keep on having words with my father an other men who are suppose to be men. just my opinion married or not men should be of this manner let me know what you think please be nice i will try to word this nicely.

1. should work unless they are dissabled permanetly .
2. should take care of his family an himself to the best of his ability.
3.grocerys ,bills,gas,utilities come before any drink ,drug,or addiction of any kind.
4.does not constantly throw fits an cuss at everyone then expect them to love them back.
5. truly enjoys the family who does him right .
6.truth even when it is gonna get rough when someone (family)ask you a question (a simple i do not wish to discuss it will do).
7. loyality for family an children first .
an above all love for people in his life.
thanks.

be there for your family
and not make them feel neglected
my parents were married for 21yrs
and my dad was never home
and when he was we didnt need him
and when he wasent we did
im the baby of the family
and im pretty much the only one that has most contact
for other syblings pretty much dont have anything to do with him
which i can understand

it never made any sense as why he married my mom
for my dad was pregudist against mexcians..... (strange huh)

thanks for the replies its an event i cant avoid i go to help with the kid an visit sis an he always shows up an twenty minutes later or sometimes less even if we are nice he starts an argument wheather i want it or not i have no choice i know he is only doing it because he is insecure an wants everyone to notice all of his problems an most of us have for all of there life i quit doing it some time ago an he backed off but lately its like a flash back to when i was 16 think he will try one more time to be violent an i will try to stop him kills me inside that he wont wake up an realize what he has in family doesnt need to be yelled at to be close just respect the other persons house an not fight while you are there. thanks for listening gonna veg out for the night an hide out at home .

All you can do is stand up for what you believe in.Tell him you love him but those actions will not be allowed while your around and if he cant act civil and enjoy his family he needs to leave.

agreed but i cant ask him to leave someone elses house at my house i have a standing rule if you spent 8 minutes to come to my house to start trouble should spend the next 2 leaving.
i keep a peicefull home i do like a bit of party not a bunch of falling down drunks but just having fun with a buzz an we play cards or the playstation or watch movies an eat of course.
ocasionally we get one bad one an i have to tell them to go home an have also done the same with the parents at my home obviously i dont get alot of company lol but i do have fun with the company i do get an know that i dont have to worry about them while they are here. seems to be the older i get the less of those people i have in my life guess im the old senile man lol thanks for the reply sorry about my rambling on .happy halloween all.

It is tough trying to have some control in your life with your family when as a kid maybe that wasn't a real regular situation.

Sounds like your Dad has some major issues that are probably not going to be resolved anytime soon.

You have some really high ideals on what "Dad's" SHOULD be. There is an old joke about becareful not to "should" all over yourself.

In his defense his life might have really sucked and things were not as enlightened when your Dad was your age or earlier. Guys on TV may have been the Ward Cleaver type but in reality things were a lot tougher. The economy sucked, Viet Nam was rageing, and drugs and alcohol tanked a lot of peoples lives as did the absence of birthcontrol, cell phones, and computers for the average folks. He may feel betrayed and as abandoned as you did and that you blame him for everything when a lot of people have a hand in families failing. He may really not know how to fix any of it. Fear and depression often mask themselves in anger or at the very least being loud and aggressive.

Do you have a right to visit your sister's house, family, and not have to catch a lot of greif? Sure. But if anyone is disrespecting you in her house then you need to make a choice put up with it or leave. If you can do it quietly and as low drama as possible then you don't make your sister have to defend your actions and her choice easier. Likely hood is she is not going to abandon your Dad or want him to abandon her and keep replaying these little dramas.

Because you have already stepped up as the Big brother maybe even the "Dad" figure in her life she probably doesn't expect you to abandon her if she fails you, to defend you, just like sounds like your Mom did. But what you don't get is 40+ years ago women didn't have much of anywhere to speak of to go to and she was as stuck in the mess as everyone else.

Hope this gives you some thoughts to ponder. Sympathy and telling you he was a jerk for failing is only a temporary comfort.

Maybe going to some family counseling can help. Peer support groups can also help. Good Luck.

thanks for all the advice think im just gonna wing it till he decides to settle down an talk normal an not cause a scene every time he is there sounds cold but i have decided that he is bound by the same set of rules i use for everyone .
first time prob ok lets talk it out if possible .
second time il simply ask you to get out of my home an leave.
third time of the same issue/problem time to break away from them maybe a little time away from me is what they need.
all im doing is standing up for peice in the family for all of us or at least me an sis out of there bs lol.
have to say if had been anyone else theyd done be gone lol.gonna go veg out for the night.

Yeah. It was the dictatorship I had trouble with. But then I was a revolutionist. Luckily for me I became a peacemaker. It was hard being a peacemaker with a warmonger but we both were Aquarius and were up for the challenge. I miss my dad. That one poem I wrote, "A Peacemaker in Valhalla". I am sure he would have commented on. Dad loved poetry, too.