Lex, don't ever settle for anything less than what you want.

That's how I figure it, too. All of my past relationships were horrendous disasters of Hindenburg proportions (albeit with less hydrogen escaping), and a large part of that was because I simply didn't know what I was doing.

Now, I'm older. I still don't know what I'm doing, but I know what doesn't work.

I agree with Navygirl . . . Dont ever settle for less Lex . . To thine own self be true. I Too would rather be alone than to settle for less than what I want. :)

And people don't get that part. I hear the "I can't believe you're still single!" line all the time, and I have to remind myself: the only reason they can't believe it is because they've never seen the people that try to cajole me into relationships.

I've been through enough horrible entanglements to know what I want now. And, even though I'm pretty sure it cannot exist, I've decided not to "settle" -- I've been down that road before and it doesn't go anywhere.

What is that supposed to mean? People are a waste just because they don't want to date someone with kids? Sorry but I think that point of view is a bit ignorant (if that is what you are saying, maybe thats not what you mean). I don't want to date anyone with kids and that is immovable for me at this point in my life. Now 10 years from now if I am single that may change but at my age I don't want kids.

Anyway it depends on the guy. To some its a deal breaker. For me it is. Not everyone wants to compete for you attention with your kids. Not everyone wants to deal with the kids dad or with raising a kid and having to deal with the "your not my father" stuff. Some people just dont want any kids at all.

I think we all compete for attention in some way, whether it be with someones child, their parents, their job, or their pet. I think the issue is more of how MUCH a person can handle. Children are a responsibility and some just dont want any additional responsibilities in their life. If they are honest about it, as opposed to wasting peoples time,, I commend them.

I know from knowing guys sometimes it's not really the kids it's something else and they say it's the kids....just a thought...I have had guy friends tell me they told a girl it was because she had kids and it was because she didn't have or wasn't what they were looking for IN ADDITION to having kids

that also happens

my son, who is only 19, knows he doesnt want the responsibility of a child,, he says he wont consider it until at least 35 years old



and some people, truth be told, live a lifetime realizing they just shouldnt be parents,, and thank goodness they realize it,,,

sure, it's a deal breaker for many and for various reasons. i'm sure some men are looking for a serious ltr without kids in the picture. others more old fashioned like me, see that when you had your kids you entered into a contract to devote yourself to raising those kids in a manner that will cause the least drama and trauma in their lives. why you became a single mom i don't know but fact is you did and you owe it to those kids to devote all of your time and energy to them. my daughter is in her early forties and only now has become intimate with a man she will marry soon. she's been a single mother devoted entirely to her kids since here early twenties.

Yep, I have to agree...I have spent the last 20 years raising mine..I tried off and on to enter into a relationship...have had a couple of noble suiters..but it was always just a little more than I could handle...the time and energy it takes to build and maintain a strong foundation for a relationship was always more than what I had in my reserves....I had to finally come to terms with my reality and accept while it wasn't what I had hoped for or planned..it was going to be just the kids and me for awhile.

With that said...I could have surely benefited from some good friendships with men or women...as I ended up sorta isolating myself as I struggled to get thru it, which isn't good either. I think a place such as this..Mingle2 would have been just what I needed. A place to reach out and connect with adults from the comfort of home...while kids slept or did homework etc.

I think it also depends on the level of companionship single parents are asking for. I'm not sure if people are creeped out by the Kid factor as much as they are not wanting to cause conflicts for the children (and the adults) during the growing up stages of life. For a lot of women and men this means going ahead and raising the children (with or without a "boyfriend/girlfriend")and then looking at the big "relationship" issue. America has become an extremely single parent oriented country over the last 30 years, more than any other country in history. This puts a huge head spin on the kids involved that I don't think any of us realize the complications this is having on our society. Thank God we are just now getting a bit of a grip on this and being more excepting and compassionate toward this dilemma.

We have had a real lack of premarital counseling in our country recently as opposed to pre 1980 and I'm wondering if it is causing a ton of problems. Have we become a society of anything goes to the extreme? Sometimes I fear this is the case. Can we leave responsibility on the shelf any time we choose? I have seen this attitude bite our land on the butt, bigtime. Maybe our fore fathers were correct in saying moral decay will be the undoing of our country.

Being honest about what we want and sole searching what we can handle is the first step toward doing what is right by the children we bring into this world.

As for the question that started this thread my thoughts would be not who will except you, but rather who will you except to raise your children, or partner up with while they are being formed into young adults. You have a tough job and deserved be loved by the right person, one who is up for the challenge.

The heck you say, uj! Some of us still adore books, in the hand!! My library proves that. Sadly, I'd agree with the rest of society and books going the way of the dodo!

You're just too far away Lex. We'd probably have much fun, and since I have goats, you're safe. It's been a while since I've had anything to drink, and it's just not a big deal.

To the OP, there's women who find it hard to find men with no kids either. Kids are a deal-breaker for me as well. Smoking and dislike of animals is another.

I would be leery of any man who seemed overly interested in my children --or of a man who seemed to look for a woman with children.

Maybe they are more interested in the children.. if you know what I mean.

Women of a certain age are almost expected to have children... so why make a big up front and honest statement about it?

Unless they ask.

Men have children too. Not all of them are paying child support or are mature enough to be a parent.

But this is not true of all men. My nephew married a woman with two children and adopted them as his own. He since has had a daughter of his own and they are expecting another one. He loves family and is a responsible provider.

That is very true Jeanie!! Any man who doesn't have children who is overly interested in your children is a warning sign. Guys who want children by a certain age usually have them. I never had kids because my ex husband absolutely did NOT want them and I don't believe in tricking men into having babies they don't want but I will date men with kids because at our age, it's usually part of the package.....but my ex won't have anything to do with a woman with kids. He feels he made it to 43 child free, and he doesn't want any now any more than he wanted any then. I actually did want children but I wanted my husband more so I had to pick and had my husband ex, and a lot of pets instead. lots and lots of animals were rescued because I had no kids. LOL. I am just the queen of shopping for other people's children's gifts. LOL. I am DA BOMB at baby showers and such.

Well Lex, I have heard the same crap too about can't believe I am single. I just tell them to take a good look at what I have been through with alcoholics, abusers, singles dads, etc and then they understand why I am still single. Lets add to that that men my age are bitter divorced men that are just looking for sex; it doesn't leave me much to work with; so yes I am single and will remain that way. Settling is not the answer as I won't be happy. I am happy being single so not going to screw that up by being tied down.

I don't have kids myself but I could care a less if someone has or dosen't have kids. If they do that is fine. Kids should not be a deal breaker because anyone who actually who consider that a deal breaker is not in anything for something serious. Right away you can tell that he/she is in for a one nighter, or at least not something serious. If I am going to date someone than I am taking them with everything that comes with, no exceptions.

I disagree that people who don't want kids are not looking for something serious. I think most people already raised kids and just don't want to do it again. That is unfair assumption.

Absolutely Right.. Been there done that. Second Time Around For the Adults Can Be an Amazing Experience...which I have not Experienced Yet BTW....LOL

You are so, so very wrong about that.



If that works for you, great. Some of us don't feel that way.

Thanks. I have never had kids myself as I know I would be a lousy mom but I didn't think it was right to condemn those who don't either want kids or those who have already raised kids.