a way of creatig space emotionally or psychologically when there is not an opportunity for it physically - like you know how if u take a long car ride with someone, there's usually some silent spells

I kinda love those