Quick question. I have run into quite a few dudes that say they don't approach girls because girls should have the "confidence" to come up to them first. Then I have a few guy friends that would rather make the first move, but they're called old fashioned. Which one do you prefer and why?

I personally think it's ridiculous if a guy wants a girl to make the first approach. I refuse to do it because I don't think it's what a woman has to do. I know that sounds incredibly sexist, but it's true. I think the guy has to do the chasing. After the first part is done, women have our own duties to keep up if we want to keep our guy interested. I'm just talking about that first move to show interest.

Anyway! Tell me what you think and why. I really do wanna understand why dudes think this way now.

P.S. I really hope I don't offend anyone with this! That's not my purpose. I'm just an aspiring psychologist aching to learn about other people and why they do what they do. :P

It's usually nice if a woman gives you some kind of indication of interest first, like a smile, a wink, or one of those looks, rather than flying blind into something that turns out to be a meat grinder.

As an aspiring psychologist...you will quickly figure out that I am nuts.

The answer to your query is gonna depend from dude to dude. I generally find that chicks approach me alot more than I approach them and it has been that way since I discovered that girls didn't actally have cooties.

It ain't that I am shy. I am just more patient. I find it flattering when a gal hits on me. Let's face it....this ain't the 50's. "Proper" ideas of social interaction ain't what they used to be...unless you are moslem.

@Motown: I can understand that. If a girl doesn't show at least the slightest interest, you might end up going after someone that doesn't want you which can cause a lot of psychological issues after awhile.

@krupa: I'm not asking for things to be in the 50s. Actually, that's a lie. Yes I am. Back in the 50s, men were gentlemen. Chivalry was not dead and their mama's taught them right. Lol I'm not saying that a woman can't hit on a dude because I do it all the time. I'm just saying that first.. Uhmm.. Hey wanna go on a date? or that first sign of wanting to turn the friendship into something more should be something a man does. Why does that make me old fashioned?

I never needed to approach anyone first. When I was younger, I spent a lot of time in bands, and there were always plenty of girls around. Plus I had a couple of close female friends who were always introducing me to new girls. So I never really learned how to approach anyone.

Since I started writing books and moved to Indiana, there isn't anyone around to approach even if I wanted to.

Yeah, but which one would you rather do? Do you like it better when women approach you or do you want to try your hand at approach them?

I would much rather she approach me. I'm totally oblivious to things like flirting, signals, etc., so unless it's really really clear she's interested, I won't be able to tell.

What I do is rub Ox musk on me and wait for women to come to me.

it's been a while!

Naw Sweet Rissa...I wasn't insinuating that you are old-fashioned. was speaking in generalities.

For me,it works out better for the woman to try to get into my pants, rather than me trying to get into hers.

I usually approached chicks who were either hooked up or just not interested. (fairly humiliating)

At least when a woman puts the moves on me, I got pretty fair odds of getting lucky.

I'm always surprised when women feel that they shouldn't ask a guy out. Yes, I believe that makes them old fashioned, as times have definitely changed. Not that it has to be a bad thing, though. There are many men who would rather make the first move, still.

I understand what you're saying. I'd like to say that my mother raised me and my brothers right and I am as chivalrous and old-fashioned as they come, compared to others my age. She raised gentlemen. It's always nice to get that sign of interest from a woman, like others have said, but I believe if you want her, you go after her. Simple as that. If you wait around, you could possibly miss your chance. It's not really sexist, in my opinion.

I'm also from the South...maybe that has a part in it...

Ur nt old fashioned bt u shld remember the way women and men do things have changed a lot since the 50's.if we can take charge in the workplace then we can take charge everywhere and its okay.

Very, very true. I like that. Things have changed a lot and I do understand that. It's 2011 for heaven sakes. I do think Fireviolin has a good point though. I am in Texas. lol The South tends to work a little differently than other places, but that could be just an assumption.

Hi. Sorry for lack of picture I have computer problem, will put up pic asap. I was raised the old fashioned way but i am also a Gemini, I mention this because every man is different, I'm a romantic so if I see a woman I fancy I will try and make eye contact and if I'm not rebuffed I will try and make a move. How ever there has been times (best ones) when I have seen a woman that I find so attractive I cant help myself and find myself coming out with stuff I didn't think I was capable of. Its beautiful when it goes that way, its almost as if your whole being is on your side, I've even guessed a woman's favourite biscuit and got a date because of it. What's even more remarkable is that I consider myself a shy person. So to summarise beauty is in the eye of the beholder and if the beholder desires you enough they will move a mountain to get to you.

I do something similar, but I use 80 weight gear oil. It's quite powerful and works quite well seeing as women drone to me by the boatloads from as far as Nigeria and Ghana!

Agreed Honey. I am a Texas boy, born and raised. A bit crude perhaps but, opening the door and saying yes ma'am are a big part of the culture. As is reffering to people as Honey, Sweety, Darlin..etc.

Putting the seat back down...still ain't figured that one out.

:) Yes! This! I think this is what I'm trying to get at. I feel like if a man really wants something, he'll go after it. Not wait for it to go after him. You never know until you try and neither will the girl your eying from across the room. :P

So, if you want something, you won't go after it? You'll wait for it to go after you? If you're able to feel that way, why shouldn't guys be able to do the same thing?

Depends on what I want. If it's something as simple as an object, no. If it's a man, yes. Total double standard, I know, and I understand your point, but that's just not how my brain works. I just can't get myself to ask a dude to dinner. We can talk. We can get to know each other as friends. I'm cool with that. But when it comes to making it more than just friends, I figure if he wants it, he'll come get it. If not, meh. We're still friends, so it's cool. What do you think stops me from doing it? =\ Pride? Me being too stubborn? Someone enlighten me please. :(

Yep....that is the exact reason, I have flown half-way across the country twice...to spend time with my woman. (My Mingle woman) Saving my pennies to go there again as soon as I can.

But, I would have never had the excitement, love and anticipation that I have in my life if Soufie hadn't taken me by the collar and said ..."Look! You ignorant motherless b@st@rd! I kinda like you!!! P'tooie".....Those weren't her exact words but, it is how I translated them.

Sometimes a man can use the guidance of a good woman to find a more satisfying place in life.