Ello everyone, i have been stuck at a crossroad for about 3 1/2 years. every since me and my baby momma...well not ganna get into that long story. but here is my problem, are relationships really worth all the trouble and heartache you get if it doesnt work out and even sometime it happens whole in the relationship. all the lieing, jealousy and everything else that goes hand in hand. Not to mention the women where i live are to caught up on themselves and care way to much about money for me to even have a interest seeing i have struggled all my life(money situations) and it really doesnt matter @ all to me that much. well a little to much about myself lets get back to the question......

Should i even give relationships another chance or just live alone? lol

Love can be like Death Row.
Boring, no future, just hoping
to get off.

Ahhhh, but, when you get it right
well, you are more than willing
to do your time.

Yes, it is worth it all.
Prisoners of love rarely complain..

The child is your responsibility granted but "Staying Married" for the sake of the child can be a lot worst for the child than you or anyone else might think. The child will grow up assuming the dysfunction they witness as normal behavior. Child support sucks but again the child is indeed your responsibility, not the mother. They say it takes two to tango but weho is the leader of the dance? I have seen a lot of situations where things progress FAR beyond communications break downs and breaking the trust is the one thing that kills any relationship for me. If she is lying to you and making you miserable there is no excuse and no reason to leave yourself shackled to Misery. There is no reason to allow your child to be made miserable. This sounds like one of those times you two need to move on and deal with responsibilities. If you can end things as friends that would be preferrable to the alternative but in all reality if a woman gets to that stage in her life where suddenly YOU neeed to make all the changes, YOU need to suddenly make more money, YOU are suddenly not good enough... TIME TO WALK AWAY BEFORE YOU END UP RUNNING OR KILLING YOURSELF!

Now about that whole, "But BABY, We can make things work out," line...

ASk yourself, is there trust?

Is there any chance of redemption?

AND (Big Drum Roll!)

What do I do if she just goes back to the same old BS? (whispering) Especially after you have been to counciling for maybe four to six months.....

NOW for the flip side of the coin...

Why do you struggle with money. Me personally I am still just HIGHLY SKILLED labor. Nothing more. I don't make the killer money I would like to. Likewise the high expense of gas, feeding myself, and other excessivly high bills goggbles my mone. I am not wasting it on gambling. I don't spend money on the pot I smoke. I do not travel a lot. And I save towards my "Frivolous expendatures." I do have some (just a little) money in the bank and thank god NO kids. I live the American Nightmare.

Now if you are clubbing, hanging out at bars, got a little habit (WHITE RABBIT!!!), like the ponies or poker night a little too much, then you are an issue unto yourself and scandalous to put this off on her like that. (Remember, devil's advocate time here! Gotta cover all bases here!)

I have seen enough situatiions where sometimes it is her. She is the one making all the demands and treating her man like shitte, getting fat, and just turning into a monster from hell taking advantage of her man's love for her to become a self indulgant beyatch. (And this is supposed to be the 'new' era!)

But likewise I have seen a lot of cases where he just leaves her at home with the baby and goes and does whatever and the bills don't get paid. Liquor, drugs, and gambling are just components to their personal failures.

If you are clubbing you should get a baby sitter and take her with you in that case. Likewise how you carry yourself around other women can also be a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. Green Eyed Monsters anyone? Here is my favorite personal line for that situation, "Honey, Baby, Sweetheart, (Whatever floats your boat here, choose one), You shouldn't have a problem with me window-shopping women. You should have a problem with me window shopping boys. There is nothing wrong with me looking and not touching." (DON'T DARE TRY THIS LINE IF YOU ARE GOING TO STRIP CLUBS!!!)
WHY WOULD I SAY THIS???

Women compare men a lot and they window shop too and will be hypocritical about it. Women who are honest about that... Well let's just say I appreciate honesty a lot! This is part of control issues and many women just like control in a relationship. I see it far too often.

Now on a last note...

You fall off your bicycle the first time and now you won't ride it again? (Please don't take this the wrong way but) Baby wanna have a 'ittle cry?

Dust yourself off, pick up that bicycle, and get your azz back on it!

LISTEN TO THE SAGE HERE!

Loneliness is a drag. Yeah you can get used to it but it suck Donkey Prong. Don't do that to yourself. Love comes at its own pace and like anything else we all can get it wrong a few times before we get it right!

This predisposes onme is not a scandalous dog in sheep's clothing!

well we have been split up for about 3 years now so yea we arent together anymore and now she lives outta state with her new husband which she got married to the first year we was split up and i rarely get to see my daughter anymore which kills me everyday i just find it really hard to connect on a emotional level with anyone

As far as giving relationships another chance or living alone; its a decision you need to make on your own.

I gotta repeat this...

You fall off your bicycle the first time and now you won't ride it again? (Please don't take this the wrong way but) Baby wanna have a 'ittle cry?

Dust yourself off, pick up that bicycle, and get your azz back on it!

NOW FOR YOUR DAUGHTER!

Call a parent (father) advocacy hotline specializing in custody and visitation rights. Drag her azz into court and fight her for at minimum visitation! BUT BUT BUT, it is clear you are treading in some dark ground here. Most of these advocacy services can recommend counciling too. Most of these services are free adn do require effort! And with counciling there is no such thing as instant gratification. It can take years to grapple with hidden issues you may not know or understnad that you posses.

Likwise don't fall into that whole "Gender confusion" BS. If you were not into men before you suddenly are not "GAY" becasue you are having a hard time coping with women. I live in Los Angeles and damn near every woman here is all about security and how much he makes. Dating here is a joke at best. That doesn't mean I don't try. And I cannot in any way see myself finding love with some other guy's hairy azz! (If you can name the commedian who said that very line you get 100 points or a chocolate chip cookie!) There is Psychobabble and Freudians are full of themselves.

You got your fingers burned. She moved on and you didn't. You had your dreams smashed. Well. It happens. I like many others live that one in different ways. I have been used and walked on so much by women I almost changed my name to Matt Welcome. Get it, a Welcome Mat?

Can I get a RINMSHOT?

Right now you just need to come to the realization that family dream is DEAD. Time to have its funeral, and move on. You can still have a relationship with your daughter but it all depends on how well you can adapt to knowing that life will never be the same but she will always be your child. You can have others.

The thing is don't just jump into any old relationship with anybody. Take time to find someone who fits you better than before. Take what you learned form the previous failure and use that to make your next relationship better. But in the end we all come into this life alone and leave it alone! That is a Grim Fact every parent ought to know! (Who sang that very song? Quick, to Google!)

Justin,
Go see a counselor. This can help you learn the coping skills so you can connect again on an emotional level. Also this may help you get rid of some emotions you are not even aware of from the breakup. Not all relationships have trouble and heartache. Take care of you and get these feelings dealt with so yo may go out and go back to enjoying your life.I'm sorry to hear about your daughter, I can;t imagine not having my lil man in my life everyday. Perhaps try through the court to change up your visitation? Peace be with you.

that's understandable

u have a

You know, I always go back to the REM song "Everybody Hurts", and the line of "Everybody hurts....sometimes". I always take it to mean that life will always hurt. Yeah, it can be great, and wonderful, and so fulfilling. But there are times when it hits you phucking hard in the gut and you just wanna scream your azz off "This crap ain't fiar! Why me??". And relationships can, and a lot do, fall into this. Everybody has been hurt, or has hurt someone. It happens.

Here is the real question. Do you want to take the chance? Do you want someone in your life? Or do ya just wanna go about things as a single dad just living? Bottom line...make a choice, and deal. That's all there is to it.

Nicely translated!

to justans comment

I just had to agree with what you are saying i know there are nice ones somewhere but its like sticking your head under a gillateen these days to find a good woman.
but living alone can make you a different person after so many years an it gets harder an harder to trust anyone the longer you live alone been living alone since 99 better an easier to deal with the financial part but hard to be around large crowds of people .just my life as it is. so if you can be with someone do it .i think you might come out better in the longrun,

I've gotten to the point, after many many failed relationships, that I have a hard time imagining allowing myself to do it again.

But there are those weak moments when I think it might be nice to have someone around again....

And then I think back to the endless stream of exes, all trying to change me into the me that they wanted me to be....

And I know I'm better off without that.

I'd erase each and every one of them from my personal history, if I could find a way to do it. In a heartbeat. No questions asked.

dont know about erasing all but definately the last one for sure.just cant seem to get rid of that evil lol.